“And
what about your dad?”
“Same
thing. He doesn’t care. He walked out on me and my mum when I was a baby. I
hardly see him and when I do all I can focus on is counting down the hours
until I can get the hell out of there.”
“It’s
the same with my dad.” I admit, lowering my gaze to the floor beneath our feet.
I’ve
always found it uncomfortable talking about him. I guess it’s because I find it
so humiliating that my own father has no interest in me whatsoever.
“Where
is he?”
“He’s
far away from here.” I whisper softly, furiously blinking away my unshed tears.
“Remember that day we first bumped into one another at college and I dropped my
phone?”
“Of
course. I’ve replayed that moment in my head a thousand times since then.” He smiles
softly, causing butterflies in my stomach.
“Well,
the text message you saw from the person that I now refer to as ‘Him’ is my
dad. He doesn’t care about me so I decided to stop caring about him. He doesn’t
deserve to be known as my dad, let alone be called by it.”
“I’m
sorry, baby.” He exhales deeply. “He’s one selfish son of a bitch for turning
his back on you. I don’t understand how anyone could do that.”
“It’s
ok. We can’t choose who our family are, right?”
“That’s
true. I certainly wouldn’t have chosen my parents if I had any say in the
matter.”
He
wraps his strong arms around my waist and pulls me close, stroking his
fingertips through the brown strands of my hair.
“Do
you have any brothers or sisters?” I ask, trying to change the subject as well
as put some distance between us.
The
closeness between me and Cole is enough to make me tremble and I’m afraid that
if I stay in such close proximity to him, he’s going to realise what sort of
affect he has over me. A single smile from him is enough to turn me on and I
don’t know if that comes down to me being a virgin or the fact that Cole is
ridiculously gorgeous. Either way, I’m embarrassed when it comes to my body’s
physical response to him.
“Nope.
I’m an only child.”
“Same
here.” I mumble, willing my heart-rate to slow down.
“You
see, we have more in common than you first thought.”
“Maybe.”
I reply softly. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you can’t be here right
now. We both have to get up tomorrow and it’s nearly four o’clock in the
morning.”
“Ok,
ok. You sure you don’t want me to stay?” He offers, glancing towards the couch
as though he’s seriously considering spending the night there.
“No,
I’ll be fine. I’m just going to go straight to bed.”
“Make
sure you lock all your doors and windows, alright? And I’ll come and find you
at school tomorrow. Don’t be worried or afraid about anything, Serena. No one
will bother you or say a single thing that will upset you, I promise you that.”
He
speaks with such certainty and sincerity, it’s almost impossible to doubt him.
“Ok.”
“Goodnight,
Green.”
“Goodnight
Cole. Thank you.”
“You
don’t need to thank me, Serena. Not now, not ever.”
He
places a delicate kiss on my forehead before he leaves and I find myself still
stroking that same spot where he kissed me one hour later in bed.
I
instinctively know that something has changed. Something has shifted inside of
me and although I can’t figure out the right words to define it… I just know
things will be different.
My
life has changed.
It
will never be the same.
And
I couldn’t be happier.
Chapter Four
Walking
into school the next morning is nothing short of terrifying. Lisa sent me a
text the second I woke up informing me that she was going to pick me up in her
car. I guess she must have decided to drive into school again and decided to
accept her offer so we could share the journey together. The last thing I
wanted to do was venture in by myself.
However,
even the knowledge that I have Lisa by my side as we make our way through the
main entrance is not enough to extinguish my overwhelming fear building up
inside my chest. I still haven’t told my best friend about Cole’s late night
visit, nor have I told her anything else about the indescribable feelings I now
have for him. I will do so eventually but for now, I’m more than happy to keep
quiet and cherish my little secret for a while longer.
“Are
you sure you’re going to be ok?” She asks, linking her arm through mine as we
make our way through the busy hallway towards our lockers.
“I’m
sure. I know I might be the centre of all the gossip going on today but it’s
bound to be old news by tomorrow, right?” I speak optimistically, feigning
confidence and positivity.
“Of
course it will be. Everything will be forgotten about by tomorrow.”
Lisa
offers me a weak smile. It’s obvious that she’s uncertain but is choosing to
remain bright and cheerful for my sake. She takes hold of my hand and squeezes
it tightly, assuring me that she will be waiting for me in the cafeteria at
lunchtime. Her first class is in the opposite direction to mine and she has to
hurry if she wants to make it on time.
I’m
left alone and make my way to my locker, struggling to keep my head held high.
I know I have nothing to be ashamed of for what happened yesterday, I just wish
that everyone else felt the same way. I truly believe that no matter what she
does, a woman cannot win. If she enjoys sex and has it freely, she is called a
slut. If she chooses to remain a virgin, then she is known as being frigid. If
a woman chooses to flirt, she is labelled as a tease and if she decides to turn
someone down… she’s a bitch.
No
matter what we do… we cannot win. We are disrespected and ridiculed for the
same actions that men are applauded for. It’s an unfair world and it still
remains unequal… maybe now more than ever.
I
approach my locker with caution, fighting back the tears when my eyes land on
the graffiti that now resides on it. Someone got there first and decided to
carve the word ‘slut’ and ‘whore’ right across the front of it. The ugly, vile
letters stare back at me, unforgiving and cruel.
A
crowd of people have now gathered around me, some of them seem to be just as
shocked as I am when they notice the way my locker has been vandalised whilst
others start to laugh and whisper amongst themselves maliciously.
I
quickly realise that I have two options. I can panic and flee, removing myself
from the excruciating situation I have come to find myself in or I can stay and
fight. I can open my locker, deposit my things and make my way to my next
class.
I
choose option two.
The
rest of my day is beyond painful. I am stared at and discussed everywhere I go.
The girls glower at me and the guys throw disgusting insults at me as I walk by
them. I daren’t even go to the toilet by myself in case I get cornered by a
group of girls once I’m in there. I’m desperate to talk to Lisa but haven’t
seen her all day and know I must wait until dinner time until I can converse
with her properly.
It’s
the same with Cole. He’s nowhere to be seen even though everyone is talking
about him and what he did to Jonathan. Half of the rumours I’ve managed to
overhear are absolutely ridiculous and if I caught a glimpse of Cole in person,
I could maybe start to laugh them off but until then… I can’t find any of this
funny. He told me he would come and find me, he also promised me that no one
would say anything hurtful to me and I truly believed him. I was so nervous
coming into school this morning but part of me found comfort in the fact that I
trusted Cole and knew he wouldn’t turn his back on me and leave me to deal with
this by myself. I can’t help from wondering what has happened to him and I’m
actually starting to wonder if I’ll ever see him again. He might have been
kicked out of school already or Jonathan could have changed his mind and
decided to press charges after all. Cole could have been arrested already. I
despair at the thought of this and barely have the strength to get through the
rest of my day.
It’s
right before lunch when I’m called into the Principal’s office. Everyone in my
class watches me gather up my books and leave the room and a string of spiteful
comments follow me as I close the door behind me.
I
try my best to keep calm as I head towards the Headmaster’s office. I’ve never
been summoned like this before and I find it difficult to put one foot in front
of the other as I head towards his office.
“Come
in.” A masculine voice calls out as soon as I knock on the door.
I
open it with trepidation, stepping into the large office. Our Principal who I
have only seen in person a couple of times welcomes me with a warm smile.
“Serena,
place take a seat. I would like a word with you in private.”
“Ok…”
“There’s
no need to look so fearful. You’re not in trouble.” He assures me, pointing
towards the vacant chair opposite his desk.
I
take a seat and clasp my hands together, struggling to gain control over my
erratic breathing.
“I
know this is about Cole and what he did to Jonathan yesterday.”
“That’s
right.” He confirms, pausing for a moment. “I’ve already spoken to Cole this
morning and he’s told me his version of what happened. Jonathan is still in
hospital and is clearly not up for talking right now, which I completely
understand. What I need to know now is your own account for what took place. I
know there are a lot of rumours circulating but I’m not interested in gossip. I
need to know the truth.”
I
moisten my lips and nod my head, mentally preparing myself for what is about to
follow.
“I
decided to go home early yesterday afternoon because I wasn’t feeling very well
and Jonathan… followed me in his car. He parked up the road and caught up with
me. He started harassing me and said some terrible things. He even tried to
shove me inside his car. He kissed me and forced himself on me. Cole turned up
just in time. H-he saved me. He stopped Jonathan from hurting me.”
“I
see.” My Principal replies, scribbling something down on the notebook in front
of him. “And how did he stop him?
“Well,
he told him to leave me alone.”
“I
don’t think Jonathan is in hospital right now because Cole simply told him to
leave you alone.” He retorts harshly, narrowing his eyes at me.
He
must only be in his mid-thirties but he carries such a pompous air of authority
about him, he appears to be much older. He is someone I could never open up to
or confide in. Not ever.
“I
didn’t stick around to see anything else. Cole told me to go home and that’s
exactly what I did. I was terrified.”
“Of
Cole?”
“No!
Of Jonathan.” I exclaim indignantly. “Cole helped me.”
“You
do realise how serious this is, Serena?” He asks me condescendingly, tapping
his fountain pen against the surface of his desk.
“Of
course I do but I also have to be honest. I’m not condoning what Cole did. It
was wrong and I wish it never happened to Jonathan but I also know that he was
trying to protect me. I don’t even want to think about what might have happened
to me if Cole hadn’t been there to stop him.”
“The
police are no longer involved in the matter because Jonathan has decided not to
press charges against Cole. This is now a school matter and I promise you that
I will not leave a single stone unturned when it comes to finding out the
truth. I am determined to find out exactly what happened and once Jonathan
returns to school, I will make sure I hear his version of events as well as yours
and Cole’s. For now, you are free to go.”
He
dismisses me so rudely, I have to clench my fists to stop myself from saying
something I know I’m going to regret to this idiotic man.
“What
about Cole? Has he been excluded?”
“I
cannot discuss another student with you Serena. You are free to go.”
I
stand up and turn my back on him, eager to get the hell away from his stuffy
office and his judgemental stare.
“I
think you should know that someone has vandalised my locker. I would appreciate
it if you could provide me with a new one for the time being before my own is
cleaned.”
And
with that I slam the door behind me, wiping away my angry tears which begin to
fall as soon as I’m out of sight. I can’t believe I actually thought that fool
could help me. I even considered opening up to him about everything that’s been
going on at school this past year. Of course that was before I actually
conversed with him, before I realised what a useless Principal he is. For now,
I am so thankful I chose to say nothing. I’m certain that if I had told him all
about the bullying I’ve been the victim of for so long, he would have only
blamed me. If he found out about the photo I had sent… he would have judged me
like everyone else in this Godforsaken place.
I
don’t even know if he’s going to do anything about my locker. I really wouldn’t
be surprised if he just ignores it and leaves that hideous word carved across
it. It’s not like he called me back to ask me any more questions about it.
I’m
standing right outside the cafeteria when the bell goes, announcing the start
of lunch. The hallways are still empty seeing as the majority of people are
still holed up in their classes. Deciding to take a chance, I make a dash down
the corridor and fling the door open to the girl’s toilets. This might be my
one and only opportunity to venture in here all day and I don’t plan on wasting
it.
Thank
goodness it’s empty. I breathe a sigh of relief and take a look in one of the
mirrors above the sink. My complexion is pale and I have dark circles underneath
my eyes. I must have only had a couple of hours sleep and the exhaustion that
I’m experiencing right now is beyond debilitating.
I
close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing, hoping for a sense of calm to
enfold me so I can find the strength to carry on with the rest of my day. When
I open them I gasp, now face to face with someone standing behind me.
Louise.
She’s
blonde, curvaceous, has blue eyes and is one of the most popular girls in
school. She’s also one of the cruellest. She’s an individual who decided to
make my life a living hell since my photo was leaked and seemed to enjoy
witnessing my misery and isolation. She also looks a lot like the girl I found
Cole with at Stacey’s party. I guess blondes with hourglass figures must be his
type after all, the complete and utter opposite of my own appearance.
Louise
is now glaring at my reflection, narrowing her eyes in contempt as she looks me
up and down.
“What
do you want, Louise?”
I
turn around to face her, preparing myself for the vicious and verbal attack
that is bound to follow.
“Don’t
speak my name, slut. We’re not friends, we’ve
never
been friends and
we’re certainly not going to be now.”
“That’s
absolutely fine. Can I go now?” I attempt to move around her towards the exit
but she stops me, grabbing hold of my arm before she spins me around and slaps
me. Hard.
The
sting her hand left behind is painful. It’s really sore and flares up within
seconds. I long to press my own hand against it to try and stop the pain but
know that if I do so, she will see it as a sign of weakness.
“I
don’t know who you think you are, you stuck up little bitch. You’re no better
than the rest of us and yet you walk around this school with your head held
high. You are nothing. You’re a worthless little whore who sends naked pictures
of herself and that’s all there is to it. You need to stay away from Cole. I
don’t know how you’ve managed to make him feel sorry for you but it stops right
now, do you understand? He doesn’t want to know you, he doesn’t even care.” She
snarls bitterly, squeezing my arms until I wince from the pain.
“If
you truly believed that… you wouldn’t be threatening me right now.” I remind
her.
I
wish I could take it back as soon as I’ve said it. The murderous gleam in her
eyes is enough to scare me and at this point I realise that I am willing to do
or say anything to get the hell away from her.
“I’m
threatening you so there can be no misunderstanding between us. Cole is
mine
.
He’s not interested in you or anyone else.” She pauses for a moment and then
smiles spitefully. “We had sex on Sunday night and he couldn’t get enough of
me. How does that make you feel?”
I
quickly realise that Louise must have been the girl that Cole told me about
last night. The girl he was with when he called out my name. God… no wonder she
despises me. I can’t even imagine how humiliating and insulting it must have
been for her and even though I don’t like Louise as a person, a part of me does
feel sorry for her.