Stop Pissing Me Off What to Do When the People You Work with Drive You Crazy (15 page)

|  104  |

07.
  The Bozo Boss from Hell

Perfectionist micromanagers are obsessed with control, convinced that the world will come to an end if certain details are not
peeerfect
. In some jobs, such as surgery, this compulsive attention to the seemingly insignificant is important. However, most bosses need a mix of micro and macro skills, and the wisdom to know when one is best used over another. If you’re unlucky enough to be thrown into the forest with someone who can only see the trees, you have my sympathy.

taMing the MicroManager

What works with such a boss? Not much. As with most people, they are who they are. Again, it’s a matter of matching. If you’re also a perfectionist, it’s a match made in heaven. If you’re more of a big-picture thinker, it may still work if he or she appreciates your talents. Without that appreciation, however, you’ll both end up frustrated. Your best survival strategy with such bosses is surrender: Take their skills and use them to your advantage. Learn everything you possibly can. If your boss is really good at the details of what he or she does, and many MMs are, you can learn a tremendous amount about the details of your job and getting those details right. What you won’t gain, however, is perspective—the ability to sort out what’s really important from what’s not. For that you will eventually have to move on to another boss or organization.

You can try communicating with your MM and, if you’re

lucky, perhaps reach détente with your boss regarding things that merit relentless supervision and those that do not. With this, however, you’ll need to be very specific. It won’t work to talk about the problem in general. Try to gain agreement about which projects will be solely in your territory with no

|  105  |

stop
 Pissing Me Off!

supervision and which will not. You will probably have to remind your boss frequently of your agreements, because he or she most likely will forget. The best strategy is to get it in writing—it covers your butt and reassures your boss about what you’re doing. Remember, the MM boss needs the illusion of control to feel calm. Without that, he or she will be incredibly nervous and take those nerves out on you. One of the sad facts of life is that people don’t change without enormous incentive to do so. If you try all of these suggestions and he or she is still driving you batty, you can stage a last-ditch effort. Lay your cards on the table and calmly, without blaming or whining, announce that your styles are incompatible and that you will have to leave if things do not change within a specific period. If you’re brilliant or valuable enough, your boss may try to accommodate your needs, but be prepared for lots of backsliding while your boss forgets and tries to self-medicate his or her anxiety by controlling you. You may also be able to work around your boss by hiding some projects and working unilaterally. However, these evasive techniques only work in the short run.

Your boss is your boss for one very good reason: The organization thinks (right or wrong) that he or she should be the boss. Whether talent, political skills, organizational incompetence, or sleeping with the boss propelled him or her to the top doesn’t matter. You’re stuck with your organization’s wrongheaded view. You, not they, need to adapt. Remember: Your boss may not always be right, but he or she is always the boss.
conflict avoiders (cas)

When I speak about different conflict styles, my audiences frequently ask me which style causes the most woe in any

|  106  |

07.
  The Bozo Boss from Hell

workplace. Given the more nefarious types of bosses, they’re surprised when I single out conflict avoiders.

One of my first consulting projects was with a CEO of a hightech medical equipment company. Randy was a friendly, polished, experienced corporate games player, who had worked his way up the ranks of a large manufacturing company, and then been tapped for the top job at a company we’ll call Med Mechanics. Randy brought me in to work with a conflict in his executive team. Their snapping and snarling at each other had driven him to distraction. Individually, they were a talented and workable lot, but as a group, they bickered incessantly. After individual interviews with each team player, I surfaced a disturbing question: How could such a nice guy like Randy work with so many snakes?

The answer, of course, was that Randy was the problem. He avoided conflict, ducking decisions and assigning roles in a hazy manner so that no one would be annoyed with him. His executive team expressed the conflicts he habitually avoided. The solution? I used what I call the “beyond” trick. Groups stuck in habitual conflict frequently fuss and fume about things over which they have no control: assignments, resource constraints, or authority. I had the group sit down and work together (therapeutic in itself) to compile three lists: 1) the conflicts they’d historically harbored, things that no longer were relevant but that they still simmered about; 2) current “hot”

issues; 3) “beyond issues”: issues they bickered about but over which they had no control. Not surprisingly, the biggest list was the “beyond” issues. I marched into Randy’s office with the three lists. “The group worked hard!” I crowed. “But you know, it’s the darnedest thing, the biggest list of problems are those over which they have no control. These are all decisions that
you
have to make. I think it’s so useful that they identified them for you. Now we can decide what to do about these things.”

|  107  |

stop
 Pissing Me Off!

No dummy, Randy saw the handwriting on the wall and we set to work. Over several similar sessions and my gentle coaching, Randy eventually realized that confront issues he must, or he would suffer the continual mutiny of his troops.

Managing a conFlict avoider

If you work for a CA, a similar process could be helpful. Gather those most affected by his lack of leadership, come up with the three lists, and present them to him. Again, backsliding will happen, so use this technique whenever unmade decisions pile up and start to smell like unwashed laundry. Of course, if your boss still resists your efforts to gently encourage decision-making, you may need to consider your options of either complaining to a higher authority or seeking another position.

clueless incompetents (cis)

For me, a CI would be the worst kind of boss. I respect talent, and working with the talentless would drag me into a pit of despair. The good news about these bosses is that they may be happy to have you do the work, since they’re frequently lazy as well as incompetent. Why is this good news? Because if you love the job or the field you’re in, the work itself can be worth it. Moreover, their laissez-faire attitude may enable you to take over projects that could give you valuable experience and contacts. The risk? Don’t count on their help if you get in over your head. Also, beware that you don’t become tarnished with the brush of the talentless person you work with. If this boss’s reputation rubs off on you, you may find it hard to shake off

|  108  |

07.
  The Bozo Boss from Hell

the stink, which could sabotage your career in the long run. Better to move on if you can’t manage to receive individual credit for your work.

how to work For a clueless incoMpetent

When you work with a CI you need to be sure to document everything. Document your efforts to encourage your boss to do his or her share; document what you’ve done to clean up any mistakes; document work that you’ve produced that he or she has taken credit for. The best way to document these events is through e-mail to your boss and at least one other person, if appropriate. Why e-mail? Because you can prove that your boss received it. Don’t copy everyone on the team if there’s no reason to do so—that will only look too obvious and annoy them. Do try to find at least one other person to whom you can e-mail documentation of your attempts to do your job.

devils incarnate (dis)

DIs might not actually be evil, but they certainly do a good imitation of that state; manipulative, overbearing, demanding, and demeaning, they make the other problem bosses pale in comparison. And yet, sometimes a bad boss is simply a bad fit. Just as certain people and personalities are not a match to you as friends, lovers, or spouses, so too, certain personalities are not a match to you as a boss. One golden rule of work is to be who you are, and respect who your boss is. If the fit is excruciating, you need to bail. One of my first bosses after law school had a devil reputation if there ever was one; however, we worked together like

|  109  |

stop
 Pissing Me Off!

Bonnie and Clyde, stealing the treasures of our opponents with skill and style. Yet many people quaked in their boots (or Pradas) at the thought of entering his lair. He would get indignant with frustration: “The associates think that I’m the prince of f---ing darkness.” I laughed when he said it—twenty years after I started working with him—but I felt his pain . . . and theirs!

The golden key here was
fit
: I was sassy and raised by my father to take no prisoners. When the DI tried to steamroll and abuse me in one of our first encounters (yelling profanities at me in front of a client for a mistake I did not make) my response was a version of, “Hello! You talkin’ to me?”

Luckily, I knew my boundaries. I knew I would rather wait tables than work with someone who acted that way. I spoke my piece in true John Wayne fashion (talk straight and shoot straight) and he—surprised to be confronted by someone so new and a female, to boot!—backed off. We had lots of disagreements and discussions, but he never treated me that way again.

I was also lucky in that I was a “do not sweat the small stuff” individual and loved humor. My boss had a temper and charm in equal measure, and could always be joked out of a bad mood if you had the right touch. Luckily, my no-nonsense attitude was a match to his demanding (to put it mildly) style. My DI remains a friend and mentor to me today, years after I left the firm.

working For the devils incarnate

But here, dear reader, is where you must assess your own DI carefully. In order to put up with this kind of boss, you need to know whether the DI is merely good at what he or she does

|  110  |

07.
  The Bozo Boss from Hell

or hit-the-ball-out-of-the-park GREAT! If not the latter, then, as the Spanish famously say,
no vale la pena
! It’s not worth the pain.

In
The Devil Wears Prada
, the character of Miranda is fabulously modeled after the legendary
Vogue
Editor Anna Wintour, who ate her assistants for breakfast. These women were not stupid; they were the best and brightest in their field. They put up with her abuse and unreasonable demands because she was superb at what she did, and enduring the pain of working with her could catapult their careers. My own DI was recently rated number one in his field by an informal poll of attorneys in our city. I learned things from him that have served me through two other careers. I’ll always be grateful for his help and advice.

“How high are you willing to jump?” is
the
question you must constantly process if you work for a brilliant DI. Don’t lose yourself or your ideals in the bargain, but do take what you can get—which may be substantial if you can stand the heat. Be careful, however; like the proverbial frog in pan of water that’s slowly coming to a boil, you may not notice you’re cooked until it’s way too late. Sympathy for the devil does not involve sticking with the devil so long that the job dissolves who you are and want to be. Take what you need and leave the rest. Vote with your feet when you can’t continue to manage the dynamic and hold on to your soul. Just don’t give up too soon. As I explained in Chapter 2, the
Star Wars
series brilliantly reminds us that when we’re looking at Darth Vader, we may be staring into the evil eyes of our own father, who has crossed over to the dark side but was once the prince of peace.

Remember also that bosses, like other mere mortals, may also be suffering from personal problems, illness, or other mood and character disorders. If you have such a boss, you

|  111  |

stop
 Pissing Me Off!

have my sympathy. However, be careful not to stay so long that it damages your self-esteem or your sanity. Your own health is more important than any job. You can fire your boss by choosing to walk away and out the door. If you are the boss, you may be thinking that
employees
are the real problems. Never fear, we’ll help with your challenges in the next chapter.

your

relationship toolbox

How to Move froM PiSSed off to Powerful

PiSSed off

Powerful

Whining about the boss

Recognizing that the boss is the boss

Tel ing off the boss

Skil ful y requesting behavior changes

Al owing true abuse

Setting clear bounds for unacceptable

behavior

Hiding out

Communicating what you’re doing at

work

Talking to your friends about

Going to HR or a higher authority

actionable behavior

|  112  |

08.

THE MANAGErS’ BiLL Of riGHTS

How to outflank the difficult employee.

Brian’s underlings squabble more than his four-year-old triplets. Everything’s a battle, and it doesn’t matter how petty. “They’d fight over paper clips,” he fumes. He feels powerless to manage these highly competent engineers. After all, many of them are world-class technical experts, sometimes understanding more about the subject than he. Their behavior, however, has him at his wits’ end. What’s a frustrated manager with a work force of children to do?

Managers have rights, as well as responsibilities

With all the employment litigation and general employee grousing these days, it can be easy for a manager or supervisor to feel as if he or she is under siege. Employees complain at the first opportunity about workload, their coworkers, and the

“lies” they believe upper management is telling them.

In modern workplaces, where just answering e-mail can take up half of all your productive hours, it’s easy to lose sight

|  113  |

stop
 Pissing Me Off!

of the big picture: You are the boss. If you’re a manager or supervisor, you do have rights. These rights can and should help you manage difficult employees. Your rights are limited to three, but they’re big ones! You have the right to: 1. Require compliance with your directives

2. Change standards and assignments

3. Require excellence

Let’s take those one at a time.

reQuire coMpliance with your directives

As long as what you’re asking your employees to do isn’t illegal, immoral, or unethical, they must do what you ask. Otherwise, it’s insubordination. This legal term doesn’t just refer to military service; it’s a hallmark of employment law: Employees must do what you ask, and if they don’t, they can be fired or disciplined. Don’t wimp out!

In addition to rights, employees also have responsibilities. One of them is that they must learn to work well with others. In the case of Brian’s quarreling engineers, for example, I advised him to direct
them
to learn how to cooperate. You, as a manager, can tell all your difficult employees that they must work well with others. If they don’t know how, you can send them to class, buy them books or CDs, or bring in an expert facilitator, but the bottom line is that cooperation is a mandatory skill. With warring employees, you sometimes just have to lock them into a room until they figure it out. If you’re going to try this, you should send in a facilitator or other conflict management expert. What you should
not
do is make cooperation and civil behavior your responsibility when it’s clearly theirs.