Stare Me Down (Stare Down) (18 page)

“Don’t be foolish. He can’t give you what you want, and I told him so.”

Jaxx forgot about the coffee and walked over to the breakfast nook to sit down. “You told him something? About me? What?”

“That you prized loyalty, and a man like him can’t give it.” She let go of her turtleneck and reached out.

Jaxx barely felt the pat on the hand. She was too invested in processing that bit of knowledge. The whole reason Jaxx had fallen in with Aries’ magical vagina versus ball plan from the get-go was because he’d brought up loyalty. He’d insisted on it. And now?

Don’t jump the gun here, Jaxx. Don’t let self-doubt rule you.

“Since my plan of you being bored to tears with him has backfired, I think it’s time for a little tough love. Ramsey Taylor is beneath you. He owns that establishment, for heaven’s sake. He has women all over him, day and night. He’s not the man to give you what you want.”

But he was the man who’d so far given her what she needed. “Like Gunther?”

“Yes. With him it’s a matter of likeminded individuals coming together. He’s into quantum physics. He has more degrees than both you and I put together, and he’s single. He’s a…‌oh, what’s that creature that’s very rare? He’s that, and you can bet a man like him would be loyal to you.”

Jaxx turned and looked out the window, thinking one thing and saying another. “It’s a chupacabra.” Had Aries purposely used the concept of loyalty to get to her? She took a deep breath.

Even if he had, she couldn’t complain. Off-the-charts sex with a guy who could put Joe Manganiello to shame? Oh yeah, Aries blew him out of the water, so why was he with her? She thought about what Maggie said about him being beneath her, but in her mind it was the other way around.

“Chubra what? Never mind. Enough of this kind of talk. Just think about what I said, okay? And be careful. A man like him is dangerous.” She leaned back and smiled. “So it’s a good thing you’re more attracted to the male mind. I’m sure you’ll find Gunther to be a better intellectual match for you.”

She wasn’t so sure about that. Aries was a pretty smart guy. “We’ll see. Coffee’s ready. Do you want some?”

“That would be lovely.” Jaxx was just reaching to take down a second mug when she hesitated, hearing Maggie’s next question. “Are you still going to the movies with us this afternoon?”

She’d forgotten about that. Maggie and two of her friends always went to the movies on Sundays, and she usually joined them when she wasn’t on call. “Not this time. I have plans.” She poured the steaming coffee into the mugs and tried not to cringe.

“With him?”

Good thing she hadn’t served Maggie yet, because her frosty tone was icy enough to freeze the java.
Deep breath, Jaxx
. And here she was, prepared to own another moment. “Yes. There is something else too.” No time like the present to bring this up she supposed. “Why am I the only therapist in our group that’s on call three weekends in a row?”

Maggie blinked but didn’t say anything so Jaxx added.

“It’s not like it’s that much of a burden as we hardly get any emergencies, thank God, but it does limit what I can do and where I can go on those days, you know?”

“You’re new. All new doctors that join our group are required to do this kind of internship.”

“That’s what I thought. But I’ve been with the group for over a year so I think I’ve paid my intern dues, don’t you?”

“Has it been that long?”

“Yep. I think it’s time I went on one weekend a month, all right?”

“I’m sure I can arrange that.” She nodded. “I’d better try Gunther again. Maybe he can change his flight.”

Jaxx slid the mug to her, put her own down and then took a seat. Finally Maggie was making sense. “You’re going to tell him not to get his hopes up about me?”

Her friend held her mug and blew off the steam. “No, I’m going to tell him to hurry up and get here before it’s too late. With all the life changes you’re making right now, I’m afraid you’ll decide to go backpacking in Paris or something.” She gave a mock shudder.”

“So what if I did?”

“What?” Maggie’s cup made a loud bang when she plunked it down. “You’ve worked so hard to get where you are. And what about wanting a family and a man to settle down with? Mr. Club Owner can’t help you with that.”

Jaxx felt like dragging her hands down the sides of her face. Normally she could handle Maggie’s well-intended meddling, but lately? It was really grating on her. “It’s not right that you’re more interested in my life than your own. Maybe we should have that talk now, or do you still think I’m not ready for it?”

Maggie gasped, “You’re just like—”

“My father and we’ve already gone over how unacceptable that is to you, but some things can’t be helped. I’m sorry. I’ve tried very hard to be the better person you want me to be. I really have.”

“He’s gotten to you.”

It was Jaxx’s turn to do the hand pat. “Yes, in some ways, I suppose. Good ways, because now I’m sure I have options. Choices I never had before. You should be happy for me.”

“I want to be.” Maggie sighed, “That’s all I want for you.” She paused as if she were trying to hold her next words off. Unfortunately she couldn’t contain herself. “But I just know a man like him won’t make you happy.”

Jaxx sat back. This time she was going toe-to-toe with her. “Well so far I’d have to say you’re wrong about that.”

“Because of the sex?”

“If only it were that simple. No, there’s an element of…”

“What?”

She wasn’t sure what to call it so she said, “Mystique that surrounds him. I’m attracted to it.”

“Mystique?” Maggie repeated.

“Yeah,” Jaxx nodded trying for a better explanation as Maggie’s confused expression called for one. “I would have said danger, but I didn’t want to scare you as I don’t mean like the traditional concept of—”

This time when Maggie gasped it came out as a half choke just before she abruptly stood. Her usual elegance deserted her and her hip knocked the table sending both their mugs into a teeter.

Jaxx grabbed the cups, careful not to let the hot and sloshing contents burn her while she steadied them.

“I‌—‌I forbid you to see him anymore.”

Jaxx looked up. Not quite sure that she’d heard her correctly. “Excuse me?”

“I don’t want you to get hurt and I just know you’re going to. What about our plans? Gunther?”

“There was no
our
to
your
plans. I should have said something about this sooner. I should have told you how I felt about all your plans.”

Maggie’s hand shook as she reached for the table. When she gripped the edge for support Jaxx didn’t miss how her knuckles turned white while she demanded, “Tell me now.”

This really wasn’t how she wanted to start her Sunday, but it was clear Maggie wasn’t going to let the matter go. “All right. I’ve been falling down on the job of me. Brushing my needs aside and doing things that
other
people wanted me to do.” The inference was clear and she could tell by the dawning indignation that Maggie got the message. “I think it’s time I explore the things I want to do. For me. So if you want me to be happy please be supportive of my decision.”

“I can’t support this.”

Jaxx tried not to get mad. She tried and failed. “Why not?”

Maggie let go of the table and stepped back. “He’s no good for you.”

“Oh, but all your picks for me were?” Jaxx took her time pushing her chair back before she stood. “I suppose now you’re going to tell me how perfect Gunther will be for me?”

Maggie blinked and Jaxx continued, “Walter was your choose remember? He was the decent guy who was going to be good to me. Remember how you said that. Do you recall how that turned out?”

“Jaxx.” Maggie went to put her hand on her shoulder, but Jaxx shied away from it.

“No. I’m doing this for me. Trying it my way for a change. I know your intentions are the best, but even good intentions turnout bad.”

Although it looked like it killed her, Maggie curtly nodded. “All right. Try it your way, but if it doesn’t work out promise me you’ll consider Gunther. There’s always the chance you’ll be attracted to him.”

Jaxx doubted it, but Maggie seemed convinced as she plowed forward with singing the guy’s praises.

“It could happen. Gunther writes beautifully and his accent is more French than German, thank God. And when he says
Cheri
?” She placed her hand over her heart. “You never know.”

She looked so hopeful, Jaxx felt compelled to say, “I can’t know for sure, but truthfully? I highly doubt it.”

Maggie waved that off. “In any case, I just want you to have first crack at him before another woman beats you to him. He’s a good catch, and you’re, well…”

That hanging sentence was like a punch to her stomach. “I’m what?”

“Never mind.”

She went to turn away, but Jaxx caught her by the arm. She wasn’t going to let Maggie’s well-placed digs get to her. Not anymore. “I want to hear what you were going to say.”

“You’re not ready for the kind of relationship Taylor is offering. I know it’s exciting, but look at how you handled yourself that afternoon. The desk, remember? You’re completely inexperienced when it comes to a man like him. That makes him dangerous. He’s already a bad influence. You’ve looked like an unkempt rag-a-muffin since you’ve taken up with him. And, quite frankly, I’m mystified as to what the sex club owner is doing stringing you along. He must have dozens of willing women tied up somewhere calling him Master or Sir. It’s deplorable.”

Jaxx instantly regretted pressing to hear all this. In a flash she was reduced to the inexperienced and stupid little girl Maggie was accusing her of being. Oh, she knew exactly what Maggie was doing and why, but it still hurt. It also shook her new found confidence to the core. She wasn’t going to let her see it, though.

“I can handle Aries.”

“Aries? I thought his name was Ram‌—‌oh, how clever,” she quipped and then her expression turned serious. “He is not husband material. Can you see a man like him being a father? Aries?” She shook her head in disgust.

Jaxx swallowed and her hands started to tremble. She was getting hot. No, but she was sweating. Suddenly it was hard to breathe. The air in her lungs wouldn’t go deep enough and she began to feel light-headed. Dizzy, while Maggie stared at her. When Maggie called her name it sounded drawn-out as if it were spoken in slow motion.

No.

She hadn’t had a panic attack since…‌since that night-from-hell. Her graduation when Walter was a no-show.

“Jaxx?”

This time when Maggie spoke Jaxx heard her clearly. Thank God. One breath, then two. Better. “H-husband material?” She wiped a hand across her damp brow and focused. “I suppose there was a time I may have wanted the white picket fence but thanks to one of your choices I’ve been cured of the notion.”

“Are you talking about Walter? I told you to forget about him.”

Jaxx tried to hide how shaky she was and reseated herself. By the time she looked up she felt stronger. “You think because you told me to forget about him I did? You of all people should know emotions can’t be turned off like that. I was devastated because the whole life I planned with that asshole was snatched from me in an instant when he left me for that…‌that—”

“Woman with her Master’s Degree in engineering?”

“Witch.”

“I see.”

“Do you?”

“Yes. Obviously now when it comes to the matter of men and their prospective gene pools you aren’t going to be very selective.”

That comment got under Jaxx’s skin and rubbed her raw. “Whether I am or not‌—‌when the time comes‌—‌is none of your business.”

“Of course it is. If you think for one minute I’m going to sit by and let you waste your education—”

“That you paid for.” That popped out of her, but she didn’t care. It felt great to finally say it.

An awful silence fell between then, until Maggie whispered, “I wasn’t thinking that.”

“But you’ve been thinking other things. Aren’t you tired?”

Maggie clenched her fists and stiffly knocked them against her outer thighs. “Tired of what?”

“Running two lives.”

In the wake of that comment the steam went right out or her. She was calmer when she sat down and put her hand over Jaxx’s. “Is that what you think I’m doing? I’m sorry you feel that way, but I realize how hard our relationship is for you sometimes. Half the time I’m compelled to be the parent and the other half I just want to be your friend. We’re not mother daughter, but we’re more than friends.” She shook her head and assured, “Just know all I’ve ever wanted to do was help so you wouldn’t make the same mistakes—”

“I’m making your mistakes. Don’t you see? If I continue to allow you to make all my choices for me. Good or bad. The results aren’t mine they’re yours.” She put her free hand over Maggie’s and squeezed. “I know. I know you have my best interest at heart, but it’s time I make my own choices and live with the success or failure those decisions bring me.”

Maggie didn’t like coming up against this kind of resistance. Jaxx could tell. Her features went back to being unreadable when she pulled her hand away and sniffed, “What do you intend to do with the sex club owner?”

Jaxx could be equally as stubborn. She braced her palms flat on the table and narrowed at look at her. “Stop calling him that and anything I want.”

“It’s the truth. He owns a sex club where the dregs of society—”

“Stop!”

“Please don’t see that man anymore.”

Jaxx wasn’t going to back down like she usually did. This was too important to her. And now that she’d extended the olive branch and Maggie had tossed it away, she figured she had it coming. “This is ridiculous and…‌and I should have said this before.” She straightened and looked her right in the eyes. “This is my life and I’ll see whoever I want. Whenever and wherever I want.”

Silence.
Then?

“I agree with one thing.” Maggie stood. “You could have said that before, but you didn’t. Why?”

It was a damn good question that Jaxx had no answer to. “I don’t know.”

“I do. Until Mr. Taylor showed up, you had absolutely no prospect of a man in your life and you didn’t care because you thought you would never physically respond to one.”