I
realise with dismay that Cole is the one who is causing the girl in front of me
to writhe and whimper in pleasure. He has her pressed up against the wall with
her long, tanned legs wrapped around his waist. Her eyes are closed as she begs
him to continue, she has yet to notice my presence and that’s the way I want to
keep it.
However,
it’s Cole’s hypnotic stare that keeps me transfixed. I can scarcely breathe,
let alone move. I’m actually watching him have sex with someone else and don’t
know whether I should scream, cry, run away or ask him why he’s glaring at me.
His entire focus is aimed on me, my face, my expression and even my body. He is
physically with her but emotionally… he is inside me.
I’m
just about to flee, sickened and disgusted by the sight I’ve accidentally
stumbled upon when he moistens his lips. He narrows his cruel eyes at me and
silently mouths something, something I can’t quite make out.
“Serena,
are you out here?!”
I
hear Lisa’s voice calling me from the house and decide to make my escape,
tearing off in the opposite direction before the girl Cole was with finds out I
was watching them. I’m breathless and terrified as I stumble back into the
garden, tripping over my own feet as I search for Lisa.
She’s
outside too, wandering around the back garden in an attempt to find me.
“Lisa,
it’s ok. I’m here.”
“Thank
God!” She exclaims loudly. “Where have you been? I searched the whole house for
you until someone said they saw you run outside. I thought you might have left
without me.”
“No,
I didn’t.” I murmur softly, taking a glance behind me. “Can we go?”
Knowing
that Cole is just a few feet away from us is frightening. My need to get out of
here is intense and I know I won’t feel safe until I’m back home again and in
my own bedroom.
“Of
course. Let’s get out of here.”
She
links her arm through mine and guides me through Stacey’s house. When I first
ran out of here a few minutes before, I was convinced that I would not have the
strength to go back inside but now… now I realise that a fate far worse than
that awaits me outside and that’s Cole.
I
ignore the whispers, the mocking tones and even the rude comments which are
directed at me as we make out exit. I avoid eye contact with anyone, choosing
to remain focused on the ground beneath my feet as I approach Lisa’s car.
She
pulls away from Stacey’s house and we both breathe a sigh of relief, glad to
put some distance between ourselves and the people at the party.
“Are
you ok?” Lisa asks, choosing to wait several minutes before raising the issue
of what just happened.
“I
will be.” I whisper softly, staring out the open window at the night-time
traffic.
“Where
did you go?”
“I
just needed some fresh air.” I respond calmly, determined to keep the events of
what I actually saw to myself. “I didn’t want to come back inside and I guess I
was hoping to find a way out somewhere around the back of the house.”
“I’m
so sorry.” She apologises, casting a nervous look in my direction. “It’s all my
fault.”
“Don’t
say that.” I tell her kindly, upset that she would even think of such a thing.
“But
it
is
. You didn’t even want to go to the stupid party and I forced you
to.”
I
can see she’s upset and know it’s my job to convince her that’s she’s wrong.
Lisa was only trying to help me and I can hardly blame her for doing something
nice for me, even if it did go spectacularly wrong.
“Lisa,
you didn’t coerce me into anything. I chose to come out with you tonight.”
“I
still blame myself.” She wails, thumping the steering wheel in anger.
“Well,
you shouldn’t.” I reply calmly. “Because I don’t.”
We
say our goodbyes as soon as her car pulls up outside my house. I somehow manage
to convince her that I’ll be fine spending the night by myself and she finally
drives off, leaving me all alone and confused outside the house I’m supposed to
think of as home.
I
suppose it would be if my relationship with my mum was a little better. It must
be nice to come home to a warm house, a cosy fireplace and a parent that wants
you there. It’s never been like this for me and I suppose it’s something I’ve
grown used to over the years. I guess I’ve now come to accept the circumstances
I’ve been dealt and embrace the small amount of blessings that come my way.
Even
if I do I have an absentee father who only comes to visit me once a year and a
mother who doesn’t really care if I’m here or I’m not, I
know
my life
will be better one day. It just has to be.
I
force my weary body up the stairs so I can run myself a hot bath before bed,
making sure I add plenty of bubbles and a bit of music to help me try and
relax. I do realise that I can’t go on like this for much longer, I know my
mind is going to try and process the horrific altercation I had with Cole
earlier, even if I don’t want it to. My subconscious is going to want to make
sense of everything, desperate to figure out the meaning behind what happened.
You
caught him screwing another girl and now you’re jealous.
My internal voice taunts me, delighting in the unprecedented emotions this
stirs up inside of me.
“That’s
not true.” I say firmly, hoping that my firm statement will be enough to
quieten my thoughts.
Climbing
into bed, I consider the reasons why I chose to keep quiet about Cole to Lisa.
I know if I had told her she would have been horrified but I know that wasn’t
the reason I said nothing.
Everything
between me and Cole feels… private somehow. It’s as though I want to keep it
all to myself so I can cherish it, keep it sacred and make sure it remains
meaningful. I know this doesn’t make any sense and I know it makes me seem a
little crazy but that’s just how I feel. No matter what I do, I just can’t get
him out of my head. He’s somehow managed to work his way inside my head and I
don’t know what the hell I can do to get him out of it!
I
toss and turn in bed for hours, unable to erase the explicit image I now have
of Cole and that girl together. I want to forget it but I can’t. It’s so crisp
and clear inside my head, it’s almost as though they’re in front of me. I can’t
help remembering how turned on she was or how exquisite she looked with her
long blonde hair and her toned, tanned legs wrapped firmly around his waist.
I
guess that must be his type. Someone the complete opposite of me.
Argh!
I have to stop this right now. It’s getting to be ridiculous and so is the fact
that I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since I met him. He doesn’t even know
I exist and here I am, making myself feel ill with worry and anxiety about him.
Fed
up and frustrated, I throw back the covers and jump out of bed. I’m starting to
feel claustrophobic from staying inside my bedroom and decide to go downstairs
to make myself a warm drink.
Its
three o’clock in the morning and the house is silent. It’s actually quite
creepy and that’s what forces me to switch on the lamp in the living room,
hoping the warm light from it will make me feel more at ease.
The
kitchen is quite chilly so I eagerly switch on the kettle and lean back against
the counter, wrapping my arms around myself to try and keep warm whilst I wait.
The large window opposite has blinds but they’re not closed. We never spend any
time in the kitchen late at night which is why we never use them.
I
gaze out the window, unable to see anything but my own reflection staring back
at me. We have quite a large back garden and use it often. I’ve actually lost
count of the number of barbeques Lisa and I had over the summer.
I
close my eyes, raking my fingers through my brown hair. I wish I knew what was
wrong with me, I wish I could understand the turmoil going on inside of me and
why it all started on the same day I collided with Cole. I guess I just can’t
understand why he would stare at me like that when he was with someone else.
Why didn’t he tell me to get lost or something? It’s as though he actually got
a kick out of making me uncomfortable. He
wanted
me to stay where I was
and watch them together… but why?
The
kettle finishes boiling and I grab a mug, deciding to make myself a
decaffeinated coffee so I won’t stay awake even longer when I go back to bed.
I’m just about to switch off the kitchen light and go sit in the living room
when I see it.
A
silhouette outside.
Watching
me.
I
gasp and take a step back, spilling half of my coffee onto the floor beneath my
feet. Narrowing my eyes, I peer through the darkness outside, almost certain
that my exhaustion must be causing me to see things.
I
realise that can’t be the case when the figure outside refuses to disappear.
It’s stood about ten feet away from my house, still and silent as he stares
back at me. I can’t make out his face but by his muscular frame and masculine
stance, I can tell he’s a male.
For
one horrifying second I realise I’m going to have to call the police. This is
not a figment of my imagination and he clearly means to do me some harm if he’s
standing outside my kitchen window in the middle of the night.
Placing
my coffee cup down on the counter, I turn to go back into the living room so I
can phone the police. My movement causes my mysterious observer to take a step
forward and that’s when I gain a much clearer view of him. My brain finally
pieces it all together as I realise that I actually know the identity of my
spectator.
Cole.
It’s
him, I know it is. I even recognize the black jacket he normally wears to
school, the same jacket he had on several hours ago when I caught him having
sex with that girl.
What
the hell is he doing here? What does he want and should I be afraid? Under normal
circumstances, I really would be. I
should
be petrified of him and the
comprehension that’s he’s actually outside my house and staring at me but the
truth is… I’m not. I’m intrigued more than anything and fight against the
impulse I have to fling open my back door and ask him what he wants.
He
remains there for a few more moments, relentless and persistent in his
entrancing perusal of me. He unnerves, captivates and enthrals me at the exact
same time and I’m not sure which emotion I should go with.
Five
minutes later and he’s gone. He simply walked away from me and didn’t even look
back. He walked away with his head held high and a confidence I could never
hope to possess, leaving me even more confused and upset than ever.
Its
two hours later and I’m still wide awake in bed when the chilling truth
suddenly dawns on me. It’s like I’m reliving the exact moment once again, only
this time I’m able to read his lips. I’m capable of deciphering the silent
words he mouthed to me when we were outside Stacey’s house.
It’s
disturbing, disconcerting and beyond alarming but I know what he wordlessly
said to me. I’m also certain that he knew exactly what he was doing when he did
it.
Two
words.
Two
words that will change everything…
“You’re
next.”
Chapter Three
After
that night I was too scared to spend another one by myself. I came up with a
lame excuse as to why I didn’t want to stay in the house alone and asked Lisa
to sleep over on Saturday. I knew I didn’t need to worry about Sunday night
because my mum is usually nursing a hangover at home by the end of the weekend.
I
still haven’t said anything to anyone about Cole standing outside my house in
the middle of the night. I know my mum would just laugh it off and convince me
that I had dreamt up the whole thing, whereas Lisa would take it much more
seriously. She would probably want me to inform the headmaster at school or at
least confide in a member of staff about what happened. I do realise that this
would be the most sensible thing to do but there’s still something deep down
inside of me that refuses to do it.
As
bizarre as this might seem… I don’t want to get Cole into trouble. I don’t want
him to feel like I’ve betrayed him by telling anyone else about our unnerving
encounters and I guess I almost like the fact that it’s our secret. It’s
something that only the two of us share and a part of me wants to keep it that
way.
That
doesn’t stop the feeling of dread I have in the pit of my stomach when I wake
up on Monday morning. I hardly slept the night before, tossing and turning for
several hours before I finally managed to doze off around four o’clock. I guess
that’s why I now have huge bags under my eyes and can’t stop yawning as I
slowly get ready to leave the house.
I
have no idea what’s in store for today. I don’t know what to expect and I
presume that’s the reason behind my anticipation. I’m on edge, anxious, excited
and beyond nervous, wondering how on earth I should act around him or if I
should behave any different to how I normally do. There’s a good chance that
Cole will ignore me like he has done for these past three weeks, why the hell
should I expect anything different now?
The
journey I make to college seems to take even longer than usual. Every single
step takes so much effort due to my mental and physical exhaustion. I haven’t
slept properly since Friday, unable to find comfort in sleep because I know
I’ll only see his face when I close my eyes. The inexplicable and perplexing
pull I feel towards him terrifies me, mainly because I don’t understand it. I
can’t even begin to explain it and that’s what unsettles me the most.
I
spot Lisa as soon as soon as I walk through the front gates, observing her long
blonde hair in the sunlight before she even turns around. She’s leaning against
the side of her new car with her phone in her hand, oblivious to my presence as
she plays on her phone. Words cannot describe how shocked I was when she told
me she was bringing her car to school this morning. I guess she got sick and
tired of leaving it at home and decided to drive to college in it for the first
time. She offered me a lift but I politely declined, certain that the walk to
school and the fresh air would make me feel better.
“Wow…
you actually did it! You finally drove to school in your new car.” I grin at
her, admiring the pristine condition of it.
She
startles at the sound of my voice and looks up, rewarding me with a dazzling
smile when she sees me.
“Yeah,
I finally decided that it was the right time for me to do it. I feel so much
more confident now than I did before.”
“That’s
great, Lisa. I’m so proud of you.”
“You’re
going to let me give you a lift home tonight, right?”
“Of
course. You think I’m going to walk by myself whilst you’re cruising around in
this?” I joke, linking my arm through hers.
We
make our way through the entrance, neither one of us wanting to revisit the
painfully embarrassing events that took place on Friday. I told Lisa on
Saturday night when she stayed over that I didn’t want to talk about it anymore
and I’m lucky enough to have a best friend who will always respect my wishes.
I
still can’t help that I’m on red alert as I walk through the hallways,
constantly on the lookout for Cole, desperate to catch just a glimpse of him
before our morning lessons start. The only class we share together is English
and we don’t even have that class on a Monday. I guess I’m going to have to
wait until dinner before I see him.
If
he’s even there.
My subconscious taunts me once again,
refusing to let up on the sarcastic comments and negative musings.
“Are
you sure you’re feeling ok after… well, after what happened on Friday.” My
friend asks, unable to hide her concern.
“Lisa,
we spent most of the weekend together at my house. You know I’m alright.” I
assure her, trying my best to sound convincing.
We’re
standing by my locker which is just a few yards away from hers. The hustle and
bustle from the other students walking by prevents us from being able to talk
properly… something I’m actually grateful for. The last thing I need right now
is Lisa trying to figure out what’s bothering me. For some strange reason I
know I have to keep what happened to myself and will do anything in my power to
keep it that way.
“You’re
just so quiet these days, it’s as though something is bothering you but you
won’t open up to me about it.”
“Nothing
is bothering me.” I lie, plastering a false smile onto my face. “I’m really ok
so please stop worrying.”
The
first bell starts to ring, giving us our five minute warning. Lisa and I
quickly make our arrangements to meet up at dinner and head off to our
different classes. My first lesson of the day is Sociology, one of the three
subjects I chose to study for my A levels and probably my least favourite of
them all. Now that I’m in my second year of college the workload has suddenly become
so much harder. Last year was fairly easy, I remember I had hardly any exams
and not too much coursework. This year, however, is far more challenging. My
exams aren’t until the end of the year but the work I have to complete between
now and then is more than a little overwhelming.
The
rest of my day is a little blurry. I can barely concentrate on my lessons and
feel like my surroundings are starting to become unclear and out of focus. I
know this probably comes down to how tired I am. Surviving on six hours sleep
in two days is not enough to get me through a gruelling day at school and I
know I really need to go straight to bed as soon as I get home, hoping that
some rest and recuperation will make me feel better.
Of
course, I have to get through the rest of the afternoon before that can happen and
now that’s its actually time for lunch, the anxiety and trepidation I’ve been
struggling with all morning has resurfaced.
The
cafeteria is the only place I might catch a glimpse of Cole but it’s not a
guarantee. I don’t think he’s even set foot inside the dining hall for the past
week. Why should today be any different?
Because
you caught him standing outside your house.
I
try to quieten the disconcerting voice in my ear, fighting to maintain a small
amount of dignity before I might be forced to face him.
Lisa
is already at our table and waves me over. I smile weakly, struggling to ignore
the butterflies in my stomach and my accelerated heart rate as I make my way
over to her. I can hardly bring myself to look in the direction where he might
be sitting. My legs are weak and my whole body is now trembling as though I
have something terrible to fear. My instincts are heightened, my nerve endings
are on fire, crackling with suspense and nervous excitement.
I
know
he is here. I don’t even have to look… my body can just feel it. My
senses are aware of him before I am and it frightens me because I’ve never
experienced anything like this before in my entire life.
“Hey,
you. Good day so far?” Lisa asks, taking a sip of her hot chocolate.
She
gets the same drink every single day, regardless of how warm it is outside, she
always has her cup of hot chocolate. I normally make a joke about this with her
but today I’m far too distracted. I can barely focus on what she’s saying, let
alone find the appropriate answer to respond with.
“It’s
been alright.” I reply absentmindedly, taking the seat opposite my friend so I
can keep a watchful eye on the whole cafeteria.
“No
one has said anything to you, have they?”
“Huh?
What do you mean?” I frown, wondering what she’s referring to.
“I
mean… after Stacey’s party.”
“Oh,
um… no. No one has said anything.” I answer, unscrewing the top off my water bottle.
I
should really go and order some food but I honestly don’t think I’d be able to
eat anything right now and decide to stick with water instead.
“That’s
good.” She assures me, smiling warmly. “I’m sorry to bring it up, Serena. I
just wanted to make sure.”
“It’s
fine.”
We
engage in casual conversation for the next few minutes before I finally find
the strength to look directly at his table. I instantly regret when I spot him
with a breathtakingly beautiful girl on his lap. He’s talking to one of his male
friends whilst stroking the girl’s bare leg, running his fingers up and down
her tanned skin, caressing her thigh in a way that makes me feel sick with
envy.
I
force myself to turn away, transfixing my gaze on the table in front of me
instead.
How
could I be so stupid? Why did I allow myself to think that
Friday night meant something to him? It clearly doesn’t. It didn’t mean
anything at all. I don’t know how he found out where I live, I don’t know if he
followed me and Lisa when we left the party or if he found out from someone
else but what I
do
know is that it didn’t matter. It was meaningless to
him and that’s exactly how I have to feel about it from now on.
“Are
you sure you’re ok? You look a little peaky.”
Lisa’s
question startles me, pulling me out of my deep contemplation as I’m brought
back to the present moment in time.
“I’m
just tired. I can’t wait until the day is finished.” I yawn, raking my fingers
through my hair which is already tussled and messy.
“Why
don’t you ask to go home early?”
“I
don’t know…” I say uncertainly, already feeling guilty about the idea.
“They
can’t stop you.” She encourages me. “We’re in college now, Serena. So long as
you let them know and sign out at reception before you go, they can’t say
anything about it.”
“I
suppose you’re right.” I murmur, seriously starting to consider it.
“Go
home and get some rest, you will feel much better by tomorrow.”
The
bell rings two seconds later, announcing the start of our afternoon classes. I
pick up my bag and head towards the exit, taking one last look behind me before
I go. Cole is still sat down but the girl who was sitting on his lap is nowhere
to be seen. I breathe a sigh of relief as I turn around and walk through the
main door, thankful I didn’t have to witness them together again before I left.
It
really was a simple as Lisa said it would be. I told the receptionist that I
wasn’t feeling well and wanted to go home early, signed my name and that’s all
there was to it. It felt so good to walk through the school gates and leave
everything about my tumultuous day behind me. I’m already halfway home and can
feel some of the tension I’ve been carrying start to disappear.
The
sound of a car’s engine forces me to turn around. I recognise the expensive BMW
from school but have no idea who it belongs to and it’s only when the drive
steps out of his vehicle that I remember.
Jonathan.
He’s
one of the idiots who hurled abuse at me at me as soon as I arrived at Stacey’s
party the other night. He’s actually one of the guys who made my life a living
hell last year after my picture was spread around and just the sight of him
makes me feel nauseous and afraid.
“Serena!”
He calls after me, quickening his footsteps. “You need a ride?”
“No
thank you.” I respond coolly, keeping my head down as I walk on.
We’re
on a quiet road and no cars hardly come by here. There’s a field to my right
but no main road. Our journey home has always been a little creepy and that’s
why Lisa and I come back together. If either one of us can’t make it, the other
one will choose the long route instead. This is the first time I have chosen to
head back by myself and now that Jonathan has turned up… I’m starting to regret
my decision.
“Come
on, I don’t mind.” He says, taking hold of my arm.
“I
said no.” I snap, wrenching myself free from his grasp.
“That’s
not what you said to Lewis.” He taunts me, his eyes gleaming with cruelty.
“What?”
I whisper, coming to a halt when he stands right in front of me.
“He
asked you to send him that photo and you did it. Why can’t you say yes to me
giving you a ride home?” He challenges, towering above me in an intimidating
manner.
“Just
leave me alone. I’ve never done anything to you.”
“That’s
right, you haven’t. You haven’t done anything
for
me either.” He
whispers softly. “I’m pretty sure that’s about to change.”