The Art of Seduction (41 page)

tremely fond of her. He was depressed when she missed a lecture, and
young man had himself

would send her notes and flowers. Her involvement in a love affair with
written it to her. And just

Tausk made him intensely jealous, and he began to compete for her atten
as it sometimes happens
that the poison prepared for

tion. Tausk had been like a son to him, but the son was threatening to steal
a prince kills the one who

the father's platonic lover. Soon, however, Salomé left Tausk. Now her
tastes his food, so that poor

friendship with Freud was stronger than ever, and so it lasted until her
woman, in her greediness,

drank the love potion

death, in 1937.

prepared for another. What

more is there to say? The

affair was no secret, and

things so developed that

Interpretation.
Men did not just fall in love with Lou Andreas-Salomé;
many other women besides,

they were overwhelmed with the desire to possess her, to wrest her away
partly to spite the others

from others, to be the proud owner of her body and spirit. They rarely saw
and partly to follow their

her alone; she always in some way surrounded herself with other men.
Appear to Be an Object of Desire—Create Triangles • 199

When she saw that Rée was interested in her, she mentioned her desire to
example, put every care
meet Nietzsche. This inflamed Rée, and made him want to marry her and
and effort into winning this
man's love, squabbling over

to keep him for himself, but she insisted on meeting his friend. His letters
it for a while as boys do
to Nietzsche betrayed his desire for this woman, and this in turn kindled
for cherries.
Nietzsche's own desire for her, even before he had met her. Every time one —BALDASSARE CASTIGLIONE, of the two men was alone with her, the other was in the background.
THE BOOK OFTHE COURTIER,

Then, later on, most of the men who met her knew of the infamous TRANSLATED BY GEORGE BULL

Nietzsche affair, and this only increased their desire to possess her, to compete with Nietzsche's memory. Freud's affection for her, similarly, turned into potent desire when he had to vie with Tausk for her attention. Salomé
Most of the time we prefer
one thing to another

was intelligent and attractive enough on her own account; but her constant
because that is what our
strategy of imposing a triangle of relationships on her suitors made her de-
friends already prefer or
sirability intense. And while they fought over her, she had the power, being
because that object has
desired by all and subject to none.

marked social significance.

Adults, when they are

Our desire for another person almost always involves social considera-
hungry, are just like
tions: we are attracted to those who are attractive to other people. We want
children in that they seek
to possess them and steal them away. You can believe all the sentimental
out the foods that others
take. In their love affairs,

nonsense you want to about desire, but in the end, much of it has to do
they seek out the man or
with vanity and greed. Do not whine and moralize about people's selfish-
woman whom others find
ness, but simply use it to your advantage. The illusion that you are desired
attractive and abandon
those who are not sought

by others will make you more attractive to your victims than your beautiful
after. When we say of a
face or your perfect body. And the most effective way to create that illusion
man or woman that he or
is to create a triangle: impose another person between you and your victim,
she is desirable, what we
really mean is that others

and subtly make your victim aware of how much this other person wants
desire them. It is not that
you. The third point on the triangle does not have to be just one person:
they have some particular
surround yourself with admirers, reveal your past conquests—in other
quality, but because they
words, envelop yourself in an aura of desirability. Make your targets com-
conform to some currently
modish model.

pete with your past and your present. They will long to possess you all to

— S E R G E MOSCOVICI,
THE AGE

themselves, giving you great power for as long as you elude their grasp. Fail
OF THE CROWD:A HISTORICAL

to make yourself an object of desire right from the start, and you will end
TREATISE ON MASS PSYCHOL-
up the sorry slave to the whims of your lovers—they will abandon you the
OGY,
TRANSLATED BY J. C.

moment they lose interest.

[
A person
]
will desire any object so long as he is convinced
that it is desired by another person whom he admires.

It will be greatly to your

advantage to entertain the

—RENÉ GIRARD

lady you would win with

an account of the number

of women who are in love

with you, and of the

Keys to Seduction

decided advances which

they have made to you; for

this will not only prove

We are social creatures, and are immensely influenced by the tastes and
that you are a great favorite
desires of other people. Imagine a large social gathering. You see a
with the ladies, and a man
man alone, whom nobody talks to for any length of time, and who is wan-
of true honor, but it will
dering around without company; isn't there a kind of self-fulfilling isola-
convince her that she may
have the honor of being

tion about him? Why is he alone, why is he avoided? There has to be a
enrolled in the same list,
reason. Until someone takes pity on this man and starts up a conversation
and of being praised in the
200
•
The Art of Seduction

same way, in the presence

with him, he will look unwanted and unwantable. But over there, in an
of your other female
other corner, is a woman surrounded by people. They laugh at her remarks,
friends. This will greatly

and as they laugh, others join the group, attracted by its gaiety. When she
delight her, and you need

not be surprised if she

moves around, people follow. Her face is glowing with attention. There has
testifies her admiration of
to be a reason.

your character by throwing

In both cases, of course, there doesn't actually have to be a reason at
her arms around your neck

on the spot.

all. The neglected man may have quite charming qualities, supposing you ever talk to him; but most likely you won't. Desirability is a social illu— L O L A M O N T E Z ,
THE ARTS

AND SECRETS OF BEAUTY, WITH

sion. Its source is less what you say or do, or any kind of boasting or self
H I N T S TO GENTLEMEN ON THE

advertisement, than the sense that other people desire you. To turn your
ART OF FASCINATING

targets' interest into something deeper, into desire, you must make them see you as a person whom others cherish and covet. Desire is both imitative (we like what others like) and competitive (we want to take away from oth[
René
]
Girard's mimetic
ers what they have). As children, we wanted to monopolize the attention of
desire occurs when an

individual subject desires

a parent, to draw it away from other siblings. This sense of rivalry pervades
an object because it is

human desire, repeating throughout our lives. Make people compete for
desired by another subject,

your attention, make them see you as sought after by everyone else. The
here designated as the

rival: desire is modeled on

aura of desirability will envelop you.

the wishes or actions of

Your admirers can be friends or even suitors. Call it the harem effect.
another. Philippe Lacoue-

Pauline Bonaparte, sister of Napoleon, raised her value in men's eyes by al
Labarthe says that "the
basic hypothesis upon

ways having a group of worshipful men around her at balls and parties. If
which rests Girard's famous

she went for a walk, it was never with one man, always with two or three.
analysis
[
is that
]
every

Perhaps these men were simply friends, or even just props and hangers-on;
desire is the desire of the

the sight of them was enough to suggest that she was prized and desired, a
other (and not immediately

desire of an object), every

woman worth fighting over. Andy Warhol, too, surrounded himself with
structure of desire is

the most glamorous, interesting people he could find. To be part of his in
triangular (including the
ner circle meant that you were desirable as well. By placing himself in the
other
—
mediator or

model
—
whose desire desire

middle but keeping himself aloof from it all, he made everyone compete
imitates), every desire is

for his attention. He stirred people's desire to possess him by holding back.
thus from its inception

Practices like these not only stimulate competitive desires, they take aim
tapped by hatred and

rivalry; in short, the origin

at people's prime weakness: their vanity and self-esteem. We can endure
of desire is mimesis
—

feeling that another person has more talent, or more money, but the sense
mimeticism
—
and no

that a rival is more desirable than we are—that is unbearable. In the early
desire is ever forged which

eighteenth century, the Duke de Richelieu, a great rake, managed to se
does not desire forthwith
the death or disappearance

duce a young woman who was rather religious but whose husband, a dolt,
of the model or exemplary

was often away. He then proceeded to seduce her upstairs neighbor, a
character which gave rise

young widow. When the two women discovered that he was going from

to it.

one to the other in the same night, they confronted him. A lesser man

—JAMES MANDRELL,

DON JUAN AND THE POINT OF

would have fled, but not the duke; he understood the dynamic of vanity
H O N O R

and desire. Neither woman wanted to feel that he preferred the other. And so he managed to arrange a little menage a trois, knowing that now they would struggle between themselves to be the favorite. When people's vanity is at risk, you can make them do whatever you want. According to Stendhal, if there is a woman you are interested in, pay attention to her sister. That will stir a triangular desire. Your reputation—your illustrious past as a seducer—is an effective way
Appear to Be an Object of Desire—Create Triangles • 201

of creating an aura of desirability. Women threw themselves at Errol Flynn's
It's annoying that our new
feet, not because of his handsome face, and certainly not because of his
acquaintance likes the boy.
But aren't the best things

acting skills, but because of his reputation. They knew that other women
in life free to all? The sun

had found him irresistible. Once he had established that reputation, he did
shines on everyone. The
not have to chase women anymore; they came to him. Men who believe
moon, accompanied by
that a rakish reputation will make women fear or distrust them, and should
countless stars, leads even
the beasts to pasture. What

be played down, are quite wrong. On the contrary, it makes them more at-
can you think of lovelier
tractive. The virtuous Duchess de Montpensier, the
Grande Mademoiselle
of
than water? But it flows
seventeenth-century France, began by enjoying a friendship with the rake
for the whole world. Is love
alone then something

Lauzun, but a troubling thought soon occurred to her: if a man with
furtive rather than
Lauzun's past did not see her as a possible lover, something had to be wrong
something to be gloried in?

with her. This anxiety eventually pushed her into his arms. To be part of a
Exactly, that's just it
—
I
don't want any of the good

great seducer's club of conquests can be a matter of vanity and pride. We
things of life unless people
are happy to be in such company, to have our name broadcast as this man or
are envious of them.
woman's lover. Your own reputation may not be so alluring, but you must —PETRONIUS,
THE SATYRICON,
find a way to suggest to your victim that others, many others, have found TRANSLATED BY J. P. SULLIVAN

you desirable. It is reassuring. There is nothing like a restaurant full of empty tables to persuade you not to go in.

A variation on the triangle strategy is the use of contrasts: careful exploitation of people who are dull or unattractive may enhance your desirability by comparison. At a social affair, for instance, make sure that your target has to chat with the most boring person available. Come to the rescue and your target will be delighted to see you. In
The Seducer's Diary,
by Søren Kierkegaard, Johannes has designs on the innocent young Cordelia. Knowing that his friend Edward is hopelessly shy and dull, he encourages this man to court her; a few weeks of Edward's attentions will make her eyes wander in search of someone else,
anyone
else, and Johannes will make sure that they settle on him. Johannes chose to strategize and maneuver, but almost any social environment will contain contrasts you can make use of almost naturally. The seventeenth-century English actress Nell Gwyn became the main mistress of King Charles II because her humor and unaffectedness made her that much more desirable among the many stiff and pretentious ladies of Charles's court. When the Shanghai actress Jiang Qing met Mao Zedong, in 1937, she did not have to do much to seduce him; the other women in his mountain camp in Yenan dressed like men, and were decidedly unfeminine. The sight alone of Jiang was enough to seduce Mao, who soon left his wife for her. To make use of contrasts, either develop and display those attractive attributes (humor, vivacity, and so on) that are the scarcest in your own social group, or choose a group in which your natural qualities are rare, and will shine.

The use of contrasts has vast political ramifications, for a political figure must also seduce and seem desirable. Learn to play up the qualities that your rivals lack. Peter II, czar in eighteenth-century Russia, was arrogant and irresponsible, so his wife, Catherine the Great, did all she could to seem modest and dependable. When Vladimir Lenin returned to Russia in 1917

after Czar Nicholas II had been deposed, he made a show of decisiveness
202
•
The Art of Seduction

and discipline—precisely what no other leader had at the time. In the American presidential race of 1980, the irresoluteness of Jimmy Carter made the single-mindedness of Ronald Reagan look desirable. Contrasts are eminently seductive because they do not depend on your own words or self-advertisements. The public reads them unconsciously, and sees what it wants to see.

Finally, appearing to be desired by others will raise your value, but often how you carry yourself can influence this as well. Do not let your targets see you so often; keep your distance, seem unattainable, out of their reach. An object that is rare and hard to obtain is generally more prized.

Symbol:
The Trophy.

What makes you want to win the trophy, and to see it as

something worth having, is the sight of the other competitors. Some,
out of a spirit of kindness, may want to reward everyone for trying, but
the Trophy then loses its value. It must represent not only

your victory but everyone else's defeat.

Reversal

There is no reversal. It is essential to appear desirable in the eyes of others.

Create a Need—

Stir Anxiety and Discontent

A perfectly satisfied

person cannot be seduced. Tension and

disharmony must be instilled in your targets' minds. Stir

within them feelings of discontent, an unhappiness with their

circumstances and with themselves: their life lacks adventure, they
have strayed from the ideals of their youth, they have become boring.
The feelings of inadequacy that you create will give you space to in-
sinuate yourself, to make them see you as the answer to their

problems. Pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to

pleasure. Learn to manufacture the need

that you can fill.

Opening a Wound

In the coal-mining town of Eastwood, in central England, David Herbert Lawrence was considered something of a strange lad. Pale and delicate, he had no time for games or boyish pursuits, but was interested in literature; and he preferred the company of girls, who made up most of his friends. Lawrence often visited the Chambers family, who had been his neighbors until they moved out of Eastwood to a farm not far away. He liked to study with the Chambers sisters, particularly Jessie; she was shy and
No one can fall in love if
he is even partially satisfied