The Family (17 page)

As she ran toward the van, she stuck the Nano and headphones awkwardly into the side of her bra.

26

Twig lurched awake. Thomas was staring at her. The van was parked. They were back. She must have fallen asleep on the drive home.

“Twig? I think you had a bad dream. I wanted to let you sleep.”

“What time is it?” Again, asking the time. She just didn’t know how to judge the world around her any longer.

Thomas looked out the window. “Probably around four.”

The dream was so vivid. She could still feel the adrenaline of it coursing through her body. Her mind was cloudy with sadness.

There had been a tennis court. She’d been a toddler again, tottering after fluorescent yellow tennis balls. Her mother had been there, dressed in white, a thin diamond bracelet glittering from her wrist as she threw the ball up and hit it with her racket toward the smiling man from Twig’s other visions. Her father. He returned the ball and the game was set in motion. Twig sat on the sidelines chasing after balls.

Her mother and the man began to argue. There was tension in their voices.

Her mother lobbed the ball haphazardly and it sailed over the man’s head. He cursed, running after it.

The balls were hit harder; the voices grew louder.

“Mommy?” Twig called out, sensing something was wrong.

“Livvy, it’s okay,” Avery reassured her.

They ended the game, and the two adults poured themselves lemonade from a pitcher. The ice in their glasses clinked with every sip. Avery’s bracelet sparkled as she held her glass up to drink. Twig covered her eyes to protect them from the gleam coming off her mother’s diamonds.

“Shiny!” Twig pointed toward the bracelet.

“That’s right, Livvy,” the man said.

Avery was angry. The man spoke in a soothing voice now instead of yelling, treating her as if she were a cornered animal.

“I’m sick of this,” Avery said, looking into her lemonade as if it had suddenly gone bad or she had found a bug in it. But she wasn’t talking about the lemonade.

“Mommy,” Twig cried.

Avery ignored her.

The man—he’d
felt
like her father—scooped Twig up in his arms, but she scrambled away, trying to reach her mother.

Avery stormed off the court. Twig tried to chase after her, but Avery didn’t look back. Twig was sobbing. Her father scooped her up again and gently stroked her hair.

“It’s okay,” he soothed. “It’s okay.”

* * *

“Twig?” Thomas said with alarm.

Tears rolled down Twig’s cheeks. She could barely make out Thomas. Her chest heaved with grief. She was disoriented after such a deep sleep.

“I have to go, Thomas,” Twig said. “I have to go see Doc.”

“Can I walk you there? Was it our trip today? Was it too much? I should have been more careful with you. I knew—”

“No, Thomas. This is about something else. Really, I promise.” Twig had opened the van’s door and was already halfway out. She looked back at Thomas. “I’m okay. I’m going to be fine. Don’t worry, all right? And thank you for today.”

Twig ran toward Doc’s cabin. She was nearly blinded by tears, but they didn’t slow her down. It felt as if she were half asleep, one foot in the dream world and one foot in waking life. But that was how life felt these days.

She couldn’t stand it. Doc was a psychiatrist. He could help her. She couldn’t carry this burden anymore. She couldn’t handle this juggling act. If she was brain damaged after all, she needed help. If these were just dreams, she needed to make them stop. If this was the truth of who she was, she needed to know.

And if Doc and Adam couldn’t be trusted, she needed to know that, too.

She knocked hard on Doc’s door. He answered at once.

“Twig?” Doc looked around, confused.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Okay. Come in, come in. Are you hurt?”

“Hurt?” The question confused Twig for a moment. “No, no. I’m not hurt.”

“Come have a seat.” Doc led Twig into his office. Maya wasn’t there. It was almost dinner call.

It occurred to Twig that this was a bad idea. She shouldn’t talk to Doc. She should go to Avery. But she dismissed these thoughts. She wouldn’t get any straight answers from Avery, and there was no one else.

“I’ve been having these…” Twig paused. She really didn’t know what to call them. “These visions, or dreams, or…” Twig’s hands were shaking. “…delusions. I don’t know. That’s why I’m here. Maybe I have a serious head injury, and the doctor missed it.”

Doc stared at Twig with concern in his eyes. “Would you like something to drink? Some tea? We’re going to get through this. You did the right thing, coming to me.”

“No, thank you. I just want to get this off my chest.”

“Okay. I’m ready when you are.”

“I don’t know where to start, actually.” Twig laughed nervously. She bit her lip to keep from sobbing. She was freezing despite the heat and humidity of the day. “Can I have a blanket?”

“Of course.” Doc got up and grabbed a blanket from a loveseat beneath the window. He laid it over Twig’s shoulders. She hugged herself to get warm.

“Why don’t you begin by telling me when this all started.”

“The night of the accident,” she said. Nothing had been the same since that night. “I started having these dreams. I’m not sure when I had the first one, or what exactly happened in it. Now they are constant.”

Twig went on to tell Doc every single vision and dream she could remember. The house, Avery, her father, the fighting. Doc listened patiently until she was finished.

“Twig,” he said gently. “These are dreams, and they make perfect sense.”

Twig hung on to his every word. The more he spoke, the more she was sure she had made the right decision by coming to him. When had she gotten so mistrustful? He had been her doctor since childhood. How could she have come to doubt him so much? This is what Adam was always telling them! How seductive the outside world is. She had been ready to turn her back on her Family!

“First of all, I delivered you myself. You have to remember that.”

Twig nodded.

“Secondly, these dreams make perfect sense if we analyze them. Would you like to do that now? Are you up for that?”

“Yes!” Twig gasped. “Any kind of explanation.”

“I believe this was all brought on by Adam’s announcement that he is going to marry you. You were traumatized by the shock of it, in a way. That shock was further exacerbated by your head trauma.”

That made sense.

“Let’s start with the house.”

“Okay.” Twig nodded.

“It’s a simple place to start, and I think it will reassure you.” Doc cleared his throat. “The house represents family. You described the house in your dreams as big and imposing. That means you are overwhelmed by family life. In our case, by collective Family life. Does this make sense so far?”

“Yes.”

“You said the house was brick. That means it is impenetrable. You have closed yourself off to others. You have shut yourself away in order to protect yourself.”

Individualism.

Twig took a deep breath. That made so much sense. She had. She had kept her thoughts to herself. She had been sneaking out. She had attended the Meetings, but she hadn’t participated in the group at all.

“More?” he asked.

“Please.”

“Okay. The father character in your dreams is simple wish fulfillment. What would be better right now than to have a fantasy biological father to protect you during your times of trouble? The patriarch to keep the suitors at bay, if you will.” Doc stopped. “Up until now, Adam has been that father for you. Now his role is shifting.”

Twig felt morose. She had thought the same thing herself, but this meant she really didn’t have a father. She had one somewhere, but he was not the loving man of her visions. Her father had abandoned her mother. Her father didn’t care that she existed.

“I’m sorry, Twig. That was insensitive of me.”

“It’s all right, Doc. I had actually thought of that.” She was going to have to grieve over that by herself.

“And the last part is really very simple.”

“Mom.”

“Yes. You are obviously very angry at your mother and feel abandoned by her. This is why she appears so angry and distant in your dreams.”

Twig thought about this. She wasn’t sure that was exactly how she felt about her mother. She would have to think about that more.

“Now, Twig.” Doc was looking at her with concern. “What concerns me about this is the fact that reality had blurred for you.”

Twig’s chest tightened.

“As you know, your mother has a history of mental illness.”

Twig suddenly felt defensive and vulnerable. She shouldn’t have done this. Now she was totally exposed.

“I’ve always been concerned that you might have to deal with some of those issues yourself at some point. These things tend to be genetic.”

“Are you saying I’m sick, Doc?” Twig began to shake again. “I mean, if that is true, shouldn’t we at least go back to the hospital for my brain scan?”

“No, no. I don’t think you are sick. And I feel quite certain that the injury you sustained to your head has resolved itself.” Twig wondered how he could be so sure. “What I do think is that you are under a tremendous amount of strain, and I think you are vulnerable to mental health issues because of your mother, not because of the physical trauma you suffered. That being said, it is important that you don’t become overwrought. You need to take it easy.” Doc stood up and crossed the room.

“I am going to give you an anti-anxiety medication that I want you to take before bed and anytime you feel anxiety coming on.”

“Is it safe?”

“Totally safe. I want you to come talk to me once a week as well. I don’t want you to attend any Meetings right now. You’re too fragile. And be sure not to mention any of this to anyone.”

“Are you going to tell Adam?”

“Not for now. Let’s just see where this goes. I’ll tell him that I don’t want you to attend Meetings, and that’s all. That I think you need to take it easy in terms of what you take on emotionally. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Now listen to me, Twig. The next step would be to prescribe an antipsychotic medication. We don’t want it to get to that.”

“Am I close to that?” Twig asked, horrified. She wasn’t even totally sure what that meant, but it didn’t sound good.

“No. I don’t think so. But let’s not test it, okay?”

“Okay.” Twig was fighting back tears.

“Do you want me to walk you to the dining hall? You should try to get something to eat.” Doc had gotten up and was filling a small plastic bottle with little white pills.

“No, I’m okay. I need the air.”

“Of course. I’ll see you next week. Same time?”

“Yes.”

Twig’s head was spinning as she left Doc’s office. She was trying to digest everything he had said when someone grabbed her hard by the elbow.

“Follow me.”

27

“Sit.”

It was Tina. She led Twig behind one of the cottages used for lectures and Meetings. Twig sat down. She was too exhausted to put up a fight. Too tired to be scared.

“You and I are going to make a deal,” Tina whispered.

“What?” Twig asked.

“A deal. I’m going to do something for you, and then you are going to do something for me.” Tina looked hard at Twig from beneath her heavy fringe of bangs.

“What are you talking about? I don’t understand.”

“Everything Doc just said in there was a lie.”

“You heard all of that?”

“I was stopping by and heard voices from his waiting room. He had left the door open.”

“So you heard…?”

“Every word. Fiction. Lies. Pretty creative, off-the-cuff lies, but still lies.” Tina brushed her bangs to the side.

Twig stared at her in shock. Was Doc lying, or was Tina the one who was lying, trying to cause her more confusion? Tina certainly had a reason to hate her, but did she want to drive her completely crazy?

“So, I’m going to tell you the truth, but you are going to do something for me.”

“What can I do for you, Tina?” Twig had no idea what she could offer Tina short of leaving and letting her be Adam’s wife again.

“I am going to leave this place one day, and you are going to finance that move.”

“What?”

“Well, you are going to get your
father
to finance that move.”

“Please, Tina. What are you talking about?”

Tina sighed. “Where do I begin? One, Doc didn’t deliver you. You came here when you were about three.”

“What? That’s crazy—”

“No, it’s not, Twig. At first I thought Adam was marrying you because you are young and he’s attracted to you. That’s not so out of character for him. Wanting more children is only an excuse. But the more I thought about it, the disruption he is causing to the Family, the more I realized he had another motivation.” Tina drew in a deep breath.

Twig sat as still as she could. She was stunned. She didn’t know who to trust.

“So then I decided he wanted your money. That’s the only reason he ever wanted your mother in the first place. Her money practically built this place.”

“Money?” Twig asked, bewildered.

“That big house—that’s all real. And there’s a lot of money that goes with it.”

“My father, then. I have a father?”

“As far as I know. You’re going to have to get the details from Avery.”

“Please, Tina.”

“Look, Twig. You’re going to have to confront your mother. And one of these days, when I decide to leave, you’re going to have to figure out how to get me that money.”

Twig shook her head, stunned. “What if I can’t?”

“Then I will make your life and your mother’s a living hell.”

“But Tina, this is crazy. I didn’t even know I had a father until two minutes ago. How am I supposed to—”

“Remember what Adam said, Twig. You’re resourceful; you’ll figure it out. It won’t be tomorrow, but one day I will ask. And one more thing, Twig.”

Twig looked up at Tina, waiting for another blow.

“Those pills? Don’t take them. You don’t need them. Do your knitting and sewing, talk to your mother, meditate. You can cope. I have no problem with medication when it’s needed, but you don’t need it.”