“Well good almost afternoon, lazy bones. Sleep well?”
“Actually, I've been up since the ass crack of dawn, thank you very much.” I took a deep breath and continued. “I drove to New Orleans.”
The silence on the other end of the line seemed to last a lifetime before he blew out his breath. “I would have gone with you.”
“I know, but that wasn't fair on you or her. It's done and over with now, but we need to talk. Are you at the house?”
I heard rustling of paper and the squeak of his chair that I’d grown accustomed to when I'd been staying in the house. He excused himself, I assumed from Charles, before silence reigned once again.
“Jared?”
“I'm here. I'm at the house if you want to come by,” he replied, his tone a little colder than it had been only seconds before.
“What's wrong? You sound upset.”
“When a woman says they need to talk, in my experience it's never a good thing.”
Was it a good thing? I wasn’t willing to let him go, because I was pretty sure we could come to some kind of compromise. Just to be sure, I responded with another question.
“Can you explain that for me?”
His sigh hit the microphone, distorting the sound for a second, and without warning, my smile bloomed. I could see him standing there, arm over his head as his brow furrowed in worry. He wasn't predictable by any stretch of the imagination, but it was the picture my imagination conjured up of him.
“Every time a woman has said we need to talk, it generally ends up with them walking away.”
I tried not to laugh. How he thought I could walk away was beyond me. I'd already given myself to him in all the ways I could manage, I’d ended the covenant with Kayla – and I was invested in a future with him. Walking away now would hurt me more than it would hurt him.
“Hmm, well not this time, handsome. I want to talk about us but I don't think it's negative.”
“Christ, Kit.” I heard the rush of his breath over the microphone and closed my eyes briefly. “You scared me.”
My laugh finally escaped. The scowl would still be there, but for an entirely different reason. “I'm sorry. How was I supposed to know you'd chick out on me?”
“I did not chick out.”
“You so did. You went straight to a bad place rather than using your big head. I just got released from a commitment to be with you. Why the hell would I want to end it?”
“I still didn't chick out. I just panicked.”
“Semantics.” I grinned while watching a pelican take off from a patch of swampland. “Are you free to talk, or should I wait?”
“Don't you dare wait. Where are you?”
“Twenty miles from your turnoff, at a rough guesstimate.”
“That far?”
“It's not that long. You're so impatient.”
“I want to see you. There's nothing wrong with that,” he said, his tone light and filled with his smile. “And you know Grandfather's going to want to see you, too.”
I smiled again. I'd missed Charles in my absence. I felt terrible having been so close and never having gone to see him. Out of everybody, I was certain that he would have kept my secret as well as Maria.
“Will he be offended if I don't kneel?”
“You're coming as my guest this time, sweetheart. He's got no say in the matter. I'll warn him so he doesn't pull rank, though. You know what the old fart's like.”
“I do, which is why I won't be holding my breath for him to comply.”
“And I won't hold my breath for you to do as he asks.”
My laughter filled the car as I took a curve in the road. The turning to the house was actually less than five miles away, and I hoped he wouldn't procrastinate on talking to Charles because I’d probably be there in ten minutes.
“You're a smart man, Jared. Now go talk to Charles and I'll see you in a bit.”
“Drive safe.”
“I will.”
I hung up the phone and dropped it in the middle console, my smile a permanent fixture on my face as I wound down the window again and stuck my hand out. The wind hit my palm, making it wave over it, the cool tingle causing a shiver to run down my spine.
We still hadn't said the inevitable I love you to one another. He knew how I felt, and even if I hadn’t said the words aloud, it had been confirmed the night I’d said my safe word. I was pretty certain that even if he wasn't there yet, his feelings were headed that way. I didn't think I was afraid to say it aloud; it was more that I didn't want him to feel obliged to say it in return. I knew that he would tell me in his own time, when he was ready, and in all honesty, I was willing to wait for that to happen. I might have even been surprised by it.
What I wanted most of all was for it to be natural and said with conviction. We were together and the rest would come in time. I knew that when I talked, he would listen, and that was all I needed, even if he wasn't entirely sure it was what he wanted. I wasn't immovable on this path of self-discovery. This wouldn't make or break us, but rather help us grow together.
The gravel of the long drive crunched under my tires as I turned into it, the small stones crackling giving away my arrival. The house still took my breath away as much as it had the first time I’d seen it. It was a piece of history restored and loved by its owner.
It wasn't long before the door opened and Jared's head appeared around it. He waited until I'd parked under the ancient oak before jogging toward me and pulling my door open.
“You either drove too fast or you were torturing me,” he said, pulling me to my feet and against his chest. His lips brushed mine for a second before he flashed me his smile, not expecting an answer because he already knew it.
“I just wanted to surprise you.”
“And what a surprise it is.” He nodded at my phone and waited as I retrieved it. He pushed my door closed long before I had the chance to, and towed me toward the house, while I looked back to make sure the door hadn't bounced back open. My poor car looked so out of place. The filthy rims and smog-coated paint job almost an eyesore in the idyllic setting.
“What's the hurry?” I asked, jogging to keep up with his pace.
“There isn't one, other than the fact I want to kiss you without at least three people watching.”
“Have you gone shy on me?”
He stopped, my body almost mowing him over at the pace I was going to keep up with him. I barely had a chance to get one syllable out of my mouth before his lips were on mine and my body was flush against his.
There was something new about this kiss. It ran deeper than any we'd shared before. He couldn't seem to keep his hands still either. They moved from my cheeks to my neck before traveling down over my shoulders and finding their settling place on my ass, which he used to pull me closer.
I'd had some pretty decent kisses in my lifetime, but I don't think there was one that even came even close. He'd said so much with no words at all. He'd sung me a song without making a sound and undressed me without moving a hand.
I was so lost in his touch, I whimpered when it was gone. His fingers moved up my back, stroking in long slow movements as he sucked in a breath and rested his forehead against mine.
“Umm, hi.”
“That was the greeting I was waiting almost a week for,” he said quietly, tucking my wind-blown hair behind my ears.
“Wish you'd mentioned it sooner.”
The richness of his laugh was deep and gravelly, his body still so close to mine that the chill of the wind didn't touch me at all.
“Be careful, Kit. I don't think I could ever get tired of kissing you, and a reaction like that just makes me want more.”
“Don't stop on my account.”
His mouth met mine again with the same urgency and hunger. His teeth nipped, his lips caressed, and his tongue slid against mine as he dragged me up his body. My legs didn't need more of a command than that to wrap around him, my body pushed up against him, his head tipping back as I took control with as much need and hunger as he'd led with. If there were people watching, I didn't care. I was so lost in him and that moment that the whole world seemed to melt away.
“Put the girl down, Jared.”
Jared's lips curled just before I swallowed his laughter, my lips stilling as I absorbed the sound with the greatest of pleasure. I grinned down at him for a second as we parted, then turned to look over my shoulder at Charles. The older gentleman was smiling as enthusiastically as the two of us were. He was leaning against the door jam, one eyebrow high on his forehead before he tipped his head to the side in question.
I knew exactly what he wanted and I wasted no time in releasing Jared's waist and hopping down to the ground. I ran to him, slowing only when my arms spread out to throw around him.
“Welcome back,” he said, squeezing me tightly and patting my back. “You were gone too long.”
“I know. I'm sorry.”
“You're here now. Come inside, Maria's been worried about you.”
I gave him a nod, knowing Maria had been unsure about me going to New Orleans alone, and followed him in with Jared at my back. There was a sense of home as the familiarity of the house surrounded me.
I spent more time with Charles and Maria than I probably should have. I'd gone to the house to see Jared but wound up having a few coffees and lunch with them. I hadn't been completely unproductive. Jared had been there for my retelling of what had happened with Kayla, so at least that was out of the way.
Not that it helped. I could see how angry he was, even sitting across the table from him. I could see he felt as though Kayla had disrespected me, but it was all water under the bridge as far as I was concerned. We'd parted on amicable terms, which was more than I'd expected.
It was Charles who seemed to be the voice of reason, explaining to us all that it was some form of self-preservation rather than her being vindictive. This was something I’d deduced myself. Kayla had needed to fill that void before it ate her alive. She needed the companionship because being alone gave her too much time to think. I could have explained all this myself, but allowing him to explain it for Jared to hear seemed much more logical than if I'd have done it. I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if she were to get a call from him in the next week.
After lunch, Jared and I took a walk down to the swing for some privacy. It seemed fitting considering it was the place where we first met. Rather than taking the swing, I sat at the edge of the gazebo and let my legs dangle over the edge. It was high enough that my shoes didn't get wet, and as I dug for the courage to say what I needed to, I pointed my toes and watched the white tips glance over the surface.
“You sure this is nothing serious?” Jared asked, sitting with his back against the gazebo, his eyes trained solely on me.
“No, not serious, just... I'm not sure how to start.”
“This is me, Kit. It's just you and I. You can tell me anything.”
“I know. That's really not the issue here. I just need to figure out how to say it.”
Jared shuffled closer, his body cocooning mine. I rested my head against his chest and took a deep breath.
“Do you remember the conversation we had about Dom and sub relationships?”
“Vaguely,” he said quietly, his fingers pushing my hair over my shoulder. There was caution in his tone. I knew he wasn't sure what I was going to say next, which was different. He was learning to read me well by my body language. This just was a testament to how uncomfortable I was saying it aloud.
“We talked about two types of Dom and sub relationships?”
“How some are Dom and sub and others are essentially Master and slave... Oh!” He relaxed against me, his cheek sitting on top of my head. “You want to talk about that aspect of our relationship?”
“Why do you sound so surprised?” I asked his chest, smiling as he rubbed his cheek against my hair. “Did you honestly think this was about something else?”
“I didn't know what you wanted to talk about. Quite frankly, anything would have been a surprise.”
Shaking my head, I watched an egret take off from the stump of a tree, its legs tucked up underneath it, its wings elegantly stroking the air as it gained height.
Such freedom.
It was quite fitting considering that's exactly what I was about to ask for.
“I wondered if you would be willing to negotiate on that part of our relationship,” I said quietly.
“You don't want to submit anymore?”
I snorted, which probably wasn't the best thing to do considering the nature of the conversation, but I couldn't help myself. I sat up and turned to face him, my back to the water.
“Jared, since I discovered BDSM and the lifestyle that went with it, I’ve put every ounce of myself into being the best sub I could be. I worked for that perfection because I craved the approval and the praise. Since then, it’s become a part of who I am. Then I met you, and I wanted nothing more than to please you, but at the same time, I found myself craving those conversations we had so candidly, even when I was being blatantly rude and cynical. I found another part of myself I enjoyed. I like who I am when I’m with you.” I paused and looked down at my hands, still unsure of whether or not he was following what I was so ineloquently trying to say. “I was torn in two. So when the conflict with you and Kayla came up in the club, I think it added to the confusion I was already feeling. I needed to figure out what the hell was going on. Why everything I knew I wanted was suddenly in the grey area. Everything was so black and white for me before that but you opened my eyes. I was in denial.”
I could see his worry in his eyes. He was barely breathing as he took me in. Looking down at my hands and out over the placid water, I took a deep breath and looked back at him. Those blue eyes, now filled with conflict, made my chest ache.
“I want the best of both worlds, Jared. I want to be the submissive that craves your praise and approval. I want to be on my knees at your side, knowing that you will take what you want when you want it, but, in the same breath, I want to be Kit. I want to speak freely and say stupid shit and touch you when the mood strikes.”
“Does that happen often?” Jared asked. There was a little contradiction in his eyes, and a faint teasing tone in his voice as he tried to figure out his own thoughts.