Authors: Lisa Dawn Wadler
Chapter 16
The evening meal went on forever. The hall was packed with all of the warriors of the visiting clan and those of the Draig clan, complete with their wives and children. Ian sat on one side of the table next to Mairi with Laird Tavis across from him. Hagan was seated next to the bride with Aliana across from him. Claire had been placed between Aliana and Nolen. As was his way, Cerwyn bounced between the women’s two laps.
Toasts to the joining of the two clans began the evening. Ian stood and stared vacantly as he thanked Tavis for his daughter and the peace between them. Not once did his eyes travel to the fidgeting, mumbling woman he was destined to marry. There was no emotion in anything he said, it seemed only a speech for the sake of duty.
Tavis offered no eloquent speech, simply a quick thank you for the hospitality and a call for someone to bring him more wine. Claire noticed that he didn’t even acknowledge his daughter or her place in the mock celebration of the event to come.
Despite the awkward toasts, Claire couldn’t fail to notice how unbelievably good Ian looked dressed in his best shirt and plaid. Once the formalities had been finished, the meal began. Aliana spent most of the time whispering to her about the terrible manners observed. She was right, both father and daughter shoveled food into their mouths, wiped their hands on their clothes, and spit as much as they swallowed.
Never had Claire been so grateful for Cerwyn on her lap. The child’s presence allowed her to mostly ignore Nolen. The man tried to make conversation all night, which might have been acceptable, but his eyes never left the cut of the bodice of her gown. Claire had to accept his dagger when she needed to cut meat for the child. Before last night, she never would have thought twice about the significance of the offer. As the blade was placed in her hand, she heard Ian’s cup hit the table hard. She refused to look at him, cut her food, and simply returned it.
The conversation had been strained throughout the hall. It was clear the two clans had issues finding common ground. Only Nolen appeared unfazed by the awkward gathering. His gaze took in everything, and he commented on all he saw to Claire. She should have been at ease, as he was polite and spoke of light pleasant things, plus he was clean. Instead, he made her tense, and her skin crawled with the light touches he made throughout the meal.
When the meal was finished, Lady Mairi abruptly stood and asked permission from her father to be dismissed. Without a glance her way, she had been waved off. It seemed the rules had changed with her arrival. When Mairi left, all the women gathered their children and departed. Claire and Aliana were not an exception. Apparently at a formal meal such as this one, Mairi controlled the events. Claire felt Ian’s eyes on her as she left the hall, but she never turned to look.
With Cerwyn and Aliana both in their beds, Claire now had time alone. She sat before the fire in her chamber and combed through her hair and the events of the day, and wished she were not alone.
She wasn’t quite sure how much time had passed as she stared at the flames. The knock at her door startled her out of quiet contemplation. To her surprise, Hagan was waiting for her. He never came to see her. Immediately she assumed the worst. “What’s wrong? Is it Cerwyn or Aliana?”
Hagan waved off the concern. “Neither, there is nothing amiss.” He paused before entering the chamber. “I have never come here to see if you have all you need. ‘Twas poorly done of me.
“I’m fine. Why are you really here, Hagan?” The last thing she needed was polite nonsense.
He turned to face her. “I did well in claiming you as a member of my clan. My wife and son are fortunate to have you. In all ways, you have been a fine member of my family.” A small upturn of his lips revealed a small grin. “And I did not offer you the mark.”
Her day had been too long, and she was not in the mood for word games. “What are you talking about?”
Hagan paused to loosen the ties on his shirt to show Claire a tattoo on his left shoulder. “This mark. It has great meaning. It lets all ken that I saved the life of the laird. In truth, this should have been offered upon your arrival, but other matters occupied my thoughts. The other day on the training field I was reminded of your skill and that you saved Ian’s life. ‘Tis simply an offer that should be made.”
She closed the distance to see the tattoo, roughly the size of a silver dollar and closely resembling a yin-yang symbol. “While I’m sure it’s an honor, I’ll pass. When did you save Ian’s life?”
My mother would kill me if I got a tattoo.
“It was his father’s life I saved. We were out hunting and attacked by a small band of raiders. ‘Twas no great battle, but I stopped a sword from reaching the laird’s back and in doing so earned this mark.” Hagan’s pride was clear in his explanation.
Claire could feel that there was more Hagan did not say. “And with everything that has happened today, you felt now was the right time to offer to mark me?”
Hagan closed his shirt. “Let us just say that it was part of my reason and mayhap my excuse for coming to see you. I did not believe you would stay away from Ian or that he would let you. I am not surprised often, but in this I am.”
Her surprise turned to quick anger. “I gave you my word. I always keep my promises.”
Hagan softened his voice, “Forgive me, Claire. You hear insult when I offer praise. Your presence here has marked a change in Ian. He now focuses on caring for the clan. ‘Tis your hand I see in all Ian does. You could have, by rights, been angry or bitter at your life here. Instead, you have worked hard, made yourself a fine companion to all, and brought order to many things.” Hagan cut off Claire’s reply. “Did Aliana speak to you of our marriage?”
Why are we talking about this?
Claire answered, “She did. It was quite the story.”
“I had promised myself I would leave her alone, that Aliana was too elevated for a man like me. Yet every day, I did all I could to be near her and to speak with her. When she came to me that night”—a smile of fond remembrance crept over his features—“it never once crossed my mind to send her away. My desire for Aliana was too great. Some things are simply meant to be.” He paused in the tale to gauge Claire’s reaction. “If Aliana had not come to me that night, I would have eventually gone to her. In truth, I would have hacked her door to pieces with my sword if Aliana had refused me entry. Please dinna repeat that to my wife.”
She smiled despite everything the day had brought. “I won’t say anything, but I think Aliana wonders if you would have pursued her.”
Hagan answered with a mischievous grin. “I ken that verra well.”
Claire sat on her bed as the weight of that day combined with the lack of sleep stole the strength from her. “Is that all, Hagan?”
“Nay, cousin.” Hagan sat next to her and let the pain show in his face. “Ian is not speaking to me. He blames me for Mairi. I found the match and the dowry, and ‘tis my hand that set it in motion. Dinna shake your head at me. I ken he is aware of how it came to be needed, but for now Ian needs someone to blame. One of us needs to check on him and offer him a place to speak freely.”
Claire reached to take Hagan’s hand. “I don’t think it should be me. There is a lot you don’t know. Ian may not be talking to me either.” She rose from the bed and walked toward the fire, aware of Hagan rising to stand behind her.
“There is little I am nay aware of, Claire. Who do you think kept Ian away from your chamber last night?” Hagan paused. “You kept your promise to me, and the marriage will happen as planned. The rest is your choice. I will nay guide you one way or the other.” He moved away from her, toward the door. “Think on it. Nay a soul here would fault either of you for seeking happiness in this life.” Then Hagan was gone.
The phrase “happiness is this life” drifted through her mind. Claire could have sworn she moved only to close the door that had been left open, but she found herself walking the corridors. She spied one of the serving women knocking on Ian’s door, and she moved to intercept. Ian’s barked reply could be heard as the woman placed the cup and pitcher in Claire’s hand. She took a deep breath and entered Ian’s chamber.
With the pitcher and cup on the table, she stared at the back of Ian’s head and waited for him to acknowledge her presence. Ian’s voice was gruff with a quick dismissal to whomever had brought the drink. When Claire noticed the chess piece in his hands, she asked, “Would you like to finish the game?”
After a ragged breath was released, Ian finally turned to see her. Claire could see the exhaustion in his eyes. Apparently she wasn’t the only one who hadn’t slept last night. Not sure how to even begin a conversation about what was left unsaid between them, she sat in her customary seat. “I believe it’s your move.”
With a sad smile, Ian moved his chess piece. His mind was not on the game, but on all the day had brought and what was not to be. Ian was not even sure if he valued Claire’s companionship this night or if it brought only more torment. Pouring a cup, he offered her the first drink.
For the first time, Ian noted strain in their conversation. Claire spoke of the simple things she did each night: Cerwyn, the household, what happened with the clan, and the gossip of the women. These were all of the matters his wife should speak of to her husband and laird. Not for the first time, Ian wondered if Claire knew how she behaved. Normally, Ian would have asked more of these small events, and their conversation would fill the hours of the evening. This night it all reminded him of how his life would have little meaning.
Finally unable to bear the talk that filled the silence, Ian gruffly said, “Forgive me, Claire. I am poor company this night. Mayhap the game can wait a bit longer.” He forced his gaze to the fire and fought not to look at her. She had become a temptation he could no longer bear. His lips wanted to cry out his rage at her refusal. Ian stayed silent rather than succumb to the alternative, which was to beg Claire to stay by his side.
“I came here to check on you to see if you wanted to talk about what happened today,” Claire said quietly.
Ian wondered if it pained her to ask as much as it pained him to hear the words. It was a while before he answered.
“Mayhap another night we will speak.” He cocked his head to the side. “Will you sit with me some nights, Claire? Will you still spend your evenings with me?”
“Of course I will.” Claire offered a smile, but Ian turned back to the fire, the pain too much to bear. “Ian, I wanted to talk to you . . .”
“Tis late, lass, you should seek your rest,” Ian’s words were harshly spoken while he stared at the fire. He didn’t know what she wished to say, but he knew that he needed her gone. Her company had become more than he could politely bear this night. Silently, he cursed his harsh tone when a quick glance revealed a look of hurt on her sweet face. There was little he could say to erase the sting as Claire rose and walked to the door.
She was leaving. Ian made his voice was firm. “There is one thing I would ask of you this night, lock your door. There are too many here I dinna trust.” He waited to hear the cold sound of the chamber door closing behind her, the sound that would leave him utterly alone. Instead, he heard a noise that he would never have dreamed possible.
In a heartbeat, Ian realized what she had done and what made that blessed sound. He was on his feet with no delay, turning to see Claire facing the door, her wee hand still on the bolt that locked the chamber. For a single heartbeat, he thought he should send her away, certain what he asked of her was wrong. He knew she deserved more; she deserved all a man could give. He knew this was what she meant last night. She deserved everything. He banished the idea; he would never send her away. His need for her was too great.
Ian stepped behind her and wrapped one arm around her waist while his hand gently pulled her fingers from the bolt. He inhaled her sweet fragrance as she leaned back against him.
“I tried, but I can’t stay away. I don’t want to be without you,” Claire said quietly.
“‘Tis nay just a night in your arms I seek.” Ian whispered, his mouth just above her ear. “We can build a life together, sweet Claire, with you and me as one. We will spend our days and nights with one another. My home and hearth are yours to keep as your own. This is nay what you should be offered or what I would pledge to you. In my heart, I wish to give you all. Everything I can give you except my name and title. Can this be enough for you?” He paused, afraid of her response. “I heard your words last eve and felt their meaning. For my life, I would never see you hurt. I need to ken that this is enough for you.”
Claire turned within his arms, and her hands reached to hold his face. “It will have to be enough.” She pulled his head down and placed a delicate kiss on his lips. “I just need to be with you. Together we will find our way.”
Joy burst through his heart. “Aye, Claire. Together is all that matters.” Without further delay, his lips touched hers with a kiss, gentle and sweet. Their lips moved as their arms bound them together, and this tender moment was even sweeter for the promise it brought to his heart.
Ian spoke against her lips. “This will be our beginning. This night we will start our lives together.” He bent to scoop her into his arms and carried her to the bed. After placing her gently in the center, his body quickly covered hers. He braced himself on his elbows to see her how he had pictured her so many nights with her hair spread on his furs. “Once again, sweet Claire, you have saved my life. You have saved me from an empty future and given me hope. Together we will find joy in this life, I swear this to you.” He lowered his mouth to find hers and kissed her with all the passion in his heart. One taste of the wine in her mouth, and he was lost. He thought of every night she had sipped his wine and how she would have tasted. His hands could not touch her enough and moved from her hair to her sides and back again.
The plaid was pushed from his shoulder as Claire’s hands explored. Her delicate hands lifted his shirt and forced it over his head. As the kiss reconnected, Ian relished the soft sighs she made as her hands roamed his back, sides, and the planes of his chest. The feel of her soft skin on his threatened to rush the moment, the fire from the previous night too quickly rekindled.