The Complete Artist's Way: Creativity as a Spiritual Practice (15 page)

Since you are like no other being ever created since the beginning of time, you are incomparable.

BRENDA UELAND

I have made my world and it is a much better world than I ever saw outside.

LOUISE NEVELSON

As artists, we cannot control all the criticism we will receive. We cannot make our professional critics more healthy or more loving or more constructive than they are. But we can learn to comfort our artist child over unfair criticism; we can learn to find friends with whom we can safely vent our pain. We can learn not to deny and stuff our feelings when we have been artistically savaged.

Art requires a safe hatchery. Ideally, artists find this first in their family, then in their school, and finally in a community of friends and supporters. This ideal is seldom a reality. As artists, we must learn to create our own safe environments. We must learn to protect our artist child from shame. We do this by defusing our childhood shamings, getting them on the page, and sharing them with a trusted, nonshaming other.

By telling our shame secrets around our art and telling them through our art, we release ourselves and others from darkness. This release is not always welcomed.

We must learn that when our art reveals a secret of the human soul, those watching it may try to shame us for making it.

“It’s terrible!” they may say, attacking the work when the work itself is actually fine. This can be very confusing. When we are told, “Shame on you” and feel it, we must learn to recognize this shame as a re-creation of childhood shames.

“I know that work is good.... I thought that was good work.... Could I be kidding myself? ... Maybe that critic is right.... Why did I ever have the nerve to think... ?” And the downward spiral begins.

At these times, we must be very firm with ourselves and not pick up the first doubt. We simply cannot allow the first negative thinking to take hold. Taking in the first doubt is like picking up the first drink for an alcoholic. Once in our system, the doubt will take on another doubt—and another. Doubting thoughts can be stopped, but it takes vigilance to do it. “Maybe that critic was right....” And,
boom,
we must go into action: “You are a good artist, a brave artist, you are doing well. It’s good that you did the work....”

When
God’s Will,
the romantic film comedy I directed, debuted in Washington, D.C., it was a homecoming for me. My earliest journalism work had been for the
Washington Post.
I was hoping for a hometown-girl-makes-good reception. But in the reviews printed prior to the opening, I did not get it.

What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.

ALBERT CAMUS

The Post sent a young woman who watched an entire movie about theater people and then wrote that it was about movie people. She added that “Most” of my dialogue had been stolen from “Casablanca.” I wondered what movie she had seen; not the one I made. My movie had forty odd theater jokes and a one line joke about “Casablanca.” Those were the facts but they didn’t do me any good.

I was mortified. Shamed. Ready to (almost) die.

Because the antidote for shame is self-love and self-praise, this is what I did. I went for a walk through Rock Creek Park. I prayed. I made a list for myself of past compliments and good reviews. I did not tell myself, “It doesn’t matter.” But I did tell my artist self, “You will heal.”

And I showed up for my opening. It was a lot more successful than my reviews.

Three months later, my film was chosen for a prestigious European festival. They offered to fly me over. To pay my expenses. To showcase my film. I hesitated. The Washington shaming had done its slow and poisonous work. I was afraid to go.

But I knew better than to not go. My years in artistic recovery had taught me to just show up. When I did, my film sold at a great price and won a headline in
Variety.

I share the headline because the irony of it was not lost on me.
“God’s Will
Hit in Munich,” it read.

It is “God’s will” for us to be creative.

DEALING WITH CRITICISM

It is important to be able to sort useful criticism from the other kind. Often we need to do the sorting out for ourselves, without the benefit of a public vindication. As artists, we are far more able to do this sorting than people might suspect. Pointed criticism, if accurate, often gives the artist an inner sense of relief: “Ah, hah! so that’s what was wrong with it.” Useful criticism ultimately leaves us with one more puzzle piece for our work.

The words that enlighten the soul are more precious than jewels.

HAZRAT INAYAT KHAN

Useless criticism, on the other hand, leaves us with a feeling of being bludgeoned. As a rule, it is withering and shaming in tone; ambiguous in content; personal, inaccurate, or blanket in its condemnations. There is nothing to be gleaned from irresponsible criticism.

You are dealing with an inner child. Artistic child abuse creates rebellion creates block. All that can be done with abusive criticism is to heal from it.

There are certain rules of the road useful in dealing with
any
form of criticism.

1. Receive the criticism all the way through and get it over with.

2. Jot down notes to yourself on what concepts or phrases bother you.

3. Jot down notes on what concepts or phrases seem useful.

4. Do something very nurturing for yourself—read an old good review or recall a compliment.

5. Remember that even if you have made a truly rotten piece of art, it may be a
necessary
stepping-stone to your next work. Art matures spasmodically and
requires
ugly-duckling growth stages.

6. Look at the criticism again. Does it remind you of any criticism from your past—particularly shaming childhood criticism? Acknowledge to yourself that the current criticism is triggering grief over a long-standing wound.

7. Write a letter to the critic—not to be mailed, most probably. Defend your work
and
acknowledge what was helpful, if anything, in the criticism proffered.

8. Get back on the horse. Make an immediate commitment to do something creative.

9. Do it. Creativity is the only cure for criticism.

Artists who seek perfection in everything are those who cannot attain it in anything.

EUGÈNE DELACROIX

DETECTIVE WORK, AN EXERCISE

Many blocked people are actually very powerful and creative personalities who have been made to feel guilty about their own strengths and gifts. Without being acknowledged, they are often used as batteries by their families and friends, who feel free to both use their creative energies and disparage them. When these blocked artists strive to break free of their dysfunctional systems, they are often urged to be sensible when such advice is not appropriate for them. Made to feel guilty for their talents, they often hide their own light under a bushel for fear of hurting others. Instead, they hurt themselves.

A little sleuth work is in order to restore the persons we have abandoned—ourselves. When you complete the following phrases, you may feel strong emotion as you retrieve memories and misplaced fragments of yourself. Allow yourself to free-associate for a sentence or so with each phrase.

1. My favorite childhood toy was ...

2. My favorite childhood game was ...

3. The best movie I ever saw as a kid was ...

4. I don’t do it much but I enjoy ...

5. If I could lighten up a little, I’d let myself ...

6. If it weren’t too late, I’d ...

7. My favorite musical instrument is ...

8. The amount of money I spend on treating myself to entertainment each month is ...

9. If I weren’t so stingy with my artist, I’d buy him/ her ...

10. Taking time out for myself is ...

11. I am afraid that if I start dreaming ...

12. I secretly enjoy reading ...

13. If I had had a perfect childhood I’d have grown up to be ...

14. If it didn’t sound so crazy, I’d write or make a ...

15. My parents think artists are ...

16. My God thinks artists are ...

17. What makes me feel weird about this recovery is ...

18. Learning to trust myself is probably ...

19. My most cheer-me-up music is ...

20. My favorite way to dress is ...

Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.

ERICA JONG

GROWTH

Growth is an erratic forward movement: two steps forward, one step back. Remember that and be very gentle with yourself. A creative recovery is a healing process. You are capable of great things on Tuesday, but on Wednesday you may slide backward. This is normal. Growth occurs in spurts. You will lie dormant sometimes. Do not be discouraged. Think of it as resting.

Very often, a week of insights will be followed by a week of sluggishness. The morning pages will seem pointless.
They are not
. What you are learning to do, writing them even when you are tired and they seem dull, is to rest on the page. This is very important. Marathon runners suggest you log ten slow miles for every fast one. The same holds true for creativity.

In this sense,
Easy does it
is actually a modus operandi. It means, “Easy accomplishes it.” If you will hew to a practice of writing three pages every morning and doing one kind thing for yourself every day, you will begin to notice a slight lightness of heart.

Practice being kind to yourself in small, concrete ways. Look at your refrigerator. Are you feeding yourself nicely? Do you have socks? An extra set of sheets? What about a new house plant? A thermos for the long drive to work? Allow yourself to pitch out some of your old ragged clothes. You don’t have to keep everything.

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.

MARTHA GRAHAM

The expression “God helps those who help themselves” may take on a new and very different meaning. Where in the past it translated, “God helps only those who earn help,” it will now come to signify the amazing number of small free gifts the creator showers on those who are helping themselves to a little bounty. If you do one nice thing a day for yourself, God will do two more. Be alert for support and encouragement from unexpected quarters. Be open to receiving gifts from odd channels: free tickets, a free trip, an offer to buy you dinner, a new-to-you old couch. Practice saying yes to such help.

The scientifically inclined among you might want to make a good, thorough list of clothes you wish you had. Very often, the items on the list come into your possession at disconcerting speed. Just try it. Experiment.

More than anything else, experiment with solitude. You will need to make a commitment to quiet time. Try to acquire the habit of checking in with yourself. Several times a day, just take a beat, and ask yourself how
you
are feeling. Listen to your answer. Respond kindly. If you are doing something very hard, promise yourself a break and a treat afterward.

Yes, I
am
asking you to baby yourself. We believe that to be artists we must be tough, cynical, and intellectually chilly. Leave that to the critics. As a creative being, you will be more productive when coaxed than when bullied.

TASKS