The Art of Manliness: Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man (2 page)

Chapter One. The Gentleman

“This is the final test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible service to him.”

—William Lyon Phelps

For centuries, well-bred men were trained in all the manly arts, from the skills needed to be a soldier to the proper etiquette for dinner parties. They were quintessential gentlemen—dapper in dress, polite in conduct, yet every bit a true man. Unfortunately, many modern men place the gentleman on the sissy end of the manliness spectrum, opposite that of the burping, unshaven, uncouth, “man’s man.” Yet our forebears understood that there was no contradiction in being ruggedly manly and a refined gentleman. George Washington, Theodore Roosevelt and Robert E. Lee are some examples of men who combined gritty manliness with gentlemanly bearing. They paid attention to how they dressed, groomed and conducted themselves and were as comfortable at a stately ball as they were on the battlefield. And the desire to be a gentleman was not restricted to the rich or powerful either; Emily Post’s
Etiquette
was the most requested book by G.I.s during World War II.

Unfortunately, not enough men today have taken the time to cultivate both the hearty and the refined sides of their manly character. It sometimes seems the gentleman is a dying breed. Common decency and respectful etiquette have been replaced with unrepentant rudeness. Today’s men walk around ungroomed in wrinkled and ill-fitted clothing and often have little regard for how their behavior affects others.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Being a gentleman is more than following a bunch of dos and don’ts. It’s about having a profound respect for yourself and for others. By following the simple tips contained in this chapter, any ruffian can turn into a proper gentleman. Developing the traits of a gentleman is a key to success in all aspects of your life. Business associates will respect you; friends will flock to you; women will adore you.

Dress like a Gentleman

“The difference between a man of sense and a fop is that the fop values himself upon his dress; and the man of sense laughs at it, at the same time he knows he must not neglect it.”

—Lord Chesterfield

Judging a book by its cover may not be desirable, but it’s initially the only evidence we have at our disposal. Within seconds of meeting you, people make judgments and decisions based on your appearance. What are your clothes telling them? That you’re a disciplined, thoughtful guy with an eye for detail? Or that you’re just sliding by in life?

Appearance matters. Dressing like a gentleman will boost your own confidence and win you the respect of others. Whether you’re applying for a job or taking a lady out on the town, putting your best foot forward will maximize your chances for success. Especially if that foot is covered by a well-shined shoe.

Getting Fitted for a Suit

“Like every good man, I strive for perfection, and, like every ordinary man, I have found that perfection is out of reach—but not the perfect suit.”

—Edward Tivnan

There’s no manlier outfit than a well tailored suit. The reason they look so darn manly is that they originated from military uniforms. Every man should have at least one good suit that he can wear to job interviews, weddings and a special night on the town. But picking out a suit is not like picking out a T-shirt and a pair of jeans. If you want to look and feel good in your suit, you need to take into account several factors. Below, we’ve provided some things to keep in mind when you walk into a haberdashery to get fitted for a new suit. Follow them, and you’ll leave the store with a long-lasting and dashingly handsome suit.

The Jacket: Getting the Perfect Fit

Fit the shoulder.
The most important area you want to check for fit is in the shoulder or yoke area of the jacket. While you can alter a suit that doesn’t fit in the shoulder, it’s much more difficult than other areas of the jacket and will thus cost more. You don’t want the fabric in the shoulder to be so tight that it starts to bunch up. The shoulder and upper back area should lie flat along your body.

Make sure the armholes are comfortable
. When you lay your arms down at your side, it shouldn’t feel like the armholes are digging their way into your armpits. If you can’t put your arms down, you definitely have a problem. You don’t want to be Randy in
A Christmas Story,
looking like a tick ready to pop. Again, while the armholes can be altered, it’s much more difficult and will cost you a lot of money.

Figure 1.1 The most important area you want to check for fit is in the shoulder or yoke area of the jacket.

Check how the jacket drapes on your body.
The suit should drape comfortably and freely on the front of your body. It shouldn’t drape so much that you look like a twelve-year-old borrowing your dad’s suit. The lapels should lay flat on your chest. If they’re not, it’s too small. Finally, check the back. If the jacket has vents, then the vents should lay flat on your butt, i.e., your butt shouldn’t be sticking out. If it is, you need to have the jacket altered so it fits larger around your front.

Check the length of the jacket.
The key here is to find balance. You don’t want the jacket to be too long or too short. Your grandpa’s tailor used to check for the proper length of the jacket by having him lay his arms at his side and cup his fingers. The jacket was fitted to where it met the inner curve of Grandpa’s fingers. The modern rule of thumb is that the jacket should be long enough to completely cover your butt, but no longer.

Check the length of the sleeve.
Sleeves should generally be long enough to show just a quarter length of shirtsleeve when you lay your arms flat at your side. You don’t want the sleeve to break past your wrist. That’s nerdy.

Pants: Where Should the Trouser Break?

Wear your pants on your waist, not your hips. We’re talking about your real waist here. For the past twenty years men have been wearing their pants lower and lower around their hips. While this may be fine for jeans, wearing your pants very low does not work for trousers. A man should wear trousers at navel level, not below it.

When your tailor is talking about “the break in your trouser,” he’s talking about the point where your pant’s hem falls on your shoes. If your break is too high, you’ll look like Steve Urkel. If it’s too low, your pants will swallow your
dew beaters.
You have three options for where the break is on your pant: the full break, the medium break and the no break.

Figure 1.2 You have three options for where the break is on your pant. From top to bottom: the full break, the medium break and the no break.

The full break:
The bottom of the hem covers the heel of the shoe. This option provides a much longer covering, keeping the pants from exposing one’s socks when walking.

The medium break:
The bottom of the hem falls in the middle of the heel of the shoe. It provides less covering for the sock when walking but keeps the fabric further away from the floor and reduces the chance of tripping.

The no break:
The bottom of the hem falls almost at the top of the heel of the shoe. When being measured for a no break hem, make sure the tailor doesn’t go too high or you’ll show too much sock.

How to Rock a Pocket Square

What do Winston Churchill, Cary Grant, and James Bond have in common? In addition to enjoying a stiff drink, they all rocked a pocket square. Like the hat, the popularity of pocket squares waxes and wanes, and for too long men were neglecting the breast pockets of their suits.

But the pocket square is currently enjoying a renaissance, popping up on the movers and shakers in Hollywood and hip hop. Hell, even Saddam Hussein rocked a pocket square when he was on trial—a man should never defend his war crimes without one.

The pocket square is back with good reason; they are an easy and inexpensive way to vary the look of the same suit. Pocket squares add some visual interest and flair to your appearance. Every man just looks more dapper with a bit of fabric peeking out his pocket.