The Art of Manliness: Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man (32 page)

Manly Advice: “If” by Rudyard Kipling

Many leaders have seen the wisdom in memorizing poems and passages from great books, filling their minds with inspiring words to have at the ready whenever their soul is troubled. If there is one poem you should consider committing to memory, let it be Rudyard Kipling’s “If.” (Also found in
Appendix C. Words of Wisdom
.) There is perhaps no better metric in the written canon on one’s leadership and manhood.

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you

But make allowance for their doubting too,

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master,

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much,

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Chapter Eight. The Virtuous Man

“In the great battle of life, no brilliancy of intellect, no perfection of bodily development, will count when weighed in the balance against the assemblage of virtues, active and passive, of moral qualities which we group together under the name of character.”

—Theodore Roosevelt

Virtue has gotten a bad rap in the modern age. It is often seen solely as a religious preoccupation or unfairly saddled with sissy or effeminate associations. However, virtue is far from being the domain of the pansy. Actually the word
virtue
is firmly rooted in manliness.
Virtue
comes from the Latin virtus, which in turn is derived from
vir
, Latin for
manliness
. Thus, when ancient philosophers like Aristotle encouraged men to live “the virtuous life,” they were essentially calling for men to man up.

One man took on Aristotle’s challenge to live the virtuous, or manly, life with particular fervor: Benjamin Franklin. Franklin’s pursuit was not a religious one and can be embraced by any man, no matter his particular set of beliefs. Franklin’s quest should be the mission of every man: to become the best man he can possibly be and thus be of greatest service to his country, community and family.

Franklin’s Quest for Moral Perfection

Benjamin Franklin, the original self-made man, is an American legend. Despite being born into a poor family and receiving only two years of formal schooling, Franklin became a successful printer, scientist, musician and author. Oh, and in his spare time he helped found a country and then served as its diplomat.

The key to Franklin’s success was his drive to constantly improve himself. In 1726, at the age of twenty, Ben Franklin set his loftiest goal: the attainment of moral perfection.

“I conceiv’d the bold and arduous project of arriving at moral perfection. I wish’d to live without committing any fault at any time; I would conquer all that either natural inclination, custom, or company might lead me into.”

In order to accomplish his goal, Franklin developed and committed himself to a personal improvement program that consisted of living thirteen virtues. The thirteen virtues were:

“TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.”

“SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.”

“ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.”

“RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.”

“FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.”

“INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.”

“SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.”

“JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.”

“MODERATION. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.”

“CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.”

“TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.”

“CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.”

“HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.”

In order to keep track of his adherence to these virtues, Franklin carried a small book of thirteen charts. The charts consisted of a column for each day of the week and thirteen rows marked with the first letter of his thirteen virtues. At the end of each day Franklin placed a dot next to each virtue he violated. The goal was to minimize the number of marks, thus indicating a “clean” life, free of vice.

Franklin focused on one particular virtue each week by placing it at the top of that week’s chart and including a short precept explaining its meaning. After he had moved through all thirteen virtues, he’d start the process over again.

When Franklin first started his program, he found himself putting marks in the book more than he desired. But as time went by, he saw the marks diminish.

While Franklin never accomplished his goal of moral perfection (his passion for beer, food and women are well documented), he found that simply making the attempt was reward enough.

“Tho’ I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavour, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it.”

Applying Franklin’s Pursuit of “The Virtuous Life” to Your Life

“A man does what he must—in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures—and that is the basis of all human morality.”

—Winston Churchill

It’s time for men to reclaim the association between manliness and virtue. Start manning up and follow Franklin’s example of striving to improve yourself each and every day. Of course, Franklin lived in a different time and place than today’s men. Therefore, to help you on the course of self-improvement, we have explored how each of Franklin’s virtues can be applied to the life of a modern man.

Begin the process by using your own version of Franklin’s virtue chart. Carry the chart around just as Franklin did, as a constant reminder of your quest to live a virtuous life. See if you can go a whole day without having to give yourself a mark for not living the virtues.

Temperance

“Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.”

Is there a less sexy idea today than temperance? Yet when Benjamin Franklin began his pursuit of the virtuous life, he chose to concentrate on this virtue first. The way in which Ben ordered his thirteen virtues was deliberate. He selected temperance to kick off his self-improvement program in the belief that first attaining self-discipline in the area of food and drink would make adherence to all of the other virtues easier.

Why is this? Hunger and thirst are some of the most primal of urges and therefore are some of the hardest to control. Thus, when seeking to gain self-discipline a man must start with his most basic appetites and work up from there. A man must first harness his inward urges before tackling the more external virtues. A clear mind and a healthy body are prerequisites to the pursuit of the virtuous life.

Eat Not to Dullness

Have you ever noticed that the first few bites of a delicious food are the best? But after chowing down on something for awhile, the vibrant tastes become significantly dulled.

Today many men shovel food into their mouths so fast that their palate never has a chance to register this transition. Yet the shift is one of the ways the stomach tries to tell the brain that it’s full and to stop eating. Unfortunately men ignore this signal and continue eating far past it. The consequence is not only a far less enjoyable eating experience but an ever-expanding gut.

There are a million diet books and health magazines out there, but the only thing a man needs to know to maintain a decent waistline is this: Eat when hungry, stop when full. Don’t eat in front of the TV or on the go. Sit down for a proper meal. Savor each mouthful, and think about the flavors you are experiencing. Put your fork down between bites. When the flavors become less vibrant and your stomach starts to feel full, stop eating.

Figure 8.1 Sit down for a proper meal. Savor each mouthful, and think about the flavors you are experiencing.

Drink Not to Elevation

Many a manly man in history has enjoyed a drink or two. Yet somewhere along the way, it became acceptable for men to imbibe their spirits through a funnel and throw back shot after shot of Jägermeister. But there’s nothing manly about being a
guzzle guts
.

At the heart of manliness is the belief in personal responsibility. But excess drinking and personal responsibility are at odds. When drunk, men are not 100 percent in control of their choices. So if something goes wrong, they often blame the alcohol. A true man is fully present and completely in control of himself in every situation.

Men should also seek to rid themselves of any kind of dependencies. Alcohol can cause several, the most obvious one being outright alcoholism. But frequent boozing can also make a man dependent on liquor for confidence and a good time. It becomes a crutch. True men are confident and dynamic enough on their own. They don’t need liquid courage to create their fun or to be more charming.

Silence

“Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.”

Ben was not referring to monastic solitude when he presented silence as a virtue. Instead he had in mind the ability of knowing the appropriate time and words to speak. In our world full of talking heads, it seems if you want to grab attention and respect, you must speak over other people. But while these blowhards may get our attention, they hardly earn our respect.

Calvin “Silent Cal” Coolidge had this virtue down to a science. Turning to the president at dinner, author and poet Dorothy Parker, said, “Mr. Coolidge, I’ve made a bet against a fellow who said it was impossible to get more than two words out of you.” Coolidge’s reply? “You lose.”

Manly Advice: The Benefits of Practicing Silence

You can observe more. The guy who sits back quietly while others are yammering away is often the one with the keenest insights in a debate. And he frequently knows more about his group of friends than anyone else.

You add a commanding mystique to your character. The man who remains silent and only speaks when he has something important to say engenders great respect. When this man opens his mouth, others shut theirs. They know that this man speaks only when it’s edifying, so what he has to say must be important.

It allows you to distinguish yourself with your actions. Nothing is manlier than a man who rolls up his sleeves and gets to work without uttering so much as a word. While many men spend their time filling the air with talk of lofty aspirations, the man who succeeds in life spends his time actually getting things done.