The Lady's Choice (11 page)

Ramón saw, in his mind's eye, Benae's struggle to make her estate pay, even as she tried to deal with the grief of losing her parents. She blamed herself for everything and it was not right. He saw in that moment her goodness and the tragedy that had befallen her.

Ramón stared straight ahead now as she continued. ‘The last straw was when they carried my brother Alvan home from a skirmish with the elves. I felt something snap within me when I saw him. With his last spark of life he opened his eyes and begged me to save our estates.' She slumped in the saddle, eyes closed, tears coursing down her face. ‘I could not save him either. He lived on for another hour and each of his breaths was like a stab to my heart.'

‘Perhaps he felt nothing that last hour.' Ramón knew what it was like to lose a sibling; his twin sister, Elinor, dead in childbirth when they were only twenty summers old. Perhaps one day he would be able to help Benae accept Alvan's death.

‘You cannot know that,' she hissed, raking him with angry eyes.

‘Be kind to yourself, Benae!'

She glared at him and looked forward again. ‘That day, I accepted defeat. The Goddess had challenged me and I had to admit that I had failed her test. I knew I was not equal to the task of saving my people, especially not with the dark elves on my doorstep. I heard the call for a bride that Jiseve sent out and knew that I had to apply.'

‘You seek protection for your people? Why did you not tell me that?'

Benae's shoulders slumped. ‘I am ashamed. How could I reveal to you my failures? I would rather have you think I am a gold-digger than know I could not protect those who depend on me.' Benae made to urge Flaire into a trot. ‘We should hurry along now.'

‘Wait!' Ramón said, still determined to understand her. ‘If you seek salvation for your people, how can you risk it all by seducing me?'

Benae pulled Flaire to a halt and swung to face Ramón. ‘I thought I could sacrifice love for the sake of my people but now I am not certain I can. I have desires I cannot deny and you have shown me that perhaps there is a better life. I feel deeply for you, Ramón. I owe it to myself to be sure that I can devote myself to Jiseve without giving up my chance of happiness.'

‘And what about your people?'

‘If I cannot go through with my marriage, I will find some other way to save them. Jiseve has ensured they are safe for the moment.'

‘So you will use me to test your commitment and use the prince to help your people in the meantime. He thinks you are true to him!'

She had no answer to that, did she? Benae found herself in hot water and Ramón could see that it was up to him to extract her. He would see that she stayed true to her promises to Prince Zialni. It was the only course of action.

They pitched the tent well back from the road in a small stand of windswept pines. The water was almost gone so Benae moistened a cloth and wiped the dust from her face and hands. It had been a hard day but they had made good time and her discussion with Ramón had made her feel better, even if it was clear he disapproved of her actions. It was good to have someone to confide in. She had been on her own for so long. Merel had been her only confidant, but there had been much she could not discuss with the maid. A sob rose up in her chest. Merel had deserved so much more. It was just another reminder of Benae's failures.

She wondered how things would be between her and Ramón now that he knew why she had come to Brightcastle. He had been there for her from the start, she realised, lending an ear even if he did not want to. He was honest, steadfast
and
all that with a body and face that made her heart race: everything she needed. Benae realised with a jolt that Ramón was much like her father. Jiseve, on the other hand, would keep her in diamonds but expect obedience and she doubted she would fit the bill for long.
Oh, what a mess!
Was it already too late to break her betrothal? Could she persuade Ramón to make love with her, to test the strength of her commitment to Jiseve?

Benae emerged from the tent to find Ramón seated by the fire munching on the same old bread they had eaten for two days. He smiled at her and desire stole her breath. How could a simple smile heat her blood so? Was this what love felt like? Did he feel the same?
No!
He had convinced himself that his feelings for Benae were simply lust. She favoured him with a scorching look that she hoped would have him thinking twice about turning her down. Oh, she would show her gorgeous squire what seduction was. Yes, she would!

She sat beside him and took the bread he offered. He poured her some ale from a corked bottle. They ate in silence except for the cropping of their horses tethered close by.

When the meal was finished, Benae cleared her throat. ‘One night left for us, Ramón. We have been given this. Let us not waste it.'

He stared at her. ‘We are here alone because of an ambush. People have died and you can think only of lust?'

‘Do not think ill of me, Ramón. It is the fact that we might have died last night that makes me bold. If I had been killed or taken I would never have known your body. You would never have known what it is to be loved by a woman. Are you content to die thus?'

Ramón blushed. ‘I am not content to die at all but a betrothed woman should not have those thoughts about another man.'

Benae snorted and reached out to cup his cheek with her palm. It was deliciously rough. She longed to feel the short bristles against her skin, all over her body. She shivered. Ramón had gone still like a rabbit that hopes he will not be seen by the fox if he does not move. Yes, he was vulnerable to her. She leaned forward and brushed her lips across his. An almost overwhelming urge swept through her to throw her arms around him and kiss him until he lost control, but she kept herself in check.

‘I wish to make love with you,' she said. ‘I want to know you before I give myself to Jiseve. I want to know what I am sacrificing.'

‘Why should our coupling make any difference to your commitment? Should you so wish, you could still have any man after your marriage. You are giving up nothing.'

She sat back on her heels. ‘I think I might be in love with you, Ramón. But I need to be sure. You have shown me how it can be between a man and a woman. Tell me you feel the same.'

Ramon shook his head. ‘The attack last night made me a little crazy; otherwise I would not have acted with so little decorum at luncheon. I was not myself but our talk has shown me how much you need the prince. You acted with honour when you sacrificed yourself for your people. You have gone too far to turn back now, Benae. I will not let you throw the lives of your people to the devil. You would never forgive yourself. Already you carry too much guilt.'

‘No! You cannot decide for me.' She flung herself at him and they toppled over backwards, Benae ravishing his mouth, her hands clawing at his tunic and ripping his shirt from his breeches. She felt him stir beneath her. She was winning! Benae increased her assault and knew victory when Ramón rolled her onto her back and caught at her feverish hands. His mouth lowered to hers and slowly, reverently, he kissed her. Her lips parted beneath his and he explored the deepest reaches of her mouth. She groaned and pushed her hips against his but she was pinned by his body and he had her hands trapped above her head. Oh, how she loved the feel of him atop her! Her body moved beneath his and she knew not what she did, just anticipated the moment when he would begin to undress her, when she would free him and they would be one.

Ramón's lips left hers and she lay with her eyes closed, still lost in the moment, conscious of moisture pooling between her legs. She looked up to find him standing over her, his hair in wild disarray, chest heaving, eyes burning with desire. ‘Ramón?'

‘I would like nothing more than to make love to you here. Do you think I do not wonder what it will be like? I can only imagine, dream of such ecstasy. But I cannot let you do this.'

Benae rose and made to fling herself into his arms. He could not deny her! Ramón held her at bay, arms outstretched.

‘Make love to me, damn it!' Benae panted, not able to let him walk away.

‘I am steadfast in this, Benae. I will not let you betray your betrothed or your people. You would not be able to live with yourself.'

‘Allow me to judge what I can live with.'

He shook his head. ‘I respect you too much to allow this. We must remain only friends.'

‘I do not think I can stop at friendship,' she said, distracted by the raging desire that tore through her.

‘You must be content. We must find a way to deal with this. It cannot always be storm and tempest between us.'

She gazed up at him, allowing her fingertips to trail down his chest, and saw what it cost Ramón not to respond to her nearness. His strength was remarkable. ‘Can you walk away from this?'

‘I must,' he said, his voice hoarse as though every muscle in his throat was in spasm. Oh yes, this restraint was costing her squire dearly. But if he wanted only friendship, then he would have it. ‘Friends it is.' She placed her hand in his and he bent and kissed her fingers. Benae closed her eyes as she fought the surge of desire the simple gesture triggered. She must have Ramón and if that meant as a friend then so be it.

Benae woke the next morning to find the place beside her empty. Spears of sunlight struck her through the tiny stitching holes in the tent fabric. She groaned. A night of tossing and turning had not prepared her for entry into the king's seat at Wildecoast, where there would be questions to answer.

‘Breakfast is ready, Benae.' Ramón's cheerful voice, from outside the tent, interrupted her thoughts.

Why was
he
so jolly? Apart from having had a decent night's sleep, that was. She knew for a fact that the squire had slept soundly, for she had hardly slept at all. His gentle snores had mocked her as she lay trying to come to terms with his rejection of her. He wanted her but he had put her aside. He was right, of course. It was the only sensible and honourable course to take. She was promised to the prince and should behave as a betrothed woman, not as a woman in love.
In love . . . 
Benae rolled the words around in her mind, testing their fit. Yes, this might be love but, oh, what a poor time to discover it, when she had already pledged herself to another man.

Could she accept Ramón's friendship and want nothing more? It did not feel as if she could. Perhaps once she was back with Jiseve and planning their wedding, all this would seem silly. But when she thought of Jiseve she found it difficult to remember the feel of his arms around her, of his lips upon hers. Instead, other arms and lips were all too easy to recall. She shivered, delighting in the memory of times spent with Ramón. At least she would have those recollections to console her and later children would fill her life. She was doing the right thing, marrying Jiseve. She must make it work.

Benae stood, shook her dress out and washed her face with the cloth she had used the night before. She brushed her hair until it shone and twisted it into a simple knot. The loss of Merel hit her anew and not only because the maid usually attended to these tasks. Benae had enjoyed chatting to Merel first thing in the morning. Her soft voice and calm nature had soothed Benae after many a difficult night, especially since the loss of her family. She had come to depend upon her maid. Tears pooled but she would not shed them. She breathed deeply and once her emotions were under control she stepped from the tent.

‘Good morning,' Benae said, uncertain of how to behave with her new ‘friend'.

Ramón swept a bow, handed her a mug of tea and then ushered her to a log beside the fire. ‘Only the stale bread and a hunk of cheese remain I'm afraid, but we should be at Wildecoast by midday and able to fill our bellies then.'

‘You are in a very cheery mood this morning, Ramón.' Benae said. For some reason, his cheeriness grated on her.

‘Yes, of course. Our journey will soon be at an end.' He smiled and Benae could find none of the torment of yesterday in his gaze. ‘I will fold the tent while you have your breakfast. Then we must be on our way.'

Benae watched him as he worked. He was graceful for a man and showed the economy of movement typical of someone who is always busy. Her eyes fell upon his broad shoulders as he folded the tent and her stomach clenched. Best not to watch that if she did not want to be throwing herself at him again. She looked away but when she looked back she was greeted with the squire's muscled buttocks as he bent to pick up the folded tent. Her heart skipped and raced away and she took deep breaths to calm herself. Best not to watch at all.

The wind increased as they travelled closer to the coast and soon they were riding straight into a gale. Ramón cursed the weather for it slowed them and stung their eyes. Even the horses felt the discomfort. Approaching noon, clouds covered the sun and the temperature dropped. Their cloaks were whipped about their bodies, providing hardly any warmth. Ramón welcomed the wild weather for it kept his mind from worries about Benae and the reception awaiting them. With luck the pigeons sent to announce their visit had reached Wildecoast but the king would not expect Benae to arrive accompanied only by him. There would be questions.

Finally they reached the cliffs of Wildecoast and were within sight of the king's seat, a lonely keep that sat atop a rocky hill overlooking the ocean. The town spread out around the castle and a high stone wall gave protection. They pushed their horses into a canter and soon reached the outer gates of the city. Kingdom soldiers were on guard in their red livery, the golden Zialni crest on their left breasts and on their shields.

Ramón and Benae stopped, pulling down the scarves they had used to protect their faces. Ramón dismounted and led his horse forward. The guards eyed Benae boldly and a bolt of anger surged through Ramón's gut. He fought it down and presented himself to the sergeant in charge.

‘Squire Ramón Zorba of Brightcastle and the Lady Benae Branasar to see King Beniel Zialni and Queen Adriana.'

The sergeant, a small man with a hawkish nose and a neatly trimmed moustache, smirked and said something to his fellows that caused them to snicker. Ramón felt his anger rise again.

‘Where is your escort, squire?' the sergeant said. ‘
Ladies
do not travel about the countryside with a lone male for company unless they are looking for trouble.' His eyes ran over Benae and settled on her chest.

Ramón watched as Benae's neck and face flushed under the guard's impudent gaze. She was more than capable of putting the fellow in his place but Ramón did not want Benae to concern herself with this. She had enough to worry about and had been quiet all morning.

‘We met with trouble on the road,' Ramón snapped. ‘Dark elves attacked our party and killed all but the two of us. We left the carriage behind. I need you to organise recovery of our conveyance and the bodies at the earliest opportunity.'

The sergeant surveyed Ramón with his beady eyes as if trying to judge the truth of his words.

‘There is no need to stand here, man,' Ramón said, his patience at an end. It was cold and Benae needed to be out of the wind with a warm drink in her hand, not sitting here beneath the stares of common soldiers. ‘Get us an escort.'

‘First I must verify that you are who you say you are.' He turned to the six men with him. ‘Can anyone tell me if this is Ramón Zorba, who was sent to Brightcastle to take up the position of squire to Prince Zialni?'

‘It might be him,' ventured a short squat man at the back. ‘He has more the look of a highwayman than a noble as he stands here before us.'

The guards laughed and Ramón gritted his teeth. ‘Bring an escort and we will let the steward decide. He will vouch for me.'

The sergeant frowned at Ramón for long moments but seemed to think better of making fun of him and dispatched two of his men to bring an escort from the barracks. Ramón mounted his horse once more and sat beside Benae in silence, ignoring the stares of the remaining guards, who continued to snicker.

A clattering of hooves announced the arrival of eight mounted soldiers whose leader conducted a brief conversation with the gate sergeant. The hawk-nosed man turned to Ramón.

‘Lieutenant Formosa and his men will conduct you to the steward who will verify your identity, or otherwise. Don't stray from their protection as I can't ensure your safety if that were to occur.' The sergeant appeared as though he would love to see them wander away from protection.

‘Thank you, sergeant,' he said, ‘you have been most helpful.'

The self-important guard smirked at Ramón, fully aware he had got under the squire's skin.

Ramón put the sergeant from his mind and ushered Benae before him towards the waiting escort. They formed up with three in front, one man each beside Ramón and Benae and three behind. To Ramón, it felt more like a guard than an escort and the bleak look in Benae's eyes said she felt it as well.

Ramón tried to converse with the lieutenant who rode beside him. ‘Formosa . . . I have a second cousin with that last name.' The man looked only a little older than he. ‘What name do you go by?'

‘Josef,' he snapped, his bearing stiff and his eyes kept straight ahead.

‘It
is
you,' Ramón said. He could see the slight resemblance to his family although Josef's hair was a dark honey blond and his eyes were grey rather blue. He supposed many would consider Josef handsome, and his uniform would certainly have the ladies' heads turning. A pity he seemed such a pompous ass.

Josef flicked a glance Ramón's way and his eyes narrowed. ‘So! Little Ramón returns to Wildecoast. It's no wonder I didn't recognise you. The last time we met, your face was covered in pimples and you were so thin one would think you were perpetually starving.'

‘That was ten years ago, cousin. We have both changed much. If I remember, you joined the king's army soon after.'

‘I did, while you chose the life of a servant, albeit to the nobility. I heard about your appointment to the prince. You've been gone less than four months. Has the king's brother found you wanting?'

Ramón smoothed the frown from his brow with difficulty. Now he remembered: Josef had always been abrasive. But Ramón would not rise to the bait by defending himself. ‘I have been charged with the task of escorting the prince's betrothed, Lady Branasar, to be fitted for her wedding gown.'

Josef turned to Benae, who rode behind to his right and inclined his head. ‘I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, Lady Branasar.' His eyes ran over Benae's dusty raiment; he frowned and turned to speak to Ramón. ‘Is it true that you were beset by dark elves?'

‘The night before last. We barely escaped with our lives. We are all that is left of our party. You must dispatch men immediately to retrieve the bodies of our soldiers and servants and the carriage with the lady's belongings.'

Josef raised one eyebrow at Ramón and then pulled his horse from the procession, signalling for the man beside Benae to do likewise. As the rest of the party continued, the lieutenant and his man had a brief discussion and the soldier raced ahead while Josef re-joined the escort. ‘Pick up the pace,' he said and urged his horse into a trot.

By the time Benae reached the inner keep and castle, a detail of mounted soldiers fifty men strong had amassed in the marshalling area. They all wore the red uniform of the kingdom, except for one man who wore grey. This man met them on horseback as they drew to a halt inside the keep wall.

‘Lieutenant Formosa,' the man in the grey uniform greeted Josef. ‘What's this I hear of an ambush to the west?'

‘Captain Jazara.' Josef saluted stiffly, a scowl on his face. ‘This is my cousin Ramón Zorba, squire of Brightcastle, and his companion is Lady Branasar. Their party was attacked by the elves less than two days ride, west of here. All were killed except the squire and the lady. A squad will be needed to retrieve the bodies and the carriage.'

The captain raised one eyebrow. ‘We will find the site of the ambush and draw our own conclusions as to the identity of the attackers. The victims will be buried where they died. A priest will accompany us. How large is the carriage?'

‘There were four carriage horses,' Ramón said.

The captain stared at Ramón's horse as though trying to decide if he rode one of the carriage horses or if the squire just lacked discretion when it came to horseflesh. At least Flaire was above reproach. The stallion snorted as though daring the captain to find fault with him. The captain ignored Benae and Flaire completely.

Benae grabbed Ramón's sleeve. ‘I cannot allow Merel's body to be dumped in a mass grave,' she hissed. ‘You must make them bring her here so that she can have a proper burial.'

Ramón cleared his throat. ‘There is one body that must be retrieved, captain. The lady's maid was killed defending her mistress. Her body must be recovered so that she can have a fitting burial.'

‘That is why I will take a priest, squire. Surely you can have no problems with that?'

‘On the contrary, captain,' Ramón insisted.

Benae bit her tongue to stop herself from interfering. This man obviously set no store by a woman's word. He had refused to even acknowledge her. Flaire fidgeted as Benae's hands shook on the reins. In the end, she just could not remain quiet. ‘I insist you bring the maid's body to Wildecoast for burial,' Benae said. ‘Prince Zialni would expect the servant of his future wife to be buried with full kingdom honours.'

Ah! Now the haughty captain noticed her!
His eyes flickered over Benae and Flaire but his face remained impassive. She did not like him one bit. To think that she must rely on this man to retrieve Merel's body and the carriage stirred the last shred of fire remaining in her after the cold trip east. Benae lifted her head and stared down her nose at the military leader and he smirked at her.
Smirked!

‘Very well, squire,' Captain Jazara said. He swung his coal-black stallion around and shouted at his men. ‘Fetch a priest. Hitch the supply wagon. We leave within the half hour.' Without a backward look, Jazara trotted away, his broad shoulders radiating command.

Ramón's eyes met hers. ‘I think that man must be related to Vard Anton,' he said, bitterly.

Benae smiled. ‘If he does what he has said he will, I do not care how he behaves.' But the arrogance of the captain had left a bitter taste in her mouth.

‘Come along,' Josef said. ‘I will find the steward and he will see that you are presented to His Majesty.'

Benae eased back into the steaming bath, flinching as the water made contact with her various abrasions. The maid who had been assigned to her, a woman called Joletta, set about washing Benae's hair. The firm fingers massaging her scalp felt glorious and her shoulders relaxed for the first time in days. The woman might be quiet but she certainly could work magic with her hands.

‘You won't mind accompanying me back to Brightcastle, Joletta?' Benae asked.

‘No, lady.'

Benae frowned at the maid's words. There was simply no way to ascertain whether Joletta was indeed happy to take the position as Benae's maid, even if it was only temporary. Which it would be. She would not put up with the mousey woman, no matter how skilled her fingers were . . . and they were expert. She allowed herself to drift away, remembering happier times when those she had loved had still been with her, including Merel. A tear escaped her closed eye.

‘What is amiss, lady?'

‘Nothing to trouble yourself with, Joletta.' Benae felt suddenly cold. She had loved Merel like a sister but had never fully appreciated the fact. How stupid of her not to see what was right beneath her nose. And now she was gone. If Merel's actions weren't those of a sister then . . . The pain in her chest grew until Benae couldn't suppress the sob that rose; she couldn't hold back the torrent of grief that swept over her. Tears rolled unchecked down her cheeks and all Benae could do was cover her face with her hands.

‘Lady?' Joletta sounded distressed but Benae had no thought for her.

‘Out! Leave me alone!'

‘But, my lady—'

‘I said leave. Now!' She heard the quiet bump as the chamber door was pulled closed.

Benae rested her face on the edge of the bath and sobbed until the water in which she sat was cold. Slowly the tears subsided and Benae stood and rinsed her hair free of soap. The water she rinsed with was icier than the bath water, leaving her chilled. So much for a lovely, warm bath. She wrapped herself in a linen towel and curled another around her head, slowly drying her long, thick hair. There was no one left. Ramón was delusional to think that they could be friends. Jiseve would not allow Ramón close enough for any meaningful friendship. She might as well get used to her new situation right now.

Benae called Joletta in and the maid helped Benae to dress in a beautiful gown that had once belonged to the queen. The fabric was embossed with gold and hugged her curves as though it had been made for her. It was a little long but Benae would just be sure to lift it above her slippers when she walked. As Benae sat before the roaring fire, Joletta brushed her hair, allowing the draught from the fire to chase the remaining moisture from the luxuriant waves. The maid left Benae's hair to hang down her back, restraining it only with the golden tiara that had also been supplied by the queen. Last, Joletta made up Benae's face with the powders and kohl liner she had brought from the carriage, adding a touch of strawberry colour to her lips.

All would be well. From this disaster she would rise, like a sword forged in heat and fire, and she would be tougher than before. She had to survive. There was no other option.

Benae thanked Joletta, squared her shoulders and stepped from her chambers.

Ramón knew where Benae had been housed but he awaited her in the antechamber of the king's audience hall. It would not do to appear overly familiar with Benae. He must be aloof, formal, detached – even though he longed to comfort her. She had looked lost as she was led away to her chambers and she hadn't asked about Flaire's lodging. That was not like her at all.

The familiar palace sounds soothed the turmoil within him. It was good to be back inside the castle where he had trained. Nothing much ever changed around the old place. Many of the retainers were well into their forties and fifties, and training men and women of his age to take their places. There was a stability here that was missing from Brightcastle, a constancy that settled him. A sudden autumn storm rattled the windows and Ramón smiled. He even loved the weather here. The waves would be crashing on the nearby beach, hurling themselves against the cliff the castle was built on.