The Hysterics (13 page)

I bit my tongue and clapped when the song was done. “That was great, guys.”

Dane looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “I saw that frown in the middle.”

Shit.

I shook my head while the band all glued their eyes on me.

Dane took a swig from his bottle of water as I gulped down half of my beer. “What did you hear, Fae?” Hearing him use my fake name felt so wrong. It was gross.

Maverick looked over at me. “Yeah, any advice is good.”

“But you guys are the musicians, not me.”

Maverick shot me a sweet smile while wiping his sweat-soaked brow. “We don’t have outsiders in practice often. Sometimes others hear things we don’t.”

I bit my lip. My heart was pounding out of my chest.

“Alright, in the hook, there was a point where if you let the bottom fall out, the reentry would be really powerful.”

They all looked at me like I had six heads.

“Ok, ok. What do I know? I’m just a journalist.”

Dane laughed a little to himself and if looks could kill, the daggers shooting from my eyes would have had him sprawled out in two seconds flat.

Maverick looked at me, then to Dane with a knowing smile.

He can’t know. Don’t be ridiculous, Fallon—I mean Fae! Shit balls of fire!

“Try to explain it.” Dane’s husky voice floated over to me and I started to search through Spotify for the sound I was thinking of.

“Ok here.” I skipped through Something Corporate’s “I Want to Save You” until a little before the bridge. “Listen to the piano fall out and then rush back in, it’s so freaking powerful.”

Rodney looked like a light bulb had just exploded in his face. “That is fucking brilliant. Good ear, Fae. Maybe you should have been a musician.” He winked at me and grabbed his mic, slinging his guitar strap back over his head.

His words bit at my cheeks as they flamed red. “Yeah, maybe.” I shrugged, trying to calm my shaking nerves and voice. “Where’s the restroom?”

I needed to get the fuck out of there for a little bit. I could feel the tears starting to sting the backs of my eyes and I did not want to look like a freaking nutcase in front of these guys. Serena was enough crazy for one evening.

“I’ll show you.” Maverick pointed up the stairs and started to lead the way.

Once the basement door was shut behind us, he turned to me. “Fallon, thank you for that advice.” The feeling of his hand on my shoulder burned as the sound of my real name festered in the air.

“How’d you…?” I couldn’t even get the words to come out of my throat.

“Does it matter?”

I shook my head and turned for the bathroom, slamming the basement door behind me. I splashed water on my face and stared blankly into my reflection in the mirror. I barely looked like my old self anymore: soft pink and neutral makeup, fake glasses, a collared white blouse under a dark blue blazer, French manicured nails. I missed the heavy makeup, the bright red lipstick, the black nail polish, my rocker edge and confidence. It was replaced by a nervous girl who was scared of her own shadow. The whole keeping up appearances bullshit was starting to really wear on me.

Making my way down to the quiet basement was eerie; it felt like I had just walked in on everyone with their pants down.

“What’s up?” I looked around the room, nervous as shit.

No one spoke. They were frozen, just staring at me.

Dane got up from his stool and turned me away from everyone, wrapping one arm around my waist.

“Colt heard Mav call you Fallon,” he whispered into my ear.

I gasped and froze.

Well damn it all to hell!

I put on the bravest smile I could, folded up my fake glasses, pulled off my suit jacket, and turned to the rest of the band and Serena.

“It’s true.” I sighed, defeated. That’s the only way I could describe how I felt in that moment. The cat was out of its pesky bag and this crap could be really bad for me.

Rodney walked over and wrapped his arms around me tightly. “That’s cool as shit, chick.” He smiled and winked.

Colt rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, bouncing his jittering knee while he sat on his amp. “Fucking Fallon Dunbar in my fucking house and I didn’t fucking know. What the…” He smiled at me.

Dane cleared his throat. “Well, this practice has been shot to shit. Anyone else hungry?”

“Fucking starving,” Serena said, shoving off the couch and grabbing her purse. “There’s this awesome burger joint across the street from the tattoo shop I work at.”

All of us laughed in unison while she looked at us confused as hell. “What’s so funny about burgers?”

Maverick smiled sweetly at her. “That’s my dad’s bar.”

We all started to grab our coats to head out to eat when Dane stood on the first step in front of everyone. “This all might not seem like a huge deal to any of you, but
no one
can figure out that Fallon is who she really is. Outside of this group she
is
Fae Dunham. Got it?”

Everyone muttered and nodded; a calm washed over me knowing that I had a few more understanding friends in my corner.

Serena grabbed my hand and smiled at me. “We all have a past. I know you don’t know me very well, but I promise I won’t say a damn thing.”

I gripped her hand and addressed everyone in the group. “Thanks.”

It was such a small word for how big this all was for me. They all just nodded and there it was. I was finally among friends. Real friends, not the fake shit that comes along with fame. That was one of the sickest feelings in the world.

Chapter Fifteen

Define Family

DANE

“Hey, Pop!” I called over the bar to Marty. His back was to me, staring at half-empty liquor bottles on the back row of the bar doing inventory, clipboard in hand. The rest of the guys, Fallon, and Serena all started to take seats around a long table a few feet behind me.

The dark circles around Marty’s light eyes and two day old scruff told all too much about how many hours he had been putting in at the bar. “Dane! Guys! It’s not open mic night, to what do I owe this visit?”

Maverick slid onto the barstool next to me. “Worked up quite the appetite practicing tonight. Thought we’d stop in and grab a bite.”

Marty nodded at his son. “Couple of pitchers of Pabst and nachos?”

“Sounds great, Pop. Thanks.”

We started to head to the table when he cleared his throat. “You boys better be coming to this barbeque.  Your mother has missed having a full house lately.”

Maverick and I nodded in unison. “Yeah of course. We’ll be there.”

There was no way I would ever be able to repay Maverick and his family for what they did for me after my mom got locked up. Going to a family picnic was a very small price to pay for the years they took me in and helped restore my faith in humanity.

              Dinner was over before we knew it. Surprisingly, even Serena was awesome to be around. The night went perfectly until I had to drop Fallon off at her apartment.

              “Are you sure you don’t want to come back to my place?”

              Fallon shook her head while gripping the door handle. “Dane, I really like you and I want nothing more than to crawl into your ridiculously comfortable bed, but I have a mountain of work to tackle tomorrow. I am going to head into the office early so it’s better if I stay here alone and get my ass to bed.”

              I popped out my lower lip and tried my best to put on sad puppy dog eyes. “Are you sure?” I got within an inch of her beautiful lips.

              “Yes.” She slowly pressed her lips onto mine, letting them linger tenderly before popping the door open and jumping out of the car. 

She leaned in. “I’ll see you tomorrow at work, babe.”

Babe
. That word rolling off her perfect pierced lips was incredibly sexy. I wanted to catch it in my mouth and crush my lips into hers.

“Alright.” I sighed and the door slammed shut.

While walking up the stairs to my apartment, my phone buzzed in my pocket a few times. I checked my texts to find some I wanted to read and others, not so much.

Fallon: Thanks for a great night. Sitting in on that practice was freaking liberating. I needed that.

Whitney: Why have you been blowing me off and not responding to my texts?

Whitney: Are you fucking our new bitch of a boss?

Fallon: Let me know you got home safe.

Even though Whitney’s texts made me see red and I would have loved to let her have it for calling Fallon a bitch, there was no way I was going to bark up the Whitney-crazy-tree at the moment. She was not going to ruin the amazing high I had from such a great night. So, I just rattled off a text back to Fallon.

Me: Just got to my place. Night, Juliet.

Fallon: Night, Romeo. Sweet dreams :*

I figured that the last bit was a kissy face and for the first time, seeing something so mushy didn’t make me want to hurl. I started to walk down the hall to my apartment and froze right when I saw someone sitting in my doorway. In the dim light was the silhouette of the shell of a woman I used to know and love. It took everything in me to not turn and bolt down the stairs behind me. I wanted to scream and kill, but all I could do was choke out one word from my drying throat while my fists clenched and my entire body buzzed with rage.

“Mom?”

She slowly grappled to her feet and stared at me while I forced myself to yell, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

FALLON

I stepped out of my steaming shower, draping my body in a warm, fluffy towel. Walking around my apartment alone with dripping wet hair and pouring myself a small glass of wine to wind down usually didn’t come with this terrible sting of loneliness, but there it was, nipping at my heels. All I wanted was to be in Dane’s bed, drinking tea and cuddling under his warm comforter while he picked at his acoustic guitar. The sweet image made me want him even more.

Without thinking about it, I pulled on jeans, threw on a T-shirt, shoved my feet into my favorite pair of Uggs, and called for a cab. Within a few minutes I was in the backseat of a taxi, wrapped up warmly in a hoodie, riding the few blocks to Dane’s apartment. If it weren’t dark out I would have walked, but I was pretty afraid of the dark and being kidnapped. I was little and in my mind that meant that I was easily kidnap-able.

I practically ran up the stairs to Dane’s apartment, hoping he wouldn’t be mad that I was surprising him.

I knocked on the door and he answered quickly, leaning on the doorjamb, holding the door halfway shut. “What’s up?” His voice was rough and shaky as he looked at the floor.

“I was lonely. I realized that I don’t really care about a good night’s sleep.” I ran my fingers over his arm and he breathed in sharply.

“This really isn’t a good—” A woman’s voice called from inside, “Dane, honey, who is it?”

I saw red. My blood boiled. I was going to kick her fucking teeth in. I was going to kick his teeth in. I put my hand on the door, ready to shove it open, but Dane held on for dear-fucking-life.

“I said this is not a good time, Fallon.” He growled through gritted teeth, pleading with his eyes as I leaned into the door with my shoulder, trying to force it open.

“Who the fuck is in there?” He wasn’t getting off that easily.

“It’s just a friend,
Mom
.” Dane growled, locking his eyes on mine as my mouth fell open.

“Oh, honey. Let her in,” the meek voice called again.

“I’m—” Dane put his hand on my shoulder, cutting off my apology.

“Don’t worry about it. I was just about to make some tea. Want some?”

I nodded and Dane’s head fell into a sigh as he opened up the door. Dane’s mom got up from the couch, rubbing her hands on her jeans before walking up to me to introduce herself.

“Hi, I’m Claire.” I took her frail hand.

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Fa-Fallon?” My voice turned up and I looked to Dane, who nodded. He had already used my real name, might as well go with it. Her light brown eyes had dark rings around them and her silver hair floated in wisps around her face. With hollow cheekbones, Claire smiled and nodded, taking the steaming mug out of Dane’s hand.

“So, Mom.” Dane’s voice was so rigid, matching his posture as he took a seat in the armchair, the farthest spot from where Claire was sitting, forcing me to sit next to her on the couch. “How long have you been out?”

Her grip tightened on her mug as she stared into it, barely speaking louder than a whisper. “Just about a week.”

Dane’s face was stern and unreadable. There was so much I didn’t know about their relationship, but I knew enough to be very concerned about the situation that was unfolding before me. I wanted to get to know Dane’s mom, but I was pretty sure that would upset Dane.

“Where are you staying?” Dane’s disdain dripped from each word. He was trying to hold something back, probably anger.

“On the other side of town. With a friend.”

Dane laughed. “Is that what you’re calling your drug dealer nowadays? A fucking
friend
?”

After setting her mug slowly down onto the coffee table, Claire hugged her jacket tighter around her body while her hands shook.

“Why are you really here, mother? Please don’t say it’s because you missed me.”

“But I –”

She was cut off by Dane’s sharp tongue lashing her. “If you missed me, you would have written, tried to apologize, or maybe entered the drug program I begged you to do after the state offered it to you.”

“Dane, I’ve changed. I’m a new woman.”

Dane got up and sat on the coffee table right in front of his mom, getting his face within a half-inch of hers. “Prove it.” He grabbed her hand and yanked up her sleeves, revealing fresh track marks in the crook of her elbow.

“Fresh out and you couldn’t
wait
to get a fucking fix. Get the fuck out of my home.” Dane forcefully pulled her up from the couch and walked her right to the door.

“But I have nowhere else to go. No more money.”

He opened the door and pushed her out of it. “Well you should have thought about that before you got Leilani in that fucking car with you. And by the way, if you don’t leave, I will call the cops. I knew you’d be getting out soon so I filed a
no contact
against you. You’re in violation right now. Your lawyer has a copy. Have a nice fucking life, Claire.”

He slammed the door, resting his back on it and sliding down to the floor. He gently sobbed onto his knees, hugging his legs to his chest. I had no idea what to do, so I got down on the floor and held him while he cried softly in my arms.

“I fucking hate her,” he mumbled.

“I know.”

A few hard knocks sounded through the door and made me jump. Dane’s grip on my shirt tightened. “She’ll always be a junkie, wont she?”

Knock.

Knock, knock.

Bang, bang, bang.

“I hope not,” I whispered, scared that she would be relentless.

Knock.

Knock.

“Did I do the right thing? Kicking her out?”

“Maybe.” Chills ran up my arms while I pictured Claire standing on the other side of the door, just as broken as her son.

Dane buried his hand into the crook of my neck, breathing in sharply before whispering, “I’m glad you showed up.”

“Me too.”

There was one final tap on the door and then silence. Dane and I stayed locked in one another’s arms for what felt like hours, but in reality was only a few more minutes.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Dane took my hand and I helped him to his feet. The sadness and defeat that blanketed his face made my heart break.