“What
are people saying?”
“That’s
not important.
You
know the truth and that’s all that matters.”
I
know she’s trying to comfort me but none of it is working. I’m responsible for
all of this and now Cole is the one who will pay the price for it.
“I
can’t believe this… I can’t believe any of this.” I mumble incoherently,
desperately trying to stop my unshed tears from falling.
“Listen,
I’ll be there in five minutes, ok? I don’t want you to be alone right now.”
“No!
I’m fine. Please don’t come over.” I beg her, scrambling to my feet as I rake
my fingers through my hair.
“Serena,
I don’t want you to be alone right now.”
“My
mum is here.” I lie. “She’s downstairs.”
“Your
mum is never home this early.” Lisa states with confidence.
She
knows my mum is hardly ever home and that we barely interact with one another
when she is.
“I
know but she is here tonight. She came home from work about an hour ago.”
“How
do you know that if you’ve been asleep all this time?” She questions me,
reluctant to believe what I’m saying.
“Because
I woke up when she came home. I heard the front door when she arrived.”
There’s
a moment of silence between us whilst she tries to figure out if I’m telling
her the truth or not.
“Ok,
I believe you but you’re not exactly going to confide in her about any of this,
are you?”
“Of
course not, you know what my mum is like.” I remind her.
“Exactly
and that’s what I’m trying to say... I want to be there for you and I can’t do
that from here.”
“I
know you do and I love you for that but all I want to do right now is grab
something to eat, have a long soak in the bath and go to bed.”
“Are
you sure?” She asks, appearing doubtful and uncertain about the idea of leaving
me on my own.
“Yes.”
I conclude decidedly. “I really don’t care what people at school are saying
about me. So long as you and I know the truth.”
“You’re
right.” She replies sweetly, sounding a little more optimistic.
“Thanks
for calling, Lisa.”
“There
is one more thing I have to warn you about… the police might want to talk to
you and I’m sure that the Principal from school will as well. I just want you
to be prepared for that.”
“Ok.”
I sigh wearily, rubbing the centre of my forehead in an attempt to ease some of
the tension that’s building.
“Try
and eat something, ok? And I’ll make sure I pick you up in the morning, I don’t
like the idea of you walking into college by yourself.”
“Thanks,
I’ll see you then.”
“Goodnight,
Serena.”
We
both hang up and that’s when the reality of what I’ve just been told finally
hits me. The house is eerily quiet until I start to feel like the silence might
consume me. I start to regret the decision I made about Lisa not coming over
and even consider phoning her back. However, I do realise that my friend can’t
help me more than she already has done and choose to deal with it by myself
instead. I can do this. I really can.
At
least that’s what I tell myself…
I
go downstairs in the hopes that I will find something to eat but as soon as I
go into the kitchen to prepare myself some food, the memory of Cole and
spotting him outside my kitchen window comes flooding back to me.
I
still can’t believe he’s been arrested. He’s actually in jail right now and for
that I am partly responsible. I know I didn’t ask for Jonathan to follow me and
I definitely didn’t ask him to try and hurt me in any way but if I hadn’t sent
that wretched photograph last year then none of this would have happened.
Jonathan and his idiotic friends wouldn’t think so badly of me, they wouldn’t
have made my life a living hell for the past twelve months and they certainly
would not believe that they have some sort of ‘right’ to me because they now
think of me as being easy.
One
mistake. I made one loathsome mistake and I’m going to end up paying for it
until the day I finally leave this Godforsaken town. That’s the reason why I’m
so anxious to go. No one will let me forget about what happened and they
probably never will. It’s something that people are always going to use against
me and the only solution I can think of is to start again. Once this school
year is over and I complete my final year of college… I will finally be free.
Free from all of the shame, the guilt and the humiliation that comes with being
a young woman who messed up.
The
double standards that exist between men and women is beyond a joke. I’m a
virgin and have never even come close to having sex in my entire life, yet one
picture disproves all of that. I’m no longer respected and neither is my
virtue. One decision was all it took to ruin everything and for that, I don’t
know whether to despise myself or the people who have caused me to feel this
way.
Utterly
exhausted and physically drained, I decide to drag my weary body back up the
stairs. I really can’t face anything to eat but the idea of a hot bath is
something I’m unable to resist.
Immersing
myself in the water, I close my eyes and try to rid myself of the intrusive
thoughts which keep on trying to disturb my relaxation. I try so hard but the
image I have of Cole right before I left him refuses to leave my mind. I decide
the only thing I can do for now is go to bed and try to fall asleep. I change
into my pyjamas before switching out my bedroom light, hoping that I won’t be
awake for too long. I end up tossing and turning for about an hour before I
finally give into my body’s desire for sleep.
It’s
around three o’clock in the morning when a noise at my bedroom window wakes me
up. I could have sworn it sounded like someone was tapping on it or throwing
stones, at least that’s what I
thought
. It’s only when I sit up in bed
and check the time on my alarm clock that I hear the same noise again.
Rubbing
my tired eyes, I crawl across my bed towards the window and peek through my
curtains. At first I don’t see anything but darkness as my eyes take several
moments to adjust. When I notice a tall silhouette standing underneath my
bedroom window, I quickly come to realise that I was not mistaken, I really did
hear something.
Cole.
I
scramble for the latch, hurting my fingers in the process. I’m so frantic in my
attempt to get it open.
“Why
are you here?” I whisper, leaning out my bedroom window.
“I
need to speak to you. Please let me in, Green.” He takes a step back, gazing up
at me with those magnificent brown eyes of his.
“I
thought you had been arrested?”
“I’ll
explain everything, I promise.” He assures me. “Just let me come inside.”
I
hesitate for a moment, considering what will happen if I give my consent and
let him in.
“Ok,
meet me at the back door.” I instruct him, closing the window before I make my
way downstairs.
I’m
so fortunate that my mum isn’t home right now. She’s working the night shift at
the hospital and won’t get back until I leave for college in the morning. This
is one of the reason I agreed to let Cole inside. I’m unbelievably curious and
simply can’t turn down the opportunity to have some time alone with the man who
has occupied my thoughts for so long.
I
tip toe through the living room and into the kitchen, hastily unlocking the
back door before I change my mind.
“Hi,
Green.” He smiles softly but remains outside, evidently waiting for me to ask
him to come in.
“I
can’t believe you’re really here.” I tell him, trembling uncontrollably.
“I
had to come.” He replies sincerely. “I need to explain things to you before you
hear anything from anyone else.”
His
hungry gaze wanders down my body, taking in my black vest top and red shorts. I
raced downstairs so fast, I didn’t even think about grabbing anything else to
wear before I answered the door to him. Overwhelmed by the feeling of being
exposed and entirely self-conscious, I fold my arms across my chest, hoping to
preserve some of my modesty from his penetrating stare.
“Please
don’t cover up on my account. I quite like the cute little outfit you’re
wearing.”
He
says it in a playful manner but I can’t help myself from turning bright red by
his compliment. I can feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment and decide to
change the subject before he takes it one step further and says something else
which will increase my heart rate.
“My
friend Lisa already called me. She’s the one who told me you were arrested.” I
explain, opening the door for him to come inside.
“I
see.” He murmurs, walking past me into the living room. “I guess I’m too late
then. No doubt you already have a terrible opinion about me and what happened.”
“I
would still like to hear your side of it.”
“Really?”
He asks me, a hopeful expression on his face.
“Yes.”
I respond with certainty, taking a seat at one end of the sofa.
“Thank
you.” He replies gratefully, choosing to sit at the opposite end of the couch.
“So… where is your Mum? Is she in bed?”
“No,
she’s at work.”
“Does
she normally leave you by yourself at night?” He retorts sharply.
“She
works as a receptionist in the hospital so I guess I’m just used to it by now.”
“Hmm.”
It’s
obvious that he doesn’t approve but I decide not to press the matter him. I
have no idea why he would be so concerned about the idea of me being alone.
It’s not like he actually cares. He’s ignored me for the past three weeks and
now he’s suddenly decided to turn up at my house in the middle of the night.
“How
come the police let you go?” I inquire, clasping my hands together.
“They
had no choice. The charges against me were dropped.”
“How
come?”
“Let’s
just say that Jonathan knew what the consequences would be if he chose to press
charges against me.” Cole reveals, gazing at me intently.
“You
threatened him?” I exclaim incredulously.
“I
had no choice. I’d still be in custody if I didn’t.”
He
speaks with so much confidence, absolutely certain that he made the right
decision.
“How
did you even get to see him?” I ask. “Lisa told me he was taken away in an
ambulance.”
“It
was before the paramedics and the police arrived. I knew that I’d be taken away
and had to make sure that they would let me go shortly after.”
There’s
a prolonged silence between us as I try to process everything he just said to
me. In the end I realise there really is only one thing for me to say and one
thing I need to know.
“Why
did you do it, Cole?”
“What
do you mean why did I do it?” He snaps, glaring at me in anger. “You
know
why.
We both know what that monster is capable of and what he planned on doing to
you. I saw it with my own eyes.”
“But
you didn’t have to go that far. You really hurt him.”
“I
couldn’t control it!” He exclaims loudly, leaving me alone on the sofa. He
starts packing back and forth in front of me in frustration, tugging his
fingers through his hair. “I saw him hurting you and knew I had to stop him… no
matter what that meant.”
“I
need to know something, Cole.” I whisper softly, nervously observing his
agitated movements “I need to know if you followed me.”
He
glances at me, trepidation and doubt written all over his face. It’s as though
he doesn’t know whether or not he should be honest with me and the torturous
wait for him to make up his mind is beyond infuriating.
“Yes.”
He says solemnly, lowering his eyes to the floor.
“Why?”
“You
know why.”
“I
don’t.”
“You
do
. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself.” He speaks with conviction,
locking those breathtakingly dark eyes onto my own. “Believe me, I didn’t want
to face up to it either. Why the hell do you think I’ve been fighting against
it all these weeks?”
“So
you admit that you’ve been ignoring me?”
“That
might be how it appeared but nothing could be further from the truth. I haven’t
been able to get you out of my head for a single fucking moment since you first
collided with me on the first day of school.”
“B-but
the night of Stacey’s party you were…”
I
can’t even bring myself to finish my sentence. Remembering that night brings
back some awful memories, especially the vision I have of Cole with that girl.
That’s an image I can’t erase, regardless of how hard I’ve tried to do so.
“I
didn’t know you were going to be there. How was I supposed to know? I didn’t
even want to be there myself, a couple of my friends persuaded me to go but
it’s the last place I wanted to be that night. I got drunk and I guess you know
the rest of what happened…”