Still Water (35 page)

"You love her?"

"It doesn't matter if I love her, Seth, she doesn't—"

"Go there. Ask her to her face. Take your sorry ass down to Florida and get your woman. She loves you, man. She left for you, and you can't see that because you've been burned. And, fuck dude, if you keep protecting yourself, you're going to miss out on something that's rare."

Seth never spoke like this; he'd never had a relationship, and he'd never trusted women.

"You are rattling off some serious romantic bullshit right now for a guy who's never been with a girl for more than one night." I laughed without humor.

"That's the messed up part, Todd. I'm as screwed up as they come, but I can see what's right in front of you, and you can't. She left because she thought she was giving you a family. She didn't want the dream, Todd, she wanted you. She's just a really good liar, another thing you guys have in common." He turned to leave.

The pulse beat hard behind my temples. Could he be right? Was I that blind? "You think I should go down there?"

"Yes, asshole, that's what I'm saying. You need me to pack your bags for you too? Jesus!" He glared at me with annoyance.

"Maybe I will." The thought of getting on a plane, of seeing Lily again… it was as if the damn sky was opening up, and all that light made it easier to see.

"Thank, God. I'm so sick of your moody ass." Seth turned and walked out the back door without another word.

E
VERYTHING
S
ETH HAD SAID
plagued me all afternoon until I finally bought a plane ticket to Florida for the next day. The flight left at six a.m. The hunger I had for Lily never went away. The need she'd fired up in me never blew out. The way she was with Molly, the love I saw in her eyes when she looked into mine, I'd let all that lay dormant so I could believe the propaganda I'd created in order to be without her. But I was finished playing dead. Lily was mine, and I was a part of her. I loved watching her fall into me as I claimed each bit of who she was. When I got on that plane tomorrow, there was no other option — she was coming back with me. She was coming home.

The night air was dry and cool as I stepped up onto Emma's front porch and knocked on the wood surface of the door. My thoughts of Lily made me optimistic and my smile was genuine when Emma swung open the door. Her smile radiated.

"Hey you, don't you look happy." She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

I placed a chaste kiss on her cheek. "I'm happy you guys are back."

"Daddy." Molly's squeal made me chuckle as she tackled my legs, making it hard for me to walk.

"Sweet girl, I missed you so much." Molly leaped into my arms, and I squeezed her into a tight hug. She squeaked. "Did you have fun, Lolly?"

"I did." I shifted Molly to my hip, and we walked into the family room.

"I'm so glad, but I'm happy you're home now." I nuzzled my nose into her neck, and she giggled as the hairs from my beard tickled her face. My fingers tickled the backs of her legs and she squirmed.

"Stop dat, Daddy." She snickered uncontrollably.

Her hair was in pigtails, and she had on a jean skirt, pink shirt, and pink cowboy boots. These were details I'd forgotten to notice in my past visits here. The time spent with Molly had been cast in a shadow, and I hadn't realized it until now. I felt so light tonight, and the difference was obvious in how I responded to her. "God, I love you so much." I kissed her cheek, once, twice, and a few more times until I had her in a fit of giggles again.

"She missed you. It was a long week. She talked about you nonstop. She's getting really good with her words." Emma looked at our daughter with pride. "You going to stay for bedtime?"

Molly wiggled in my arms, so I let her down. "Come play." She tugged on my hand.

"Take her out back, please, and let her run around. We can talk after she's in bed." Emma reached down and tightened one of Molly's pigtails.

"I can't stay for bedtime tonight. I have to catch an early flight tomorrow."

"Oh yeah? Where to? Getting another band to sign?" Molly pulled on her mother's hand now. "One second, Mommy and Daddy are talking. Can you go get your play shorts on? You know, like I showed you, honey. Like a big girl?"

"Yes! Big girl." Molly ran off to her bedroom.

"Sorry, you were saying." Emma walked into the attached kitchen and opened the fridge. Her body leaned down, pulling items from the refrigerator for dinner.

"I'm going to Florida." The sound of my voice was flat.

Her back was stiff as she stood and shut the refrigerator door.

"I need to tell you something, Todd." Emma's body moved mechanically as she turned and looked at me with worried eyes.

"I'm going to see her, Em. I need to see her. I wanted things with us to work… but—"

"I'm seeing someone." Emma's face paled with her confession. "I was going to tell you, but you've been so distant. I couldn't wait around for you anymore. You could never want me like her; I know that now, so I've moved on."

The gut reaction I had was anger, but not because Emma was seeing another man, but because another man was going to be in Molly's life. "What about Molly?"

The carrots, lettuce, and peppers spilled from Emma's arms onto the kitchen counter. "What about her?" She gave me a confused look.

"You don't think this will confuse her?" I asked with an edge.

"No more than Lily confuses her." She put her hands on her hips. "I don't want to argue about this. I'm dating someone. I'm happy for once, and tonight, when I opened that front door and you smiled at me like you had all the hope in the world, well, that was the first time you really lit up since before she left. Molly will be fine if we're happy. Lily isn't trying to replace me, and Mark won't try to replace you."

"Mark… he sounds like a tool."

Emma laughed. "Jealous?" She quirked her eyebrow.

"No, I'm just—"

"Being irrational, argumentative, unreasonable… just being you." She grinned.

My laugh echoed in the small kitchen. "Yeah, I guess I'm a little territorial."

She pulled the cutting board down from the shelf and gave me an amused glare. "A little?" She shook her head and laughed quietly.

"Okay, a lot. I just want Molly to know who I am, to have no doubt I'm her father. I helped make her… she's my baby girl."

"She knows all of that. Just make sure she doesn't forget. Remember… no matter what, Todd."

"No matter what." My eyes met Emma's. The promise that bound us together was something I held close to my heart. I kissed her on the cheek. "Always." I squeezed her shoulder, and she smiled at me.

"Outside, pewees." Molly pulled on my pant leg.

"Did you hear that?" I grinned at Emma.

"Uh oh, I think I did. It's…it's—"

"The tickle monster," I said with a growl as I scooped up a shrieking little girl and threw her over my shoulder in a fireman hold. Molly kicked and screamed, the heel of her shoe hitting me in the face. Emma laughed enthusiastically. Today had turned into a good day. Tomorrow… I wasn't sure what was in store for me, but at least I knew it wasn't the same as yesterday or the day before that. Because at least I had faith that something could change, at least I wasn't sinking down into the lie any longer.

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

Lily

I
T WAS THE FIRST TIME
I
'D
been on a stage since I left Blue Bar. Last night Gabe and I had dinner and a few drinks at The Tavern. After listening to nothing but Todd and I singing together for two hours, alcohol seemed like a good option, but it must have been fate. The flyer for open mic night was plastered all over the bar, and I wanted to seize that opportunity more than anything. The opportunity to sing again, to let my fingers run along the strings of my guitar — my soul begged for the chance to be free.

I'd left Gabe at home watching television with the promise I wouldn't be out late. He didn't like me going out alone, but he had an early morning planned so I wouldn't let him tag along. The bar had maybe ten patrons since it was a weeknight, and I'd already played one of my own songs, but I wasn't ready to be done, and I doubted anyone cared if I continued to play. I started to strum the notes to my favorite version of "
Wrecking Ball"
by Boyce Avenue. The world around me became quiet, and it felt as if it was just me in the room. I let the blackness of the past few months fill my lungs, and the lyrics rushed past my lips. They soared throughout the dingy bar, and the therapeutic feeling of release fell over me, and for those few minutes, I felt peace. The last note hit the air, and the room erupted into applause. I couldn't bring myself to look up at the small crowd. My moment was over, and my reality started to seep its way back into my veins.

I pulled my guitar strap off my shoulder and kneeled down to put it away. The clips of my guitar case, as usual, had trouble snapping shut. I sighed as I struggled with the clasps, but once I finally got it to clamp shut I smiled in triumph. As I lifted my head, my eyes locked with a pair of brown eyes — the eyes that knew me better than anyone, and they were the same eyes that haunted me every day. The deep russet color was darker than usual in the dim light of the bar. My heartbeat matched the rise and fall of his chest, rapid and hard. I was sure he could hear it. My lips parted in a quiet gasp as he took the last few steps toward the stage, toward me.

"Don't cry, baby." His voice was the comfort I'd craved for so long, a miracle drug that started to close my wounds instantly. The coarse pad of his thumb brushed away the tears I hadn't even realized were falling.

He was here. The butterflies in my stomach frenzied, causing me to feel light headed. I inhaled a shaky breath gathering my courage to speak; I was able to utter one word before I was sure I would wake up. "Todd?"

CHAPTER FIFTY

Todd

T
HE ADDRESS ON THE PAPER MATCHED
the numbers hanging from the run down porch. The GPS in the rental car said I was at my destination, but Lily's car wasn't here. The only vehicle was a chromed out Harley that sat under the carport. What if she had given a fake address to Frank? The acid in my already anxious gut started to boil. She could have lied, and then I'd never find her again. The thought was something I wasn't prepared to deal with so I figured I'd see if this really was the place where she was staying.

The driveway was muddy from the earlier storm, and the overbearing heat hadn't dissipated at all as the sun went down. Once I landed, I went straight to the hotel, showered, and gathered all my willpower to get into the car and drive over here. The storm had delayed me, and now I was cursing myself for not just coming over here straight away. It was late, and I didn't want to piss off this guy Gabe she was staying with. Frank had told me he was an old friend of his and had been a member of Lily's father's band. My breathing was even as my finger pressed the doorbell. The years of putting on a façade were helping me right now. On the outside, I might look calm, but on the inside… I was full of wreckage and debris, and the only thing keeping me together was this one tiny prayer that I could see Lily again.

My posture straightened as I heard the heavy footfall and the deadbolt turn in the door. An older man with a black motorcycle shirt and black jeans stared at me from behind the screened door. "Can I help you?"

My chest pulled tight as I tried to take in a lung full of air. "I'm looking for Lily… Lily Spring. This was the address I was given."

"It's ten o'clock, son. You don't think it's too late to be ringing doorbells?" His thick country accent hung in the humid air.

He started to close the door and I panicked. "Wait, please, I need to see her. Does… does she live here?" My mask was beginning to fall, and my voice vibrated.

"Who wants to know?" The man gave me a disapproving look, and the fire of hope started to kindle brightly in my chest. This must be Gabe.

"My name's Todd… you must be Gabe. She told Frank she was staying with you, and I—"

"Frank. You one of her friends from Utah?" he interrupted

"Yes, sir. We… she was my girlfriend… before she left."

"Boyfriend? She didn't tell me about no boyfriend. What did you say your name was?" He put his hand on the door again as if ready to shut it in my face. Hell, if I had to, I'd give this man my kidney if he would just let me see her.

"Todd. We worked together at the Blue Bar and—"

"Blue Bar Music," he mumbled to himself as if putting two and two together. "She's not here, son. She's down at The Tavern playing open mic night… I'll tell her you came by." He started to close the door.

"The Tavern?" I almost shouted.

"That's what I said." Just as he was closing the door, I thought I heard him chuckle.