The Day He Kissed Her (30 page)

“Mac, where…hell…trying to…you.”

Jake was breaking up.

“I’m trying to find Lily.” He hoped Jake would hear him. “Do you know where she is?”

Static filled his ear, and pissed off, he fought the urge to toss the damn phone. Clamping down on his anger, he exhaled and got his shit together.

“Jake, did you get that? Where are you? Where’s Lily?”

“Hospital…baby.”

“What?”

But there was only static and the cold, hard fear in his gut churned so heavy that he buckled over, not caring that the cell phone slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor.

“Jesus, Mac. What’s going on?”

“I’ve got to…Jesus, Becca, I think Lily’s in the hospital.”

His sister’s face went white, and she pointed toward his truck. “Go.”

He peeled out of the driveway so fast that gravel went flying everywhere, and then he broke every speed limit there was on his way to the hospital. When he got there, he screeched to a stop and didn’t bother getting into it with the paramedic who tried to stand in his way. He tossed him the keys and told him to move the truck if he had to.

Racing into the hospital, he spied Tracy, a girl he knew from back in the day. She wore pink scrubs and he was assuming she was a nurse.

“Hey,” he said, skidding to a stop.

“Geez, Mac. You look like you’re running a race or something.”

She had no fucking idea.

“Is Lily St. Clare here?”

Tracy scrunched up her face. “Who?”

“She’s blond?”

Tracy shook her head. “I don’t know who—”

“Jake!” he shouted. “Where’s Edwards?”

“Oh, he’s up in maternity.”

Mac’s throat tightened up so badly that he could barely speak. “Where is that?”

“Fifth floor.”

He was gone before she had a chance to say anything else. The elevator was too damn slow, so Mac took the stairs, and by the time he reached the maternity wing, he was breathing heavy, his face was flushed with sweat, and when he spied Jake, he nearly lost it.

“Where is she?” he said roughly, yanking Jake by the shoulder.

“Christ, Mac. Calm down. She’s with Cain.”

Wait. What?

“Is she alright?” Goddamn but he could barely form a coherent thought.

Jake grinned. He actually grinned, and it was all Mackenzie could do not to throw a punch.

“More than alright. It’s a girl.”

The world just may have gone on turning. The sun might even have kept shining. But in that moment, everything stopped for Mac.

“I don’t understand.” And he didn’t. He was emotionally tapped out, tired as hell, and for the first time in a long time, instead of wanting to reach for his buddy Jack, he just needed to bury his head in Lily’s neck and feel her heartbeat.

“Where’s Lily? What room?”

“Lily?” Jake’s frown smoothed out, and he cleared his throat, pulling Mac to the side. “Draper, Lily’s not here. It’s Maggie. She just gave birth to a little girl. Lily’s home as far as I know.”

“No,” Mac said. “I was there earlier, and she wasn’t home, and I’ve been calling her and…”

“She’s there,” Jake said gruffly. “And she needs you.”

Cain strode up to them then, a huge grin on his face and two cigars in hand, Raine in tow.

“Here you go, boys. Mother and child are doing just fine.”

Mackenzie wasn’t fine. Hell, he felt as if he’d just been run over by a freight train.

Raine slipped her arm around Jake, a big grin on her face. “She’s beautiful, just like her mom.”

Jake clapped Cain on the back, and Mackenzie shook his hand.

“Name?” Jake said.

“We’re thinking Kristen.” Cain glanced at Mac. “You look like shit.” He shook his head. “Why are you still here? Don’t you need to be somewhere?”

Mackenzie nodded and backed up.

Yeah, he needed to be somewhere…he needed to be somewhere like yesterday.

Chapter 30

Lily heard her cell ring for the tenth time.

Or maybe it was the twentieth—she’d given up counting after the fifth. She knew it was Mackenzie, but she didn’t have the heart to talk to him. Not on the phone.

She didn’t know what he wanted to say, but it hurt to think that she didn’t at least rate a personal visit. Not after everything.

With a sigh, she got up from her chair on the back deck and stepped off, bare feet landing in the lush grass below. She’d tried to sketch earlier, but her entire world felt as if there was no color in it, and with no color, her creativity was dead.

Kind of like what she felt inside.

As she wandered in the backyard, her hand kept drifting to her stomach. She wondered about the baby in there. It was still so new, so tiny and new that it didn’t seem real. None of this seemed real.

But then a slash of pain rolled through her and the reality of her situation was more than clear. This was real.

She was going to have a baby, and she was going to have a baby alone. A harsh, bitter sound fell from between her lips. Wow. Father was going to love this one. It would seem that Maddison wasn’t the only screwup.

She thought of the list she’d started, the one she’d left on the counter in the kitchen. The one with
call
lawyer
written in bold red ink.

Guess she should get on that.

Black-eyed Susans blew in the breeze along the far edge of the lawn, where two massive oak trees shielded a bench. A shiver rolled over her, and it didn’t seem to matter that it was hot and humid.

Lily was cold, and she thought that maybe she would never get warm again.

Carefully, she picked her way across the lawn, and she was nearly to the black-eyed Susans when she felt the first splash of rain on her face. It was a big, fat, wet drop, and she turned her face to the heavens, eyes closed, as it was followed by another. And then another.

She stood there for minutes. Or it could have been hours. But she let the warm rain slide over her body until she was drenched. Until the simple white dress she wore was plastered to her body and her hair hung in wet ropes down her back.

She stood under that summer rain, she inhaled its freshness, and she prayed for an end to the pain in her heart. As the drops began to lessen and slide over her more gently, she knew the pain inside her would never go away.

How could it?

What she felt for Mackenzie Draper was a forever kind of love, and a forever kind of love wasn’t something that would just fade away and disappear into the cracks like the water at her feet.

“It’s okay,” she murmured to herself. “It’s okay to feel like this for now.”

But she knew that she needed to pull herself together—she needed to do it for the speck of life growing in her womb.

Lily wasn’t sure how long she stood on the edge of the property, hands at her side, face raised to the clouds above her, but she knew the minute that she was no longer alone.

Brushing water from her eyes, she turned and gazed across the lawn at a man walking through the rain. He wore a simple blue T-shirt and old, faded jeans. His blond hair was slicked back off his face, and his intense eyes found her through the gloom.

He strode toward her, a straight path from her deck, his long legs unhurried and confident, but as he got closer, she saw the pain in his eyes. The pain and the longing and…

The love?

Mackenzie didn’t stop until his arms slid around her, until he hunched forward and drew her into his embrace. She felt his heart beating inside his chest. Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom.

She inhaled his scent.

And his warmth seeped into her pores, spreading throughout her body and chasing the chill away…but not the hurt. God, not the hurt. If anything, having him so close made her heart squeeze, and a sob caught in her throat.

There were no words. How could there be?

His hands slipped into her wet hair and she gazed up at him. She let his mouth slide across hers—a tender kiss that brought tears to her eyes. He moved over her lips softly, gently, and when his hand traveled down her body and settled over her flat stomach, she couldn’t help herself.

She whimpered and she tried not to cry, but the tears slid from her eyes, mixing with rain.

Mackenzie dropped to his knees and rested his head against her stomach, and she held him there. She held him for as long as she could stand to, because as much as she loved him, there were things that needed done.

Things that needed to be said.

Things that she couldn’t avoid any longer.

Gently, she pushed at him, and then harder when he wouldn’t let go.

“Mac,” she said, shaking her head, her fingers digging between his arms and her skin.

Something in her voice must have gotten to Mackenzie, and his hands slowly slid from her, to fall at his sides as he knelt on the wet ground in front of her. His shoulders sagged and he looked so damn dejected that she started to reach for him, but then she caught herself in time.

Lily cleared her throat. “We need to talk.”

“Yeah.” He sounded tired, and she stepped back as he slowly got to his feet. Overhead the rain still fell, but the drops were softer now, and she knew that it wouldn’t last much longer.

She waited for him, there with the rain falling over her skin. She waited for him to say something because suddenly all the things inside her were twisted and screwed up, and she wasn’t so sure she would be strong enough to push him away if he didn’t come through for her.

Mackenzie stared down at her for so long, rain dancing on the edges of his lashes, long hair plastered to his face, that the fear inside her began grow.

Was this an official good-bye?

“I’m not going to say sorry, Lily, because sorry doesn’t come close enough. It just can’t, but I…” He exhaled roughly. “I can tell you some things that might explain why I am the way I am.”

The rain stopped abruptly. One moment there were drops sliding across her face, running into her eyes and covering up the tears that freely fell, and in the next moment, there were no more.

There was nothing but silence, and it was the kind of silence that made grown men shift their feet and look away. The kind of silence that was big and heavy.

It took everything Lily had to hold her ground and listen to him, because she was so afraid that this was the end.

“Ben Draper is the worst kind of man you can imagine. He’s a cold son of a bitch who cares about nothing and no one other than himself and his selfish needs.” He paused. “And he’s sadistic as all hell. He likes to hurt. He likes to break things—doors, windows, and…bones.”

The pain in Mackenzie’s eyes was vivid. It was haunting and dark.

And it broke Lily’s heart.

“You know what you said yesterday?” Mac asked. “About how we’re all products of our upbringing? Products of our environment?”

She nodded but remained quiet.

“You’re right. We are, and I…” He ran his hands through the wet hair at his nape. “God, Lily, I think I’m realizing for the first time how hard it is to change. Or, no.” He shook his head violently. “I’m realizing how hard it is to know that I want to change but not knowing if I’m strong enough or good enough.” He paused. “I don’t know if I’m good enough for you and this baby.”

“Do you want to be?” she asked, breath held, hands still clenched at her sides.

“Yeah,” he said slowly. “I do.”

Lily let out a long breath. “Then what are you afraid of exactly?”

“I’m afraid that no matter how much I love you, I’ll end up ruining everything just like my father. I’m afraid that I’ll hurt you, physically and emotionally, and that I’ll screw things up and any child of ours will grow up to be just like me.”

“Mackenzie,” she said shakily. “The fact that you’re even thinking of all that stuff tells me that you’re as far away from your father as we are from the moon. You’re nothing like him. Nothing,” she ended hoarsely.

“I drink too much.”

“Yeah, you do. But do you drink because you need it? Do you drink because you need to cope?”

“No,” he said after a few moments. “I drink to forget.”

She watched him carefully. “You don’t need to forget anymore, Mackenzie. Not unless you want to.”

Mackenzie was silent for so long that the fear she’d pushed away began to pulse inside her. Maybe she’d read this all wrong. Maybe this was good-bye.

Oh God. A sob caught in her throat and her knees buckled.

But Mackenzie was there. He caught her and dragged her close, his arms around her, holding her to him as if he would never let her go.

“I want you, Lily,” he whispered into her hair. “God, I thought…”

Something in his voice made her turn her head and she glanced up at him. “What? What did you think?” Her voice was so low that she barely heard it, but he smoothed her hair back and cupped her chin.

“I thought you’d lost the baby. I went to the hospital, and I thought it was you there and…”

“Hospital?” She didn’t understand.

“It was Maggie. She and Cain had a little girl, but for a second there, I thought you’d lost the baby and I nearly lost it.”

“Oh, Mac.”

“I was empty and I was done, and I knew I wouldn’t make it without you. I knew then that without you, I would end up just like Ben.” He glanced away. “If that makes sense.”

“Yeah,” she said slowly. “It does.”

“I love you, Lily.”

She blew out a long, shuddering breath. “I know.”

“You have to forgive me for being such an asshole and for treating you like crap.”

“I can do that.”

“I promise you that I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy. Whatever it takes to make our kid happy. I can’t…” His voice caught. “I can’t do this alone anymore.”

Mackenzie’s eyes met hers. “I don’t want to do this alone anymore.”

Lily cupped his head between her hands. “I love you, Mackenzie. All of you. The good parts and the bad parts. All of it.” She smiled a tremulous smile and kissed him gently.

“We can do this,” she murmured.

Mackenzie scooped her into his arms and carried her into the house. He didn’t stop until he reached the bathroom. He turned the shower on, got the water hot, and then gently took her wet clothes off. He ditched his and then joined her in the shower.