Read The Darkest Pleasure Online
Authors: Jenika Snow
He turned and looked at me then, and I felt hot tears streaming down my face. I cried for him, for the pain he felt, and the pain that was etched on his beautiful features.
"I was newly turned—a newborn vampire—and I had ended that young woman's life without a second thought. I wept that night until the sun came up and I was forced take shelter. I left the only home I had ever known and here I am today, a man—a monster—that has fallen in love with you."
We stayed where we were in total silence for a moment. “You're telling me the truth, aren't you?” I asked at last. As hard as it was to believe a story like that, I stared into his face and knew every word he'd spoken was the truth. It was crazy, and impossible, but it was true. My Kerian, my vampire, loved me. I stood up and saw his big body flinch. He had lived with his torment for over four hundred years. I walked over to him until we were standing toe to toe. Then I wrapped my arms around him and held him. His body was tense beneath my hands, and I knew he was surprised by my reaction. I was surprised, too. “I believe you.” I whispered the words into his chest and felt my tears wet his shirt. Abruptly, he dropped to his knees and placed my hands on his chest. He stared up at me with wonder-filled eyes.
"You truly believe me."
It wasn't a question, more an awe-filled statement. “How could I not believe the one I love?"
He pulled me into his arms and onto his lap. We sat on the floor for a long time, just holding each other but not speaking. He whispered into my hair, but the words were unintelligible. At last he took my face in his hands and gently kissed me.
"My love."
The words were so heart-breaking, I closed my eyes before whispering to him how much I loved him, how much he meant to me. He carried me to my room that night and made sweet, passionate love to me, showing me all his devotion in his soft caresses and sweet words. I woke in the morning to an empty bed and a note on the pillow. I smiled and clasped it to my chest as his words swept through my mind.
I was waiting anxiously for Kerian to pick me up. We had seen each other for the past couple of days, but we hadn't spoken about what he was in detail. I wanted to see what he was capable of, and when I brought it up, I was surprised at how easily he agreed. For some reason, I thought he might withhold some information about who and what he actually was, because deep down, I think he hated that he was a ‘monster', or so he called himself. He was a man in my eyes, though, not capable of hurting something or someone intentionally.
I ran errands in the morning and picked up the final copy of my hospital proposal. I was pleased with the work and excited to show Kerian what would soon grace the Westerbrooke Hospital walls. I hadn't seen Christian since that last time when he'd acted strangely, and I was thankful for small favours. I didn't want him to cause any conflicts, but I still couldn't get over what he had said, and I wondered if he knew what Kerian actually was. True, he had called him a creature, but maybe that was a figure of speech. It was pretty clear he didn't like him personally. I sat on my couch, made myself comfortable, and waited for Kerian to arrive. Since his confession I had thought of so many questions, and tonight I'd finally have my answers.
Kerian picked me up at sundown—not a surprise, since he was always punctual. I now stood in his sitting room, staring at the same pictures I'd stared at before. I knew now the man in each photo was Kerian, and as hard as it was to believe, I did believe.
"Why did you take a picture of yourself in each era?"
He stood by the fireplace and poked at the logs as the flames licked through them. He didn't turn around to look at me.
"I wanted a memory of my time there. Believe it or not, I'm quite sentimental."
He turned to me then, smiling as he laid the poker down and walked over to me. He stood behind me and for a while and we stared at the photos.
"This is me in the twenties. And that one is from the thirties."
He pointed out each picture and the date it was taken. I ran my finger over each one, trying to see back to those times, to the man Kerian had been. When he got to the last one, which looked fairly recent, he turned me around and pressed me against the shelves. His tongue delved between my lips before I knew what his intentions were. He stroked the inside of my mouth, and I felt myself get wet with arousal. He stepped closer to me and I could feel him swell. I ran my hand down his stomach and over the bulge as it pressed through his pants as if trying to escape. I pushed at his shoulders until he backed up. He looked down at me with lust-filled eyes that made my heart skip a beat.
"If we keep this up, I won't get any of my answers."
He chuckled before kissing me again and stepping away from me. He walked over to the bar and poured two glasses of wine, then sat in one of the chairs and gestured for me. I walked over, taking the glass from his outstretched hand. I seated myself in the chair opposite of him and sipped the wine. The liquid was warm going down my throat, but it felt like a lead weight when it got to my stomach. I felt nervous about the questions I was going to ask, but I needed to know.
"Ask away, my love."
His endearments made me blush, but I knew he liked that since a wide grin crossed his face when I felt my face get hot. I cleared my throat before taking another sip and setting my glass down.
"Are you immortal?"
That was the first question that popped into my mind, and one of the more frequent ones I assumed he got—if he ever got any.
"I am."
"Are there many of you? I mean vampires, immortals?"
"I assume so, although I've only met one other like me since I've been turned."
I nodded and ran my finger over the rim of my glass. “And you drink blood?” I swallowed at my own question and looked up at him through my lashes. I wasn't sure I wanted to know if he drank blood. I knew though, in the back of my mind, that he did indeed drink blood. After I asked my questions, a memory flashed through my mind of the first time Kerian and I had been together intimately. I brought my hand to my neck, which seemed to throb at my memory. I remembered the sharp pain and then the ecstasy that followed.
"I couldn't help myself with you. You smelled so good, felt so good, but I do apologise because I should have had more control."
"So you did drink my...blood?” I wasn't repulsed as I thought I would be. Instead, I felt wetness start to coat my vaginal lips as I remembered the feeling of him at my neck. I heard a low growl and my eyes snapped to his. He looked at me through half-lidded eyes, his hands braced flat on the table.
"Whatever you're thinking about is making you wet and driving me crazy. You smell so good, Ashliyn."
I crossed my legs, thinking that would alleviate some of the pressure, but it had the reverse effect. It caused my pussy lips to press together, and since I was pretty wet as it was, they slid together and pinched my clit. I shook my head and gave Kerian a hard stare. “Don't even think about switching things around. You're not going to avoid telling me what I want to know.” He stared at me and then smiled and leant back in his chair. He lifted his arms above his head and linked his fingers together. His shirt tightened around his chest and his biceps, giving me a tantalising glimpse of his well-defined body.
"Fair enough. I do drink blood, but since bagged blood is now available, I use that as my main source of sustenance instead of drinking straight from humans."
"So, I'm the only human you've ever bitten?” My hand went to my neck again, pleasure washing through me at the erotic thought of Kerian biting me. He leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
"No, you have to remember I lived during a time when there was no bagged blood. My main source of sustenance was through humans or animals. Although now I refrain from drinking directly from a human, I can't seem to help myself around you. You smell so good, look so good. The first time I bit you was an accident, and I hated myself for that. I didn't know if I should see you again. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to control myself, and would end up hurting you. I couldn't stay away from you, though."
I breathed out, surprised at his admission. My heart had stopped at the knowledge he'd contemplated never seeing me again. The emotions that went through me were so strong, I had to remind myself to breathe.
"Well, I'm glad you changed your mind."
We stared at each other, then a smile broke across his features and he laughed softly.
"Oh sweet, sweet Ashliyn. Please, ask away."
I twisted my fingers together and beat my brain trying to remember everything I had ever heard about vampires.
"What about garlic and holy water and crucifixes?"
"All myths. I actually love garlic, and am quite fond of religious artifacts."
"And...stakes through the heart?” I hated bringing up something like that, but it was something prevalent in myths, and I wanted to be sure I covered everything.
"It would be quite painful, I'm sure, but no, I wouldn't die from that. Aside from decapitation or stepping into the sun, I'm pretty invincible."
He winked. I was glad he could joke about something so serious.
"So, you can't go out in daylight, right?"
He shook his head, but didn't offer me an explanation.
"Why?"
His mouth tightened, and I didn't think he would answer me.
"It wouldn't be good for me. I don't want to go into detail because what happens when sunlight touches my kind is horrific."
I thought at first he was kidding with me, but as he stared at me, his face was unyielding. I knew he wouldn't explain further, and I didn't press him.
"How does someone become a vampire?"
I remembered his story, but I didn't think I could remember everything he said in detail.
"There has to be an exchange of blood. I have to drink your blood and vice versa, and it has to be at the same time. I couldn't drink your blood, and then next week have you drink mine. It doesn't work that way."
"Why?"
"Because your blood has to be fresh in my system, and mine in yours. It's just the way it works, and before you ask me why, I have no idea."
"Did the one you knew, the one that was like you, teach you all this?"
I leant into the table as if he were telling an exceptional story, but I guess he really was. He nodded, looking sad and withdrawn.
"Jakob, the one like me, took his own life long ago."
"I'm so sorry, Kerian. Was he the one who killed your family and village?” He shook his head and I reached out and laid my hand on top of his. He fiddled with the linen tablecloth with his free hand. “He was a close friend, wasn't he?"
"My only friend. I never saw my family again after that fateful night, and didn't trust myself around humans. Over time, I was able to control my hunger, and I learnt I could feed off animals and still live. Animal blood didn't give me the immense strength human blood did, but I could survive on it. Jakob found me like that, drinking from a deer in the forest. It was he who taught me I could control myself. I was still unsure, and wouldn't drink from humans. There were willing donors, of course. Back then, vampires were widely believed in. I'm ashamed to say that Jakob got blood from donors and brought it to me, as if I were a child."
He shook his head, embarrassment written across his features.
"Hey.” I waited until he looked at me again and smiled. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. I find it heroic. You wanted to protect those who were weaker. I get that."
He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. I was shocked and amazed to hear his story, to know he felt such regret for killing that woman. That he never drank from humans again was astounding.
"I was a coward. I couldn't trust myself with humans, sure I'd end up harming one again."
"You're not a coward."
"You're sweet, my love, but alas, I truly was a coward. I left that poor woman on the dirt floor, dead, while I vanished and wept, feeling sorry for myself."
We sat there for a while in silence, listening to the fire crackle and pop.
"So, what else would you like to know?"
Just like that, he had a smile on his face. “Um.” I was surprised he could snap out of whatever dark place he'd just been in, but I wasn't going to question it. Obviously, it was a difficult subject for him to talk about.
"Is it hard working at the hospital? I mean, with all the blood around you? I assume that's where you got the bags of blood in your freezer."
"I've lived for hundreds of years, Ashliyn. I have no trouble with blood, and am able to control the bloodlust now."
I knew he could read my face and had known exactly what I was thinking.
"I choose my own hours, and before you came along, I worked every night. Now, I can't seem to pry myself away from you. I've saved up a collection of blood over time, in case of emergencies."
He smiled at me and ran his thumb over my hand. “Can you eat regular food?” I asked. “I mean, I've seen you eat regular food, but I've read in books that vampires can't."
"I can eat human food, but it has no nutritional value for me. It would be the same as if you drank blood or ate dirt. I do enjoy a nice aged wine or a rare steak at times."
We laughed. I looked over at the fire and then back at Kerian. “So, you don't feed from humans at all?"
"I know what you're thinking."
I didn't pretend I didn't know what he was talking about.
"I microwave the bagged donations in my freezer. Since I met you , and have the bagged blood, I have no need for anyone else."
I was surprised at his confession. “You mean you haven't done...what you did to me with other women?” Why I cared about such an act was beyond me. I should be repulsed at the idea of him biting me and drinking my blood, but the idea of Kerian doing that with another woman made me downright jealous. I watched his face get serious and I leant back in my chair. For a moment, I thought I had upset him, but then he got up from his chair and knelt by my side. I stared at him in surprise as he turned my body towards him, grabbed my hands and kissed my palms.