I kept my mouth shut.
We followed a circuitous dirt path deeper into the woods. Every now and then the leaves would rustle overhead, sending my pulse into spasms. Just when I was about to buck caution and ask how much farther we were going to walk, I heard a boy’s whoop followed by a round of laughter. One more turn and we were standing in a clearing where a small fire had been lit in a much-used rock pit. Kiran, Ariana, and Taylor sat in a circle on a low, flat rock, drinking from a flask and whispering to each other. A half dozen guys stood around drinking from flasks and beer cans and cracking each other up, along with Noelle, who looked perfectly comfortable among the men. Thomas was, of course, in the center. I caught his eye and was surprised when he didn’t come right over. Surprised, but somewhat relieved.
I had other business to attend to.
“Want a beer or something?” Josh asked, touching the small of my back.
“No, thanks,” I said.
He smiled and loped off toward the fire. I turned toward Ariana and the others.
“Hi,” I said.
They looked up, noticing me for the first time.
“What’re you doing here?” Kiran said.
I rolled my shoulders back and steeled myself.
Kiran pushed herself up and faced me. She wore a gorgeous broadcloth coat that skimmed the ground. Elegant even in the middle of the woods.
“I . . . needed to talk to you,” I said. I glanced at Thomas over by the fire, hoping he would stay away—give me some time. He laughed at something Gage said, took a swig from his beer, and slung his arm over his friend’s shoulder. It was as if I weren’t even there.
“What about? Is everything okay?” Ariana asked, ever the mother figure. I was touched that she asked. Perhaps all was not lost.
“Yeah,” I said. “I just—”
Over Kiran’s shoulder, I saw Thomas drop an empty can on the ground and crush it with his foot. He walked toward us, staggering slightly.
“What?” Taylor asked, turning around just as Thomas arrived.
“Ladies,” he said with a smirk. My heart pounded. He was trashed out of his skull. He held out both hands to me and bent his fingers. “Come here.”
“We were talking,” Ariana said flatly.
“I invited her,” Thomas shot back.
He grabbed my hand and pulled. Too hard. I fell into him and he tripped back slightly. I reddened in embarrassment.
“Thomas, can this wait?” I said, glancing at the girls.
“No. It can’t,” he replied, laughing.
He tugged me across the clearing, dancing me backward until I was leaning against a huge tree. Then he pressed both my shoulders back with his hands and kissed me. He tasted of beer and smelled of ash from the fire.
“You forgive me, right?” he whispered, shoving my shoulders back against the tree so hard that I couldn’t move. “You forgive me now.”
“Thomas—”
He covered my mouth with his. I struggled, but he pressed against me. Holding me there. His hands moved to my waist. I felt him tug at my shirt. Felt his cool hands against my warm skin. Before I knew what was happening, his palms started to travel up toward my bra. I yanked my face away from him with some effort.
“Thomas, no,” I said.
“What?” he said blearily. Then he grinned. “Gimme a break.”
He lunged for my neck and started kissing me again, his hands groping.
“Hey, come on.” Hot tears sprang to my eyes. “Everyone’s watching.”
Thomas leered. “I know. I like it.”
I glanced toward Noelle, who had joined the others. Taylor
looked sickened. Kiran smirked and took a swig of her drink. Ariana, as always, stared. Noelle just looked disappointed. This was not what was supposed to happen tonight.
Thomas pulled away for one second and that was all the window I needed. “Get off,” I said through my teeth. I raised my hands and shoved him as hard as I could.
Thomas staggered back and almost fell, but touched his fingers to the ground and righted himself, teetering back up to his feet. His chest heaved. Anger contorted his features. Silence fell.
Don’t. Don’t embarrass me.
I begged him with my eyes.
“Why did you even come here?” Thomas spat. He was either to angry to care or too drunk to notice my silent plea.
“I—”
“Clearly it wasn’t for me,” he said.
I automatically looked over at the Billings Girls. Thomas followed my gaze and laughed maniacally. “Oh, of course! How could I have been so stupid!” he announced grandly. “She’s here to suck up to you!” he shouted at Noelle. “That’s what this is about, right,
new girl
? All you care about is getting in with them.
I wanna be a Billings Girl! I wanna be a Billings Girl! They’re my
friends!
They’re so nice to me!”
he fake-whined.
I couldn’t breathe. He was throwing my own words in my face. Words I spoke to him in private.
“Thomas—,” I said. It came out as a pathetic whisper.
“What’re you, using me now?” he shouted. Thomas stepped toward me. He was right in my face. “Using
me
to get to
them
?”
I was going to throw up. Or pass out. What was he doing? How could he treat me like this after everything that had happened?
“I—”
“Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I can’t be used,” he said. “And I no longer want you here.” He grabbed my shoulders and I gasped as he turned me around toward the path. “So go.”
I stood motionless.
“Go!”
he shouted.
I stumbled forward, my eyes blurring with tears. And then all of the sudden the ground was rushing up at me. My knee crashed into a sharp rock, and as I grabbed for my leg, I tumbled completely and my temple slammed into the ground. I bit my tongue and tasted blood as every bone in my body jarred. Taylor gasped and I squeezed my eyes shut against a sudden onslaught of dizziness.
Through the confusion I felt Thomas kneel next to me. “Oh, my God. Are you okay?”
I flinched away from him and suddenly Noelle was between us.
“Back off, Thomas,” she said firmly.
They were watching. The Billings Girls. They saw all of it. The humiliation was far worse than the pain.
Thomas stood and staggered back a couple steps. He looked pale and shocked. “Are you all right?” Taylor asked, crouching next to me.
I tried to sit up. Thomas had shoved me to the ground. In front of all these people. In front of Noelle and Ariana and Kiran and Taylor. Why had I come here? What had I been thinking? All I had done was solidify my nonfuture.
But then Kiran was there, hooking her arm under mine, and hauling me up with Taylor’s help. Blearily, I looked around and saw that the Billings Girls, all of them, had gathered around me to face Thomas. I tried to breathe without choking a sob. Tried to wrap my brain around what was happening.
“Thomas, what the hell is wrong with you?” Ariana demanded.
“Come on! You all saw what happened!” Thomas said. “I just told her to go and she tripped! I didn’t even touch her.”
Noelle narrowed her eyes at him. That gaze turned on me would have cut me dead. “Dash?” she said.
“I’m on it,” her boyfriend replied, snapping to. “Dude. We need to talk,” he said, wrapping his thick arm around Thomas’s shoulders. He pulled him off toward the trees and my knees almost went out from under me. Luckily, Kiran and Taylor were still supporting me.
Supporting.
Me.
Ariana stepped into my line of vision. “Are you all right?” she whispered, tucking my hair behind my ear.
“What just happened?” I heard myself say. I stared at the ground. At the rocks, the fire, my favorite jeans ripped at the knee. None of it was in focus, none of it made sense.
“Get the fuck off me!”
I flinched and we all turned around to find Thomas throwing Dash away from him. Dash, about twice Thomas’s size, nearly fell into the fire, but caught himself just in time. Thomas turned and stormed off into the woods in the opposite direction from the path. For a moment we all just stood there, stunned into silence.
The Billings Girls never left my side. But even with them rallying around me, I was beyond mortified. I couldn’t believe they had just witnessed all that. Thomas’s vehemence, his mocking. The things he had said about how much I wanted them to like me.
What they must think of me now
. . . I couldn’t even imagine. I had to get away from them.
“I’m going back,” I announced.
Noelle’s face grew serious. I averted my gaze, embarrassed.
“No. You’re not,” Kiran said. “Screw him. Stay and have fun.”
“I can’t,” I said, near breakdown. “I have to go.”
I turned around and staggered blindly into the path. I heard footsteps behind me, and then a voice. “Reed, wait. I’ll walk you back.” I turned around. Noelle.
“That’s it. From now on you are staying away from Thomas Pearson,” Noelle said. Her footsteps were heavy and unforgiving as we stomped over the cool grass around the football field. “I don’t know why you ever got involved with him. New-girl mistake.”
With every step, my bloody knee twinged and I winced, feeling the humiliation and confusion anew. I was emotionally exhausted. Thomas had worn me down.
“He said he wanted to apologize,” I told her. “He said he wanted to be good enough for me.”
“Odd way of showing it,” Ariana said.
I hadn’t even noticed her there until she spoke, but now I realized that the two of them flanked me like a security detail. I wanted to say something to make myself look better. To erase Thomas’s pathetic illustration of me as some kind of loser who was dying for their approval. But I had a feeling that anything I said would just make it worse.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“I’m fine,” I said, hugging myself. “I just . . . don’t get it. What did I do?”
“You didn’t do anything,” Noelle said, her thick hair bouncing back from her face as we descended the hill toward the dorms, keeping close to the tree line. “He’s always been a mean drunk. Takes after his father.”
“So you think it was just the alcohol talking?” I asked. My heart actually fluttered with hope.
“Does it really matter?” Ariana asked quietly.
“No, it doesn’t,” Noelle said firmly.
She was right, of course. I never forgave my mother for all the insanity she spewed when she was on a drunken rampage. Why should I forgive Thomas?
“You do realize that you have to stay away from him now, right?” Noelle said. “The guy is asylum bound if you ask me.”
I swallowed hard and nodded. “Yeah. I think Thomas and I are officially over.”
“Good,” Ariana said.
“You’re better off,” Noelle added.
I almost smiled at her conviction. “Why are you guys being so nice to me?”
They both looked confused. “We’re always nice,” Ariana said, in a tone that made me think she actually believed it.
“Don’t let it go to your head,” Noelle said simply.
“You guys . . . about the other night,” I said.
“We’re not talking about that now,” Noelle said firmly. I decided to keep my mouth shut the rest of the way.
We were just approaching the back of Billings House, which was right behind Bradwell, when we heard the sound of tires crunching over gravel. My heart hit my throat and Noelle yanked me roughly back against the stone wall of Billings. We all stood there, not moving, not breathing, the cold stone radiating chills straight through our clothes and into our bones. The wind rustled the leaves over an unintelligible voice, a muffled shout. Then headlights flashed between buildings and the sound of a car engine faded into the distance. Not until I was enveloped in absolute silence could I find the will to breathe again.
“Who was that?” I asked.
“Who knows?” Noelle said. She didn’t sound scared, but irritated that whoever it was had put her out for those thirty seconds. “Reed, listen to me. The good news is that Thomas showed his true colors up there, and now you know,” she said, casting her gaze up toward the hill. My heart was still catching up and I could hardly focus. “Do not let him back in, do you understand me? If I see you so much as talking to that jackass . . .”
“I won’t,” I told her, touched by the depth of her passion. Passion on my behalf. “I promise. I won’t.”
It was an easy choice to make now, between Thomas and the Billings Girls. Thomas had made it easy. For all his talk about not wanting to see me get hurt at the hands of the Billings Girls, it was he who had done the damage. I wasn’t going to let him do it again. No matter how much he begged. This time I would be strong.
“All clear,” Ariana said, checking around the side of the building.
“Let’s go,” Noelle said.
They walked me right past the safety of Billings and through the open quad, where they could have gotten snagged by any number of authority figures, making sure I got to my own dorm okay. We said good-bye and I crept quietly inside and up to the bathroom to clean up my wounded knee. With every wince I recalled Thomas’s face and told myself enough was enough. If he ever did beg for my forgiveness again, I just had to remember this pain.
Constance was out cold when I slipped in, but I didn’t undress, not wanting to risk waking her up and having to explain where I had been. I stepped out of my shoes and crawled under the covers fully clothed.
There was no chance of me falling asleep. I was too wired. I kept thinking about what Noelle and Ariana had said. How protective they had become. How much they clearly cared. I was back in with the Billings Girls. I still had a hope of a future.
And I had no one but Thomas Pearson and his psychotic temper to thank for it.
I dressed quickly on Friday morning while Constance sang along to her stereo under her breath, bopping around the room as she put on earrings and fluffed her hair. I hadn’t slept at all. Not for one minute. I was exhausted, but exhilarated. Today I would be back at the Billings table. Today was a whole new start.
I pulled my pair of backup jeans on gingerly over my injured knee and had just fastened the button fly when there was a knock on the door.
Constance shot me an intrigued look. Mostly, the girls on our floor just walked into one another’s rooms with no preamble. She opened the door and froze when she saw Thomas standing there. I knew the feeling. The wind was knocked right out of me.