Authors: Lisa Dawn Wadler
“Claire.” Ian’s voice was warm as he approached. “Soon, sweeting, the evening meal will be a time for us. Forgive me that we now sit apart.” His hands ruffled Cerwyn’s hair as his eyes searched hers for understanding.
The sincerity with which he spoke touched her. “I have this one to keep me company.” With a quick wink, she stepped to avoid Tavis and Nolen as they approached.
With her gaze again on the child in her arms, she asked him, “Where is your mama?” She followed his pointing finger. “Let’s go see her.”
As they approached Aliana, Claire said, “It’s good to see you out of your chamber. How are you feeling?”
With a look of disgust, Aliana said, “Dinna ask, cousin. But I am finally hale enough to join the meal. I believe the worst is past and that Neala has found a better blend to calm my stomach. You have my thanks as always for your care of my son and for being a help to the household. Truly, without you I ken not how it would be. Let us sit, feed this one, and see if I can eat a bit.”
Before they reached the table, Mairi stepped to stand beside the women. Aliana moved away, and the wrinkle of her nose let Claire know that the stench of the woman was still too much to bear. Even Cerwyn pushed out of her arms and climbed into his mother’s lap at the other side of the table.
Mairi’s voice was almost too quiet over the noise of the hall. “You will still sit beside me, Claire?” With a quick shrug to Aliana, she let her know there was little choice.
Her stomach did not like mixing food with the filthy smell, but she was unwilling to be cruel. “I promised and I always keep my word, Mairi.” She sat down as the would-be bride joined her and wondered how Ian had managed to eat the last three nights surrounded by the odor. The question was on Ian’s face as he sat beside Mairi but never asked. She hoped this new seating arrangement would buy her distance from Nolen. Thankfully, this dinner was with him at the opposite side of the table, and Hagan now had to deal with his conversation.
The only positive to the meal was that Mairi had been content. It was the first meal the bride ate without muttered gibberish. The shy smiles she gave Claire should have been a reward but seemed more like subtle punishment, as she had never been a fan of a smile with a mouthful of food. Owing to the bad manners, bad smell, and Nolen’s constant attention, the evening meal dragged on.
Claire rose from the table as Mairi signaled the end of the women being in the hall. She wondered how long the men would remain. Time moved too slowly, and she wanted her time with Ian to begin. Neala’s offer to attend Mairi allowed Claire to follow Aliana into the nursery.
“He was easy to get to sleep this night. How long did you have to run him today?” Aliana questioned as they left Cerwyn in the care of Margaret.
“Most of the morning. Apparently it was well worth it.”
Aliana ushered Claire to the chairs within her chamber. “Come and sit. There are matters of which we need to speak.”
The serious tone was so unlike their normal evening chats. Claire asked, “Is everything all right?”
“Nay, Claire,” Aliana replied. “Tell me, where did I fail you? I have tried to be a fine cousin to you, and where did I fail?”
Taken aback by the question, she asked, “What are you talking about Aliana? You haven’t failed me.”
“You are wearing my brother’s dagger. I ken very well what that means. Had I nay been so ill with this child I carry I could have kept a better watch over you. You were given to the care of this clan, and that makes you my responsibility.” Aliana’s voice rose.
The angry voice filled Claire’s ears as she listened, and it made her realize she should have talked to Aliana immediately and not let her find out this way. No wonder she is so angry. “Aliana, if you let me explain . . .”
“What is there to explain, Claire? You warm my brother’s bed. The only question I have is did this start here or when he visited the Douglas stronghold? Did Ian seduce you as he has others? Or did he bring you here because your skills were so great?”
Claire willed her choice of words to not be spoken in anger, to not make her feel shame for the choice she made and most of all, to ignore the thought of
other
s. “You need to stop now, Aliana, before this goes too far. Let me explain.”
The angry woman rose to her feet and wagged a finger at Claire. “Did your clan send you away because you disgrace them with your ways?”
On her feet to meet the accusation, she pushed the offending digit down. “You have no idea what you are talking about. Stop now and listen to me.”
The door banged open and halted the argument. “What are you two yelling about? I can hear you down the corridor. Wife, explain this to me,” Hagan demanded as he stormed into the chamber and slammed the door closed.
“Your cousin is playing the whore for my brother. ‘Tis why I am yelling.”
“Wife, choose your words with great care. You have no idea what you are saying. Aye, there are matters you need to ken. Had you not been so ill the last few days, I would have spoken to you about all of them,” Hagan said with a harsh tone.
“Hagan, tell her. If we tell her maybe she will understand.” Claire’s only thought was that the lies had led to this, maybe with the truth, all of it, Aliana could be made to see reason.
Hagan stared at his wife. “Leave, cousin. I will handle this.”
Aliana demanded, “Hagan Douglas, what am I not being told? Answer me! What could you two possibly ken that would make Claire’s foul behavior understandable?”
“If you won’t, then I will, Hagan.” Claire flinched from the hostility on Aliana’s face. “I met your brother roughly three days before we arrived here. He was tied to a tree. I could see him tied in the sunlight, while I stood in the dark of night.” This tale was hers to tell and she was going to tell it her way, all of it, from the door and battle, to the inn and escape.
“When we finally made it here, we both realized we couldn’t ignore what was needed. The prosperity of this clan was depending on the marriage. Unlike your great grandmother, I did not pack gold. Whatever we may have wanted, well, it didn’t outweigh the consequences. Your husband offered to honor me as a cousin, to give me a place here and a name. Your brother and I stayed apart until the day Mairi arrived. It was obvious the marriage would be empty.” She was exhausted from the long-winded tale and reliving the details. “I’m sorry that I lied to you. Ian and Hagan thought it would be easier for me to fit in if no one else knew the details of my travels. I am not your cousin. However, since the moment we met, it has been a pleasure to consider you my friend. I’m sorry if this deception and my choices have changed our relationship.” Claire turned to leave.
Her hand was on the latch when she felt Aliana’s hand on hers. “That was a fine tale.”
Claire smiled at the statement she had heard many times. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. Good night, Aliana.”
“Forgive me, cousin. I did nay ken any of this.” Aliana turned to glare at Hagan. “We will speak of this later.” With her back now against the door, she faced Claire and expelled a sob. “I should be calling you sister.”
“No, Aliana.” She held Aliana as the woman sobbed and begged forgiveness.
“Dinna argue with me. I should be, and I wish I could. I ken nay where all of my anger came from. It was so wrong of me. I will not tell a soul. I swear this to you. In so many ways you have been poorly treated and wronged. In no way will my actions add to this. Forgive me. All will hear the word ‘cousin’ from my lips every day.” Aliana’s eyes grew wide. “You are truly from away? From the legendary land of Arizona?”
The day had simply held too much. The crazy woman had acted sane, and the sane woman lost it. However, the sincerity was obvious, so Claire offered, “I am and I forgive you, Aliana. Had it been me in your place, the reaction may have been similar.”
“Thank you. Besides, Cerwyn needs you, as do I.”
“My wife speaks true. Our son has a great affection for you.” Hagan pulled his wife from Claire’s arms into his own. “I ken that you will have many questions for me and later for Claire. I was only seeking to provide her with safety and what was deserved for saving your brother’s life. Never would I keep any great secret from you, my love.”
Aliana’s face burst to life. “Claire, you must tell me of your home. Every detail I would hear. Come and sit by the fire, we will talk.”
Hagan turned to smile at Claire. “This is why we did nay tell her, as now you will have no peace.” He held Aliana’s face in his hands. “Your brother waits for her. There will be plenty of time for your curiosity on the morrow.”
“I promise I will answer your questions, all of them,” Claire offered to cheer her friend.
“There is one more matter to be discussed before you see Ian this night.” Hagan’s comment brought her back to attention.
No more, not tonight. I don’t think I can do more.
“Can it wait until tomorrow? I am exhausted.” Between the crazy day and the emotional roller coaster with Aliana, more was too much.
“Nay, Claire. You need to be aware of this. In a different situation, these would be fine matters to discuss with my cousin.” The look Hagan gave her led her to believe it was not good news. “After the meal, Nolen took me aside and asked for your hand in marriage.”
Aliana burst out, “What?”
“Yeah, what she said. Oh my goodness, what did you say?”
Hagan held out his arms to pacify the agitated women. “I merely spoke the truth. I told Nolen that you were promised to another while thanking him for his generous and honorable offer. There should be no further discussion about this from Nolen.”
Claire sighed with relief as the encounter in the office began to make sense. She hoped now he would just stay away. “Thank you for taking care of it. I cannot stand the man, but your face tells me there is something else. What is it?”
“Ian overheard the conversation. He did nay take it well. Without a word to me, he left to seek his chambers. Had I nay heard the yelling from the corridor, I would be with him now. Ian has been alone with these thoughts far too long now.”
“Tell me you don’t believe Ian thinks I would want Nolen.” After the last several nights, she found it virtually impossible to believe Ian would doubt her feelings for him.
Hagan answered, “Truly, cousin, I dinna ken. Ian is a hard man to fully understand. I do ken that he has some guilt for asking you to settle for what he has offered. There is fear that you will grow weary of nay having all that you should. From what he has said, Ian is certain you were raised to expect everything a fine lass should want from life and her man.”
“So you are saying Ian expects me to want Nolen? I have made no secret that I don’t like him.”
“What my husband is trying to say is that my brother would expect you to want this offer. Most lasses want only the security of a husband. Many would gladly accept any man offering what Nolen does, a high rank, lands, and coin. The fact that Nolen is young and handsome would only sweeten the offer. Most clans would simply accept and pack you to ride with him regardless of your desires. Granted, this is nay our way, but ‘tis the way in the lands around us,” Aliana said.
“Claire, Ian fears that you will want more later,” Hagan explained. “While I agree Nolen is nay a man I would wish my cousin to marry, the offer he makes is a fine one. This is what has Ian concerned. Many come to visit here from other clans, and you will meet many men. Without a formal bond holding you to Ian, other offers will surely come. You and Ian are fine together. In my own way, I am pleased you have one another. That being said, the path you two walk is nay easy. While it never is, yours has greater complication. Be sure this is what you want, Claire.”
“Hagan, Ian is all that I want. I have thought of every reason to stay away, but I can’t.” She hoped she had made herself clear. “He is everything to me.”
“Sometimes there is no choice,” Aliana said. “We ken exactly what you mean, ‘twas the same for us. Save your words for my brother. ‘Tis late and he is like me, so Ian will assume the worst.”
Claire walked in a daze to the door, only to be stopped by another hug from Aliana. “Thank you for your forgiveness, cousin.”
“Thank you for your understanding. Good night, Hagan. I will see you both tomorrow.” She left the chamber, and as she walked the short distance to Ian’s door, she felt her apprehension grow with each step.
Chapter 19
She was not coming. Unable to sit still, Ian paced the chamber yet again and was certain Claire would not come. Ian did not believe Nolen held any interest for her, but an offer such as his would give any lass a reason to think, to think of what she should have and remember what he could not give.
How could I have believed she would be content with so little? Had I been a better laird the last few years, I would have been able to offer her all.
There could be many reasons she is late, and late is better than not coming. Maybe Neala had some need of her assistance. They are a fine pair who share in the duties of the household. Maybe Claire is with Cerwyn, even now asleep in the chair before the fire in the nursery. The wee one loves her, too. These are far better thoughts than the other. The thought that she sits with Nolen as he convinces her to . . . No, not that thought.
The nursery was the first place he planned to check. Ian strode to the door with full resolve to find his woman. He would find her, and all would be as it should, even if he had to drag her back to this chamber.
Claire’s hand had almost reached the latch on the door when it swung open. She released a startled cry as Ian stepped back to allow her entry. She could see it written on his face. Everything Hagan had said was true.
“I was coming to look for you,” Ian stated with no emotion in his voice.
Closing the door behind her, she replied, “I’m sorry it’s so late.” Claire’s only impulse was to act as if nothing had changed, and it was the truth. Nothing had changed. With the lock secure, she bent to untie and remove her boots. She had done this every night since their first night. It had become something of a joke between them. Tonight it brought no laughter. Ian stood still without uttering a sound.
Every word Hagan spoke was true. Ian believed she wanted what Nolen offered. His stance confirmed it all; hands clenched by his sides, the usual sparkle in his brilliant green eyes was dimmed. He just stared at her. For the first time, she felt the cold of the stone floor beneath her bare feet. His chamber had always seemed so warm every other time she had set foot inside.
She thought about how she could start the conversation. She could laugh at his irrational fear; he knew she didn’t even like being near Nolen, but that wasn’t how she and Ian worked together. They never mocked each other. She could get angry at his doubt, but the rules were different here in this time and place. Nolen made an offer that Hagan should have welcomed. Claire understood Ian’s fear. She understood now why he verbally claimed her every time they made love. His body never entered hers until she gave him the words he needed to feel secure. A smile crept over her face at the realization that this muscular, brave, warrior laird carried all the same emotional fears and uncertainties she did.
Claire stepped to stand before Ian. Her toes dug into the furs that she stood upon, and her hands moved slowly to the sides of his face. She pulled him down to meet her gaze. Enunciating each word carefully and clearly, she said, “Ian, I am yours.” She placed a soft kiss against his lips and pulled back to wait for his response.
Without hesitation, Ian pulled her to him and almost crushed her in his tight grip. She felt his inhale of her hair. “Aye, sweeting.”
His hands sought what they did every night. They moved to release her hair from its binding while his fingers combed out the day’s braid. There was no time to reply as his lips found hers. Ian captured her mouth with his. The kiss seared her lips as if branding her with his desire.
In a flash, he stole her air and ended any rational thought she might have wished to have. His hands plunged into her hair while and somehow simultaneously unlaced her gown. Fabric ripped in his hands, but she had no idea if it was her gown or his shirt that bore the brunt of his physical strength.
She felt the jolt of their bare bodies colliding and the blissful sensation ignited a kiss complete with lips, tongues, and teeth. While she knew sex would never resolve a communication issue, it seemed to be his way of proving she was his alone, something she was more than happy to reinforce.
Claire’s feet left the fur rug, and with no encouragement, her legs wrapped around his waist. Her body covered his on the bed while his frenzied physical demands became hers. If Ian needed, then so did she; such was the blessing and the curse of their bond.
Her hands gripped onto his shoulders, and the mandated phrase left her lips because she wanted to say it as badly as he needed to hear it. “I am yours.”
The sensation of his woman wrapped around him was almost too much to bear. Claire’s hips lifted and took all of him as he moved to meet her. So many sleepless nights he had pictured this in his mind just like this, the way he had wanted her so badly that first night at the inn. Her skin was unbelievably soft, the muscles of her legs wrapped around him, and his mind and body were lost in this sacred union with his woman.
He pulled her hips hard against him as her cries filled the chamber. Ian was lost in the ecstasy of her pleasure as his body screamed for release. He roared her name and did not care how loud his cries were. Ian held her tightly to his chest and waited for their breathing to slow while she trembled in his arms.
Resting her cheek along his, she whispered softly in his ear, “No offer will ever change how I feel about you. You are the only man I will ever want. I love you, Ian.”
The shudder ripped through him as she spoke. With his forehead resting on hers, he said, “The words you offer are so much sweeter than any I could have asked for, sweeting. I have always kenned of our love, but to have such words spoken fills my heart beyond measure. You have held my heart and my love from the beginning.” Ian fell back onto the bed and kept his woman snug in his embrace.
Claire was alone on the bed only long enough for him to wash their loving away and grab the cup of wine. Peace filled his soul as he snuggled under the soft linens of the bed with her tucked into his side. Had he been asked that morn, Ian would have sworn he knew true contentment. Now he was aware how wrong he had been. This was the peace a man sought at the end of the day, lying wrapped in the arms of the woman he loved, secure in the knowledge that she loved him as well.
Ian nuzzled into her hair as she asked, “Why are you so smiley?”
“Aye, sweeting, the smile cannot find enough room on my face. For a time this night my heart held such fear. Never could I explain it to you. Now, I lay here holding the woman I love with the knowledge she loves me in return. Such a sweet feeling has consumed me that I am near to bursting with joy.”
Claire cupped his face in her hands. “I was afraid of what you would be thinking. Please don’t doubt me again, Ian.”
“‘Twas foolish of me. I kenned it at the time but could nay stop myself. No more doubts. Only us together, ‘tis all that matters.” He held her tightly and asked, “What kept you this night? Why were you so late?”
“I was with your sister. No one told her about us. I should have, but with not seeing Aliana for the last few days, I forgot she didn’t know.”
Well aware of the fire Aliana possessed, Ian said, “I am assuming this was nay a pleasant conversation.” He wondered how he could have been so foolish. His sister hated not knowing anything and was well known to react badly to almost everything.
With a soft laugh, Claire said, “Honestly, it started very badly. Things were said that I never expected. If Hagan had not arrived when he did . . . let’s just say he broke it up just in time.”
“It pains me to hear you argued with Aliana, sweeting. It has been apparent from your arrival that a bond was forming between the two of you. Is there peace now or should I go speak with her?”
“It’s fine now, Ian. I told her the truth, all of it, how we met and where I am from. I think the shock of it took any anger away. Things are fine now.”
Regret that he had left Claire vulnerable to anyone filled him. “Forgive me. I should have spoken with my sister. On the morrow I will ensure that there is no misunderstanding. She should also hear all of this from me.”
“No offense, but I think she’ll be looking for me. There may be a question or two she has to ask.”
“Now you ken why we did not speak of your home to my sister. Her questions are likely to continue for days.” A part of Ian could not fathom how Claire was able to forgive Aliana’s outburst. In his mind, he could assume what had been said. He knew his sister too well. Yet they lay wrapped in an intimate embrace, skin to skin, and laughing about it. With a soft kiss to her hair, he enjoyed her soft breath against his neck and the feel of the skin of her back and hip as his hands softly roamed.
“So it seems jumping to the wrong conclusion is a family trait,” Claire teased as she placed a kiss against his throat.
Once again there was laughter in his chamber. “So it would seem, sweeting. My sister and I both need to ask first and judge later. Let us put the foul part of the day behind us.” The lack of reply from her made him question, “Was there more to your argument?”
“Aliana said something, but never mind, I’m sure it doesn’t matter,” Claire answered.
Brushing the hair from her forehead to place a soft kiss, he said, “‘Tis something if it makes you this quiet.”
Claire snuggled closer. “Your sister was angry and probably just trying to make me mad.” Ian pulled her body away from his side and forced her to meet his gaze. She reluctantly continued, “She asked if I was like the others, just one more woman you talked into bed.”
Ian could only smile at the comment until the moment Claire looked away from him. “Sweeting, you misunderstand.” He forced her gaze back to him. “My sister was only speaking from anger. Aliana has never seen me talk a woman into bed. There is no denying I have bedded others, but never here within our chamber. And you will never find a lass who can lay claim to any part of my heart. I have saved that for you. You are all to me, Claire. Whatever was past has no hold on me.”
“I think I understand what you’re saying. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“‘Tis nay over until your body seeks my warmth.” Ian noted the distance between them. “I have loved only you.”
Once again, she snuggled against his chest and tucked her head under his chin. “This can be over as soon as you stop talking about it.”
“‘Tis over. We are both fools. You have jealousy over something that meant naught to me. While I fear another man, a man you dislike, for making an offer of marriage. Mayhap we should just play chess.”
“Deal. Tomorrow night we play chess, and tonight we can agree on being fools.” With a light kiss to his chest, she said, “I meant it, Ian. No offer will ever change how I feel about you. You are all I want.”
“As you are all I want, my sweet Claire.” Ian pressed his lips to her hair and pulled the bedding over them. “You give meaning to my life. There are no words to express the joy in my heart that you bring. You are my life.”
“You are my life, too,” Claire answered as the yawn escaped.
Ian saw the tiredness in her eyes. Regret should have filled him with the way their evening had been spent, but he was unable to find that emotion. While the night had held its challenges, he and Claire had talked them through. He nestled his cheek against her hair, and he was confident they would see through life’s challenges together. “There are things I should have asked from the beginning.”
“What questions, Ian?”
His fingers pulled through her soft brown tresses. “Would you prefer to bind your hair for sleep?”
“No. I hate sleeping with my hair tight. It drives me crazy.”
He continued to pull her soft locks through his fingers. “For this I am grateful. Your hair is soft and sweet, to be denied its feel would be a loss too great to bear.”
“What else?” Claire asked as she nestled in his arms.
While he caressed the soft skin of her back, he said, “Would you like your shift to sleep in?”
“This is how I normally sleep.”
Claire softened against him as he leisurely rubbed his hand over her hip and side. “This pleases me greatly, sweeting. The feel of your warm skin against mine as we sleep is a pleasure I did nay ken could exist.” Ian sensed her body relax as sleep took hold far too early for his taste.
“You have a gift with words, Ian,” Claire said with a voice filled with sleep. “What else?”
“‘Twas all, sweeting. I merely wish to make certain you are comfortable as sleep finds you.” As her breathing evened out, a soft sigh of contentment reached his ears and answered his unspoken thoughts. Their evening had started too late. There were things he wished to speak to her about and hear her thoughts. Ian smiled as she snuggled close to him in sleep and held her. Once again he looked forward to the new day.