Then the anger wasn’t so hard to keep. “No. You know he gets upset when you don’t come to his kids’ stuff. I’m not playing your messenger here because you know he’ll be mad.”
“Really, I had no idea you’d grow up to be so difficult. I’m sure your father won’t be there. But as usual there’s a double standard.”
“I can’t imagine why you’d want us to feel about you the way we do about him.” Jules hadn’t meant to snap, but it happened anyway and she despaired at the loss of the close mother/daughter connection they once had.
“I have to go. Tell Ethan, please, and let Connor know I love him.” And she did hang up. Just like that.
Jules stood there, the phone in her hand. Wondering what the hell she was going to do.
“Hey. Everything all right?” Cal came into the room shortly after that.
Shame washed over her. Cal had great parents. His mother and father were involved and appeared to want to be so. How could she begin to explain what this thing with her mother was? Hell, Jules didn’t even know what it was. Which only made her feel worse.
“I have to call Ethan to tell him my mother is going to Italy instead of Connor’s birthday next weekend.”
“Italy? And why are you doing it instead of her?”
Her mouth tightened a little and Cal homed in. He knew human nature and he most especially knew Jules. She was upset. “Yes. All I can hope is that she’s at the very least sent something like she claimed. I want the day to be good for Connor.”
Goddamnit, what the fuck was it with her parents anyway?
“And you’re doing it why?” He needed to repeat that.
Jules sucked in a breath. “She says she has a hard time getting a signal.”
“Really? But she called you.”
“Look, I know. Okay?” He could see the strain on her face. She was holding it together. Every protective instinct he had rose in defense.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Her normal open, beautiful smile shut down as she shook her head. “I have to call Ethan. I’ll be done in a few.”
He didn’t leave the room though, instead settling in on the love seat near where she’d been standing. He had a feeling she’d be needing him when this was over.
Jules eyed him. He had that look. The one he got in court sometimes, or when Mary was pissing him off. He wasn’t going anywhere and she got the feeling he’d be wanting more information about the whole thing with her mother.
She couldn’t deal with that just then. And maybe part of her needed that. Needed to know he cared.
She dialed Ethan’s place and her sister-in-law answered.
“Hey, Marci.”
Her sister-in-law was good for Ethan. She was also a damned good mother. She’d never been anything but warm and welcoming to Jules, insisting Jules stay with them when she visited. Invited her to all major holiday celebrations. She was pretty sure it was Marci who’d been pushing her brother to keep in contact with Jules over the years.
“Heya, Jules. You looking for Ethan? He’s out back with the boys.”
“Yeah, if I’m not interrupting.”
Marci laughed. “Of course not. Though you know you have to talk to both boys because they’ll hear your name and go wild if they don’t.”
A burst of love broke through her. Her nephews were very important in her life.
“I just did FaceTime with H. Jack a few days ago.” H. Jack was two-year-old Henry’s nickname. His maternal grandfather’s name was Jack so his full name was Henry Jack and it’d morphed into H. Jack.
“Thank you for that. I know they love being able to see you when they talk to you.” In the background she heard Marci slide the patio door open and then the swell of noise from her brother playing with his sons. Laughter and squeals of joy made Jules wish fiercely that she’d told her mother off better.
“Jules!”
She laughed when she heard her nephews call her name and her brother tell them to quiet down so he could hear.
“Listen, I’m sorry to do this to you.”
“Let me get in the house. Marci, can you take the boys?” His voice was serious all of a sudden and she knew he’d most likely figured out she was calling about something bad.
Some moments later he got someplace quieter. “All right. Tell me.”
“I just got a call from Mom. She’s not coming home next weekend.”
“What the fuck? She promised. Connor is excited. And why are
you
calling about it? You’ll be here, right?”
“Damn right I’ll be there. I’m making the cake! I’ll be in Friday afternoon with a fully packed car.”
“All right, well, good. He’s been talking of nothing but that. Why are you telling me this instead of her?”
“She said she couldn’t get good signals and asked me to tell you.”
“Funny how her signal worked just fine to tell you. She wanted you to tell me because she knew I’d be mad.”
“Probably.”
“What’s so fascinating about Bali? She’s been there months now.” The sadness in Ethan’s voice broke her heart.
“She’s going to Italy to house-sit for someone.”
Her brother got very quiet.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you dare apologize for her shitty behavior. You do it all the time. It’s not your fault. Let her own her shit for once. She’s always trying to hide behind what Dad did to her. As if she’s the only woman on the planet who got cheated on.”
He ranted on for some time and she nodded and said
uh-huh
in all the right places. He needed to share and she was the best person he could do so with.
When she hung up after talking to her nephews, Cal waited, his face sad.
“I didn’t catch it all, but I think I got the gist. I’m sorry I had no idea it was this bad. Please share with me.”
Because he said please, because he was her friend and because she needed to say it all out loud, she joined him on the couch. “I don’t know if it’s bad or good. It’s just how things are now. It was all right when they first broke up and she traveled. She came back regularly that first year or two and then, slowly, she’s just sort of disappeared from our lives.”
He took her hand and it made her feel better. “I guess I figured she’d be a super-involved grandmother. I’m sorry to hear that’s not the case.”
“I don’t know if it’s that she doesn’t understand the importance of this stuff, or what. My grandparents were a big part of our lives when I was growing up. Heck, I learned to bake from my grandmother! I assumed she’d get over this wanderlust when Connor came along. She came back when he was born, stayed a while. But she was gone again six months later. Wasn’t back for Henry’s birth or even his first Christmas. She comes back less and less
.” She said she’d wasted her life.
The sting of it still had tears threatening to come.
He stroked a hand over her hair and she put her head on his shoulder.
“Hell, maybe I’m imagining things, wanting a better childhood than I really had. It hurts Ethan so much that she doesn’t pay much attention to the kids. He blames my dad for it. She’s doing damage now. I don’t know if their relationship will ever recover.”
“I’m not sure it should. As for your recollections being accurate? I was around for your childhood, baby. From the outside it sure did look like your recollections are correct. Do
you
blame your father for this?”
Did she? “I think he’s certainly got his share of blame in the whole mess. But you know, no, I don’t think it’s about him at this point. I get it. She spent her whole life taking care of people. She wants something for herself. She clearly enjoys travel and her time with my aunt. It fills some need she has.”
“But what about you?”
“I . . . As a woman, I get it. Or I try to. It had to have sucked to be traded in for a newer model after she invested her entire adult life in her family. I can imagine she’s got a lot of resentment and she feels like she’s missed out. But as her daughter, as Connor’s aunt and Ethan’s sister, I get mad at her for not wanting us much.”
He knew it made her sad, but he’d missed just how sad. He heard it in her voice. The loss. He wanted to ask her more. Wanted to help her see this mess didn’t belong to her in any way. But this wasn’t a client. This was Jules and he didn’t want her hurting.
“It’s been this bad how long now?”
“Years at this point. Certainly all of Ethan’s marriage. He misses her. I miss her too. But you can’t make someone want you.”
He collared her throat a moment, the excitement at the intake of breath and the widening of her eyes roared through him.
“How could anyone not want you, Juliet? Hm?” He kissed her and made himself let her go and back off. “It’s more than that. She’s got kids and she’s just walked away. That has to hurt, even if you can understand she needed to find herself. She’s being selfish.” Cal couldn’t imagine, not even in his wildest dreams, that his parents wouldn’t be great grandparents. They were totally involved in their childrens’ lives.
Jules was loving, clearly drawing strength and happiness from her friends, who were a great deal like family. To know she’d not only had her father disappear from her life but her mother too broke his heart. He wondered what his mother thought about this mess. He’d have to find a way to bring it up. She had a way about her, his mother. She knew people and Cal bet she’d have some great advice.
“She deserves this time. She raised her kids, ran a family business, worked hard for decades. She never put herself first in all that time.”
How could she actually believe any of this was acceptable? Maybe she didn’t. It certainly wasn’t a very convincing tone she had. She sounded . . . lost.
He hugged her tight, not saying anything for a while. “You deserve to be loved and treated as special as you are. It’s not selfish to want a relationship with your mother.” No. It was selfish of her mother to not want to have a relationship with her kids.
Family law made up about half of his small three-attorney office. He’d seen more than his fair share of fucked-up families. But it was Jules who was so very sad. Jules who tried hard not to cry as he held her.
He loved this woman with everything he was.
The knowledge of it didn’t shock him, but it did rush through him, warm and so very good. He took a deep breath, taking her in to his lungs.
“I love you, Jules. So much it hurts me to see you this way. You have family. You’re being a good sister and aunt. That’s not going to change. Maybe your mother will come back around in a few years. Maybe she’ll settle back in. Or maybe not. But what I do know is that you’ve got to stop carrying the weight of what she does. You do not need to be guilty about her missing Connor’s birthday party.
You’re
not missing it. You’re baking him a dinosaur cake and dozens of dinosaur cupcakes.” He paused to snort a laugh. The theme had been her idea and she’d been working on the perfect dinosaur design for the last month.
“He loves dinosaurs, duh. Anyway, with my mother . . . I know. I just want to be supportive to her too. But she won’t let me. Or maybe I’m not trying hard enough. I’m trying to understand.”
“Sometimes people do stuff you can’t understand. You’re a good person. Loving. Loyal. You’d give up a kidney for your friends in a hot second. But not everyone is that way. Your mother is making a choice here, it seems to me. She’s staying away of her own free will. It hurts you, and of course it does because you have a big heart and would never do anything like that to your loved ones. Hell, to anyone. You have to find a way to let this go or it’ll eat you alive. You deserve more than that.”
She was quiet a long time. Her body relaxed as she remained in his lap, wrapped in his arms. Letting him comfort her. Because she knew he needed it. Even in that moment thinking of others.
Despite the subject matter, it was good to just be with her, close and easy, their connection solid and strong. He’d worried after their fight the weekend before. He shouldn’t have really; they’d had spats before and had always come out the other side closer. And this time, with Gideon in between them, it hadn’t been difficult to move forward, the three of them in better sync than before.
“Thank you,” she said quietly some time later.
“Anytime.” He kissed the top of her head. “I’ve always got your back, you know that, right?”
She smirked. “I may have noticed.”
“Good. I’m sorry, Jules. I’m sorry you’re hurting.”
Her smile was sad, but at least it reached her eyes this time. “Me too. But it comes with the territory, I guess.”
“And you have me. Me and Gideon. Mary. Gillian, Daisy. Ryan. And that’s just for starters.”
“I’m lucky for it,”
He hugged her tight. “We’re the lucky ones.”
15
S
he woke up and stretched. Nothing to do that day but the engagement party. She’d spent pretty much every moment of the last week preparing for it, which was good because it kept her mind off what had happened when she’d gone down for her nephew’s birthday weekend.
In the two weeks since she’d confessed the situation with her mother to Cal so much had happened. Thank goodness for him and Gideon to help her work past the bloody strips Ethan’s words had cut into her heart.
They’d all stayed over at Cal’s place. She loved it there. So big and bright. Always a total mess, especially when the three of them were there so often. But his bed was more than large enough for everyone and she felt at home. Her stuff was in his bathroom. That made her smile.
How long had she fantasized about this? He was still sleeping, his dark lashes against the olive tones of his skin. He held her tight, an arm wrapped around her. Gideon snuggled behind, warm and solid, holding her quite like Cal did.
She knew Gideon was awake, given the cock pressing into the flesh of her backside. She smiled and started to turn, but Cal woke up. His eyes snapped open and focused on her.
“Hello, what have we here? There’s a golden goddess in my bed.” He kissed her bare shoulder and looked over it. “A golden god and a golden goddess. I must have done some mighty good shit in a previous life.”
“I’ll be right back and you can show me the proper obeisance.” She scampered to the bathroom to clean up. She had plans for both of them. Once they left Cal’s place she’d be caught up in all the prep for Gillian’s party. This time belonged to the three of them and she had every intention of making the most of it.