The Cowboy's Holiday Blessing (12 page)

He had to dig up a little of the old Jackson to get hold of this situation. “Promises, promises, Maddie.”

She didn't pull away. Instead she turned, still holding his arm and they headed toward the church. She didn't let go. He didn't want her to.

T
he phone rang and rang as Madeline unlocked her front door. She tried to hurry but her fingers were numb from cold. Jade stood next to her, hopping up and down a little. The wind whipped against them, a cold, north wind.

Finally she pushed the door opened and they rushed into the warmth of the living room, greeted by wood smoke and Angel barking from the laundry room. Jade ran past her, heading for the dog, of course. She could hear the girl calling to the animal as she hurried through the house.

“Don't throw clothes everywhere,” Madeline warned and then in a quieter voice because it didn't matter added, “I have a hall tree.”

She hung her coat and kicked out of her boots before picking up the phone and checking the caller ID. The number didn't look familiar. It didn't have a local area code. She pushed the number for voicemail and listened. Her heart raced as the message played and then she slammed the phone down.

Not at Christmas. She didn't want to do this at Christmas. Forgiveness needed to happen, she got that.
She even thought she had forgiven. But she didn't want her mother forcing her way into this life, a safe life with safe people.

Her world had already been upended by a young girl and a confirmed bachelor who wanted safe help. She was safe. Her life was safe. She plopped down in the big easy chair she'd bought when she first moved in.

The perfect chair for quiet evenings alone, reading a book, drinking tea. Safe.

Loud laughter reminded her she didn't have a quiet evening ahead of her. Then footsteps. Jade ran into the room carrying the puppy that licked and licked her face.

“She's glad to see you.” Madeline smiled in spite of herself. Being alone was overrated. Jade made noise and clutter worth it.

This weekend the girl would be gone. Madeline's heart broke a little for her, because she knew how it hurt to be jerked around at that age. Maybe she'd keep Jade. Maybe she'd file for custody if Jackson didn't plan on doing something.

Why wouldn't he? He was her dad. He had to do something.

“Can I go to work with you tomorrow?” Jade plopped down on the sofa with the dog.

“I can't take you to work with me.” She would have loved to. Jade needed to be in school. “Jackson is going to spend the day with you. He has a lot of work to do, he said, and you can help.”

“Oh, that's cool.” Jade leaned in for the puppy to lick her face again. “I love this dog. I've never had one.”

Madeline smiled as she watched dog and child. “Me, neither. I think you love her more than I do.”

“Do you love my da…” Madeline's heart broke a
little more for Jade, even if this did sound like a tricky question coming at her. “Jackson?”

“We should go to bed.” Cop-out.

Jade hugged the puppy and giggled. “She needs to go outside. And you do love him.”

“I don't. Jade, love is more complicated and takes more than two people being thrown together. It is more than just simple emotions. It's about two people being connected, really caring about each other. It's about wanting to share lives and everything, good or bad, that goes with life. It takes time to find and build a love like that.”

“I think you could love each other, get married and we'd be a family.” Jade's tone was wistful and sad. “Don't you think?”

Madeline sighed because she didn't know what to say. She let her heart trip over the idea of being in love with Jackson Cooper. Complicated. He made her life way too complicated, and she avoided complicated as often as possible.

“I think it really is bedtime. You're so tired you're delirious.” Madeline pushed herself out of her favorite chair and reached for Jade's hand. “It's cold but the puppy has to go outside.”

Jade giggled. “Too late. You should see your laundry room.”

“I'm seriously going to make Jackson Cooper come over here and clean up the mess. By the time this is over he's going to owe me a new floor.”

“Yep, you love him.”

She swatted Jade, a playful swat. “Give me the dog and you go brush your teeth.”

All of the right mom words were coming out. It took her by surprise that she knew those things to say, be
cause she'd never had a mother who said them. And now her mother wanted to be in her life.

No. Madeline couldn't go there. She could forgive, but letting the woman in her life, that she couldn't do. Jade headed into the hall but she stopped and glanced back.

“Are you okay?” The girl bit down on her bottom lip and her eyes, so much like Jackson's, studied Madeline's face with intensity that unnerved.

“I'm good, just tired.”

“Okay, I'll brush my teeth.” Jade smiled a sweet smile. “I think he could love you back.”

“Jade, go.” Madeline cringed on the inside. That definitely sounded like a mom voice.

The phone rang again. Madeline held the puppy in her arms and stared at the caller ID. The same number. She closed her eyes and waited for it to stop ringing. Slowly her hand descended, picking it up. Because she wouldn't run anymore. She couldn't. She had to face the past to move on with her life.

“Hello?”

“Madeline? It's me. It's your mother.”

Madeline's world went dark for a moment. It spun. It faded and then righted itself. The puppy licked her face. She set her down on the floor and held the phone against her ear.

“Madeline?”

“I'm here.”
Breathe. Breathe.
She leaned against the wall, trying to block images of her mother's face, smiling, telling her it would be okay. But it wasn't okay. Her mother led her to the man who abused her. Tore her life apart. Her mother waited for her. Held her. Told her she was sorry.

Sorry?

“I know you don't want to talk to me.”

“Really, so why are you calling?” Madeline sank to the floor. The puppy crawled into her lap. Jackson had been right about having a dog.

“I'm calling because I have to. I need to.” Her mother sobbed from hundreds of miles away. “I'm in Tulsa.”

“No.” Not hundreds of miles. Tulsa. A little more than an hour's drive. “No.”

She waited but the world kept spinning. Faster and faster.

“I want to see you.”

“No.” She couldn't get another word out. She couldn't form another response. She couldn't even tell the woman on the other end to go away.

Because a part of her still wanted a mother? Because she knew she needed to forgive?

But not this woman. Not now.

“Madeline, I was young. I made mistakes.”

“Mistakes?” Madeline shuddered as she released a breath. “Mistakes are something a person makes in their checkbook. Mistakes are when you say the wrong thing or buy the wrong car. Those are mistakes. You didn't make a mistake. You allowed your only daughter to be abused.”

“I know.” A long silence, sobbing on the other end that Madeline couldn't be sorry for. But she was. “I hurt you. I wanted you to know that I was afraid, too.”

“Oh, okay, well, thank you for sharing that. I'm sorry you were afraid.”

“This isn't going well.”

Madeline closed her eyes and tears slid down her cheeks.

“No, it isn't. I can't talk to you right now.”

“Maybe soon? I have a job and an apartment in Tulsa. I wanted to be close to you so I moved here.”

“I have to go.” Madeline hung up.

A few minutes later Jade kneeled in front of her. She didn't take the dog. Instead she curled close and hugged Madeline. “Are you okay?”

Madeline nodded. She tried to smile and reassure Jade, but she couldn't. Her heart ached. Her throat tightened with the tears, the emotion. She wanted to crawl inside herself, the way she'd done as a teenager. She wanted to hide from the pain and close herself off from feeling.

But she couldn't go back. God had done too much in her life. She couldn't go back to being the person who hid from life.

Jade hugged her hard and let go. “I'll be back.”

Madeline nodded. She knew Jade walked away. The puppy, limping and hopping, followed. Madeline hugged her knees close to her chest and took a deep breath. She had to get it together.

She needed to take care of Jade, not let the girl take care of her. She leaned her head on her knees and prayed for strength to get through whatever her mother would throw at her in the coming weeks. She prayed for strength to truly forgive.

And then the front door opened. Madeline looked up. Jade stood nearby. She pointed at Madeline and Jackson nodded. In the blink of an eye Jade disappeared and Jackson was at her side. He leaned and lifted her into his arms.

“Why are you here?” Madeline leaned into his shoulder, finding it hard to believe that he had showed up when he did. Jade had called him, of course she had.
And he was here. Her heart wanted to open up like a flower in early spring reaching for the sun.

He carried her to the couch and sat down with her held against him, his arms strong and holding her close to his side. She closed her eyes. This is what safe feels like, she told herself. To be held.

She thought of all the times God had held her. Through the toughest times of her life. Held and kept her anchored in faith.

“Jade called. She was worried.”

“I'm fine.” And then she cried. She flooded his shirt with her tears and he stroked her hair and told her everything would be okay.

She believed him.

“What happened?” He reached for the tissue box on her table and handed it to her, but he didn't stop holding her, making her feel safe.

“Do I have to talk about this?”

“Not if you don't want to.” He wrapped her in protective arms and held her tight. She leaned into his strength and she couldn't force herself to move.

“My mother has not only found me, she called and she's living in Tulsa. She'll be there when I decide I want her in my life.”

Jackson sighed. She felt the rise and fall of his chest. His hand slid down her back. “I know this isn't easy, but I know that you're strong. And you know I'll be here.”

“I know.” Did she? Why would he be here for her? She couldn't ask those questions. For the moment she had someone in her life who promised to be there for her.

Jade had asked her if she loved him. No, of course not. She was a grown woman. She knew better than to think she'd fallen in love with him. They'd been thrown
together for a short time because of a teenager and a dog. They'd somehow forged a friendship.

“Maddie, I mean it.” His voice, soft and husky, warm near her ear. She wasn't in love with Jackson. Attracted to him, definitely. But love?

She looked up, intending to tell him something brave and witty, if only she could think of something. When her lips parted he leaned and met her with a kiss that made her forget doubts, fears, pain. He brushed her lips with his, feather-soft, once, twice. She clung to him, exploring this moment, no fear, no desire to run, only a need to stay in his arms. His lips touched hers again, lingering this time.

The dog barked; Jackson pulled away. His eyes widened a little and he smiled. “Maddie, Maddie, you do push a man to forget his convictions.”

“Right, Jackson, that's me, the temptress.”

They both laughed and he pulled her close. “More than you know.”

The dog hopped into the room. A moment later Jade followed, a knowing little grin on her face. “I'm going to bed.”

Jackson stood and pulled the girl into an easy hug. He kissed the top of her head and ruffled her hair. “Thanks for calling me.”

“Anytime.” Jade's gaze dropped to Madeline. “I took the dog out.”

The evidence was in her face. The pink cheeks. The red nose. Her eyes glistened a little.

“Jade, are you okay?”

Jade nodded. “I'm good.”

Madeline patted the couch next to her and Jade plopped down. Madeline hugged her tight. “It really is going to be okay.”

“I know it is. Right?” Jade looked up at Jackson.

Madeline followed the look and what she saw frightened her. Jackson put on a good front. He smiled and Jade probably believed him, that everything would be okay. The look in his eyes, a look he sent Madeline, told her otherwise.

Jade seemed convinced. “Good night.”

The girl hurried down the hall, the dog trying to follow.

“What's going on?” Madeline asked as Jackson paced her floor.

Jackson pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and tossed it her way. He put a finger to his lips and she got it. Everything wasn't okay. He sat down next to her again.

What she read slammed her heart. She knew he must have felt this way or worse when he read the results. The DNA test showed that Jade Baker could not be Jackson Cooper's biological daughter.

She didn't know what to say.

Madeline handed him back the paper and she couldn't look at him, couldn't see the sadness in his eyes. Or would it be relief?

When she did look at him, she saw concern and worry, not relief. It made her heart soar a little.

“Now what?”

“I'm not sure what to do.” He rubbed the back of his neck and then leaned back on the sofa, closing his eyes.

Madeline didn't know what to say. She reached for his hand and waited, because he needed time and she knew he needed a friend. A friend. He had those. He had family. And he was sitting next to her, on her couch, lost.

“Jackson, we have to find her mother.” She held his hand tight, wishing she could do more.

His thumb brushed her fingers. “Yeah, I know. Thank you for being a part of this. ‘We' sounds much better than me, alone.”

She wondered about that. He seemed good at being alone.

“Of course I'll do what I can. I love her, too.”

“I know.” He let out a long sigh. “I have to tell her she isn't mine. And I have to take her back to Oklahoma City to her mother.”

“I'll go with you.” The words rushed out. Jackson's hand tightened on hers. He lifted it and held her palm to his lips.