Authors: Marissa Kennerson
“Ah, I’ll be
fine
. Don’t worry about me. I know what I’m doing. Okay?”
“Okay,” Twig said half-heartedly.
“Come on, let’s finish this.” Leo grabbed his laptop again. “How about the username “leosgirl.” Is that too Leo-centric?”
“It’s perfect.” Twig couldn’t help smiling at the sweetness of it.
“Password? Or do you want to keep that to yourself?”
“Sapphire. That’s the name…was the name of my favorite horse.”
“Nice.” Leo punched away at the keyboard.
“Okay, so I am sending you an email from my account. All you have to do is hit reply, write your email and then hit send. I’ll give you Hazel’s, too.” Twig leaned in to see what he was talking about.
It was late. They brushed their teeth and climbed back in bed together, holding one another tightly.
“I know we are taking it slow,” Twig said as she drifted off to sleep. “But it would have been dope. Just wanted to say that.”
She heard Leo chuckle as he snuggled up behind her. “You undo me, girl.”
They both passed out moments later.
36
Twig woke up with a start. It was still dark outside and raining lightly. She looked at the clock. 5 a.m. Worry about Avery. Thoughts of Adam. She couldn’t get back to sleep.
She changed into the cutoffs and pulled on one of Leo’s big zip-up sweatshirts. It was cooler by the coast in the mornings than it was at home. She wanted to make a sculpture on the beach and let the tide come in and take it back.
The sky was gray and cloudy, and the water looked silver. She was struck by how much the sea changed with the weather and time of day. The restaurant stood empty and still above her save the rare clinking of dishes as they set up for breakfast.
She worked steadily with her hands to sculpt the torso of a female. The tide grew more powerful as the sky became lighter and lighter. She worked faster, small waves beginning to lap at the woman’s round, softy belly.
“I’d hate to see a wave come up and destroy that.”
Twig looked up. Leo was watching her, his voice still hoarse from sleep.
“It’s okay,” Twig said. “That’s part of it.”
“What happened, Twig?”
“What do you mean?” Twig asked, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. Something about seeing him had made her start to cry softly.
“Come here,” he murmured.
Twig went to him, and he wrapped his arms around her. “What’s wrong?” he whispered. “You can talk to me.”
Twig buried her face in his shoulder for a moment. They sat down in the sand. “Are you warm enough?” she asked him.
He nodded. “I’m fine.”
“I have to tell you something.”
“Okay,” Leo said, as if he had been waiting for this.
“I have to marry him.” Twig swallowed hard to get the words out. It felt like swallowing something cold and steel.
“Who?” Leo asked quietly.
“Adam. You met him at the hospital. He’s our…” Twig faltered. It sounded so strange outside the context of the Family. “…our leader,” she said. “He chose me. I don’t have any say in it.” She paused. “He chose me a long, long time ago.”
Leo was quiet.
“You have to understand, I don’t love him. I hate him.” Twig paused. It was true. She had come to hate him. “He’s a liar. I don’t know exactly what he’s capable of, but I think he could be dangerous.” Twig stifled a sob.
“When?”
“When what?” Twig asked.
“When are you supposed to marry him?” Anger was growing in Leo’s voice.
“I’m so sorry, Leo. I didn’t mean to betray you, I never thought—”
“I’m not angry at you, Twig. I know you can’t help this. It’s him.”
“I don’t know when exactly. February, maybe.” Twig looked at the ocean. “And there’s more … I think I might have a father in the States. He might be looking for me.”
“You can’t go back there,” Leo said, somber.
“What?”
“You’ll come home with us.”
Twig looked at him, confused.
“You’ll come back to the States with us, and we’ll find your father or we won’t. It doesn’t matter.”
Twig tried to process what he was saying. The tide came in, and the woman toppled over into the sand.
“These guys are crazy, Twig. You don’t know that because you don’t have the context, but trust me. Koresh, Manson, all of them. They are psychopaths, and they
are
dangerous. I won’t let you go back there.”
“But everyone I love is there.” Twig paused. “Except you. Even if I could get my head around imposing on you and your family like that—”
“Twig, I love you.” He paused briefly, letting the words settle. “I love you,” he repeated. “You’re not an imposition. You’ve become a part of me.”
“I love you, too,” Twig answered simply.
“I know,” Leo said, his voice softening. Twig started to cry harder, her body heaving on his chest. He squeezed her, rubbing her back.
The sea took the last of her sculpture.
Twig sat up, watching the waves recede. When she spoke, her voice was still shaking, but she had stopped crying.
“I can’t go yet. I have to go back one more time. I have to talk to my mom. I have to make sure Ryan is okay. I would miss Sophie, but I know she’ll be fine. I have to figure out what my responsibility is. I mean, can I just leave with the people I love, or do I have a responsibility to free everyone? I know it’s hard to understand, but most of the people are happy there.”
“It makes sense,” Leo said. “From what I understand about cults, that’s pretty typical. They’re all brainwashed.”
That word. Cult.
To Leo it was simple. She belonged to a cult. For her, it was her world, the only world she had ever really known. What would the outside world think of her? How would they treat her? Like a brainwashed freak?
“We are on vacation right now, Leo. Imagine being with me in the real world. I don’t know anything, and you know everything. People will think I am a complete freak. I mean, it’s one thing if I don’t know a band or a song, but think of the basic things I don’t know.”
“I can teach you whatever you need to know,” Leo said protectively.
“I would be a burden to you, but maybe if we could find my father… that would be different. Either way, I have to go back to the Family. I can’t leave my mother and Ryan there.”
“We can go back for them later. We can find your father and then go back.”
“I can’t. I can’t imagine what Adam would do to her. He killed my horse for nothing—just to hurt me. I would go crazy wondering what was happening to both of them.” That was true, but something else was scratching at Twig’s brain. Leo really was on vacation. She wanted to give him a chance to get back to his real life, his new life at Yale, and see if he still wanted her then. She had to let him go. If he started school and got adjusted and still wanted her to come, she could go to him then.
“But you will leave?”
Twig paused. “When the time is right, I will leave,” she said finally.
Leo let out a big breath.
“Olivia.”
“What?” Leo looked at her, puzzled.
“Once you asked me my real name. It’s Olivia.”
Leo looked at her with such sadness in his eyes, Twig thought her heart would break.
“It’s a beautiful name,” he said. “I just don’t know how someone could do this to you.” He held her face in his hands. “It is unimaginable to me. You hear about things like this, and you feel bad, but they seem so distant and far away.”
“It’s okay. I’m okay.”
“We could go back together. We can bring the FBI. You were kidnapped, right? They could come with us, and we could get your mom and whoever you want. My dad’s a lawyer; he will know what to do.”
Twig thought about this possibility. What if they arrested Avery as she had always feared? Even if they didn’t, if they could work something out, what would that do to the people who loved their Family? Who was she to dismantle their life? She had to talk to her mother and Ryan and maybe even Gran before she made any decisions.
“Let me just go back this one time,” she whispered.
37
The mood at breakfast was somber.
Everyone picked at a copy of the
New York Times
Sunday paper that sat in a big heap in the middle of the table. Each section seemed to offer the Cohens some preview of what they would be returning to in the States. Alicia was ensconced in the Arts and Leisure section, and Jeff was hidden behind the Business section. Twig didn’t know where to look. She wanted to take the entire paper home to study later.
Twig made Leo promise he wouldn’t tell his parents her story until after they said goodbye. They might not understand and try take things into their own hands. Leo said this was exactly what he wanted to happen, but out of respect for her wishes, he would wait.
Leo was quiet at breakfast. Twig wasn’t sure who was more anxious about their parting in a few hours. She felt the package beneath her chair, waiting for the right moment. Everyone seemed so distracted, now seemed as good a time as any.
She cleared her throat. “I have thank yous,” she said shyly.
Jeff bent a corner of his paper down and peered at her for a moment. “Gifts?”
“Yes, gifts,” she said.
Everyone folded up their papers and tossed them back into a heap on the table.
“I can’t thank you enough for bringing me here and sharing so much with me. I know this was the last part of your vacation, and I just can’t tell you how much this weekend has meant to me. So, these are small tokens, and if you don’t like them you can throw them away or give them away. Here goes…” Twig handed each person a smallish rolled canvas tied with ribbon.
Intrigued, they began to unroll their paintings.
For Jeff and Alicia, she had chosen landscapes. For Hazel, a small, detailed painting of Sapphire. For Leo, one of the women he had admired in her studio. His was the largest.
“Twig, these are amazing. Thank you so much.” Hazel got up from her chair and came over to hug Twig.
“Dear, you are truly gifted,” Alicia said thoughtfully, studying her painting closely.
“This is going in my office!” Jeff said happily. “You did all of these? These are fantastic.”
Leo came behind Twig’s chair and put his arms around her. “I love it, and I love you,” he whispered in her ear. A vision of him delicately putting an earbud in her ear at the hospital flashed into her head. So much had grown between them since then.
She tilted her head back to let him kiss her lips lightly.
The Cohens looked at the two of them, concern gently coursing beneath the tenderness of their gaze.
38
Daniel stood by quietly in the lobby of the hotel in Turrialba while Twig said her goodbyes.
Jeff and Alicia gave her powerful, stoic hugs that said everything.
“You are welcome in our home any time,” Alicia said, holding on to Twig for an extra moment, strong and fiercely maternal.
“I’m going to be practicing my lip synching in the mirror,” Jeff joked with Twig. Then he grew more serious and looked her in the eye. “I am at your disposal if you ever need me, Twig. I mean it.” He handed her his business card. “Just hang on to that. Call any time, day or night.”
“You’d better get going, Twig. They are going to scoop you up and take you home with them any minute now.”
Hazel.
“Thank you for everything, Hazel.” The two girls hugged.
“We’ll meet you out in the parking lot, Lee,” Jeff said as he, Alicia and Hazel walked out of the lobby. “Goodbye, Daniel. Nice to meet you.”
Twig turned toward Leo to say goodbye.
“I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest,” Twig said, looking up at him.
“I know, but I’ve been thinking. It’s not that long, and we can talk every week when you come into town. You can find an Internet café, and we can write once a week, too. Right? Not so bad?”
Twig felt lighter. “No, not so bad.”
“I know it won’t be the same, but it will keep us going.”
“And you know if you ever don’t hear from me, it is because I couldn’t write or call, right? You will know that?”
“Yes. Of course.”
“And if you get to Yale or get home and want to say goodbye, you will, right? You won’t be embarrassed? You’ll just tell me?”
“That’s not going to happen, but yes, I promise. I won’t just disappear.”
Their plan made Twig feel better, more hopeful. Things seemed less final. She took a deep breath. She had to get a grip or she would never be able to walk out of that hotel lobby. She was saying goodbye to a lot and she didn’t want Leo to think he was leaving her in a hopeless pile of grief. She didn’t want to put that burden on him.
She leaned into his chest, inhaled deeply to memorize his smell, touched his cheek to imprint the feel of him on her skin.
They pulled apart, eyes full of tears. Twig bit her lower lip to keep from crying harder.
Leo tried hard to smile. His big brown eyes were wet with tears. “You’d better go first. There’s no way I can walk away.”
“Okay,” Twig nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks.
“We’ll talk Wednesday, not so far away. When you check your email box, it will be full, Leo’s girl.”
Twig and Daniel began to walk out of the lobby, but Twig stopped suddenly, motioning to Daniel that she needed one more moment alone with Leo. He nodded, making his way outside.
Twig dashed back for one more hug. She ran into Leo’s arms, and he squeezed her tightly with relief.
“You don’t have just one color, you know. You’re a rainbow of colors to me,” she said.
“I love you, Twig.”
“I love you, too.”
* * *
Twig walked outside to meet Daniel. When she arrived in the bright sunshine and warm air, Daniel asked, “Are you okay?” His eyes brimmed with kindness and understanding.
“Yes,” Twig said. “Thank you for waiting, Daniel. Thank you for coming.”
“Of course.”
They drove the rest of the way in silence back through the winding roads that lead from Turrialba to Gran’s place. Despite feeling wrenched away from Leo, Twig was looking forward to seeing Avery. She needed to know Avery was okay. She had been selfish to leave her. She needed the quiet safety of their cottage, too. A place to deal with all of these feelings. She was tired. She had woken up so early, and after the packing, the drive home, and most of all the goodbyes, her emotions were spent.