The Art of Manliness: Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man (10 page)

5. Repeat your thanks.
“Thank you again for the gift” makes the perfect last line.

6. Valediction.
Valedictions are the words or phrases that come before your name. The hardest part of a thank-you note is often choosing a valediction that appropriately conveys the level of your relationship with the recipient.
Love
can sometimes seem too gushy, and
Sincerely
can seem too formal. If your affections fall somewhere between those two expressions, here are some neutral valedictions that can fit a wide variety of situations and relationships:

• Yours Truly

• Truly Yours

• Kindest Regards

• Warmest Regards

• Best Regards

• Respectfully

A Gentleman’s Guide to Tipping

Why tip? The difference between regular jobs and many jobs that require tips is that they are service jobs, and they are called service jobs because they are directly serving you. They personally and intimately affect you. You do not have to tip people for doing their job per se. But you might think about tipping people for the following reasons:

That person’s livelihood depends on our tipping.
An unsettling number of people don’t seem to realize that many service workers in the United States, like waitresses, do not get a typical hourly wage. They get paid something like $2.50 an hour. Tipping in these cases is not optional, but necessary.

To show your gratitude.
Another word for tip is
gratuity
. Many people in service jobs are overworked, underpaid and unthanked. At your job when you do something right, your supervisor says “thank you” and “job well done!” Who says thank you to the trashmen? Tipping is a way to say “thank you” to those who rarely hear it.

Tipping ensures great service.
This is especially true of people who perform service for you regularly. If you tip a barista at a coffee shop you frequent or a waiter at your favorite restaurant, they will give you even better service next time.

If the person went above and beyond the call of duty.
You don’t have to tip someone for simply doing their job, but if someone really goes the extra mile for you, a tip is a nice way to show your appreciation.

How Much Should You Tip?

(Note: Tipping guidelines differ from country to country. This guide is intended for those who will be tipping in the United States.)

Traveling

Housekeeping at the hotel.
A good tip for housekeeping is between $2 to $5 per night.

Tour guide.
Tip between $1 to $5 per person in your group.

Skycap or bellhop.
$1 to $2 per bag they lug for you. If you’re running late and the skycap books your luggage to your plane so you can get there on time, bump up the tip.

Doorman.
Only tip the doorman at a hotel if he gives you a hot tip on the best places to eat or visit while in town.

Personal Services

Barber.
Tip 15 percent of the cost of the haircut.

Barista/smoothie maker/ice cream scooper.
Spare change is always appreciated. If the barista starts making your order as soon as you walk in so that its ready for you by the time you get up to pay, tip a little extra. If they sing a song when you give them a tip, tell them not to sing or you’ll take the tip back.

Takeout.
If you order takeout from a restaurant, make sure to tip the cashier a bit. While they weren’t waiting on you hand and foot, they did have to bust their butt to get your order together and ready. If they help you take your order out to the car, tip a bit extra.

Car washer.
Three bucks is good for a basic car wash. If they take extra time when detailing it, give 10 percent of the cost of the wash.

Garage parking.
Two dollars for your car. When you valet park, tip the person who brings you the car, not the person who parks it.

Tow truck.
It depends on what services the person provides. If they jump your car or change your tire, tip about $4. If they tow it, $5 is a good tip. If they are towing you away from a no parking zone, give them the finger.

Massage therapist.
Give 10 to 20 percent of the total cost.

Nurse.
Usually tipping nurses at hospitals is not permitted, but don’t tell that to Kate’s Italian grandma. She was a retired nurse and believed you should definitely tip nurses and other health assistants. Any time she was at the hospital you can guarantee she got the best service because she gave her nurse “la boost.”

Tattoos/body piercings.
Fifteen percent of the total cost. If the tattoo artist does an amazing job of capturing the image of your mother on your arm, tip extra.

Delivery Services

Newspaper delivery.
During the holidays, give them a card with $20. Kate’s parents do this every year and as a result, they have their paper delivered straight to their door instead of just thrown on the driveway.

Pizza/meal delivery.
Fifteen percent is customary. If the weather is bad, i.e., there’s snow and ice or a tsunami, and you’re risking the delivery guy’s life so you don’t have to risk yours, tip extra.

Furniture/large appliance delivery.
Five dollars per person. If they stick around and help you assemble or rearrange your furniture, tip extra.

Out on the Town

Waiter.
The customary amount is 15 to 20 percent. If they do an exceptional job, pay more. If you come in with a large group, ask if gratuity is added into your check so you don’t tip twice. (Of course, as a former waiter, I always appreciated when someone gave me a little extra in addition to the gratuity.) Be extra generous when you’re on a dinner date with a new lady—she’ll be sure to steal a glance at the tip line of your bill to see if you are a cheap loser or a real gentleman.

Bartender.
Tip 15 to 20 percent. Again, if they do an excellent job give more. If you come during happy hour and down twenty $0.99 draws, don’t just leave 15 percent. Bartenders have to bust their butts to get those things poured for you and deserve more than your change.

Casino worker.
There are lots of people you could be tipping at a casino. First, you have cocktail waitresses. Fifteen percent is customary. Many people tip dealers when they have a successful run, ensuring the continuation of good karma.

Taxi driver.
Standard tip is 15 percent. If they get you to your destination quickly, tip extra.

Holidays

During the holidays, it’s customary to give a little more for the everyday services we receive. Here is a short list of people you should consider giving “la boost” to during the holidays.

Mail carrier.
It’s against federal law to tip federal employees, but they can accept gifts of less than $20. Most will probably look the other way if you give more.

Garbage/recycling person.
These people have a dirty job. Recognize their work around the holidays by giving them a tip. Ten dollars per person is nice.

Teacher.
If you have kids in school, it’s customary to give their teacher a small gift at Christmastime. Here’s a tip: Teachers get box loads of body lotion, candles and various apple-themed knickknacks (no, you’re not the first person to think of giving them an apple-shaped paperweight). Give them something they’ll really enjoy like a gift card to Borders or Target.

Babysitter.
A gift in addition to their normal pay is nice. Gift cards are always appreciated.

Cleaning person.
An extra week’s pay or a nice gift.

Modern Technology and the New Rules of Etiquette

Modern technology presents the contemporary gentleman with the kind of etiquette pitfalls Emily Post could never have imagined. Just as World War I was especially bloody because the artillery had progressed faster than the development of new military tactics, technology presents an unmannered minefield because etiquette has not kept pace with its development. You can help bring some civility to the modern age by adhering to the following guidelines.

The Cell Phone

“Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices.”

—Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don’t
talk on your cell phone when you have a captive audience. No one in the plane, train, restaurant, gym or store wants to be held hostage to your conversation.

Don’t
use your phone in any place in which people expect a certain atmosphere. There are certain situations in which people expect a respectful quiet to prevail. A cell phone should not burst this bubble of ambience. Thus, you should never use your cell phone at funerals, weddings, classes, church services, movies, plays, museums, etc. By even allowing your cell phone to ring, never mind speaking into it, you announce to the world that your conversation is more important than the ruminations of everyone else in the room. It is the height of arrogance.

Don’t
talk or answer your cell phone while talking to ANYONE in person. There are no exceptions to this rule. Don’t answer it when you’re talking to someone at a party. Don’t answer it when you’re eating at a restaurant. Don’t answer it when you’re making a purchase or ordering food; the server or clerk is not a robot; each is a human being deserving of your respect.

Don’t
use a Bluetooth headset unless you’re driving. You’ve seen the “headset people.” They look like they just walked out of
Star Trek
. Headsets distance and disconnect you from the people around you. Don’t lose respect by walking around with a headset 24/7. Keep it in the car where it belongs.

Figure 1.20 Don’t lose respect by walking around with a headset 24/7. Keep it in the car where it belongs.

Do
use a simple ring tone. Personalized ring tones are everywhere. But be aware of what ring tones say about you. Jenna Jameson’s “Moan” tone shows you have no taste; pop music ring tones show that you are still in tenth grade. Stick with something simple.

Don’t
use text messages to convey important ideas. This includes texting to break up, to declare your love or to curse someone out.

Don’t
text in ALL CAPS or use multiple exclamation marks. If you’re that excited, you should be calling the person, not texting.