The Geek and His Artist (36 page)

“Don’t give me mathematics, brat.” She chuckled. “Really, though—”

“Mom, look. We both agree he’s not ready for it. A big party means we have to go somewhere else, probably big, very public, with a lot of people, and Simon still isn’t that comfortable with that.”

Mom sighed. “I know, that’s why I said—”

“We’ll talk about it later. Maybe we can plan something big for graduation, put Simon’s birthday together with it then.”

No one spoke for a moment, and Simon was sure they could hear his heart pounding from there. He swallowed around his dry throat as the concepts behind the words assembled themselves in his mind. Jimmy’s birthday party, the one celebrating his adulthood, was deliberately small because of
him,
Simon.
He
was too fucked up for Jimmy to have the party he deserved. Simon swallowed again, thinking he
really
needed to get away in that moment.

“Later. Okay.”

“Really. Simon’s safe. That’s what matters. I want to keep him that way,” Jimmy replied.

“If you’re sure, I’ll let it go.” Mom didn’t sound too happy about that, but Simon had gotten to know her well enough to know she’d abide by Jimmy’s wishes.

“I’m sure.”

“Okay, then. Now….”

Simon eased back and slipped back into the bedroom. He perched on the edge of the bed, staring unseeingly at the shaggy blue rug Jimmy kept on that side to protect his cold feet.

Protect. Jimmy had been protecting him for a while now. Simon chewed again on his bottom lip as a whole new set of fears snuck up on him.
What will happen when Jimmy gets tired of protecting me? What will happen when Jimmy gets tired of giving things up because I’m so fucked up? What happens when I don’t need protecting anymore? Will Jimmy even want me then?

Simon’s heart pounded harder in his chest and his stomach twisted. He’d fallen so hard for Jimmy, loved Jimmy so much. He’d built a fantasy in his head of them together for years. He’d imagined them in some loft in the city or a house somewhere, chasing a kid or two around. He’d pictured a wedding. Nothing big, just them and their friends and the Bennets, maybe in the park.

But maybe Jimmy didn’t really want that? Maybe… maybe Jimmy would get bored with him.

Simon forced himself to breathe. He was jumping to a lot of conclusions. He could recognize that. He needed to get a grip on his fear. That was something his counselor wanted him to work on first—working through his fear.

It still ruled him in a lot of ways. Jimmy had been right. He couldn’t handle big public places. School, he could do. But they hadn’t even tried the mall since that first shopping trip when he’d had plenty of painkillers to distract him. They hadn’t gone to a movie either. All those public places freaked him out since he still didn’t know where The Bastard had gone.

He couldn’t help but worry that one day, they’d be out somewhere, just going for a normal cup of coffee, and
he’d
step out, and before Simon could so much as scream, he’d kill Jimmy. Then turn on him. Or worse, take him along to go after the Bennets.

The few times he’d had nightmares since the first night he and Jimmy made love, that had been the common theme. The Bastard hurting the man Simon loved.

But the counselor said he could get past that fear, move forward. One of the things he’d taught Simon already was how to simply
breathe
when it got overwhelming. Focus only on taking air in and pushing it back out, slowly, deliberately.

As he did that now, he realized he was panicking. Nothing he’d seen yet had shown him Jimmy would get tired or bored. Maybe they didn’t sit in each other’s arms all the time anymore, but he was smart enough to know that was common. They couldn’t maintain that forever.

They still said “I love you.” They still made love. Simon had to remember that.

Just as his heart rate was slowing and he was wiping his hands on his jeans, the door opened and Jimmy stepped in. “Baby?” Jimmy asked, frowning.

“Hi. I, uh, have your gift for you.” He figured if he played up the nervousness over the gift—which wasn’t that much of a stretch—he could bypass any other worry.

Jimmy raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”

Simon nodded. “Yes.” He turned and picked up the picture behind him and handed it to Jimmy. The overall canvas was a twenty-four-inch-square piece that he’d bought with money earned from Mom for typing some things she hadn’t wanted to mess with. He’d guessed she hadn’t really needed his help, but he appreciated the pretence anyway.

Jimmy looked at him curiously, then tore the paper away—and immediately gasped. Simon, eyes fixed on Jimmy’s face, knew instantly it was a gasp of pleasure. Jimmy’s face lit up, and he looked over at Simon briefly before turning back to the painting.

He’d taken artistic license with a few things. The picture Mom had snapped of them asleep on the couch after dinner hadn’t been the best to go by. The colors had been too dark, and she’d admitted to not wanting to wake them with the flash. So he’d had to fill in some details by guess.

He and Jimmy hadn’t been dressed from the waist up. Jimmy had pulled the blanket over them—that had taken an inordinate amount of time to get the detail on, with its complicated leaf pattern—but their shoulders and Jimmy’s arms were still bare. Simon had blushed on more than one occasion as he worked on it when he remembered their pants had both been still open, cocks hanging out, when their
mom
had taken the picture.

But as soon as he’d seen the picture again on Jimmy’s phone, with Jimmy’s face buried in his hair, his head resting on Jimmy’s chest, he’d known he needed to do something with it. He’d gone to Mr. Steel and asked him to help with the color and composition, learning design tips, like offsetting their faces and leaving the darkened room to fill in a bit of the background. He’d spent the weeks in art class working on it, and it had earned him some big fat extra credit, which helped offset the portraits he hadn’t managed to finish the week he’d been off.

“Simon?” Jimmy asked, running his finger over the painting-Simon’s ear.

Simon smiled. “I know I wasn’t wearing my hearing aid then, but… it’s part of me. And you don’t mind, so I thought….” He shrugged, cheeks tinged with red. “I don’t expect you to, like, hang it up or anything—”

“Are you kidding? Would it be okay if Mom hung it downstairs so I can show it off?”

Simon blinked up at him. “Oh, it’s not that good! It’s the first painting like that I’ve really tried and—”

Jimmy stepped close and put a finger over his lips. “Stop. I think it’s
beautiful
. It’s the best birthday present I got and will beat anything else I might get.” He glanced over the painting. “I’m astounded by how beautiful it is and can’t wait to show it off. I mean that.”

Simon swallowed, glancing at the painting again. He saw too many flaws when he looked at it. His nose wasn’t quite right. Jimmy’s left hand was angled a little off. The blanket didn’t seem to hang right—

“Stop. You’re tearing it apart.”

Simon raised his eyebrows. “How—”

Jimmy nodded, chuckling. “You do it with everything you draw or paint or whatever.”

Simon blushed. “I didn’t realize I did that.”

Jimmy just laughed. “Yup. But I’m told it’s an artist thing. What did Mr. Steel say? Art is never finished—”

“Only abandoned. It’s a bastardized quote from da Vinci, actually.” Simon shook his head and smiled shyly. “If… uh, if Mom wants to….” He swallowed but nodded.

Jimmy cheered, dropped a quick, hard kiss on Simon’s lips, then bolted out of the room. “Mom! Dad! You gotta see this!” he shouted as he pounded down the stairs.

Simon was still a bit worried about Jimmy getting tired of him, still thinking Jimmy was nuts for loving the painting
so
much. But he also felt the warmth, and the happiness he’d given Jimmy just from the art felt really good. He blew out a breath and did his best to put his fears away for the rest of the afternoon. They had video games, pool, pizza, and fun with their friends ahead. He wouldn’t ruin the small party Jimmy was going to get with his crap. Determination made, he followed Jimmy downstairs.

J
IMMY
SAT
on the barstool in the corner, sipping on his Mountain Dew and watching Simon learn how to play pool. Kip stood behind him, guiding the stick, and Jimmy tamped down on the unreasonable jealousy he felt at the idea of Kip touching his boyfriend. He knew Simon needed his other friends, not just Jimmy, so he forced the little green monster away and took another drink of his pop.

“So, still nothing?” Ronnie asked from next to him.

Jimmy shook his head. “No. And it’s starting to piss me off. How can the guy just vanish? After all he did to Simon?”

Ronnie shrugged a shoulder. “Not to sound harsh, dude, but they don’t give a fuck. Simon’s safe as far as they’re concerned.”

“He’s never going to be really safe until that asshole is either behind bars or dead.”

“I don’t disagree.”

When Ronnie didn’t say anything else, Jimmy tore his gaze away from Simon and turned to his friend. “What?” Ronnie gave him an amused look, and Jimmy scowled. “What?”

Ronnie grinned. “I have to say, you’re not quite what I expected you’d be like when you fell in love.”

Jimmy’s scowl deepened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ronnie sniggered. “I kind of figured your inner queen would come out.”

“My inner—wow, you’re an asshole,” Jimmy said, shaking his head.

“I mean, we haven’t gotten to see you really
gay
yet, so I thought—”

Jimmy gave in and punched Ronnie on the arm—after making sure Simon wasn’t looking—realizing that’s what Ronnie was waiting for. “You’re hilarious.” He shook his head, turning back to Simon.

Ronnie started laughing, drawing Sean’s attention. Jimmy shook his head again and waved, and Sean turned back to the pool table. When Ronnie finally collected himself, he said, “Seriously, I
didn’t
expect you to be quite so… protective and possessive.”

Jimmy kept his silence for a moment to say it the right way. “I look at him, this guy I had the worst crush on—shut up—and find out he felt the same. I feel like I have been given the most precious gift in the world. How can I not want to protect it? Imagine if someone hurt Bailey? How would you feel if she goes out with another guy?”

He turned to watch Ronnie and saw the frown. “I guess I see what you mean.”

Jimmy turned to see Simon lining up a shot, Kip coaching him, and Sean standing nearby giving pointers. Simon pulled the cue back and slid it forward, but he missed. The cue went straight at Sean and caught him near the face. Simon dropped the stick, nearly leaping across the table to apologize. Jimmy watched in a kind of awe as Sean calmed Simon down and assured him that it wasn’t his fault.

“Seriously, I shouldn’t have been that close. My bad.”

Simon paused, and Jimmy watched as he took a deep breath and visibly forced himself to calm down. “Okay.”

“Let’s try that again. This time, I’ll stand over there,” Sean said, pointing.

Kip snickered. “Yeah, no more damaging my favorite parts.”

Sean rolled his eyes and Simon laughed. “Well, it could have been worse,” Simon pointed out.

“True,” Kip agreed, sending a leering look at Sean that caused their friend to turn red.

“Play!” Sean growled.

“He’s got a fucking magazine stand of issues when it comes to Kip,” Ronnie said.

Jimmy snorted. “Yeah, and his parents wrote them all.” He shook his head. “I tried to get him to just leave, but he’s adamant he finish the school year. But… it’s just about killing him.”

“Kip asked him too, you know.”

Jimmy looked over, raising his eyebrows. “He did?”

Ronnie nodded. “Yeah. Same kind of thing your parents did. I don’t know if they’ve, like, said they loved each other or anything, but it’s driving Kip nuts that Sean won’t go.”

“Yeah, Simon said that, but he didn’t say Kip had asked.”

“Kip got the idea from you.”

Jimmy blinked. “Me? I mean, I know it’s shit where Sean is, but they’re not—”

Ronnie held up a hand. “No, no. Nothing like that. As far as I know, they still don’t have a clue who Kip is, except another friend.”

Jimmy’s heart rate slowed back down. “Fuck. Scared the shit out of me. One abusive fucker is enough to deal with.” Jimmy sighed.

“No doubt. No, he just doesn’t want to see Sean so miserable, I guess.”

“I can understand that,” Jimmy muttered. He watched Simon finally make the shot, then stand back for Tony to take a turn. Deck leaned in and made some kind of comment into Tony’s ear that earned him an elbow to the stomach, making them all laugh.

“Deck, I didn’t know you swung that way,” Simon said.

Deck flipped him off, causing more laughter. “Sorry, his tits aren’t big enough for me.”

“Ewww,” Simon said, making a face.

“Aww, they’re not that bad. They’re kind of fun to play with,” Kip said.

“Nice to look at too,” Sean agreed, grinning at Kip, who moved around the pool table, yanked Sean in, and kissed him hard.

“Okay, what the fuck?” Ronnie grumbled. “Is he gay or not?”

“Not.” Jimmy shook his head. “They’re bi.”

“Really? I thought—”

“You know, I’d stop there and
not
bring that up—or anything to do with gay versus bi—to either of them. Deck said something the one day at school, and Kip about kicked his ass over it.”

“Really?” Ronnie’s eyes widened.

Jimmy nodded. “Yeah. They’ll both tell you, so, yeah.”

“Huh.” Ronnie went back to watching the game, and Jimmy let himself get lost again in thought.

The fact that The Bastard hadn’t surfaced yet was a big reason he’d been insistent on the small party at the house. He didn’t like Simon going anywhere but school and counseling these days. It irked both of them, but Jimmy was adult enough to admit it scared the living shit out of him to think The Bastard could be out there somewhere.