Stepping Up To Love (Lakeside Porches 1) (22 page)

“I take back the big dock, then. Maybe the gazebo should be a terraced garden with strategic lighting. Add a few, nicely landscaped, lakeview photo-op—benches, maybe.”

Joel nodded thoughtfully. “Very nice. Harold will be all over the garden idea. Let me pursue that with him.”

They were almost in view of the Manse.

“I’m going to check on a few things. Why don’t you go on ahead?” He squeezed her shoulder and took the left fork in the path.

Manda gave him a wave. She knew he was making sure they did not walk into the building together. She sighed. They hadn’t said a word about Lorraine or the gated community.

On the first day of August she received her long-awaited letters from St. Basil’s and Syracuse with offers of scholarships from both. While it wasn’t all she wanted, she believed she could make it work. She knew what she wanted to do, but she ran it by Gwen as a sanity check.

Gwen agreed with her thinking and added, “I’m glad you’re not obsessed about finishing quickly, and you’re willing to take your time with the school you prefer.”

Manda took a deep breath and proposed, “Gwen, I want to run it by Joel, too. What do you think?”

“His opinion is certainly better-informed than mine. And I really wish you’d also try to talk with him about the situation with Lorraine. One suggestion: try to hook up with him at the Friday meeting, rather than scheduling with him at work.”

“Sure. Why?”

“It tells him you are doing this in the context of recovery, that you are open to personal topics, and that you’re not trying to go around Dan. It also says that you respect his time in the office and don’t expect him to deal with personal concerns on the job. That’s a big improvement over a few months ago.”

“Amen. Good advice.”

“And that’s all the advice I’ve got for you, except ‘Don’t drink, no matter what happens’.”

“I’ll call you after."

“Not later than nine o’clock unless you’re desperate.” Manda thanked her and put in a call to Phil. He was glad to hear she was coming Friday night, and he would save her a seat.

Manda approached Joel at the coffee pot. He watched her cross the room toward him. His surprise gave way to skepticism and finally a smile as she neared him. “Nice to see you at the Friday night meeting again. Great haircut.”

She gave him a big smile and fluffed her shorter curls. “Sara at the spa bartered with me for help with her taxes.”

“This time of year?”

“Not everyone files by the April deadline.” Manda shrugged. “None of my business.”

“Not my business either. You’re really getting this recovery stuff. Five months now?”

“Almost. And I owe my summer progress to my sponsor Gwen. She’s helped me change my thinking and my clothes and my attitudes and many things.”

He caressed her with his eyes. “It looks good on you.”

Manda’s eyes softened, and he could feel her peace.

“I’d like to talk to you.”

He nodded cautiously.

“The results are in from my grad school applications, and I’m pretty sure of my decision. I want to run it past you. If you’re willing.”

“I’m willing, if we can also talk about us.”

Manda studied his face and took her time responding. “Okay, except I’m confused enough that I want to keep them separate, and it would be easier to talk about the grad school stuff first.”

Joel nodded his agreement. “It’s still light after the meeting. How about a walk along the shore?”

Manda’s face lit up with a smile.

Manda arrived at the parking area ten minutes ahead of Joel. She did some stretches and a few jumping jacks. A fickle breeze chilled her, and she pulled a hoodie out of the trunk of the Beetle. It was big and baggy and wrinkled; she threw it back in the trunk and did a few more jumping jacks.

Joel pulled in beside the Beetle. “Sorry I’m late,” he said. “Sponsee with crisis.”

“Sure you can do this tonight?”

“Absolutely.” He stretched in place.

“You’re smart wearing a windbreaker.”

“How about a sweater?” he offered and pulled one from the front seat for her. “What’s so funny?”

“It's not wrinkled. How do you do that?”

He laughed. “I just put it there when I left for the meeting. I had in mind taking a walk along the lakeshore and didn’t know how cool it would get. Or maybe my Higher Power made me bring an extra one in case you wanted to walk, too. You never know.” He wasn’t going to tell her Phil had given him a heads-up.

They started down the gravel path along the lakeshore, their shoulders six inches from each other, hands not touching.

Manda started. “I like our walks, but we always seem to talk about how I’m doing. How are you doing?”

“Crazy,” he told her. “The expression in the rooms is ‘Stark raving sober.' I’m working it out with the help of my therapist, but it’s slow going.” He let his hand brush against hers. “Tell me about the grad school decision.”

Manda laid out her three choices, starting with the full scholarship from UT Austin for a Ph.D. program, which she had rejected. She told him her thinking.

“Yes, good decision,” Joel agreed. He sent up a private prayer of thanks that he wasn’t going to lose her to Texas.

Manda told him about the master’s program at Syracuse which came with a three-quarter scholarship.

“Your voice tells me that’s not the winner. Tell me why.”

“It’s the best money, and it’s a great program, but it’s not the best fit for me. The emphasis is on for-profit organizations and entrepreneurial ventures. Very exciting, very ‘now.’ Very little emphasis on social entrepreneurship or ethics or not-for-profit, which are important to me. Also, at three-quarter time, I wouldn’t have enough time for the Manse and would need to let go of the bookkeeping and the studio apartment.”

Joel nodded his understanding without giving his opinion. “Door number three?” he asked lightly.

“St. Basil’s offered me a half-time scholarship, which is really generous for them. The program emphasis is what I want. If I went half-time, they’re cool with me using the all the scholarship money to fully cover the first year. I’d need to find funding for year two, but assuming I can, I would finish in two years. And I could continue with the Manse and the bookkeeping, assuming that works for you.”

He nodded. “You’re okay with stretching it out two years?”

“I am,” she said with no hesitation.

“And how would you finance year two?”

“I have an application in for a loan, which I’m willing to do. In the meantime, I could save some toward tuition and books. I know I can’t count on it, but maybe we’ll hear something about Lyssa’s and my inheritance.”

Joel proposed, “And you could look around for other sources. A business might be willing to subsidize you. It’s worth checking, and you’d have time to do that.”

“I hadn’t thought about that. Thank you.”

He gave her hair a ruffle of approval and asked her, “Will the Beetle make that commute for two years?”

He saw Manda squeeze her eyes shut.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t ask that.”

“Because you know it’s a problem.”

“You’re good.”

“I can’t be losing my employees on the highway, even if it’s just a break-down for a busted tire. And it could be much worse.”

“I planned to ask you for the name of a good mechanic and have the car evaluated for a ninety-mile round-trip commute most weekends.”

“It’s a weekend program?”

She nodded. “One weekend a month for each course.”

“Please think about staying in Rochester overnight those weekends, even if you get a new car.”

Joel knew her first instinct was to resist his good advice. He was quiet while she worked through it.

“I’ll consider it.”

“Really?” Joel’s tone was skeptical.

“Really.” Manda laughed at herself.

“Thank you. Ken Huntington will do a good job checking out your car. He doesn’t have a website; I’ll get you his number. What if he tells you to junk the Beetle, which I think he will?”

“I think the right answer is: have him find me a reliable used car, and I’ll get a loan for it.”

Joel put his hands in his pockets. “That’s not a bad idea. Let’s see what he says about the car first.”

“So you think St. Basil’s is the way to go, half-time?”

“Absolutely.”

“And you’re cool with my doing the bookkeeping and staying in the studio?”

“I am, but you may need to work in some internships, so let’s keep an open mind about that and take it as it comes.”

“You’re making this easy for me.”

“Did you think I would give you a hard time?”

“Just saying I appreciate it. And I don’t take it for granted.”

He paused on the walk and turned to her. “So, can we talk about us?”

“We did okay with my agenda. Let’s go for it.”

Joel tipped her chin up, brought his mouth close to hers, and waited for her to make the next move. Manda planted a soft kiss beside his mouth and slid her hands down his chest and around his waist.

When he’d pulled her close, she told him, “I want things to work out for us. I’m really confused and afraid about what’s going on with Lorraine. And I’m still very emotional and very slow about growing up.”

“I am not worried about you growing up, because you’re working hard. I’m still working on my issues, too, as you have seen. It’s a work in progress for both of us.” He leaned back to see her face and saw tears brimming in her eyes. He let her go but took her hand and kissed it.

They walked hand-in-hand along the path another twenty yards.

“What’s going on with Lorraine,” he told her, “is a plan to develop Cady’s Point. She owns it all, including the house, and she wants to be done with it.”

“I thought she gave the house to Kristof in the divorce.”

“She did, and that was renegotiated a couple months ago.”

“He sold the house to her to cover his legal fees?”

“Got it in one.”

“How could anyone own Cady’s Point and want to sell it off for development?”

Joel shrugged. “Lorraine is a Cady on her mother’s side. She inherited the Point. For her it is just something she owns.”

“And you and she want to develop it how?”

Joel gave a heavy sigh. “Her idea is to make it a gated community, very exclusive homes, docks, an area for supervised swimming, boating lessons, and all that.”

“And you endorse that?”

He laughed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I don’t think it’s a good business plan, given the tax rates on lakefront properties. She’d be building the homes on speculation, which is at odds with what people in that tax bracket want. She has terrific taste, but so do they.”

Manda asked, “And she can afford to build several million-dollar homes on speculation, even though she’s been advised they may not sell?”

“Yes, she can afford it.”

“It’s none of my business, I know.”

“I’m making it your business.”

“In that case,” Manda asked him, “how would you develop Cady’s Point, if it were up to you?”

Joel took a minute to answer. “If I owned Cady’s Point, I’d level the house, leave the rest alone, and let people use the Point for recreation. If the community wanted facilities and transportation and supervision, I’d work with them to make it happen.”

Manda reached for his hand. “It is that kind of place. It was very healing for me, in the beginning.”

Joel turned to face her and put his hands on her shoulders. “So, what about you?” he challenged. “If you could develop it any way you wanted, what would you do with it?”

She smiled warmly, and Joel could see her savoring the idea. “I’d want some of it designated as public land, just as you said. I’d like to see the rest as a rehabilitation or retreat center of some kind, a place for people to heal and walk and play and swim.” She laughed. “How’s that for practical and realistic?”

“It sounds like heaven for the lucky people who go there.”

“Maybe you should buy it from Lorraine and be done with— sorry, I’m overstepping my bounds here.”

“Be done with my affiliation with her?”

“Affiliation?”

“We have a business affiliation,” Joel told her, but even he could hear the waffling in his tone.

“That’s not all, is it?”

Busted.
“Well, between you and me, Lorraine has a not-so-hidden agenda to revive the relationship with me. She has her two children now, which I did not want to give her.”

“And is that what you want to do? Revive the relationship?”

Joel was baffled by the question. “No, of course not. Lorraine just doesn’t hear ‘no.'”

Manda let her tears fall. “Is that really all this was about?” she said, her voice shaky.

Joel folded her in a warm hug and held her close. “Did you really think something was going on? Something other than business?”

Manda nodded against his shoulder.

“I am so sorry for not understanding that. Manda, I love you. No one else. I need you in my life. You make me laugh. You are my friend and my soul mate. You are the only one I listen to when I mess up. I know I get angry sometimes, and it scares you. I promise I will keep working on that. Working on all my stuff.”

Joel cradled her face in his hands. “I cannot lose you from my life. Not to a car accident. Not to Texas. Not to another man. Not to my own stupidity.”

“Joel, I need you to end your affiliation with Lorraine.” Her eyes were hard.

Joel finally saw what Phil had seen immediately—that his guilt had blinded him to the impact of his actions on Manda. Letting Lorraine call the shots had poisoned his relationship with Manda. It was the source of Manda’s pain and the wedge that had been driven between them.

“I’ve been a fool.”

“You think?”

“I do.”