The Art of Manliness: Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man (5 page)

• During the national anthem

• While eating meals (unless seated at the lunch counter of a diner)

• While conversing with someone

Tip your hat when:

• Greeting a friend (when greeting a lady friend, remove your hat completely by the crown)

• Excusing yourself to a woman whom you have inadvertently jostled or are passing by in a tight space

• Saying good-bye

• Expressing gratitude (“thank you” and “you’re welcome”)

The Perfect Hat for Your Ugly Mug

What we find attractive is largely based on symmetry. The more symmetrical a face is, the more appealing it appears to others. But there’s not much we can do, short of surgery, to change the symmetry of our faces. There are ways to mitigate our asymmetries, however. You may have heard a woman in your life talk about getting a haircut that flatters her particular face shape. While dude haircuts don’t come in enough varieties to have the same effect, there is another way guys can balance out their faces: hats. All hats make a man look more dapper. But picking a hat that is right for your face shape will increase your attractiveness and give you an even sharper appearance. If you’ve been inspired to bring back the hat, but weren’t sure what kind of hat to get, this guide will help you pick the right hat for your ugly mug.

Anatomy of a Hat

Before we get started, let’s do a quick rundown of some of the terms we’ll be using to fit a hat to your mug.

“Taper” describes how narrow the top of the crown is compared to the bottom. Here’s an example of a hat that tapers.
(figure 1.12)

Notice how it gets narrower near the top of the crown.

Here’s a hat that has no taper
(figure 1.13)
. Notice how the crown doesn’t narrow as it gets to the top.

Figure 1.12 A hat that tapers gets narrower near the top of the crown.

Figure 1.13 A hat that has no taper doesn’t get narrower at the top of the crown.

Now let’s match a hat to that ugly mug of yours:

Short Full Face.
Your face is shaped like: Jack Black. A round face tends to look short, so you want a hat that will give you a little height.

• Crown: Medium height and size

• Taper: Slight

• Hat Band: Narrow band of a contrasting color will add height

• Brim: Moderate width. Snap the brim to its full width and turn it up. Never snap it down or it will make your face appear shorter.

• Tilt: Back from face; tilting it over your face will make the face appear shorter.

• Recommended Hats: fedora, gambler, panama

Long Thin Face.
Your face is shaped like: Will Arnett. Look for a hat that shortens the appearance of your face.

• Crown: Shorter height. Avoid crowns that are square, full or too high.

• Taper: Moderate

• Hat Band: Wide (will make your face shorter) with a contrasting color to break up your vertical lines

• Brim: Moderately wide, snapped from ear to ear

• Tilt: To the side with a slight back tilt

• Recommended Hat: fedora, homburg, derby

Top-Heavy Face.
Your face is shaped like: Jon Favreau. The top-heavy face is wider on the top half and tapers to a narrower chin line. You want a hat that will balance out the top and bottom.

• Crown: Medium to short height, pinched toward the front. Avoid crowns that are full or too high.

• Taper: Moderate taper

• Hat Band: Medium to narrow, in a color similar to the color of the hat

• Brim: Medium width, rolled at back and sides, flat in front

• Tilt: To the side and not too far back on the head or you’ll show too much of your wide forehead

• Recommended Hat: fedora, homburg

Square Face.
Your face is shaped like: Orlando Bloom. Pick a hat that will add some curvature to your face and make it appear less boxy.

• Crown: Medium height, full and round

• Taper: Minimal to nonexistent

• Brim: Wide width, fully snapped or turned up

• Tilt: A side tilt will break up your square face lines. Don’t push it too far back on your head.

• Recommended Hat: homburg, bowler

Long Nose.
Your nose resembles: Adrien Brody, although perhaps not
that
long. Pick a hat that will break up the line from the brim to the tip of your nose.

• Crown: Medium height and not pinched too tightly at the front

• Taper: Minimal to nonexistent

• Hat Band: Wide and colorful

• Brim: Wide width, you want it to extend beyond the tip of your nose

• Tilt: To the side

• Recommended Hat: fedora

Prominent Jaw.
You’ve got a chin like: Aaron Eckhart. Pick a hat that will balance your strong chin.

• Crown: Medium or low height, avoid crowns that are full or too high. Pick one with side dents; this adds just the right amount of fullness.

• Taper: Slight

• Brim: Medium width, snapped fully across. Make sure it doesn’t turn up in the back sharply or it will make the jaw appear even more prominent.

• Tilt: Level, with a side tilt

• Recommended Hat: fedora

Receding Chin.
You’ve got a chin like: Paul Dano. Pick a hat that will draw attention upwards, away from the chin.

• Crown: Low height

• Taper: Significant

• Hat Band: Narrow

• Brim: Flat or very shallow snap

• Tilt: Level with significant side tilt

• Recommended Hat: porkpie, trilby

Prominent Ears.
Your ears stick out like: Will Smith. If your ears are large or stick out, pick a hat that will cover them.

• Crown: Full and moderately tall

• Taper: Minimal to slight

• Brim: As wide as possible in order to cover the ears and make them seem smaller. Flat or fully snapped. Do not roll the brim as this will highlight the ears.

• Tilt: Down in the back

• Recommended Hat: gambler, panama, wide-brimmed fedora

Attention to Details

Even if you don a nicely fitted suit, tuck a piece of colorful fabric into your pocket and tie your tie with precision. If you don’t pay attention to the details of your appearance, your whole look and first impression will be ruined. There are three things to check before you head out for a night on the town or a job interview: Are your clothes ironed? Are your shoes shined? Do your socks, shoes and belt coordinate with your suit? Refining these finishing touches will leave you looking like a
square-rigged
gentleman.

Ironing Your Clothes

Preparing for Ironing.
Hang up your clothes immediately after drying. This will reduce the amount of wrinkles in your clothing (and consequently the amount of work you have to do with the iron).

Fill ’er up.
Fill the iron with water so you have plenty of steam to get those wrinkles out. Set the iron to the appropriate temperature. Different fabrics require different iron temperatures. If the iron is too hot or steamy, you’ll ruin the fabric. Check the tag on the inside of your clothing to find the appropriate setting. Generally, for all cotton fabrics, set the temperature on high; set it lower for part (or all) synthetics. If you have both synthetic and cotton fabrics to iron, start with the synthetics, so you won’t have to wait for the iron to cool down after tackling the cotton.

Iron on a padded surface.
It makes ironing easier. If you don’t have an ironing board, lay a towel over a desk.
(

Figure 1.14 Iron on a padded surface. It makes ironing easier.