The Art of Seduction (39 page)

through, in the flirtatious looks, the wild dancing, the sudden gaiety—all these caught men off guard. Clearly there was more to her than they had thought, an intriguing complexity. When alone, they would find them
[Oscar Wilde's] hands
selves pondering these contradictions, as if a poison were coursing through
were fat and flabby; his

handshake lacked grip, and
their blood. Madame Récamier was an enigma, a problem that had to be
at a first encounter one
solved. Whatever it was that you wanted, whether a coquettish she-devil or
recoiled from its plushy
an unattainable goddess, she could seem to be. She surely encouraged this
limpness, but this aversion

was soon overcome when
illusion by keeping her men at a certain distance, so they could never figure
he began to talk, for his
her out. And she was the queen of the calculated effect, like her surprise
genuine kindliness and

entrance at the Château de Coppet, which made her the center of atten
desire to please made one
forget what was unpleasant
tion, if only for a few seconds.
Send Mixed Signals
•
189

The seductive process involves filling someone's mind with your image.
in his physical appearance
Your innocence, or your beauty, or your flirtatiousness can attract their at-
and contact, gave charm to
his manners, and grace to

tention but not their obsession; they will soon move on to the next striking
his precision of speech. The
image. To deepen their interest, you must hint at a complexity that cannot
first sight of him affected
be grasped in a week or two. You are an elusive mystery, an irresistible lure,
people in various ways.
promising great pleasure if only it can be possessed. Once they begin to
Some could hardly restrain
their laughter, others felt

fantasize about you, they are on the brink of the slippery slope of seduc-
hostile, a few were afflicted
tion, and will not be able to stop themselves from sliding down.

with the "creeps" many

were conscious of being

uneasy, but except for a

small minority who could

Artificial and Natural

never recover from the first

sensation of distaste and so

kept out of his way, both

The big Broadway hit of 1881 was Gilbert and Sullivan's operetta
Pa-sexes found him irresistible,
tience,
a satire on the bohemian world of aesthetes and dandies that had
and to the young men of
become so fashionable in London. To cash in on this vogue, the operetta's
his time, says W. B. Yeats,
he was like a triumphant

promoters decided to invite one of England's most infamous aesthetes to
and audacious figure from
America for a lecture tour: Oscar Wilde. Only twenty-seven at the time,
another age.
Wilde was more famous for his public persona than for his small body of —HESKETH PEARSON,
OSCAR

work. The American promoters were confident that their public would be
WILDE: HIS LIFE AND WIT

fascinated by this man, whom they imagined as always walking around with a flower in his hand, but they did not expect it to last; he would do a few lectures, then the novelty would wear off, and they would ship him home.
Once upon a time there
The money was good and Wilde accepted. On his arrival in New York, a
was a magnet, and in its
customs man asked him whether he had anything to declare: "I have noth-
close neighborhood lived
some steel filings. One day

ing to declare," he replied, "except my genius."

two or three little filings felt

The invitations poured in—New York society was curious to meet this
a sudden desire to go and
oddity. Women found Wilde enchanting, but the newspapers were less
visit the magnet, and they
kind;
The New York Times
called him an "aesthetic sham." Then, a week af-
began to talk of what a
pleasant thing it would be

ter his arrival, he gave his first lecture. The hall was packed; more than a
to do. Other filings nearby
thousand people came, many of them just to see what he looked like. They
overheard their
were not disappointed. Wilde did not carry a flower, and was taller than
conversation, and they, too,
became infected with the

they had expected, but he had long flowing hair and wore a green velvet
same desire. Still others
suit and cravat, as well as knee breeches and silk stockings. Many in the au-
joined them, till at last all
dience were put off; as they looked up at him from their seats, the combi-
the filings began to discuss
the matter, and more and

nation of his large size and pretty attire were rather repulsive. Some people
more their vague desire
openly laughed, others could not hide their unease. They expected to hate
grew into an impulse.
the man. Then he began to speak.

"Why not go today?" said

one of them; but others

The subject was the "English Renaissance," the "art for art's sake"
were of opinion that it
movement in late-nineteenth-century England. Wilde's voice proved hyp-
would be better to wait
notic; he spoke in a kind of meter, mannered and artificial, and few really
until tomorrow.
understood what he was saying, but the speech was so witty, and it flowed.
Meanwhile, without their
having noticed it, they had

His appearance was certainly strange, but overall, no New Yorker had ever
been involuntarily moving
seen or heard such an intriguing man, and the lecture was a huge success.
nearer to the magnet,
Even the newspapers warmed up to it. In Boston a few weeks later, some
which lay there quite still,
apparently taking no heed

sixty Harvard boys had prepared an ambush: they would make fun of this
of them. And so they went
effeminate poet by dressing in knee breeches, carrying flowers, and ap-
on discussing, all the time
190
•
The Art of Seduction

insensibly drawing nearer
plauding far too loudly at his entrance. Wilde was not the least bit flustered.
to their neighbor; and the
The audience laughed hysterically at his improvised comments, and when
more they talked, the more
the boys heckled him he kept his dignity, betraying no anger at all. Once
they felt the impulse

growing stronger, till the
again, the contrast between his manner and his physical appearance made
more impatient ones
him seem rather extraordinary. Many were deeply impressed, and Wilde
declared that they would go
was well on his way to becoming a sensation.
that day, whatever the rest

did. Some were heard to

The short lecture tour turned into a cross-country affair. In San Fran
say that it was their duty
cisco, this visiting lecturer on art and aesthetics proved able to drink every
to visit the magnet, and
one under the table and play poker, which made him the hit of the season.
they ought to have gone
On his way back from the West Coast, Wilde was to make stops in Colo
long ago. And, while they
talked, they moved always
rado, and was warned that if the pretty-boy poet dared to show up in the
nearer and nearer, without
mining town of Leadville, he would be hung from the highest tree. It was
realizing that they had
an invitation Wilde could not refuse. Arriving in Leadville, he ignored the
moved. Then, at last, the

impatient ones prevailed,
hecklers and nasty looks; he toured the mines, drank and played cards, then
and, with one irresistible
lectured on Botticelli and Cellini in the saloons. Like everyone else, the
impulse, the whole body
miners fell under his spell, even naming a mine after him. One cowboy was
cried out, "There is no use

waiting. We will go today.
heard to say, "That fellow is some art guy, but he can drink any of us under
We will go now. We will
the table and afterwards carry us home two at a time."
go at once." And then in

one unanimous mass they

swept along, and in

another moment were

Interpretation.
In a fable he improvised at dinner once, Oscar Wilde talked
clinging fast to the magnet
about some steel filings that had a sudden desire to visit a nearby magnet.
on every side. Then the
As they talked to each other about this, they found themselves moving
magnet smiled
—
for the

steel filings had no doubt
closer to the magnet without realizing how or why. Finally they were swept
at all but that they were
in one mass to the magnet's side. "Then the magnet smiled—for the steel
paying that visit of their
filings had no doubt at all but that they were paying that visit of their
own free will.
own free will." Such was the effect that Wilde himself had on everyone

— O S C A R W I L D E , AS QUOTED BY

around him.

HESKETH PEARSON,
OSCAR

Wilde's attractiveness was more than just a by-product of his character,
WILDE: HIS LIFE AND WIT

it was quite calculated. An adorer of paradox, he consciously played up his own weirdness and ambiguity, the contrast between his mannered appear
Now that the bohort
ance and his witty, effortless performance. Naturally warm and sponta[
impromptu joust
]
was over
and the knights were
neous, he constructed an image that ran counter to his nature. People were
dispersing and each making
repelled, confused, intrigued, and finally drawn to this man who seemed
his way to where his
impossible to figure out.

thoughts inclined him, it

chanced that Rivalin was

Paradox is seductive because it plays with meaning. We are secretly op
heading for where lovely
pressed by the rationality in our lives, where everything is meant to mean
Blancheflor was sitting.
something; seduction, by contrast, thrives on ambiguity, on mixed signals,
Seeing this, he galloped up
on anything that eludes interpretation. Most people are painfully obvious.
to her and looking her in

the eyes saluted her most
If their character is showy, we may be momentarily attracted, but the at
pleasantly.
•
"God save
traction wears off; there is no depth, no contrary motion, to pull us in. The
you, lovely woman!"
• key to both attracting and holding attention is to radiate mystery. And no

"Thank you," said the

girl, and continued very
one is naturally mysterious, at least not for long; mystery is something you
bashfully, "may God
have to work at, a ploy on your part, and something that must be used early
Almighty, who makes all
on in the seduction. Let one part of your character show, so everyone no
hearts glad, gladden your
heart and mind! And my
tices it. (In the example of Wilde, this was the mannered affectation con-
Send Mixed Signals
•
191

veyed by his clothes and poses.) But also send out a mixed signal—some
grateful thanks to you!
—

sign that you are not what you seem, a paradox. Do not worry if this
yet not forgetting a bone I
have to pick with you."
•

underquality is a negative one, like danger, cruelty, or amorality; people

"Ah, sweet woman, what

will be drawn to the enigma anyway, and pure goodness is rarely seductive.
have I done?" was
courteous Rivalin's reply.
•

Paradox with him was only truth standing on its head to

"You have annoyed me

through a friend of mine,

attract attention.

the best I ever had. "
•

"Good heavens," thought

— R I C H A R D LE GALLIENNE, ON HIS FRIEND OSCAR WILDE

he, "what does this mean?

What have I done to

displease her? What does

Keys to Seduction

she say I have done?" and

he imagined that

unwittingly he must have

Nothing can proceed in seduction unless you can attract and hold your
injured a kinsman of hers
victim's attention, your physical presence becoming a haunting men-
some time at their knightly
tal presence. It is actually quite easy to create that first stir—an alluring style
sports and that was why
she was vexed with him.

of dress, a suggestive glance, something extreme about you. But what hap-
But no, the friend she
pens next? Our minds are barraged with images—not just from media but
referred to was her heart, in

from the disorder of daily life. And many of these images are quite striking.
which he made her suffer:
You become just one more thing screaming for attention; your attractive-
that was the friend she
spoke of But he knew

ness will pass unless you spark the more enduring kind of spell that makes
nothing of that.
•
"Lovely
people think of you in your absence. That means engaging their imagina-
woman," he said with all
tions, making them think there is more to you than what they see. Once
his accustomed charm, "I
do not want you to be

they start embellishing your image with their fantasies, they are hooked.
angry with me or bear me

This must, however, be done early on, before your targets know too
any ill will. So, if what
much and their impressions of you are set. It should occur the moment
you tell me is true,
pronounce sentence on me

they lay eyes on you. By sending mixed signals in that first encounter, you
yourself: I will do whatever
create a little surprise, a little tension: you seem to be one thing (innocent,
you command."
•
"I do
brash, intellectual, witty), but you also throw them a glimpse of something
not hate you overmuch for
what has happened," was

else (devilish, shy, spontaneous, sad). Keep things subtle: if the second
the sweet girl's answer,
quality is too strong, you will seem schizophrenic. But make them wonder

"nor do I love you for it.

why you might be shy or sad underneath your brash intellectual wit, and
But to see what amends
you will have their attention. Give them an ambiguity that lets them see
you will make for the
wrong you have done me, I

what they want to see, capture their imagination with little voyeuristic
shall test you another
glimpses into your dark soul.

time."
•
And so he bowed

The Greek philosopher Socrates was one of history's greatest seducers;
as if to go, and she, lovely
girl, sighed at him most

the young men who followed him as students were not just fascinated by
secretly and said with
his ideas, they fell in love with him. One such youth was Alcibiades, the
tender feeling:
•
"Ah, dear
notorious playboy who became a powerful political figure near the end of
friend, God bless you!"
From this time on the

the fifth century B.C. In Plato's
Symposium,
Alcibiades describes Socrates's
thoughts of each ran on the
seductive powers by comparing him to the little figures of Silenus that were
other.
•
Rivalin turned
made back then. In Greek myth, Silenus was quite ugly, but also a wise
away, pondering many
things. He pondered from

prophet. Accordingly the statues of Silenus were hollow, and when you
many sides why

took them apart, you would find little figures of gods inside them—the in-
Blancheflor should be
ner truth and beauty under the unappealing exterior. And so, for Alci-
vexed, and what lay
biades, it was the same with Socrates, who was so ugly as to be repellent but
behind it all. He
considered her greeting, her

whose face radiated inner beauty and contentment. The effect was confus-
192
•
The Art of Seduction
words; he examined her
ing and attractive. Antiquity's other great seducer, Cleopatra, also sent out
sigh minutely, her farewell,

mixed signals: by all accounts physically alluring, in voice, face, body, and
he whole behavior.
. .
But

manner, she also had a brilliantly active mind, which for many writers of
since he was uncertain of

her motive
—
whether she
the time made her seem somewhat masculine in spirit. These contrary
had acted from enmity or
qualities gave her complexity, and complexity gave her power.
love
—h
e wavered in

To capture and hold attention, you need to show attributes that go

perplexity. He wavered

in his thoughts now here,

against your physical appearance, creating depth and mystery. If you have a
now there. At one moment

sweet face and an innocent air, let out hints of something dark, even
he was off in one direction,

vaguely cruel in your character. It is not advertised in your words, but in
then suddenly in another,

till he had so ensnared

your manner. The actor Errol Flynn had a boyishly angelic face and a slight
himself in the toils of his

air of sadness. Beneath this outward appearance, however, women could
own desire that he was

sense an underlying cruelty, a criminal streak, an exciting kind of danger
powerless to escape
. . . • ousness. This play of contrary qualities attracted obsessive interest. The
His entanglement had

placed him in a quandary,
female equivalent is the type epitomized by Marilyn Monroe; she had
for he did not know
the face and voice of a little girl, but something sexual and naughty em
whether she wished him
anated powerfully from her as well. Madame Récamier did it all with her
well or ill; he could not

make out whether she
eyes—the gaze of an angel, suddenly interrupted by something sensual and
loved or hated him. No
flirtatious.

hope or despair did he

Playing with gender roles is a kind of intriguing paradox that has a long
consider which did not

forbid him either to advance
history in seduction. The greatest Don Juans have had a touch of prettiness
or retreat
—
hope and

and femininity, and the most attractive courtesans have had a masculine
despair led him to and fro
streak. The strategy, though, is only powerful when the underquality is
in unresolved dissension.

merely hinted at; if the mix is too obvious or striking it will seem bizarre or
Hope spoke to him of love,

despair of hatred. Because
even threatening. The great seventeenth-century French courtesan Ninon
of this discord he could

de l'Enclos was decidedly feminine in appearance, yet everyone who met
yield his firm belief neither
her was struck by a touch of aggressiveness and independence in her—but
to hatred nor yet to love.

Thus his feelings drifted in
just a touch. The late nineteenth-century Italian novelist Gabriele d'An
an unsure haven
—
hope
nunzio was certainly masculine in his approaches, but there was a gentle
bore him on, despair away.
ness, a consideration, mixed in, and an interest in feminine finery The
He found no constancy in

either; they agreed neither
combinations can be juggled every which way: Oscar Wilde was quite
one way or another. When

feminine in appearance and manner, but the underlying suggestion that he
despair came and told him

was actually quite masculine drew both men and women to him.

that his Blancheflor was

his enemy he faltered and

A potent variation on this theme is the blending of physical heat and
sought to escape: but at

emotional coldness. Dandies like Beau Brummel and Andy Warhol com
once came hope, bringing
bine striking physical appearances with a kind of coldness of manner, a dis
him her love, and a fond
tance from everything and everyone. They are both enticing and elusive,
aspiration, and so perforce

he remained. In the face of
and people spend lifetimes chasing after such men, trying to shatter their
such discord he did not
unattainability. (The power of apparently unattainable people is devilishly
know where to turn: no-

seductive; we want to be the one to break them down.) They also wrap
where could he go forward.

The more he strove to flee,

themselves in ambiguity and mystery, either talking very little or talking
the more firmly love forced

only of surface matters, hinting at a depth of character you can never reach.
him back. The harder he
When Marlene Dietrich entered a room, or arrived at a party, all eyes in
struggled to escape, love
drew him back more firmly.

evitably turned to her. First there were her startling clothes, chosen to make heads turn. Then there was her air of nonchalant indifference. Men, and

— G O T T F R I E D VON STRASSBURG,

TRISTAN,
TRANSLATED BY A . T .

women too, became obsessed with her, thinking of her long after other