The Believer (38 page)

If she truly loved Ethan as she'd told him, then she couldn't remain here and be a stumbling block to his peace. She was a temptation to him. A cause of sin to him as a Believer. Their love was not a sin. The Shakers would never convince her of that, but though that truth was solid in her heart, the opposite feeling was just as solidly in Ethan's mind. In every Believer's mind. If Ethan confessed their meeting in the woods, some kind of chastisement would follow.

She hoped he wouldn't speak of it. Not because she was worried about anything the Shakers might do to her or even of how it might lessen Ethan's standing among them, but because she wanted him to treasure the memory of their kiss and not cheapen it by throwing it out into one of the Shaker meetings for the whole of the body of Believers to stomp out in one of their exercises.

Back at the village, Sister Lettie studied Elizabeth's face with a look of concern as she took the roots Elizabeth held out to her, but she didn't question her. Instead she gently pulled Elizabeth's finds out of the bag and brushed the dirt from them with pleasure. "I knew you would have a gift for finding the healing roots:" Her eyes came back to Elizabeth. "You must not allow this gift to die within you:"

Elizabeth tried to push a smile out on her face, but how could she smile when she might never again have the chance to be near this woman? She wanted to grab Sister Lettie and hug her. She wanted to lay her head on her shoulder and weep. But she dared not let that first tear slide out of her eyes. Else she might never stop. "I will long remember your teachings and use them any time I can be of help to others"

Sister Lettie mashed her mouth together and closed her eyes for a moment as if willing away her own tears before she reached for Elizabeth's hand and said, "I will miss you, my sister."

Elizabeth caught her hand. "As I will you, Sister Lettie. But I'll carry your loving spirit away within my heart:"

Sister Lettie squeezed Elizabeth's hand. "I will pray for you.

Elizabeth looked at her kind face with wrinkles deep around her eyes that spoke more of smiles than frowns. "Please do not condemn me when I'm gone as I know others among you will do"

"Nay, my sister, I would never condemn you. My prayers will lift you up with love:"

"That I see the error of my ways?"

"Nay." Sister Lettie shook Elizabeth's hand a bit. "That you will find peace on whatever path you choose. And that you will always know you are loved by the Eternal Father. That knowledge and the gift to be simple, to accept the spirit in a childlike way, will carry you through many troubles."

"May it be true" Elizabeth didn't want to turn loose of Sister Lettie's hand. She wanted to keep her close a little longer. "I do have faith. Just not in the Shaker way as you do"

"Yea, I have seen that. Perhaps someday your feet will turn back to the road to our village. Until then, where will you go?"

"There is a man who will take Hannah and me in:"

Sister Lettie's forehead wrinkled in a frown. "Surely you do not speak of that man who tried to carry you away, Sister Elizabeth. Not the one who brings fearful dread to your eyes.

When Elizabeth simply met her eyes without answering, Sister Lettie went on. "You must find another way. You know not what that man might be capable of."

"I see no other way."

Sister Lettie searched her face a moment before she said, "Oh, my sister, the world outside of Harmony Hill can be a fearsome place, but even so, surely there can be another way." She pulled her close in an embrace. She smelled of rose hips and ginger root. "Pray the Lord will lead you to that other way.

Elizabeth did pray as Sister Lettie said while going through the motions of the rest of the Shaker day. In their biting room where the only sounds were the thud of bowls being set down on the wooden tables and the clanking of forks against plates as they ate in the required silence, she avoided Sister Ruth's disapproving stare and kept a prayer circling in her thoughts as she cleaned her plate. She prayed through the time of rest. She prayed as she went through the motions of exercising the dances in the meetinghouse. She did not once allow her eyes to seek out Ethan. That door was closed. It was only a matter of hours before she must walk through the only door open to her in spite of what Sister Lettie said. In spite of her prayers.

Pray believing. Her mother had taught Elizabeth that long before, but then Elizabeth had prayed for her mother. She had believed the Lord would heal her. He had not. Elizabeth hadn't lost her faith after her mother's death, but she had lost her idea of a fairy-tale God who granted her every petition. She had searched the Scriptures and found no passage to say those of faith would not face hardships, but she had seen many promises that the Lord would walk with the faithful through all those troubles. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me. That is what she had to pray believing.

She did seek out Payton's eyes, but her brother kept his face turned from her. She only wanted to say goodbye. She watched as he did the turns and spins in the dances with purpose and devotion. His face was lit with belief as he listened to Elder Joseph. He had shaken off his ties to the world. His ties to her and Hannah. And even in her sadness, she knew it was better to leave him in peace and not try to tug him away from his new beliefs.

He was young, only sixteen. He wouldn't be allowed to sign the Covenant of Belief until he was twenty-one. Before then, he might question his place here, but she couldn't question it for him. When he did finally meet her eyes as they passed in the lines of one of the dances, she smiled and pushed loving acceptance his way. He looked relieved as he moved past her.

Hannah edged close to her as one of the exercises ended and Elizabeth whispered, "Tomorrow."

Hannah's eyes brightened like a newly lit lamp. Then she looked over at Payton and back at Elizabeth. Elizabeth shook her head a bit, and the light dimmed in Hannah's eyes before she hurried back to Sister Nola's side to be the obedient little sister one more night.

With the decision made, Elizabeth knelt by the narrow Shaker cot in her sleeping room and didn't ask the Lord for any favors other than endurance. As she stretched out on the bed, she refused to let her mind sift through sorrows or vain hopes. There was no turning back. She willed herself to sleep.

At first when she heard Hannah whispering her name, she thought it must be a dream. But no, the hands gripping her arm and shaking her awake were real. Enough moonlight filtered in through the window that Elizabeth could see Hannah's face above her.

"Wake up, Elizabeth. Wake up!" she whispered urgently. Then when she saw Elizabeth's eyes opening. "You have to believe me. I didn't do it:"

"You didn't do what?" Elizabeth whispered back as she raised her head up to look around. All the other sisters lay still in slumber.

"The fire. I didn't do it. Not this time. I was thinking about it, but not your house. I would have never done that"

Elizabeth came instantly awake at the word "fire"

"There were men. They had torches:" Hannah was almost crying now. "I couldn't see what they were doing, but then the house was on fire and the men got on their horses and rode away."

"What house?"

"This one. We have to get out. We might burn up"

Elizabeth threw back her cover and sat up. She smelled smoke. "Run, Hannah, to the meetinghouse and ring the bell:"

"What if I can't reach the rope?"

"Climb on something:"

"You have to come with me:" Hannah pulled on Elizabeth's nightdress.

"I will come after I wake the others. Now do as I say. Run' She gave Hannah a little push toward the door. Some of the sisters in the beds around them were stirring. Elizabeth pulled her dress on over her nightdress as she spoke to them. "Our house is on fire. We must get everyone out:"

Sister Alice, in the bed next to Elizabeth, threw off her covers and jumped to her feet to begin shaking the others awake. Elizabeth snatched up her shoes and ran barefoot out into the hallway. Smoke rising up from the bottom floor stung her eyes as she ran straight across to the brothers' side of the house to the room where Elder Homer slept. She banged on the door and shouted "fire" Other doors were opening now as the house roused. Elder Homer came out of his room, pulling his suspenders up over his shoulders, and sent two of the younger brothers up to the third floor to be sure all were awake there.

At the first clang of the meeting bell, Elizabeth breathed easier. Hannah was safely away from the fire. But what had she meant, she didn't do it this time? Elizabeth shook the question away. There wasn't time to worry about that now. She joined the line of sisters moving down the stairs toward the door. Some like Elizabeth had pulled on their dresses. Others still wore their white nightclothes and caps. Scattered among them were a few carrying candles with flames that flickered high, then low in the drafts and threw elongated shadows on the walls.

Outside the smoke swirled around from the back of the building where a bucket brigade was already forming to fight the flames climbing out of the kitchen up the back wall. Elizabeth slipped on her shoes and joined the line of sisters passing buckets of water from the pipes that carried water to the Gathering Family house. Another line of brothers formed at their side. With their house aflame, they still kept their division of sexes. Even before the men came running from the other houses, they were winning the battle against the fire.

The last of the flames sputtered and died in the onslaught of water from the Shaker buckets. In the light of the moon, a black scar climbed toward the roof on the outside wall of the house, while in one spot near the foundation and the kitchen door, a charred hole gaped. A few of the brethren went inside to be sure no live sparks remained in the kitchen. Others prodded at the exposed timbers to unearth any hidden embers. The thick double walls of the house that kept heat trapped within it in the winter and out in the summer also kept the damaged wall standing.

With smoke hanging heavy in the air, Elizabeth looked around for Hannah. She spotted Ethan, who was scanning the crowd as though looking for one in particular. For a second her eyes stilled on him, but then she moved her eyes on in search of Hannah. What difference would it make if she were the one his eyes sought? That would change nothing.

Payton was also there, staring at the charred wall. Elizabeth couldn't see his face well in the moonlight, but she didn't need to in order to guess the worry that must be building in him. There had been too many fires since they had come to Harmony Hill. Whispers would start, perhaps blaming him. So many fires could be no mere coincidence. Not with the talk already circling through the village of how their cabin had burned before they came to Harmony Hill.

Payton had nothing to do with the fire. Hannah had seen men on horses. Perhaps the ruffians who had invaded their house in the fall with Colton Linley.

Where was Hannah? Had she slipped back into the Children's House and into her bed beside the sleeping Sister Nola who perhaps would not wonder why she reeked of smoke? But of course, that could not be. The ringing of the meetinghouse bell had emptied out all of the houses. Elizabeth spotted Sister Nola moving in and out of the Shakers looking as intently for Hannah as she was.

Sister Ruth found Hannah first. With her hand twisted in the collar of Hannah's dress, she propelled her toward Elder Joseph.

"Let me go,' Hannah yelled as she yanked at her collar and kicked back toward Sister Ruth. "I didn't do it. Let me go!" She had lost her cap and the moonlight bounced off her white curls.

"Here is the cause of our trouble:" Sister Ruth shoved Hannah so hard toward Elder Joseph that Hannah stumbled and fell on her hands and knees.

Hannah stared up at the elder towering over her and scrambled to her feet. "I didn't do it," she said in a voice not quite so loud now.

Elizabeth pushed through the Shakers toward Hannah, but Elder Joseph held out his hand to stop her. "Wait:"

To be sure she obeyed the elder's command, two of the sisters grabbed her arms and held her. Elizabeth might have been able to jerk free of them, but others stood ready to take their place. She couldn't fight them all. "I am here, Hannah;' she called softly.

Hannah looked around at her. "Tell them I didn't do it, Elizabeth:" There were tears in her voice. "Tell them:"

Elder Joseph waved Elizabeth to silence and turned back to Hannah. "You have no need to be frightened, my child;" he said in a kind voice. "We won't harm you. What is it that you didn't do?"

"The fire. I didn't start the fire:" Hannah's voice sounded very small.

"Why would we think you did?"

"She thinks I did:" Hannah glared over at Sister Ruth. "She thinks I have a demon. They all think I have a demon" Hannah swept the Shakers around her with defiant eyes, but then the defiance disappeared when she saw Sister Nola. `All but Sister Nola. She doesn't:'

Elder Joseph looked at Sister Ruth. "Speak, Sister Ruth. What is the meaning of all this?"

Sister Ruth pulled back her shoulders and stepped forward. She seemed to relish being the center of attention. "I have been watching. It is part of my duty. To watch to be sure the rules are not broken. The child wanders at night. She knows no discipline. And she carries a lantern"