The Art of Manliness: Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man (29 page)

Taut-Line Knot
(figure 6.12)

The taut-line is an adjustable knot that allows you to lengthen or shorten a rope as needed. The taut-line is especially useful in pitching a tent. You can use it to tighten or loosen a tent guy line (the line used to secure a tent or rain fly).

How to tie it:

1. First, pass one end of the rope around a tent stake and bring it back toward the standing part of the rope.

2. Take the end of the rope underneath the long standing length of the rope, and drop it down through the hole between where the rope crosses and the stake.

3. Bring the rope around and drop it again.

4. Bring the end of the rope back to the front of the two loops you just made and form a third loop around the standing part of the rope.

5. Pull the end through the loop you created to the side while making that third loop.

Figure Eight Knot
(figure 6.13)

The figure eight knot is a stopper knot like the bowline knot. It’s an essential knot for mountain and rock climbing. Learn how to tie it correctly or you’ll find yourself at the bottom of an icy crevasse and an easy snack for a hungry yeti.

How to tie it:

1. Form a loop with the rope by crossing one end on top of the rope.

2. Bring the right end of the rope around to the left side of the loop.

3. Bring the end of the rope up through the loop.

4. If you’ve done everything right, the knot should look like a figure eight.

Figure 6.12 Taut-line knot.

Figure 6.13 Figure eight knot.

Chapter Seven. The Leader

“A leader is a man who can adapt principles to circumstances.”

—General George S. Patton Jr.

We all lead at some point in our lives. We serve as leaders in our jobs, in our communities and in our families. For many, being a leader means having the power to control others. Those who take this view eventually find that the more they try to control people, the less influence they have over them. For others, leadership means being in a position of authority. Yet a man can be a leader even if he’s on the bottom of the totem pole. When a man sees that something must be done, he won’t let his lack of position limit him from taking charge; he steps into the gap and assumes responsibility. True leadership is not about superiority, position or prestige. It’s about revealing and releasing the potential of those around you. Leadership is not about the power of one, but facilitating the greatness of many.

Unfortunately many men today are sloughing off leadership responsibilities either because of laziness or apathy. They would rather live a life of ignoble ease and have others shoulder the responsibility for them. But the world needs the leadership of virtuous men more than ever. When you’re called to serve as a leader, will you be ready to take on the challenge?

Five Traits of Leadership

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

—Theodore Roosevelt

In 1950, the Department of Defense printed a small book,
The Armed Forces Officer
, which gave advice on how to become better leaders and men. In it, the authors listed five traits that make an effective leader. We’ve taken these traits and explored their meaning and application for every man, whether an officer or a civilian.

1. Quiet Resolution

An effective leader has the resolve to see every task through to the end. Resolve is easy to have in the quiet before the storm comes. It is when the fear, chaos, and stress of a crisis hits that true resolve is revealed. At that moment, the man with quiet resolve does not waffle or
stand shilly-shally
. Without the terrible grip of indecision seizing him, he is cool and levelheaded, unflappable in the face of challenge. He is not loud, yelling and scurrying about in an attempt to cover his lack of grit with useless action. The man with quiet resolution is a man others can feel supremely confident in. While the world around him goes to pot, he knows what his mission is and he calmly fulfills it.

How to become a leader with quiet resolution:
Do not wait for a crisis to emerge to make a decision.
Inventory your values and goals, and set a plan for how you will react when certain crises arise and important decisions need to be made. Do not wait to make your choice until the heat of the moment, when you will be most tempted to surrender your values. Set a course for yourself, and when trials come and you are sorely tested, you will not panic, you will not waver, you will simply remember your plan and follow it through.

2. The Hardihood to Take Risks

Great achievements come to those who are willing to take risks. A leader who continually plays it safe will never put themselves or the people they lead in a position to experience success. A life without risks is surely alluring; its sweet lullaby of safety and comfort has lulled many a man into the trap of mediocrity and apathy. But a man who never dares greatly fails to see that he has taken the greatest risk of all: the risk that he will never progress, never refine his soul, never amount to anything worthwhile.

How to become a leader that takes risks:
The fear of taking risks can be very real.
You cannot expect to have the courage to take a large risk when you have had no experience taking small ones. So find opportunities in your daily life to take little risks. As you venture more risks, you develop the capacity to overcome your fear and gain the wisdom to know when a risk is worth taking. In this way, you will achieve the mettle to take the big risk when your leadership abilities are truly called upon.

3. The Readiness to Share in Rewards with Subordinates

A great leader, although supremely confident, humbly acknowledges that no success, no matter how large of a role he personally played in bringing it to fruition, is wholly a solo effort. He is deeply grateful for everyone who played a part in the achievement, even those who had small roles. He understands that people love to be recognized for their contributions. When a person sees that a leader is humble and will share in success, they’re more willing to follow that man.

How to become a leader who shares rewards with subordinates:
Sharing success with the people who follow you can be as easy as offering public recognition or increasing their compensation.
A simple thank-you card expressing your gratitude for an employee’s effort in completing a project can go a long way. When offering thanks or giving praise, be as specific as possible. This shows the person you lead that you are keenly aware of what they do and makes the thanks or praise more personal and sincere.

4. An Equal Readiness to Take the Blame When Things Go Adversely

It is when things go wrong that true leaders are separated from the pretenders. An
infernal skunk
of a leader will gladly accept the accolades when he and his team succeeds, but will find another individual to take the fall when things get tough. When followers see this, it completely demolishes their confidence and allegiance to that leader. True leaders, even when a subordinate is at fault, will take full responsibility for a mistake. An effective leader will then immediately take action to correct the situation.

How to be a leader by taking the blame when things go adversely:
When shouldering the blame, you must do so sincerely.
To accept blame, but to do so grudgingly, makes you a boy not a man. Never play the part of the martyr and seek glory for taking the fall. Likewise don’t take the blame publicly, but then tell your subordinates that the only reason you took responsibility was to save their butts. You’ll look like a phony and deteriorate their trust in you.

5. The nerve to survive storm and disappointment …

… and to face each new day with the score sheet wiped clean; neither dwelling on one’s successes, nor accepting discouragement from one’s failures. All of history’s great leaders had moments of glorious success and moments of devastating defeat. Great leaders focus on the things they can change and influence, and the past is not one of those things. If you fail, learn from it but cease to dwell on it. When you succeed, celebrate with your followers and move on. A leader who continually dwells on past success shows that he has not set his eye on greater things. Additionally, as we learn from the Greeks, a leader’s hubris can quickly become their downfall. Always stay humble and hungry.

How to become a leader by not living in the past:
Read biographies of great leaders in history.
By reading about the lives of these great men, you’ll learn that even the best leaders faced enormous setbacks. You’ll gain perspective and come to see that one failure does not mean the death of a man’s capacity to lead. And the amazing feats of the great men of history will inspire you to believe in the powerful influence on history a true leader can wield.

Exude Magnetic Charisma

Almost every leader exudes a certain amount of charisma. It’s that intangible quality that magnetically pulls people toward him and makes them willing to buy what he’s selling and follow him to the ends of the earth. While it is true that certain people are born with natural charisma, it’s possible for those who weren’t so genetically blessed to develop this winning attribute.

Disarm to charm.
The key to charisma can be found in this nifty motto. When a man’s warmth, attentiveness and intrigue confound a person’s expectations, they will let down their guard and thus be open to your suggestions and powers of persuasion.

Act intently interested.
The truest mark of a charismatic man is his ability to make another feel as though they are the most important person in the room. He locks into a conversation and creates a cocoon around the other person and himself. He seems unbothered by any distractions and acts genuinely interested in what the other person has to say. How do you do this?

Figure 7.1 The truest mark of a charismatic man is his ability to make another feel as though they are the most important person in the room

• Keep steady eye contact with the person. Don’t bore your eyeballs into theirs as if you are about to project laser beams from your retinas. To achieve the right amount of intensity, look into their eyes while occasionally flitting yours to the sides of their head.

• Signal that you are listening. Nod your
idea-pot
from time to time. Throw in noises and words like “uh-huh,” “I see,” “hmmmm,” “right,” etc.

• Make sure the other person does the most talking. Ask them questions about what they are most interested in. Then, as they tell you stories, ask follow-up questions and request that they explain their statements further.

• Use the person’s name. Everyone loves the sound of their own name. Using another’s name during conversation makes you seem warm and personable. It also shows that you were paying attention during introductions and that the other person was important enough for you to memorize their name. However, avoid overusing a person’s name. Too much name use will make you sound like a sketchy car salesman.

Cultivate a little mystery.
Charisma is like a fire that needs space and oxygen to survive. If you are a completely open book, you’ll smother the flame. People follow a charismatic leader because they create an aura around themselves that allow others to believe they are in some way different; they have insights into the world inaccessible to the average Joe. If everyone knows you drive a Honda Civic, play fantasy football, eat Taco Bell three times a week and have never left the country, they’re not going to believe you have special and mysterious powers. A little mysterious aloofness will leave others intrigued and desiring to unlock your secrets.

Employ mimicry.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and one of the best methods of building charisma. Studies have proven that by carefully and subtly imitating another person’s body language and speaking style, you build instant social rapport, goodwill and trust. When speaking with another person, watch and then mirror their body position and speech patterns; if they cross their legs, you cross your legs; if they lean back, you lean back; if they speak slowly, you speak slowly. Always wait about two to three seconds before mirroring someone’s behavior. And make your mimicry subtle and inexact. If you copy someone perfectly, your mimicry will be too obvious, the person will catch on and your plan will backfire in a big way. Nobody likes to be mocked.