The Art of Seduction (45 page)

sighed sadly, then excused himself for bed, leaving the czar to sleep on
the lady and it was very
this. He escorted the czar to a play on the themes of glory, honor, and
seldom that he passed by
empire; now, in later conversations, he could disguise his insinuations un-
her house.
. . . •
The
gentleman, being rather

der the cover of discussing the play. Within a few weeks, the czar was
more perceptive than the
speaking to his ministers of a marriage alliance and a treaty with France as
reverend friar, was not
if they were his own ideas.

exactly slow to appreciate

the lady's cleverness, and

Slips of the tongue, apparently inadvertent "sleep on it" comments, al-
putting on a somewhat
luring references, statements for which you quickly apologize—all of these
sheepish expression, he
have immense insinuating power. They get under people's skin like a poi-
promised not to bother her
son, and take on a life of their own. The key to succeeding with your in-
any more. But after leaving
the friar, he made his way

sinuations is to make them when your targets are at their most relaxed or
toward the house of the
distracted, so that they are not aware of what is happening. Polite banter is
lady, who was keeping
often the perfect front for this; people are thinking about what they will say
continuous vigil at a tiny
little window so that she

next, or are absorbed in their own thoughts. Your insinuations will barely
would see him if he
register, which is how you want it.

happened to pass by. . . .

In one of his early campaigns, John F. Kennedy addressed a group of
And from that day
forward, proceeding with

veterans. Kennedy's brave exploits during World War II—the PT-109 inci-
the maximum prudence
dent had made him a war hero—were known to all; but in the speech, he
and conveying the
talked of the other men on the boat, never mentioning himself. He knew,
impression that he was
engaged in some other

however, that what he had done was on everyone's mind, because in fact he
business entirely, he became
had put it there. Not only did his silence on the subject make them think of
a regular visitor to the
it on their own, it made Kennedy seem humble and modest, qualities that
neighborhood.
go well with heroism. In seduction, as the French courtesan Ninon de —GIOVANNI BOCCACCIO,
THE

l'Enclos advised, it is better not to talk about your love for a person. Let
DECAMERON,
TRANSLATED BY

G . H . M C W I L L I A M

your target read it in your manner. Your silence on the subject will have more insinuating power than if you had addressed it directly.

Not only words insinuate; pay attention to gestures and looks. Madame
Glances are the heavy
Récamier's favorite technique was to keep her words banal and the look in
artillery of the flirt:
her eyes enticing. The flow of conversation would keep men from thinking
everything can be conveyed
too deeply about these occasional looks, but they would be haunted by
in a look, yet that look can
always be denied, for it

them. Lord Byron had his famous "underlook": while everyone was dis-
cannot be quoted word for
cussing some uninteresting subject, he would seem to hang his head, but
word.
then a young woman (the target) would see him glancing upward at her, his —STENDHAL, QUOTED IN

head still tilted. It was a look that seemed dangerous, challenging, but also RICHARD DAVENPORT-HINES, ambiguous; many women were hooked by it. The face speaks its own lan-ED.,
VICE: AN ANTHOLOGY

guage. We are used to trying to read people's faces, which are often better indicators of their feelings than what they say, which is so easy to control.
218 • The Art of Seduction

Since people are always reading your looks, use them to transmit the insinuating signals you choose. Finally, the reason insinuation works so well is not just that it bypasses people's natural resistance. It is also the language of pleasure. There is too little mystery in the world; too many people say exactly what they feel or want. We yearn for something enigmatic, for something to feed our fantasies. Because of the lack of suggestion and ambiguity in daily life, the person who uses them suddenly seems to have something alluring and full of promise. It is a kind of titillating game—what is this person up to? What does he or she mean? Hints, suggestions, and insinuations create a seductive atmosphere, signaling that their victim is no longer involved in the routines of daily life but has entered another realm.

Symbol:
The Seed.

The soil is carefully prepared. The seeds are planted

months in advance. Once they are in the ground, no one

knows what hand threw them there. They are part of the

earth. Disguise your manipulations by planting seeds

that take root on their own.

Reversal

The danger in insinuation is that when you leave things ambiguous your target may misread them. There are moments, particularly later on in a seduction, when it is best to communicate your idea directly, particularly once you know the target will welcome it, Casanova often played things that way. When he could sense that a woman desired him, and needed little preparation, he would use a direct, sincere, gushing comment to go straight to her head like a drug and make her fall under his spell. When the rake and writer Gabriele D'Annunzio met a woman he desired, he rarely delayed. Flattery flowed from his mouth and pen. He would charm with his

"sincerity" (sincerity can be feigned, and is just one stratagem among others). This only works, however, when you sense that the target is easily yours. If not, the defenses and suspicions you raise by direct attack will make your seduction impossible. When in doubt, indirection is the better route.

Enter Their Spirit

Most

people are locked in their

own worlds, making them stubborn

and hard to persuade. The way to lure

them out of their shell and set up your seduction is

to enter their spirit. Play by their rules, enjoy what they

enjoy, adapt yourself to their moods. In doing so you will

stroke their deep-rooted narcissism and lower their defenses.

Hypnotized by the mirror image you present, they will open up,

becoming vulnerable to your subtle influence. Soon you can

shift the dynamic: once you have entered their spirit you

can make them enter yours, at a point when it is

too late to turn back. Indulge your targets'

every mood and whim, giving them

nothing to react against or

resist.

The Indulgent Strategy

In October of 1961, the American journalist Cindy Adams was granted an exclusive interview with President Sukarno of Indonesia. It was a remarkable coup, for Adams was a little-known journalist at the time, while Sukarno was a world figure in the midst of a crisis. A leader of the fight for Indonesia's independence, he had been the country's president since 1949, when the Dutch finally gave up the colony. By the early 1960s, his daring foreign policy had made him hated in the United States, some calling him
You're anxious to keep
your mistress? \ Convince

the Hitler of Asia.

her she's knocked you all of

Adams decided that in the interests of a lively interview, she would not
a heap \ With her stunning
be cowed or overawed by Sukarno, and she began the conversation by jok-
looks. If it's purple she's
wearing, praise purple; \

ing with him. To her pleasant surprise, her ice-breaking tactic seemed to
When she's in a silk dress,
work: Sukarno warmed up to her. He let the interview run well over an
say silk \ Suits her best of
hour, and when it was over he loaded her with gifts. Her success was re-
all. . . Admire \ Her
singing voice, her gestures

markable enough, but even more so were the friendly letters she began
as she dances, \ Cry
to receive from Sukarno after she and her husband had returned to New
"Encore!" when she stops.
York. A few years later, he proposed that she collaborate with him on his
You can even praise \ Her
autobiography.

performance in bed, her

talent for love-making
— \

Adams, who was used to doing puff pieces on third-rate celebrities, was
Spell out what turned you
confused. She knew Sukarno had a reputation as a devilish Don Juan—
le on. \ Though she may
grand seducteur,
the French called him. He had had four wives and hundreds
show fiercer in action than
any Medusa, \ Her lover

of conquests. He was handsome, and obviously he was attracted to her, but
will always describe her as
why choose her for this prestigious task? Perhaps his libido was too power-
kind \ And gentle. But
ful for him to care about such things. Nevertheless, it was an offer she could
take care not to give
yourself away while \

not refuse.

Making such tongue-in-

In January of 1964, Adams returned to Indonesia. Her strategy, she had
cheek compliments, don't
decided, would stay the same: she would be the brassy, straight-talking lady
allow \ Your expression to
ruin the message. Art's

who had seemed to charm Sukarno three years earlier. During her first in-
most effective \ When
terview with him for the book, she complained in rather strong terms
concealed. Detection
about the rooms she had been given as lodgings. As if he were her secre-
discredits you for good.
tary, she dictated a letter to him, which he was to sign, detailing the special — O V I D ,
THE ART OF LOVE,
treatment she was to be given by one and all. To her amazement, he duti-TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN

fully copied out the letter, and signed it.

Next on Adams's schedule was a tour of Indonesia to interview people who had known Sukarno in his youth. So she complained to him about the
The little boy (or girl) seeks
to fascinate his or her

plane she had to fly on, which she said was unsafe. "I tell you what, honey,"
parents. In Oriental
she told him, "I think you should give me my own plane." "Okay," he an-
literature, imitation is
221

222
•
The Art of Seduction

reckoned to be one of the
swered, apparently somewhat abashed. One, however, was not enough, she
ways of attracting. The
went on; she required several planes, and a helicopter, and her own per
Sanskrit texts, for
sonal pilot, a good one. He agreed to everything. The leader of Indonesia
example, give an important

part to the trick of the
seemed to be not just intimidated by Adams but totally under her spell. He
woman copying the dress,
praised her intelligence and wit. At one point he confided, "Do you know
expressions, and speech of
why I'm doing this biography? . . . Only because of you, that's why." He
her beloved. This kind of

mimetic drama is urged on
paid attention to her clothes, complimenting her outfits, noticing any
the woman who, "being
change in them. He was more like a fawning suitor than the "Hitler of
unable to unite with her
Asia."

beloved, imitates him to

distract his thoughts."
•

Inevitably, of course, he made passes at her. She was an attractive
The child too, using the
woman. First there was the hand on top of her hand, then a stolen kiss. She
devices of imitating
spurned him every time, making it clear she was happily married, but she
attitudes, dress, and so on,
was worried: if all he had wanted was an affair, the whole book deal could
seeks to fascinate, until a

magical intention, the
fall apart. Once again, though, her straightforward strategy seemed the
father or mother and thus
right one. Surprisingly, he backed down without anger or resentment. He
to "distract its thoughts."
promised that his affection for her would remain platonic. She had to admit
Identification means that

one is abandoning and not
that he was not at all what she had expected, or what had been described to
abandoning amorous
her. Perhaps he liked being dominated by a woman.
desires. It is a lure which

The interviews continued for several months, and she noticed slight
the child uses to capture his