The Art of Manliness: Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man (30 page)

Smile.
Few things have the power to disarm like a warm and genuine smile. It lures people in like a tractor beam.

Be generous in your compliments.
Nobody feels good about themselves all the time; everybody’s been the fat kid picked last for kick ball once in his life and as a result is walking around a bit wounded. The charming man is always looking for opportunities to boost the self-esteem of others. Compliment others on things both big and small.

Use self-deprecating humor.
Even the charming man occasionally gets into trouble; but no matter how big the pile of poo he’s fallen in, he knows the secret of coming out smelling like a rose. Some men thintk a leader should never admit mistakes; quite to the contrary, the charismatic leader fesses up to blunders—but he does so with a smile and a bit of humor. By not taking yourself too seriously, you become more approachable and attractive to others.

How to shake hands like a man

On your path to great success and glory, you’re going to meet hundreds of people who can either help you move up in the world or hinder your progress. It is therefore essential that you cultivate the ability to make a dynamite first impression. In addition to dressing well and exuding charisma, the ability to perform a manly handshake is an essential component in your first-impression arsenal. Make no mistake about it: A handshake says a lot about a man. Will your new contact think you’ve recently been scaling Mount Olympus or will he write you off as a Wimpy McWimpsalot?

Figure 7.2 In addition to dressing well and exuding charisma, the ability to perform a manly handshake is an essential component in your first-impression arsenal.

How You Do It

Many an introduction has been instantly marred by man extending a dead fish instead of a hearty hand. So save the albacore for dinner and make sure the grip of your handshake is firm and confident. However, you don’t want to crush the other person’s hand.

• Aim for a full grip, not a finger shake. Make sure the web in between your thumb and index finger connects with their web.

• Make sure you don’t have food or grease on your hands. You want the person to remember you, not your penchant for Cheetos.

• If your hands are sweaty, give them a quick nonchalant wipe on your
drumstick cases
. Holding your hand open previous to the shake instead of clenching it will help prevent sweatiness.

• When you offer your hand, look the person in the eye and smile.

• When shaking a woman’s hand, allow her to be the one to offer it. If she does, give her a firm handshake. Women do not appreciate a
handshake like a wilted petunia
.

• No joy buzzers. Unless you’re meeting the dean of clown school.

When You Do It

Handshakes involve effective timing. Many people avoid offering handshakes because they’re afraid they might be left hanging. If you’re not sure if someone will notice your offer, extend the handshake anyway. Most of the time people will notice your outstretched hand and quickly grasp it.

Be aware that in some cultures the handshake is not an appropriate greeting. In countries like Thailand and India, for example, you will be expected to press your hands together and bow. Be sensitive to these types of cultural differences.

Manly Advice: What If You’re Left Hanging?

It’s hard not to feel dumb when your hand is left flapping in the breeze, especially when everyone but the person with whom you were trying to shake hands saw the rejection. Don’t feel embarrassed. The problem isn’t that the other person doesn’t think you’re important, your timing was just off. To avoid this scenario:

• Don’t offer a handshake if the other person is engrossed in conversation with someone else.

• Don’t approach someone from the side with your extended hand. It’s hard to see.

• Do audibly greet the person first to get their attention and then offer your hand.

• If you are left hanging, while it’s tempting, don’t take your unshaken hand, run it through your hair, and say, “Go bake a cake,” in order to save face.

Prepare and Deliver a Dynamite Speech

“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”

—Winston Churchill

The power of the spoken word is undeniable. Great speeches have motivated citizens to fight injustice, drawn meaning out of tragedy and memorialized events with the dignity and solemnity they deserved. Words can change the course of history or alter the path of an individual’s life.

While most men will never summon troops into battle or debate a congressional bill, every man should strive to be a great orator. Whether it is giving the best man speech, arguing against a policy at a city council, making a proposal at work or giving a eulogy, you will be asked to publicly speak at least a few times in your life. Don’t be a man that shakes and shudders at that thought. Be a man who welcomes, nay, relishes the opportunity to move and inspire people with the power of his words. When a speaking opportunity arises, be the guy everyone thinks of first. When duty calls, here’s how to rise to the occasion.

Prepare Your Speech

1. Establish the purpose of the speech.
Before you start writing, determine what the purpose of you speech will be. Is to inform? To entertain? To persuade? To motivate? To convince your friends of the benefits of male garters? When you figure out your purpose, write it down. This will help keep your research and organization focused.

2. Research.
First, look into your audience’s background. What motivates them? What are their concerns? By knowing these things, you’ll be able to craft a speech specifically designed for your listeners. You can easily find out about your audience by asking the person who assigned you the topic for some background information.

Next, you’ll want to research your topic. This is a good idea even if you’re an expert in your field. Perhaps you can find something new about your topic or a fresh angle that would be particularly interesting to your audience.

3. Outline.
The best way to start outlining is to list all the points you would like to make in your speech. Go crazy. When you’re done, go through your list and pick the three most important points that will help you achieve your original purpose.

After you have your three important points, organize them in a logical order in an outline. You can organize it chronologically or present the problems with their respective solutions.

4. Write out your speech.
Even if you don’t plan on reading from it or even using notes, it’s always a good idea to write the speech out. It will help focus your thoughts, give you something to study and prevent you from rambling like a crazy person at the podium. Having a well-written speech in hand and knowing exactly what you plan to say will also give you a boost of confidence.

5. Start off with a killer opening.
Most people usually start off with a joke of some sort, hoping to break the ice. This is a big risk, because if the joke falls flat, you’ve pretty much killed any possible rapport with the audience.

Another great way to start a speech is to immediately relate the topic back to the audience. From the get-go your listeners will be engaged because they know that the speech affects them. You also can’t go wrong with starting the speech with a story. A good story at the beginning of a speech will pique the interest of your listeners and emotionally engage them.

No matter what approach you take, make sure to actually reveal the topic to your audience in the introduction. You don’t want to leave them in dark about your subject until the end of the speech.

6. Use personal anecdotes.
You want to connect with your audience when you’re speaking. The best way to connect with any person is to share something personal about yourself. Your life is full of experiences and stories to which the members of your audience can relate.

7. Talk like a normal person.
When writing your speech, don’t use
jaw twisters
that sound “smart.” You probably don’t talk like that in your daily life, so don’t do it in your speeches.

8. End with a bang.
The easiest way to end a speech is to summarize the main points. This ensures that your audience walks away knowing exactly what you wished to convey to them. If the purpose of your speech is to arouse people to action, conclude with a call to action. Use language that stirs the audience’s passions and structure your sentences to crescendo to an emotional climax. No matter how you end your speech, make sure it’s brief, or you’ll dilute its impact.

Deliver Your Speech

1. Practice. Practice. Practice.
Before you deliver your actual speech, you should have practiced it at least a dozen times. You can also practice where to put oratorical flares like pauses, hand gestures and voice inflections. Practice in front of a mirror. Practice in front of a friend and ask for honest feedback.

2. Look sharp.
Don’t show up looking like the only speeches you’ve given have been to the birds in the park. Let your dress reflect the content and tone of the speech. For a more formal or persuasive speech, wear a suit or at least a sport coat and slacks. If the speech is about your adventures in Africa, don your safari vest. Regardless, always look sharp. The audience will respect you and you’ll feel more self-assured.

3. Stand up straight.
Again, you want to project supreme confidence. No one wants to listen to Quasimodo talk to his shoes.

4. Vary your tone.
Nothing will put your audience to sleep faster than a visit from android man from the year 2050. Short-circuit the monotonous robot voice and keep things interesting by adding vocal inflections as you speak. Use inflections to reveal that you’re asking a question, being sarcastic or conveying excitement. You already do this naturally in everyday conversation.

5. Master the pause.
Most people are so nervous when they get up to speak that they rush through the whole thing like the Micro Machines guy. But they’re losing out on employing one of the most powerful oratory techniques—the pause. A pause can add a bit of dramatic flair to a statement or it can help the audience really drink up an idea. The key with a pause is timing. Use it only at spots where it will be effective. “Hello (pause) my (pause) name is (pause),” would not be such a time. Practice inserting pauses in your speech to find what works.

6. Look your audience in the eye.
When you look people in the eye, you make a connection. But how can you look an entire audience in the eye? As you go through your speech, work your way across the room making eye contact with each person in the audience. Maintain eye contact for a few seconds. If it’s too short, you’ll seem nervous and shifty. If you look too long, you’ll start creeping people out.

7. Let gestures flow naturally.
If used effectively, hand gestures can give added emphasis to your words. If used incorrectly, you’ll end up looking like an octopus having a seizure. Don’t worry too much about hand gestures; just let them flow naturally. You might want to have someone watch you deliver your speech before the big day to make sure your natural gesticulation isn’t distracting. If it is, adjust accordingly, but don’t obsess about it. Especially if you’re Italian; thatsa your heritage!