Stranded On Christmas (12 page)

She
buried her face in my shoulder and cried. “I'm sorry I cried. I'll
try not to do it again.” Her words were brave, but her tears told
me that she was making promises she couldn’t keep.

“
Shh,
baby. Everything is okay. I understand now. You were just tired. You
aren't used to hard work. I'll help you some more until you get the
hang of things.” I kissed her and told her how much I loved her.
That made her smile.

When
she was ready for me, she lay down on her back and raised her legs
up.

I
didn't need to be told where she wanted me to be. I entered her and
enjoyed being married.

She
needed to change and learn my ways, and I needed to change and be
more tolerant.

I
was thrusting hard and I was able to make love a lot longer. I wanted
to give her the same pleasure that I felt when we made love, but I
hadn't managed it yet.

You
know what they say: practice makes perfect.

We'd
just keep practicing.

Afterwards,
I threw back my covers and quickly got dressed. She got out of bed on
her side and got dressed too. I took her down to the living room and
sat her on the sofa. She was just watching me, wondering what I would
do next.

I
got down my bible and paged through it, looking for something to read
to her.

I
decided to continue reading from Mark. Last week, I had read the
Christmas story now I moved on. I read and asked her questions about
what I had just read.

She
was really smart, and she even asked me a couple of questions.

She
kept me on my toes. I liked that. I had a feeling she was really
learning something and was interested in learning. I liked that too.

This
was how the husband was supposed to act on Sundays. It was my job to
guide her. I was getting a good feeling about our marriage for the
first time since we were married.

She
looked really pretty sitting in the middle of the sofa like she was.
Her eyes were awake.

“
I
love you, Jessie. I want us to get along.”

She
blushed red. “I love you too.” Tears filled her eyes. “I’m
sorry I’m not good at anything.”

“
No,
baby. Don’t say that. You are doing so well. I think you are a fast
learner. I’m proud of you.”

“
Honestly?”
She wiped away a few tears.

“
Yes.
I feel lucky because I got you.”

“
You
do?” Her eyes lit up and her lips curled up.

I
kept the lesson going until it was time for her to get supper on the
table. I felt that I had gained more ground by not spanking her
today. A husband had to know which was better. I excused her to do
her chores. She took off with a smile.

“
Gideon,
supper,” she called out. I put away the bible and went to her. I
sat down and took a piece of bread. I was really surprised when she
started asking questions again. She was really interested in our
way
of life here.

I
told her that we lived in a community that went back to the roots.
The family was the most important thing, right after God. I explained
about the traditional roles, and she just nodded. I had a good
feeling that things were looking up.

I
helped her dry the dishes after our meal, and she went on with her
questions. She asked about the farm.

Jessie
was especially interested in the chickens. She wanted to know if I
gave them all names. I didn't, so she was busy thinking up names.

Jessie
was interested in the cats in the barn too. She went on about how I
should let them into the house until I warned her to stop.

She
did, right away too. I got her to behave without ruining the
comfortable feeling that we had going.

We
went into the living room again, and I talked to her about
handcrafts.

She
said that she did some embroidery when she was young.

I
told her I would look into getting her something like that so she
could work when we sat together in the evenings.

We
talked about tablecloths with matching napkins. Then she asked me
about how men usually found women. I told her that sometimes new
families joined our community. Some have daughters.

“
That
sounds like luck.”

“
Yes,
but we believe that what we need God will provide.”

“
Do
you think that’s how I came to be here?”

I
had to smile. That was the only explanation. She had landed hours
away from where her aunt and uncle lived. Would my answer scare her?
She scared so easily. “Who knows?” I answered, with a huge grin
on my face. I felt like I was flirting with her. It was nice.

“
The
lord works in mysterious ways.”

“
That's
right, baby.” I was so proud of her. This was all going to work out
just fine. She had just needed a few days to adjust.

I
would give her all the time she needed.

I
woke up in the middle of the night. I wasn't sure why I had woken up.
Again my first thought was of Jessie. Was she still here?

I
reached over to her side of the bed and felt her warmth. Before I
touched her, I moved my hand away.

Jessie
was lying naked at my side, where she belonged. She was crying so
softly that it took me awhile to really know that she was.

My
wife was next to me crying, and I wasn't doing anything to help her
feel better. Was she crying because she was married to me and didn't
want to be?

Chicken
that I was, I pretended not to hear her and that I was still asleep.

I
told myself that I would make it better by being nicer to her and
more understanding. This would all work out in the end.

It
had to.

She
was depending on me.

Jessica

Today
he was once again trying to teach me how to wash clothes, without
electricity. This was really hard work, and I just didn't have the
upper body strength for it. I got scolded a lot, but he didn't spank
me like he would have before. I was completely unsure.

Don't
get me wrong, I was glad not to be punished, but I kept expecting it
any second. I couldn't relax.

No
punishment came.

At
the end of the day, I was so tired that I fell right to sleep. I
hated washing clothes by hand.

I
woke up thinking that he was probably really mad at me. I had fallen
asleep before we could – you know. I quickly got out of bed and
went to the bathroom. This was a first for me. He was always up
before me.

Gideon
was being nice again. He went about his chores while I made breakfast
and checked on the laundry. Everything was really difficult. I just
wasn’t made for hard work. Today was Tuesday, thus ironing day.

He
had explained that Monday was washday. Today I would be ironing. If
need be, I had to mend things too. Wednesday was cleaning day.
Thursday he had me cleaning out cupboards and the fireplace. On
Fridays he had me polishing silver. Saturday I made butter and baked.
Sunday was church and bible study at home.

I
had made it through the whole week without a spanking. Maybe I was
getting the hang of this supposedly simple life.

In
my opinion, throwing clothes and washing powder into a machine was a
lot simpler. The clothes got cleaner too, and they didn't need all
day and night to dry.

Gideon
told me that it would be a luxury for me in spring when I could hang
the clothes outside to dry. They would dry within hours. Because the
days would be longer I could move up ironing day up to Monday too and
then spend Tuesday in my garden.

I
asked him what garden.

He
led me to the window in the kitchen and pointed outside to a large
snow-covered patch.

He
informed me that I would be growing our vegetables for the whole
year.

“
Yippee,
another thing that I can fail at.
We’re
probably going to starve.”

He
didn’t say anything about my sassy comment but he did raise his
eyebrow.

I
had learned a lot about how this township had come to be. They were a
group who had decided to give up on modern technology and live the
way they wanted to.

I
compared him to the Amish, but he didn't like that. He said that they
could go when they wanted to.

I
pointed out that I couldn’t come and go as I pleased. He stood up,
and I thought that he was going to spank me again. Instead, he got
the bible and read my several passages about women leaving their
families and adhering to their husbands.

I
fought not to roll my eyes.

Gideon
went on talking about the community, telling me that they had
electricity for the things they felt were important. Most families
decided for themselves what they choose to have and what was too
modern for them.

I
asked about a washing machine and a dryer.

I
then had to listen to a long speech about the environment.

When
he was finished I suggested that he get solar panels for the roof. He
admitted that he was saving up for one.

Most
families had TV's, he told me. He wanted my opinion about getting
one.

I
said no. I didn't need one. He read out of the bible or whatever
other book he felt was family appropriate in the evening. I loved
being read to.

Besides,
watching TV would just show me what I had given up.

Was
anyone looking for me?

I
didn't actually have anyone who would consider me important enough to
look for, just my employees. They would have informed the police, but
no one was sitting on the edge of their seat worrying about me. My
parents had passed away when I was little. I couldn't remember them
at all. I grew up with my aunt and uncle, but they were older. They
moved to Canada when my uncle inherited some land. They loved me, but
they were too old to lead a search troop for me.

The
truth was that I hadn't kept in contact with them. I had concentrated
on my job. It was my fault that we had lost touch.

The
quiet life was suiting me, but at church no one liked me. I couldn't
really blame them, but it hurt the way the women looked at me. When
they had activities after church, I stood off to the side all by
myself, waiting for Gideon to take me home.

Gideon
asked me about that once. I told him that was a very unchristian
thing for them to do.

He
answered that I was right, saying he would speak to the other women’s
husbands.

I
begged him not to.

Confused
by what I was saying, he told me that as the man it was his decision.

I
carefully pointed out that if I were their husbands, I would have
forbidden them to talk to me too. It would make both the husbands and
wives uncomfortable. The wives being told that they had to talk to me
but not to get too close. I told him, I was okay with waiting for him
to finish socializing and then to go home.