Authors: Lisa Dawn Wadler
“Nay, Neala. Claire has already offered to care for Cerwyn this day,” Ian interjected. She may have to deal with the woman being here but no more.
“It’s fine. After this one is down for his nap, I will check on her.” She scooped Cerwyn against her hip. “I don’t mind, really.”
Tavis grumbled, “You waste your time, lass. Leave her be, she is best when left alone.”
Without acknowledgment for the comment, Neala added, “Before you take the wee one outside, child, Finella would see you in the kitchen. ‘Tis a matter of accounting the stores. Then find me when Cerwyn sleeps, and we will do our best.”
The women smiled in agreement, and then Claire spoke to the child. “We need to stop in the kitchen for a little bit. What do you need to do?”
Cerwyn’s face and voice grew very serious. “Dinna touch, Larry.”
“That’s right. Do not touch. Finella doesn’t like it when we touch everything.” Claire smiled at the child and then glanced at Ian. “Perhaps she never explained that to you?”
Ian laughed at the jest. “She let her wishes be known. I just never heeded them.”
Ian stared and smiled as Claire made her way to the kitchens. He could watch her for hours. His smile faded as he noted Nolen also eyed every step his woman made.
Chapter 18
“For three days you have been in here, don’t you think it’s time to come out?” Claire said as she wrinkled her nose. The stench in the chamber had become unbelievable. Every day Mairi was asked the same question, and every day there was a refusal. Mairi had only been in the hall for dinner. She ate quickly and then ran back upstairs without the luxury of enough time to clean the chamber. Neala had lost her patience and wanted only to prevent the rest of the second floor from stinking. Aliana refused to try at all, as the smell and her pregnancy had not been agreeing. All she could do was offer, again. Mairi paced and muttered. Claire noticed that she still wore the dress she had arrived in and that that could partially explain the odor, plus the added stench of a severely unwashed body.
“Claire. ‘Tis you, Claire,” Mairi’s said. “Why have you come here?”
Kindness, we are trying kindness
. . .
“Hello, Lady Mairi. I have come this afternoon to ask you to join me outside. The rain has stopped, and the sun is out. Some fresh air might be nice, don’t you agree?” She wanted to add, “We need to clean you room because the stink is now in the corridor.” But she agreed that Neala was probably right, a soft approach was best for now.
Mairi halted her erratic pacing. “Why would I go outside? I need to pray for deliverance. I must stay here and pray. This place is godless, and I must pray for escape.” Her words trailed off as her motion began anew.
Time for a new approach
. . .
“But, Lady Mairi, surely your prayers can be heard outside as well as they can be heard from here.”
“I had nay thought of that,” Mairi answered as her pacing came to a halt.
“Then I am glad I had the thought. Come outside and we can pray together. I will join you.” Neala was going to owe her a bit for this. There was work she should be doing.
Mairi turned and squinted at her. “You would pray with me? No one has ever offered to pray with me.” Her voice almost squealed with delight. “Come and kneel beside me, let us begin now.”
Claire continued with a firm voice. “No, Mairi. Not in here, but I will join you outside.”
“Did you ken, Claire, there is no chapel here and no priest? I am alone with no guidance. Who will guide my penance? There is no priest for the wedding. ‘Tis all sin, Claire, I am drowning in sin.” Mairi fell to her knees, as if the weight of this reality was too much to bear.
Claire questioned who might have shared the lack of clergy with the unstable woman. “I am aware of these things. Come with me outside and we can pray about them, together.”
“Why would you do this?” Mairi asked with a suspicious voice.
Not surprised to hear the lack of trust, Claire answered, “Because it is a nice day. There are many things we could do outside, walk, see the horses, or even help with the chores. However, if you wish to pray, then that is what we will do.”
Still on her knees, Mairi pleaded, “Will you stay with me? I dinna wish to be left alone outside.”
Claire heard the fear and wondered what had happened to make Mairi this way. “Of course, Mairi. I give you my word. When we are done outside, I will bring you back to your chamber myself.” She offered her hand and a smile to the woman on the floor. “Let’s go.” She fought the urge to pull away as Mairi placed a filthy hand in hers. Instead, she grasped the hand as they walked to the door.
Mairi froze as she saw the three women in the corridor. “Why are they here? Do you try to deceive me?”
“There is no trick. These women have been ordered to clean your chamber.” Claire spoke as if to a small child. “It is what they do. No one will touch your things. The chamber will be scrubbed, the bedding changed and aired properly. Surely, this is not surprising.”
Mairi shifted closer to her. “Why would they do this now? I have not been here that long, have I?”
“No, Lady Mairi, it has only been a few days.” The confusion Claire heard made her wonder if it was more than mistreatment that made Mairi the way she was. She held firm to Mairi’s hand as they made their way downstairs and out of the keep. She was grateful for the fresh air of the yards. Mairi let herself be steered to the area by the cliffs. The sea breeze would make the job tolerable. If nothing else, the view of the water and the sound of the waves below brought some peace.
Mairi fell to her knees. Claire realized she knew nothing about this woman. “May I ask you a question, my lady?”
“You may call me Mairi. None have ever used my title before. Why start now?”
She was surprised by the statement, given Tavis’s adamant stance that all use his title. “I was just wondering how old you are? I am twenty-four.”
Mairi answered, “I am eighteen until fall.”
Claire blinked at the number. Mairi was more of a girl than a woman. “I was born in the fall, too. There is already much we have in common.” She hoped for a sign of understanding and was rewarded with a head nod.
“Enough talk, Claire. We must pray now. You must use all your strength to pray for deliverance. If we pray hard enough, mayhap I shall be released from this farce of a marriage.” Mairi all but pleaded the request.
Taken aback by the coherent string of words, Claire asked, “If not marriage, then what would you do?”
“I was ready to make my final vows when my father’s men came for me. I had thought they were there to provide my dowry to the sisters. Instead, they took me away. Now I must marry with no priest. How can that be? There is no marriage without the Church. Is this to be a hand-fasting? The Church frowns on that. No matter what, I sin here. My soul is doomed, Claire, doomed.”
The small dark eyes glowed with desperation, and she wished there was some small way to offer hope. “I haven’t been here that long either.” Claire counted the weeks in her head. “Maybe five weeks or so. I’ve found that everyone here is very nice and welcoming. If you spend some time getting to know them, maybe it will begin to feel like home to you, too.” Claire knew that this place was home now. In her heart, it felt like home.
Mairi fidgeted and whispered, “‘Tis a place of sin. It will be my ruin.” Her words trailed off to mutterings.
“I didn’t mean to upset you Mairi, I’m sorry.” Claire attempted to let the breeze from the sea wash away the guilt she felt at upsetting Mairi.
With a voice of panic, Mairi said, “Pray now, Claire. Pray hard. Together we will ask for guidance. Please, Claire, pray.”
“Shhh, it’s all right. Okay, let’s pray.” Mairi settled down, and her head bent in muttered prayer. Claire settled into a crisscross position with her legs and turned her hands palms up while resting them on her legs. Meditation had never been a favorite pastime, yet she found it easy to relax her mind as the waves crashed to the rocks below.
“Claire, Claire, what have you done?” Mairi’s voice took on panicky tones.
The crazed voice jolted her back, and Claire blurted out, “I forgot something.” Without success she tried to focus her mind on what she had forgotten, only to realize Mairi stared at her.
The displeasure was evident in Mairi’s tone. “Aye, you forgot to stay awake. Claire, ‘tis a verra bad thing to fall asleep when praying, and the sisters would surely punish you for such a thing. Count your good fortune they are nay here.” With a small grin, she said, “I will nay tell, Claire.”
“Forgive me, Mairi. I meant no insult. I was just, well, just tired.” Claire offered a weak smile and hoped this had not ruined what she was trying to accomplish. This was the first hint of a smile she had seen from the girl.
“You must tell them you need less work if it makes you this tired. Why are you so tired, Claire?” Mairi asked with actual concern in her voice.
Because I spend my nights with the man you are going to marry. We spend our time making love and talking and then do more of both. I do without sleep because I can’t do without him. He should have been mine and he could have been mine, but I tried to do what was right. Now I live my life knowing it’s wrong but am unable to stay away.
“Cerwyn has been cutting his teeth, and I help care for him during the night when needed.” There was at least some truth to mix with the lie.
Mairi shook her head in disgust. “Uggh, bairns, I dinna like them. They are foul wee creatures.” Mairi rose to her feet. “May we go back now?”
Claire noticed the light of the afternoon had faded. “Of course, Mairi. We have been out here most of the afternoon. Your chamber should be more than ready by now. In fact, it’s probably close to time for the evening meal.”
Mairi glanced at her as they walked. “Will you sit beside me at the meal?” Her voice was a mere whisper.
Stopped by the request, she found Mairi looking down at her own feet, seemingly bashful. “Yes, I will sit next to you.” It was obvious the questions came with a hesitation and an expectation of refusal.
Mairi rewarded her with a timid grin. “May I go to my chamber now?”
“You don’t need my permission for anything. This is your home, and you should go where you want.”
“Then I will go to my chamber. Will you come with me? There is still much praying to be done.” Again Mairi shifted from foot to foot with nervous steps.
“I would, Mairi, but there are matters I must see to in the study.”
“You are a lass, and yet you tend the accounts. ‘Tis verra strange, Claire.” Mairi stared into the distance. “One of the sisters tended the books, and that was not wrong. Mayhap there is no sin in your work.”
With the potential for an easy departure, Claire added, “Then we have one less matter to pray upon.”
A harsh giggle escaped Mairi’s lips. “You should nay jest. If you have duties, attend them. I would not see you punished for work left undone.” Mairi abruptly turned and ran for the stairs.
Surprised by the swift departure and how quickly Mairi could move, Claire made her way to the office.
The only true task she had left was to put away the papers that still covered the desk. Mentally scolding herself for not doing this yet, Claire began to rearrange the books on the waiting shelves.
“‘Tis too fine an afternoon to be stuck inside, lass.”
The thought of quiet time evaporated when she heard his voice. She turned from the shelves and saw Nolen leaning in the doorway. “I am only straightening up.” His posture made her wonder how long he had been there.
He moved to the desk and rummaged through the opened book. “Do you always have such old documents out?” Nolen held out the older wedding contracts and dowry statements from Ian’s mother. “I begin to doubt your abilities to manage the affairs here if this is where you look for coin.” His cold blue eyes dimmed the casual smile on his face.
Claire refused to reveal how uncomfortable Nolen made her. “It is my experience that everything must be taken into consideration. I was only making sure the laird was aware of everything he laid claim to.” She took the papers from his hand and placed them with the other old contracts. Claire was grateful for the excuse to move to the other side of the desk.
Still, she could feel Nolen’s stare on her. “That land is not far from ours. Trust me when I say ‘tis not worthy of your consideration.”
“I will pass that news along, thank you, Nolen.”
“Actually, ‘tis Sir Nolen. I provided service to the Crown and have been rewarded.”
It would have been impossible not to notice the pride in that statement and also the bragging quality. “I’m sure it was well deserved, Sir Nolen,” Claire offered politely. The attempt to be distracted by her task did nothing to encourage his departure.
Maybe this is what Mairi and I should pray for tomorrow.
Nolen waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, “There is no need to use my title, lass. ‘Twas something merely I wished you to ken.” Claire’s heart raced as he circled the desk to stand in front of her. “I am no mere servant to another man. There is coin in my pocket and lands in my future.”
Unable to prevent the back step her feet took, she said, “How nice for you.” Even with the polite conversation, Nolen made her incredibly nervous. She grabbed the books from the desk and held them to her chest, aware of the defensive nature of this stance. “If you’ll excuse me, this needs to be done.”
He followed her steps and remained in front of her. Nolen reached to brush her cheek. “I am of equal standing to you as both of us are from fine clans. We will not be here much longer.” Nolen’s gaze moved from her face down her body and back up again. “Believe me when I say there will be little here for you. Mayhap there are other things we should discuss besides worthless land. A future with me would certainly hold more promise than one here.”
The urge to scrub her face was replaced by her confusion of what he said. She stepped away to place the books on the shelf, and Claire felt him at her back, too close to her back.
“The offer I make is a fine one, lass.” Nolen raised his hand to touch her braided hair and whispered, “You are a bonnie thing.”
Claire’s whole body screamed to turn, punch, and take him down but instead settled for a more polite response. “Please release my hair, Nolen.”
Nolen whispered in her ear, “Forgive me, the temptation proved too great to bear. I can see you have been raised to be treated as a fine woman.” Claire knew it was no accident his lips brushed against her ear. “You are correct. I should speak with your cousin. Come, there is much noise in the hall, allow me to escort you to the meal.” He stepped back and motioned for her to walk beside him. “We can talk over dinner.”
Her mind reeled, knowing he had made some type of offer, but she wasn’t sure what kind. Claire was even less sure what her response should have been, so she kept quiet instead. Never so grateful for the commotion of a full hall, she excused herself as Cerwyn jumped into her arms.
“Larry! I find Larry!” Cerwyn squealed with delight and banished the last few minutes of uncomfortable confinement.
“Are you ready to eat, little man?” she asked the child as her gaze found Ian. His warm smile was the remedy for any situation, and even the encounter with Nolen disappeared.