The Art of Seduction (42 page)

serious, and getting her to open up and confide in him was a pleasurable
with what he has or who
challenge. Jessie grew quite attached to Lawrence over the years, and they
he is. The experience of
became good friends.

falling in love originates in

an extreme depression, an

One day in 1906, Lawrence, twenty-one at the time, did not show up
inability to find something
at the usual hour for his study session with Jessie. He finally arrived much
that has value in everyday
later, in a mood she had never seen before—preoccupied and quiet. Now it
life. The "symptom" of
the predisposition to fall in

was her turn to make him open up. Finally he talked: he felt she was getting
love is not the conscious
too close to him. What about her future? Whom would she marry? Cer-
desire to do so, the intense
tainly not him, he said, for they were just friends. But it was unfair of him
desire to enrich our lives; it
is the profound sense of

to keep her from seeing others. They should of course remain friends and
being worthless and of
have their talks, but maybe less often. When he finished and left, she felt a
having nothing that is
strange emptiness. She had yet to think much about love or marriage. Sud-
valuable and the shame of
denly she had doubts. What would her future be? Why wasn't she thinking
not having it. . . . For this
reason, falling in love

about it? She felt anxious and upset, without understanding why.

occurs more frequently

Lawrence continued to visit, but everything had changed. He criticized
among young people, since
her for this and that. She wasn't very physical. What kind of wife would
they are profoundly
uncertain, unsure of their

she make anyway? A man needed more from a woman than just talk. He
worth, and often ashamed
likened her to a nun. They began to see each other less often. When, some
of themselves. The same
time later, Lawrence accepted a teaching position at a school outside Lon-
thing applies to people of
other ages when they lose

don, she felt part relieved to be rid of him for a while. But when he said
something in their lives
—

goodbye to her, and intimated that it might be for the last time, she broke
when their youth ends or
down and cried. Then he started sending her weekly letters. He would
when they start to grow
old.

write about girls he was seeing; maybe one of them would be his wife. Finally, at his behest, she visited him in London. They got along well, as in —FRANCESCO ALBERONI,
FALLING IN L O V
E , TRANSLATED

the old times, but he continued to badger her about her future, picking at BY LAWRENCE VENUTI that old wound. At Christmas he was back in Eastwood, and when he visited her he seemed exultant. He had decided that it was Jessie he should marry, that he had in fact been attracted to her all along. They should keep it quiet for a while; although his writing career was taking off (his first
205

206
•
The Art of Seduction

"What can Love be

novel was about to be published), he needed to make more money. Caught
then?" I said. "A

off guard by this sudden announcement, and overwhelmed with happiness,
mortal?" "Far from it."
Jessie agreed to everything, and they became lovers.

"Well, what?" "As in my

previous examples, he is

Soon, however, the familiar pattern repeated: criticisms, breakups, an
half-way between mortal
nouncements that he was engaged to another girl. This only deepened his
and immortal." What sort

hold on her. It was not until 1912 that she finally decided never to see him
of being is he then,

Diotima?" "He is a great

again, disturbed by his portrayal of her in the autobiographical novel
Sons
spirit, Socrates; everything

and Lovers.
But Lawrence remained a lifelong obsession for her.
that is of the nature of a

In 1913, a young English woman named Ivy Low, who had read

spirit is half-god and half-

man." . . . "Who are his

Lawrence's novels, began to correspond with him, her letters gushing with
parents?" I asked. "That

admiration. By now Lawrence was married, to a German woman, the

is rather a long story," she
Baroness Frieda von Richthofen. To Low's surprise, though, he invited her
answered, "but I will tell

to visit him and his wife in Italy. She knew he was probably something of a
you. On the day that

Aphrodite was born the

Don Juan, but was eager to meet him, and accepted his invitation.

gods were feasting, among

Lawrence was not what she had expected: his voice was high-pitched, his
them Contrivance the son

eyes were piercing, and there was something vaguely feminine about him.
of Invention; and after

dinner, seeing that a party

Soon they were taking walks together, with Lawrence confiding in Low.
was in progress, Poverty

She felt that they were becoming friends, which delighted her. Then sud
came to beg and stood at
denly, just before she was to leave, he launched into a series of criticisms of
the door. Now Contrivance

was drunk with nectar
—

her—she was so unspontaneous, so predictable, less human being than ro
wine, I may say, had not
bot. Devastated by this unexpected attack, she nevertheless had to agree—

yet been discovered
—
and

what he had said was true. What could he have seen in her in the first
went out into the garden of
place? Who was she anyway? Low left Italy feeling empty—but then
Zeus, and was overcome by

sleep. So Poverty, thinking

Lawrence continued to write to her, as if nothing had happened. She soon
to alleviate her wretched

realized that she had fallen hopelessly in love with him, despite everything
condition by bearing a child

he had said to her. Or was it not despite what he had said, but because of it?

to Contrivance, lay with

him and conceived Love.

In 1914, the writer John Middleton-Murry received a letter from

Since Love was begotten on

Lawrence, a good friend of his. In the letter, out of nowhere, Lawrence
Aphrodite's birthday, and

criticized Middleton-Murry for being passionless and not gallant enough
since he has also an innate

passion for the beautiful,

with his wife, the novelist Katherine Mansfield. Middleton-Murry later
and so for the beauty of
wrote, "I had never felt for a man before what his letter made me feel for
Aphrodite herself, he

him. It was a new thing, a unique thing, in my experience; and it was to re
became her follower and
servant. Again, having

main unique." He felt that beneath Lawrence's criticisms lay some weird
Contrivance for his father

kind of affection. Whenever he saw Lawrence from then on, he felt a
and Poverty for his

strange physical attraction that he could not explain.

mother, he bears the

following character. He is

always poor, and, far from

being sensitive and

Interpretation.
The number of women, and of men, who fell under
beautiful, as most people

Lawrence's spell is astonishing given how unpleasant he could be. In almost
imagine, he is hard and

weather-beaten, shoeless

every case the relationship began in friendship—with frank talks, exchanges
and homeless, always

of confidences, a spiritual bond. Then, invariably, he would suddenly turn
sleeping out for want of a

against them, voicing harsh personal criticisms. He would know them well
bed, on the ground, on

doorsteps, and in the street.

by that time, and the criticisms were often quite accurate, and hit a nerve.
So far he takes after his

This would inevitably trigger confusion in his victims, and a sense of anxi
mother and lives in want.
ety, a feeling that something was wrong with them. Jolted out of their usual
But, being also his father's

sense of normality, they would feel divided inside. With half of their minds
Create a Need
—
Stir Anxiety and Discontent • 207

they wondered why he was doing this, and felt he was unfair; with the
son, he schemes to get for
other half, they believed it was all true. Then, in those moments of self-
himself whatever is
beautiful and good; he is

doubt, they would get a letter or a visit from him in which he was his old
bold and forward and
charming self.

strenuous, always devising

Now they saw him differently Now they were weak and vulnerable, in
tricks like a cunning
need of something; and he would seem so strong. Now he drew them to
huntsman."
him, feelings of friendship turning into affection and desire. Once they felt —PLATO,
SYMPOSIUM
,

uncertain about themselves, they were susceptible to falling in love.

Most of us protect ourselves from the harshness of life by succumbing to routines and patterns, by closing ourselves off from others. But underlying these habits is a tremendous sense of insecurity and defensiveness. We
We are all like pieces of the

feel we are not really living. The seducer must pick at this wound and bring
coins that children break in
half for keepsakes
—

these semiconscious thoughts into full awareness. This was what Lawrence
making two out of one,
did: his sudden, brutally unexpected jabs would hit people at their weak
like the flatfish
—
and each
spot.

of us is forever seeking the

half that will tally with

Although Lawrence had great success with his frontal approach, it is
himself . . . And so all
often better to stir thoughts of inadequacy and uncertainty indirectly, by
this to-do is a relic of that
hinting at comparisons to yourself or to others, and by insinuating some-
original state of ours when
we were whole, and now,

how that your victims' lives are less grand than they had imagined. You
when we are longing for
want them to feel at war with themselves, torn in two directions, and anx-
and following after that
ious about it. Anxiety, a feeling of lack and need, is the precursor of all de-
primeval wholeness, we say
we are in love.

sire. These jolts in the victim's mind create space for you to insinuate your poison, the siren call of adventure or fulfillment that will make them follow —ARISTOPHANES'S SPEECH IN

PLATO'S
SYMPOSIUM,
QUOTED IN

you into your web. Without anxiety and a sense of lack there can be no JAMES MANDRELL,
DON JUAN

seduction.

AND THE POINT OF HONOR

Desire and love have for their object things or qualities

which a man does not at present possess but which he

Don John: Well met,

pretty lass! What! Are

lacks.

there such handsome

—SOCRATES

Creatures as you amongst

these Fields, these Trees,

and Rocks?
•
Charlotta: I

am as you see, Sir.
•
Don

Keys to Seduction

John: Are you of this

Village?
•
Charlotta: Yes,

Sir.
•
Don John: What's

Everyone wears a mask in society; we pretend to be more sure of our-
your name?
•
Charlotta:
selves than we are. We do not want other people to glimpse that
Charlotta, Sir, at your
doubting self within us. In truth, our egos and personalities are much more
Service.
•
Don John: Ah
fragile than they appear to be; they cover up feelings of confusion and
what a fine Person 'tis!

What piercing Eyes!
•

emptiness. As a seducer, you must never mistake a person's appearance for
Charlotta: Sir, you make
the reality. People are always susceptible to being seduced, because in fact
me ashamed.
. . . •
Don
everyone lacks a sense of completeness, feels something missing deep in-
John: Pretty Charlotta,
you are not marry'd, are

side. Bring their doubts and anxieties to the surface and they can be led and
you?
•
Charlotta: No, Sir,
lured to follow you.

but I am soon to be, with

No one can see you as someone to follow or fall in love with unless
Pierrot, son to Goody
Simonetta.
•
Don John:

they first reflect on themselves somehow, and on what they are missing. Be
What! Shou'd such a one
fore the seduction proceeds, you must place a mirror in front of them in
as you be Wife to a
208
•
The Art of Seduction

Peasant! No, no; that's a

which they glimpse that inner emptiness. Made aware of a lack, they now
profanation of so much

can focus on you as the person who can fill that empty space. Remember:
Beauty. You was not born

most of us are lazy. To relieve our feelings of boredom or inadequacy on
to live in a Village. You

certainly deserve a better

our own takes too much effort; letting someone else do the job is both
Fortune, and Heaven,

easier and more exciting. The desire to have someone fill up our emptiness
which knows it well,

is the weakness on which all seducers prey. Make people anxious about the
brought me hither on

purpose to hinder this

future, make them depressed, make them question their identity, make
Marriage and do justice to

them sense the boredom that gnaws at their life. The ground is prepared.
your Charms; for in short,

The seeds of seduction can be sown.

fair Charlotta, I love you

In Plato's dialogue
Symposium
—the West's oldest treatise on love, and a
with all my Heart, and if

you'll consent I'll deliver
text that has had a determining influence on our ideas of desire—the cour
you from this miserable
tesan Diotima explains to Socrates the parentage of Eros, the god of love.
Place, and put you in the
Eros's father was Contrivance, or Cunning, and his mother was Poverty, or
Condition you deserve.

This Love is doubtless

Need. Eros takes after his parents: he is constantly in need, which he is con
sudden, but 'tis an Effect of
stantly contriving to fill. As the god of love, he knows that love cannot be
your great Beauty. I love

induced in another person unless they too feel need. And that is what his
you as much in a quarter of

an Hour as I shou'd

arrows do: piercing people's flesh, they make them feel a lack, an ache, a
another in six Months.

hunger. This is the essence of your task as a seducer. Like Eros, you must

—MOLIÈRE,
DON JOHN; OR,

create a wound in your victim, aiming at their soft spot, the chink in their
THE LIBERTINE,
TRANSLATED BY

self-esteem. If they are stuck in a rut, make them feel it more deeply, "inJ O H N O Z E L L , IN OSCAR

nocently" bringing it up and talking about it. What you want is a wound, M A N D E L , ED.,
THE THEATRE OF

DON JUAN

an insecurity you can expand a little, an anxiety that can best be relieved by involvement with another person, namely you. They must feel the wound before they fall in love. Notice how Lawrence stirred anxiety, always hitting
For I stand tonight facing

at his victims' weak spot: for Jessie Chambers, her physical coldness; for Ivy
west on what was once the

last frontier. From the

Low, her lack of spontaneity; for Middleton-Murry, his lack of gallantry.
lands that stretch three

Cleopatra got Julius Caesar to sleep with her the first night he met her,
thousand miles behind me,

but the real seduction, the one that made him her slave, began later. In their
the pioneers of old gave up

their safety, their comfort,

ensuing conversations she talked repeatedly of Alexander the Great, the
and sometimes their lives to

hero from whom she was supposedly descended. No one could compare to
build a new world here in

him. By implication, Caesar was made to feel inferior. Understanding that
the West. They were not

beneath his bravado Caesar was insecure, Cleopatra awakened in him an
the captives of their own

doubts, the prisoners of

anxiety, a hunger to prove his greatness. Once he felt this way he was easily
their own price tags. Their

further seduced. Doubts about his masculinity was his tender spot.

motto was not "every man

When Caesar was assassinated, Cleopatra turned her sights on Mark

for himself
—
but "all for

the common cause." They

Antony, one of Caesar's successors in the leadership of Rome. Antony
were determined to make

loved pleasure and spectacle, and his tastes were crude. She appeared to him
that new world strong and

first on her royal barge, then wined and dined and banqueted him. Every
free, to overcome its
hazards and its hardships,

thing was geared to suggest to him the superiority of the Egyptian way of
to conquer the enemies that

life over the Roman, at least when it came to pleasure. The Romans were
threatened from without

boring and unsophisticated by comparison. And once Antony was made to
and within.
. . . •
Today

feel how much he was missing in spending his time with his dull soldiers
some would say that those

struggles are all over
—
that

and his matronly Roman wife, he could be made to see Cleopatra as the in
all the horizons have been
carnation of all that was exciting. He became her slave.

explored, that all the

This is the lure of the exotic. In your role of seducer, try to position
battles have been won, that

there is no longer an
yourself as coming from outside, as a stranger of sorts. You represent
Create a Need—Stir Anxiety and Discontent • 209

change, difference, a breakup of routines. Make your victims feel that by
American frontier.
•
But I
comparison their lives are boring and their friends less interesting than they
trust that no one in this
vast assemblage will agree

had thought. Lawrence made his targets feel personally inadequate; if you
with those sentiments. . .
.

find it hard to be so brutal, concentrate on their friends, their circum• . . .
I tell you the New
stances, the externals of their lives. There are many legends of Don Juan,
Frontier is here, whether
but they often describe him seducing a village girl by making her feel that
we seek it or not. . . . It
would be easier to shrink

her life is horribly provincial. He, meanwhile, wears glittering clothes and
back from that frontier, to

has a noble bearing. Strange and exotic, he is always from somewhere else.
look to the safe mediocrity
First she feels the boredom of her life, then she sees him as her salvation.
of the past, to be lulled by
good intentions and high

Remember: people prefer to feel that if their life is uninteresting, it not be-
rhetoric
—
and those who
cause of themselves but because of their circumstances, the dull people
prefer that course should
they know, the town into which they were born. Once you make them feel
not cast their votes for me,
regardless of party.
•
But I

the lure of the exotic, seduction is easy.

believe that the times

Another devilishly seductive area to aim at is the victim's past. To grow
demand invention,
old is to renounce or compromise youthful ideals, to become less sponta-
innovation, imagination,
decision. I am asking each

neous, less alive in a way. This knowledge lies dormant in all of us. As a se-
of you to be new pioneers
ducer you must bring it to the surface, make it clear how far people have
on that New Frontier. My
strayed from their past goals and ideals. You, in turn, present yourself as
call is to the young in
representing that ideal, as offering a chance to recapture lost youth through
heart, regardless of age.
adventure—through seduction. In her later years, Queen Elizabeth I of En-—JOHN F. KENNEDY,