“Serena,
I really don’t mind staying downstairs.” Cole reiterates, standing outside my
bedroom doorway. “Just chuck me a spare blanket and a couple of pillows. I can
stay on the sofa downstairs.”
“It’s
quite chilly tonight.” I say softly. “That’s why I need you to keep me warm…
kind of like an electric blanket.”
“Gee,
thanks.” He quips drily, struggling to conceal his laughter.
“Why
else would I want you in my bed?” I tease him, deliberately trailing my fingers
down his chest. “On a serious note, I think we might have a spare toothbrush in
the bathroom. Let me try and find it for you.”
“Thanks,
I could never go to sleep without doing that. Even as a kid I was real fussy
when it came to cleaning my teeth every night. ”
I
make my way into the bathroom, opening the cabinet so I can search for the
spare tooth brush.
“Really?
I’ve always been the same. As a little girl I actually used to look forward to
it at bedtime.”
“Now
that’s kind of embarrassing.” He jokes, coming up behind me so he can whisper
into my ear. He squeezes my waist possessively, nuzzling against the sensitive
skin on my neck. “When do you turn eighteen?”
“Next
month.” I answer, turning around to face him. “How about you?”
“I’m
already eighteen. It was my birthday right before school started.”
“So
you’re just a couple of months older than me?”
“I
guess so.”
“I
sometimes feel like you’re years older than I am.” I reveal.
“Why
is that?”
“I
guess it’s because you have so much more experience.”
“You
mean sex?” He demands, circling his strong fingers around my wrists.
“Not
just that… everything.”
“Serena…”
He sighs heavily and closes his eyes, waiting a few moments before he
continues. “I was sexualised way too young and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Please don’t be resentful of the experience I might have. It’s not something
I’m proud of.” He says sadly, lowering his head.
He
looks so different to the confident version of himself I’ve come to know. He
resembles a lost boy, consumed by his remorse and regret. His vulnerability leaves
him exposed and I long to reach out to him so I can console him in any way that
I can.
“How
old were you?” I whisper, reaching up so I can touch his face and meet his
gaze.
“I
was thirteen.” He admits, lowering his voice.
“Wow,
that’s… you were just a child.”
“Exactly.”
He agrees, turning his back on me for the first time since he arrived. “Thank
God it wasn’t you. I’d go fucking crazy if I knew some sick bastards had taken
your virginity at that age. I’d have to rip his fucking throat out.”
“Cole,
don’t speak like that.” I chastise him gently. “I’m most definitely still a
virgin so there’s nothing for you to worry about on that score.”
“Thank
fuck for that. I don’t think I’d be able to handle it if I knew someone else
had touched you. At least now I get to know that you’re all mine.”
“Don’t
start all that again.” I beg him. “Now go and clean your teeth so we can get
some sleep.” I instruct him, finding the spare toothbrush in the cabinet before
I hand it to him.
“Yes,
Ma’am.”
I
roll my eyes at him and smile, walking back into my bedroom. He joins me a few
minutes later and we switch places so I can go and clean my teeth instead.
It’s
somewhat strange for me to find Cole in my bed waiting for me when I get back.
I’ve never shared my bed with anyone before so the whole concept is rather
disconcerting to an extent.
“Are
you ok?”
“I’m
fine, it’s just a little weird seeing you in my bed.” I admit, closing the
distance between us as I switch the bedroom light off.
“I
can sleep on the floor if it will make you feel more comfortable?” He offers
once again, eager when it comes to making me feel comfortable.
“I
want
to sleep with you.” I murmur, shifting uncomfortably.
“God,
you have no idea what those words to me.” He groans, burrowing his face into my
pillow. “
Fuck
, even this smells like you and its turning me on. I really
don’t know if this is such a good idea.”
“I
just want you to hold me.” I whisper, hating the fact that I’m almost begging
him. “Please.”
“Come
here.”
I
climb in beside him and feel his arms around me in seconds. He pulls me close,
pressing his front against my back as his fingers trail up the inside of my
thigh. I moan loudly, relishing in the exquisite sensations his touch ignites.
“Cole…”
“I
swear we can take this nice and slow, Green. I promise you I’ll never force you
into anything you’re not ready for but I can’t help it… I need to kiss you
right now. I don’t have a choice.”
I
slowly turn around to face him, thankful for the stream of moonlight pouring in
through my bedroom window, illuminating his rugged features and highlighting
his breathtakingly handsome good looks.
“So
kiss me.” I moan, pressing my lips together in an attempt to encourage him.
“Are
you sure?”
“Don’t
make me beg…”
His
fist tangles in my hair, narrowing the space between us as he draws me closer
towards him. His breathing is laboured, erratic and engulfing as he crushes his
chest against mine. The warmth from his body seeps into my own, sparking my
arousal and inflaming the most sensitive part of my body.
My
legs part, wrapping themselves around his waist so I can bring myself even
closer to him. His lips kiss the soft skin against my throat, his tongue
tasting and caressing me in such an intimate way. It’s like we’re gradually
moulding into the same person. We’re no longer two separate people, we’re
becoming
one
.
Cole
places his index finger underneath my chin, lifting my face up towards his. His
smouldering brown eyes drop down to my mouth, watching me intently. My tongue
peeks out, moistening my bottom lip as I await his next move. He growls in
frustration, taking me by surprise when his mouth crashes against my own,
colliding with such ardency and desperation, it’s enough to take my breath
away.
His
tongue separates my lips, sliding inside my mouth so it can meet with mine. Our
tongues tangle together, stealing each other’s oxygen as we become acquainted
with the other person’s kisses. I can’t keep myself from moaning loudly,
curling my fingers through his hair as I bite down on his lower lip.
My
response emboldens him to take it further as becomes more forceful, taking from
me what he needs as well as giving me what I desire. Our passionate kiss
quickly becomes something else entirely when he starts tugging at my clothes,
hasty in his quest to uncover more of my skin.
His
stubble scratches me as his mouth devours my neck and then my collarbone,
moving across my shoulders and then down towards my breasts. His left hand
finds its way inside my T-shirt, tickling my stomach whilst his right cups one
of my breasts, squeezing my hard nipple through my clothing.
His
mouth is just about to latch onto my nipple when I come to my senses. I realise
how quickly things have escalated between us and know I need to be the strong
one right now by putting a stop to it. I don’t want either one of us to regret
this in the morning and like Cole said, it needs to be the right moment for us
and it has to be special. I’m pretty sure that I’m still not ready for anything
more than this and even though it pains me to do so, I have to stop him.
“Cole…
Cole we can’t do this.” I murmur, closing my eyes in an attempt to build up my
resistance against him.
“Mmhmm,
why not?” He teases me, opening my legs a little wider. “Why can’t we do this?”
“Because
it’s all happening too fast.” I pant breathlessly, squirming against him in
pleasure. “I’m not ready.”
He
freezes, breathing heavily. He remains silent for a few moments and so do I,
the sounds of our breathing and our heartbeats fill my bedroom, intensifying
the transcendent moment between us.
“Shit,
Serena. I’m sorry.” He apologises, slowly releasing me from his warm embrace.
“I got carried away again and I promised you I wouldn’t.”
“Its
fine, I understand. I got swept up in the moment as well.”
“God,
I really don’t know if I should spend the night with you in this best. The
temptation is too much and you’re beyond irresistible.”
“Please,
try. Please?” I beg him. “I’ve never slept with anyone before. I
want
to
sleep with you tonight.”
He
groans once more, staring up at my ceiling in deep contemplation. I can see the
conflict on his face and I wish I had the power to make it a little bit easier
for him.
“Of
course, baby. I want to spend the night with you too.” He smiles, turning over
on his side so he can look at me directly. “Don’t worry, I’m not going
anywhere.”
We
snuggle against one another and I start to relax, slipping into a blissful
state of contentment and tranquillity as my eyes become heavy.
“I
know this is really random.” Jake whispers, hesitating before he continues.
“But I have to know if you’re on the pill.”
Jake’s
statement is startling and I look up at him in question, wondering where on
earth something like that would come from.
“You
mean..?”
“The
contraceptive pill.” He clarifies. “Are you taking it?”
“No.
Why would I be?”
“I
don’t know. Some girls take it for all types of reasons, don’t they?”
“You
mean to regulate their period or something?”
“Yeah,
I guess…” He trails off, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t really know anything
about it but I just wanted to make sure.”
“Do
you
want
me to start taking it?” I ask him, uncertain when it comes to
how I should feel about it making such a big decision.
“Yeah,
I do but it has to be your choice, Serena. If you don’t want to go on it then
it just means we’ll have to use condoms or I’ll have to pull out of you every
time I need to come, which is something I really don’t want to do.”
“I
don’t want that either and I don’t want anything between us, Cole.”
“So…
you’re going to consider it?”
“Yeah,
I will.”
“That’s
great, baby. I’ll feel so much better once I know we’re covered. I won’t have
to worry about getting you pregnant every time I make love to you.”
“Make
love?” I chortle, taken aback by his choice of wording.
“Shit,
I knew that sounded cheesy as hell.” He groans. “Don’t tell anyone I said that,
ok? Not even Lisa.”
“I
thought most guys describe sex as fucking or something equally as crude.” I
remark scathingly, recalling the numerous conversations I’ve overheard from
some of the guys at school.
“We
do but only when it’s with a girl we don’t care about.”
“I
can’t believe anyone would even
want
to have sex with someone they don’t
care for.” I say bitterly.
“I
just mean that we think of it as something different when it’s with a girl we
think is special.”
“I
see.”
“Don’t
get me wrong, there will be times when we fuck and times when I won’t be able
to take it nice and slow with you but I have no doubt that it will still mean
something to because it’s
you
.”
His
admittance stuns me and the thought of what he just described floods me with
heat as my arousal increases.
“Y-you
told me you’ve been sleeping with too many people lately.” I murmur, desperate
to change the subject and find out the truth at the same time. “I need to know
how many, Cole. I also need to know if you’ve been careful.”
“I’m
ashamed to say I’ve lost count of how many there has been lately and I’m also
embarrassed to admit that I haven’t always used anything. I know there’s a huge
chance you might hate me for it but I can’t lie to you.”
“So
you don’t always use protection?”
“If
I don’t use a condom, I always make sure the girl I’m with is taking something
instead. I still know it’s fucking careless and beyond stupid but half the time
I’ve been too drunk to think about what the consequences might be.”
I
try to extinguish the jealousy that’s rising up inside of me, willing myself to
focus on the fact that Cole is with me and his past is something neither one of
us can change.
“Well,
the first thing you have to do is get tested.” I advise him, amazed by how calm
my voice is. “Unless you’ve had them already?”
“I
have but that was several months ago. I’ve been meaning to book an appointment since
I got here and I’ll make sure I make one tomorrow, I promise you.”
“It’s
for your own peace of mind as well as mine.” I say, emphasising how important
it is for him to know that he’s ok.