Starting Over (4 page)

***

As she looked
up into his piercing gray eyes, Eve knew she should tell Alex it
was too late to try again, but his obvious anguish made her reach
for him and pull him closer.

“I love you,”
he breathed as his mouth came down on hers. His kiss was hard and
demanding, almost fierce, until she slowed the kiss. She was intent
on savoring every second, knowing full well it could be their last
time together. “I love you so much.”

“I love you
too,” she whispered as her body yielded to the power of his
feelings for her. In that moment, she believed he still loved her,
and she wanted to believe that would be enough for them to forge a
new path.

“Let me show
you how much you mean to me,” he said, peeling her nightgown apart
and letting it fall away. He looked at her as though he’d never
seen her before. He admired her in a way that made her feel
beautiful, and she gave in to hope. He was the man who would always
possess her heart, whether or not he wore her wedding ring.

“Show me.”

Those two
little words unleashed something in him as though he’d been waiting
for an invitation. He swirled his tongue around her nipples until
she cried out and arched into his mouth, pleading for more. She was
vaguely aware of the fact that guests were on either side of their
room, but she couldn’t control her reaction. It had been so long,
too long…

He continued
the delicious torment, stoking her fire with his hands and mouth as
though he couldn’t get enough of her. Trying to conceive had turned
sex into a chore, but Eve remembered how masterful her husband was
at turning her on. With every stroke of his fingers, slide of his
tongue, and whisper of love, he slowly erased the bad memories and
reminded her why she’d fallen in love with him in the first place.
He was like no one she’d ever known. In and out of bed, the man was
a sinfully sexy force of nature.

“I love when
you do that… just let go for me.”

Eve knew that’s
exactly what she’d done. She’d demanded silence from the voices in
her head insisting it was a terrible idea and ceded to her baser
instincts by letting her husband manipulate her body. With his name
on her lips and her body still trembling from the force of the
first orgasm she’d had in months, she closed her eyes as he slid
home.
Home.
That’s what it felt like when he was inside of
her. They were home, exactly where they belonged. If only they
could hold on to that feeling forever.

“Oh God, Eve…”
His hard biceps bulged as he supported his weight over her. “It’s
been so long.”

Eve silently
sighed with relief when she saw the truth in his eyes. She was
ashamed to admit that she’d questioned his fidelity when his
excuses became more frequent. When he looked at her that way, she
knew his heart still belonged to her, and as long as it did, his
conscience wouldn’t let him share his body with another woman.

“Too long.” She
inhaled sharply when he thrust his hips, making her remember what
she’d almost allowed herself to forget—her man was an unbelievable
lover. She got lost in his ministrations as he managed to relegate
the worst day of her life to the back of her mind. His kisses were
in sync with his body, heightening her arousal to mind-blowing
proportions. Her entire body felt like a charged current, waiting
to explode. “Alex…”

“I love that,”
he said, grinning against her neck as he increased the tempo. “I
love the way you say my name when you’re getting ready to come for
me.”

She said his
name again and again and again as he took her to places she’d never
been. When he finally exploded inside of her, she wondered if every
guest on their floor heard their cries.

“Wow,” he
panted, laughing softly.

Not knowing
what to say or how to say it, she just buried her head in his neck,
hoping he wouldn’t ask for answers she couldn’t give… like whether
he’d changed her decision or what the future held for them.

***

Alex wanted
that feeling to last forever, but he knew only words of reassurance
would give him peace of mind. Holding her close, he rolled onto his
back, taking her with him. Her silky hair blanketed his chest,
reminding him of a time before complicated business mergers fought
for his attention.

“I needed
this,” he said, kissing her damp forehead. “I needed you to put my
mind at ease.” His heart beat wildly when she didn’t respond.
Instead of hiding behind silence, he decided to lay it all on the
line. “I almost believed you when you said you wanted out of this
marriage.”

He felt her
eyelashes fluttering against his chest, but still she said nothing.
She could tell him she wanted a trial separation, or whatever the
hell she chose to call it, but a woman who could give herself to
him like that could never claim she didn’t want to be his wife
anymore. “Tell me what I need to do to fix this, Eve. I’ll do
anything, whatever it takes.” If she suggested marriage counseling,
a second honeymoon, or a fertility specialist, he would be the
first one on the phone to make the arrangements. No price was too
steep to keep her in his life.

“I need time,”
she whispered. “So much has happened. I don’t know what to think or
how to feel anymore.”

He could give
her as much time as she needed as long as they were living under
the same roof, working on their marriage. He knew they could work
through anything if they both committed to the process. “We don’t
have to rush anything, sweetheart. I’ll help you make the
arrangements for Sharon’s service, and when it’s over, we can talk
to a realtor about putting this place on the market. Unless you
know someone who might be interested in buying it?”

Sharon’s only
other relative was Eve’s mother and they’d had a falling out years
ago, so Alex assumed Eve would inherit the inn along with Sharon’s
assets. As a successful mystery writer with a career that spanned
almost twenty-five years and three dozen best-selling books, he
knew Sharon was a wealthy woman.

“I can’t sell
this place,” she said, sitting up and pulling the sheet tighter. “I
can’t even believe you would suggest that. You know how much this
inn means to me.”

Alex got an
uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Sharon had told him half
a dozen times that running the inn was a full-time job. How could
his wife expect to be an innkeeper if she was living in another
state? Unless… “Okay, what do you want to do?” Alex wasn’t in a
strong position to negotiate. If she was determined to keep it,
they would simply have to find a way to make it work. According to
Sharon, Dan was a competent manager, but Alex would never let him
work closely with Eve while they were trying to rebuild their
marriage. He trusted his wife, but he knew her former boyfriend
would trash-talk him the second his back was turned.

“I need to stay
here.”

Alex took a few
deep breaths, knowing his blood pressure must be dangerously high.
During his last examination, his doctor had told him it was
high-normal and he needed to learn to manage his stress unless he
wanted to go on medication. Eve had taken Alex from terrified to
elated and back to panic in the span of an hour, and he knew he
needed to take control of himself before it got worse. He prayed
she would tell him she just needed a few more weeks to tie up some
loose ends and then she would come home. “For how long?”

“I don’t know
yet.” Bringing her knees up to her chest, she wrapped her arms
around her legs with her back facing him. “I’m still reeling from
my aunt’s death. I didn’t expect to see you today, and I certainly
didn’t expect this.”

He refused to
allow her to write off their intimacy as a mistake when he
considered it the smartest decision he’d made in months. He placed
his hand on her back, hoping to regain some of the tenderness
they’d shared only moments ago. “I know it’s a lot to take in. I
didn’t mean to pressure you.”

“It’s not your
fault,” she said, sighing. “You have every right to expect answers.
It’s not fair to expect you to live in limbo forever. That’s not
what I want either.”

He hadn’t felt
as though he’d been living in limbo because he’d never believed his
marriage was in jeopardy. He knew they were going through a rough
patch and feeling disconnected, but he’d never considered, even for
a second, that they might be at the end of their story. “I know
what I want, Eve. You. I want to be married to you. Period.” It
really was that simple. He was willing to compromise, but not if it
meant letting her go.

She propped her
head on her arms. “There was a time when I would have given
anything to hear you say that.”

“I’m saying it
now.” He waited for some response—a smile, a sigh, anything that
would give him a hint as to how she was feeling—but her beautiful
face remained impassive as she looked at him. He used to be able to
read her so well, but he felt as if he was looking into the
lifeless eyes of a stranger he once knew. He wanted his wife back,
the woman who laughed with wild abandon, loved with her whole
heart, and wanted a baby with everything she had. Hoping to bridge
the widening gap between them, he said, “I saw the doctor last
week.”

“You did?” she
asked, looking hesitant. “What did he say?”

She’d been
asking him to go for a checkup for the past year. When they weren’t
able to get pregnant right away, she’d feared one or both of them
may have a problem, but Alex brushed her off. He told her they were
both fine and she was worrying too much. His doctor concurred with
his analysis, but he didn’t need to tell Eve that. “He said
everything checks out. Except for my cholesterol and blood
pressure—that was a little high, but nothing to worry about.”

Eve frowned.
“How high?”

“One forty over
ninety.” He loved that she cared enough to ask. “But honestly, it’s
nothing to worry about. In terms of getting pregnant—”

“Please, I
can’t think about that now,” she said, holding her hand up to
silence him.

She’d once
wanted to talk about little else. In that moment, Alex realized how
much she’d changed. She wasn’t the same woman who’d walked out of
their house a few months ago. “Okay, we don’t have to,” he said,
trying to ignore that her dismissal hurt more than he’d have
thought it would. He finally understood how she felt when he told
her they would talk about having a baby when and if she finally got
pregnant. “I just wanted you to know that when you’re ready,
there’s no reason why we can’t have a baby. I mean, your doctor
said everything was fine before you went away, right?”

“Yeah, that’s
what she said.” Sighing, Eve got out of bed and padded to the small
closet to retrieve a short, white terrycloth robe. After she
slipped it on, she walked toward the window and pressed her
forehead to the glass. “I wanted nothing more than to have your
baby, but that seems like a lifetime ago. I don’t even remember
what it felt like to feel that way anymore.”

If she’d
sucker-punched him, she couldn’t have hurt him more. “Are you
saying you don’t want me anymore or just that you don’t want my
baby?” He knew deep down they were one and the same. Eve wanted to
be a mother, and if she didn’t want a baby with him, that meant she
would find someone else who wanted a family as much as she did.
Staring at her in the moonlight streaming through the window, Alex
couldn’t believe he’d been stupid enough to take what they had for
granted. He cursed himself for not taking her seriously all the
times she’d talked about getting pregnant, begging him to show some
interest in starting a family with her. As the love of his life,
she deserved the best of him, and she’d gotten so much less than
that.

“It’s too late
to go back.” She turned back to him. “I know that may not be what
you want to hear, but that’s what my heart is telling me.” Wrapping
her arms around her mid-section, she walked toward the bed and sat
beside him. She took his hand. “You gave me some of the happiest
years of my life—”

“Don’t.”
Grabbing the back of her neck, he brought her head toward his.
Resting his forehead against hers, he closed his eyes. “I’ve given
you every reason to give up on me, but I’m begging you… If you love
me even half as much as I love you, just give me one more chance to
get this right, to be the husband I should have been all
along.”

Touching his
face, she said with a sad smile, “You weren’t a bad husband.”

“We both know
that’s a lie. This is all on me.” He thought about some of their
conversations, her following him from room to room and trying so
hard to get his attention. All she’d wanted was a few moments of
his time, and he couldn’t even give her that. He didn’t have many
regrets, but the way he’d treated his wife ranked highest on his
list of sins.

“I stayed. I
didn’t have to.” Pulling back, she held his hand and stared at
their joined hands. “Making love tonight was a mistake. I just
wanted to feel better for a while, and I shouldn’t have used you
that way. I’m so sorry.”

Eve was the
last person to put her needs above someone else’s. She had always
been the selfless one in their relationship. “If I could give you a
few minutes of pleasure tonight, I’m glad I was here.” His voice
sounded foreign to his ears, his words hollow. That wasn’t what he
wanted to say. He wanted to yell and scream and throw things and
demand to know how she could give up on them when he still loved
her as though his next breath depended on her. But he couldn’t
guilt her into staying married to him. That wouldn’t benefit either
of them.

“I want you to
go home tomorrow, Alex.”

Closing his
eyes, his mind rallied against her request. Leaving her when she
needed him most felt so wrong. “I want to be here for you, to help
you through this. I know how much Sharon meant to you.”