Starting Over (2 page)

“Maybe he was
the one for you.”

“But he’s not,”
Eve said softly, knowing that much was true. She loved Dan as a
friend, but if she hadn’t married Alex, it would have been someone
else. Still, Eve had questioned her decision to marry Alex a time
or two over the years. They were different people from different
worlds. Early in their marriage, she convinced herself it didn’t
matter—she’d believed they loved each other enough to bridge any
gap—but they seemed to be growing further apart every day, and she
didn’t know how to get him back. Or whether she even wanted to.

“No, he’s not.
But is Alex?”

Eve and Sharon
hadn’t talked about her marriage in some time, not since she’d
confessed to her aunt that they were having trouble getting
pregnant. That was more than a year ago, and the chances of that
happening were lessening with every passing day. She still wanted a
baby more than anything, but she didn’t want to bring a baby into a
fragile marriage. Especially since she knew first-hand the impact
divorce could have on a vulnerable child. Eve hesitated, unsure
whether she should answer, yet she knew that may be her last chance
to have a heart-to-heart with the woman she’d always considered a
mother. “I don’t know anymore.”

“You still love
him?”

So much it
hurts.
She knew if she said that, her aunt would tell her to go
home and fight for her marriage, but New York didn’t feel like home
anymore. Being back in Vermont, Eve had to admit it was the only
place she’d ever felt truly at peace.

“You do.” It
was a statement, not a question. Of course, her aunt always knew
what was in her heart. She rarely had to ask.

“Yes.”

“Does he still
love you?”

The fact that
she couldn’t answer that cut Eve to the core. She wanted to believe
he did, but she’d been gone so long. Before she left, they’d
already drifted so far apart she didn’t know how much longer they
could pretend they still had a marriage worth fighting for. Every
time she thought about asking for a divorce, the words got trapped
in her throat. He would give her that sexy, lop-sided grin that
always made her heart skip a beat, and she would fall in love with
him all over again. Her husband wasn’t a bad man. He wanted to be
all things to all people, and he didn’t realize he was failing the
one person he’d promised to stand by forever. “I don’t know.”

“You should
know.” Sharon tried to squeeze her niece’s hand but didn’t have the
strength. “You deserve to know.”

“I’ll talk to
him. Soon.”

“Promise me?” A
tear slid down Sharon’s softly lined cheek. “I love you so much. I
just want you to be happy.”

When Eve
couldn’t hold it in any longer, she let her head rest on the bed,
beside her aunt’s hand, as her tears fell on the quilt she’d
crafted for Sharon for Christmas last year.

“It’s going to
be okay,” Sharon said, patting her head.

They stayed
like that until Eve heard the terrifying sound of her beloved aunt
drawing her last breath. Lifting her head, Eve prayed she would see
Sharon’s chest rising and falling, but it was too late. She was
gone.

Sharon’s eyes
were closed, and she looked as serene in death as she had in life.
She still had an aura around her, and as Eve looked around the old
room, she knew she would always feel her spirit there. In the home
they’d shared.

Alex felt physically
sick when he walked up the stone path to the Lakeside Inn and saw
his wife in another man’s arms. And not just any man. Her former
lover.

At the sound of
his footsteps, Eve turned toward him. Her long, honey-blond hair
fell in soft waves over her shoulders. He’d always loved running
his fingers through the silky strands when she laid her head on his
chest. She used to do that after they made love.
God, that seems
like a lifetime ago
.

“Alex.” She
looked at him as if he was a stranger trespassing on sacred land.
“What are you doing here?”

He saw her
bright green eyes were rimmed with red, a sure sign she’d been
crying. “Myra called. She said she thought I should come, that
Sharon was…” He cleared his throat, not knowing how to say it
without sounding callous. “That she didn’t have much time
left.”

Alex cursed
himself for not coming sooner, for not being the shoulder his wife
cried on when she needed comfort. Every day he faced another
crisis, put out another fire. Days turned into weeks until his wife
looked at him as if she didn’t know him anymore, and that scared
the hell out of him.

“She shouldn’t
have done that,” Dan said, putting his hands on Eve’s shoulders.
“Evie’s been doing just fine without you all this time. We’ll get
her through this.”

Alex wanted to
tell Dan to take his filthy hands off
his
wife, but Eve
didn’t need the added stress of a brawl on the front lawn. “How is
Sharon?” Alex tried to ignore the other man’s hands on his
woman.

“She’s gone.”
Eve covered her mouth when a sob escaped.

Alex stepped
forward but clenched his hands at his sides when Dan pulled Eve
back against his chest, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

“It’s gonna be
okay, sweetheart,” Dan said quietly. “You’ll see. We’ll get through
this together.”

Alex felt like
retching all over the freshly cut grass. Another man was obviously
in love with his wife, and judging by the way she turned into his
arms, the feeling may be mutual. He watched them embrace, her eyes
closing as Dan pressed a kiss to her forehead. Alex wanted to pry
them apart, to demand she seek comfort in his arms, but he couldn’t
force her to feel something she didn’t. Could he? If he dropped to
the ground and begged her to give him another chance, to let him
prove he was worthy of her love, would it erase all the nights
she’d waited for him at home?

He thought of
all the texts she’d sent, practically begging him to come home,
telling him it was the perfect time to conceive the baby she so
desperately wanted. He put her off with an apology and a dozen
roses, promising to make it his top priority next month, but next
month never came. He feared he’d run out of chances.

“Can you give
us a few minutes?” Eve asked, looking up at Dan.

Dan brushed her
tears away with the pads of his thumbs, and Alex sucked in a breath
at their intimacy. In his worst nightmares, he’d never imagined
he’d have to watch another man express his love for the woman who’d
promised her love to him… forever. That’s how long Eve had promised
to love him on their wedding day, and she was reneging on that
promise. He couldn’t even claim she was to blame.

“Are you sure
you want to do this now?” Dan asked quietly. “We just lost Sharon.
Why don’t you give yourself a little time—”

“Now is the
time. We need to talk now.”

Alex’s stomach
clenched, fear erupting into full-blown panic.
Oh God, is she
going to ask me for a divorce? Is she going to tell me she doesn’t
love me anymore… that she’s in love with him?

“If you’re
sure,” Dan said, glaring at Alex. “Call me if you need me.”

Alex wanted to
reach out to her, but he was afraid of her reaction, terrified her
words would stop him in his tracks. “I’m so sorry about your aunt.
I would have been here sooner, but—”

“You don’t have
to tell me,” she said, holding up her hand. “Something came up at
work. You had to fly to Seattle last minute. I know. Jenny told me
when I called your office.”

He hated
himself for allowing his assistant to impart the news that he’d
left town. “I’m sorry, Eve. I should have called, but it happened
so fast. I needed to be on that plane…” He raked a hand through his
hair, wishing his excuses didn’t sound so pathetic. “I hit the
ground running as soon as I got to the airport. One meeting after
another.”

“I
understand.”

He knew she
didn’t. But why should she? As long as he had a cell phone in his
pocket, there was no excuse. “I came as soon as Myra called.” He
was ashamed that a call from Sharon’s head housekeeper got him
there when his wife’s calls had fallen on deaf ears.

“She shouldn’t
have called you.” Eve leaned against the white pillar and crossed
her arms over her slight frame. “I know how busy you are.”

“I’m never too
busy for you. You know that.” He wanted her to believe that. He
wanted her to be proud of him. He wanted her to have everything she
deserved. Everything he did was for her.

“Do I?”

Two little
words, yet they said so much. She’d given up hope… on him and their
marriage. His mind raced, trying to figure out how he could stop it
from happening. How could he keep his world from falling apart?

“You should
probably go,” she whispered when he didn’t respond.

“What?” He
stepped closer, praying with everything in him that she would do
the same. “I don’t want to go, Eve. This is where I need to be.
Here. With you.”

“Why?”

He stared into
her emerald green eyes, hoping to see a hint of the inexplicable
connection they’d once shared. When had they lost that, and why
couldn’t he remember the exact moment when she stopped looking at
him as though he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her
life with?

“I want to be
here because…”
You’re my life.
That’s what he should have
said—it was what he wanted to say—but she looked so fragile. He
couldn’t risk upsetting her more, forcing her to make a
life-altering decision while she was still reeling from the loss of
her aunt. “You’re my wife. Where else would I be?”

Closing her
eyes, she drew a deep breath. “I don’t know. Nothing makes sense
anymore. My aunt is gone. That’s the only thing I can think about
right now.”

He wanted to
tell her he loved her, but he didn’t know if he still had the
right. A man who loved his wife would have dropped everything to be
by her side and help her deal with losing someone she loved so
much. The only word he could think of was one he should have said
months, perhaps years, ago. “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes
snapped open, locking with his. She looked surprised. “Thank
you.”

She’d assumed
he was offering his condolences about Sharon’s passing. Sharon was
a remarkable woman, and he had a great deal of respect for her, but
his apology ran so much deeper. He was trying to apply balm to the
gaping wounds that threatened to tear his marriage and his life
apart. He’d wanted to beg her to come home since she left, but he
knew she would never forgive herself if she wasn’t there for her
aunt when Sharon needed her the most. Since he was no stranger to
regret, he hadn’t forced her to make an impossible choice.

“Um, why don’t
I grab my stuff from the car? Then we can talk, if you still feel
like it?” He’d thought it was too presumptuous to bring his
suitcase in until they’d had a chance to talk, but after witnessing
the exchange between his wife and the inn manager, he wouldn’t
leave until Eve kicked him out.

“Do we have
anything left to talk about, Alex?”

He scanned her
face, hoping she would retract the question when she saw how much
it hurt him. “Of course we do. When you’re ready. I know now’s not
the time to talk about… us. We have to think about your aunt and
the best way to honor her memory. If you want me to handle the
arrangements—”

“No, I’ll take
care of it. I owe it to her.”

He wanted to
help her, to let her know she wasn’t alone. “Is there anything I
can do?”

“No.” She
watched a blue sedan pull up the winding gravel drive.

No doubt a
neighbor who’d heard the news and come to pay their respects. Alex
knew the house would soon be flooded with people who loved Sharon.
They had been a part of Eve’s life since she was a child, yet they
would view him as a stranger. He was just the man who took her away
from the people who loved her. Alex was on Dan’s turf; they were
his people.

“There’s
nothing anyone can do.” Eve looked him in the eye, catching him off
guard with the intensity of her stare. “It’s too late.”

He wanted to
ask her what she meant, but fear paralyzed him. He watched her walk
down the path to greet her guests, and he couldn’t even bring
himself to grab her wrist and haul her in for a hug. Had they
really grown that far apart?

***

Eve felt as if
she was in a fog as late afternoon slipped into evening. Neighbors
and friends came and went, offering words of love and support, but
she could barely focus on their condolences. Her husband was rarely
more than a few feet away. She wanted to believe he was being
attentive because he cared, but she suspected it had more to do
with Dan. He was jealous that another man was showing interest in
his wife, and he was intent on staking his claim.

It broke her
heart to realize she’d been reduced to another possession in his
mind, but she couldn’t continue to deny the obvious. Alex hadn’t
even touched her since he’d arrived. She’d almost leaned into him
half a dozen times, lured by the familiarity of his scent that
reminded her of when he’d belonged to her and she to him, body and
soul. Dan stood beside her, his hand on the small of her back
serving as a reminder that her husband should be at her side.

“Thanks for
being here,” she said to the elderly next door neighbor. She’d
played with his granddaughter when they were kids and swapped
stories with her about their boyfriends when they were teens.

Each and every
person in the room meant something to her, but the person who meant
the most seemed the furthest away, and she was losing hope that she
would ever get him back. The part of her that had been holding on
to the notion that her marriage was still worth fighting for was
slowly and painfully slipping away. Alex was there in body, but his
heart was obviously back home.