The Last Testament: A Memoir (68 page)

Read The Last Testament: A Memoir Online

Authors: God,David Javerbaum

Tags: #General, #Humor, #Literary Criticism, #Religion, #American, #Topic

Scientology,
253

Scrabble, ominous score in,
342

Seacrest, Ryan, as threatened by other hosts,
113

seafood,
86
–87

SeaWorld, Seven Seals opened by,
340

Second Book of Esdras, The,
25

Second Coming,
159

Second Temple,
358

Secret Service,
224

Sedaris, David,
51

September
11
, 2001, terrorist attack of,
245
,
249

Serenity Prayer,
220

alternate version of,
302

Sermon on the Mount,
192
,
219

Sesame Street,
serious subject matter on,
350

72 Virgins Colada,
314

Seville,
271

sex,
319
–20,
322

see also
fornication

Shakespeare, William, as author of Shakespeare’s plays,
146

Shamsiel,
173

Sheen, Charlie, sexual boast of,
354

sheep,
86

shellfish,
86

Shem,
18

Sherman-Williams,
337

Shintoism,
253

Sh’ma Yisrael,
220

shofar,
118

Shore, Pauley,
335

Shrewd Manager,
190
–91

Shroud of Turin,
145

Siberian shamanism,
205

Sikhism,
205
,
252

Simmons, Bill,
156

Simms, Phil,
157

Simon,
183

Simon the Zealot,
195
,
197

Simpson, Homer,
301

Simpson, Jessica, Canadian capital not exactly known to,
113

Simpson, O. J., murders committed by,
153

Simpsons, The,
337

Single White Female
(film),
146

Sistine Chapel,
273
,
275

Sixth Sense, The
(film),
143

Sixtus the Pederast,
275

Sixx, Nikki, on driving tour of Route
66
,
354

sky,
6

Skype,
344

slavery,
292

snake,
11
–13

Snoop Dogg, vision seen by,
109

soccer,
158

socialism, God’s and Jesus’s argument about,
265

social media,
304

Sodom,
31
,
33
–35,
39

Solomon,
122
,
124
–25

Solomon, King, hospital visit of,
319

Somalia, political unrest in,
338

Song of Solomon,
125
–26

Sophocles,
117

Southern Pentagram, Southern Cross replaced by,
342

Sower,
188
–89

Spanish Armada,
288

Spears, Britney, dealer and baby confused by,
109

Spice, Ginger, ironic vomiting of,
110

Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark
(musical),
124

sports,
153
–59

sports radio shows,
153

Standard Time, God’s foiling of,
353

Starbucks,
332

Star of Bethlehem,
177

stars,
6
,
8

Star Wars Episode 0: American Graffiti,
332

Steve,
10
–13,
32
,
319

Stonehenge,
147
,
339

stories,
185

Strait of Gibraltar, ominous tanker pileup in,
344

Subliterate Anthropoid Beach House,
341

Suez Canal,
292

Sumer,
28

Sumerians, Israel’s peace treaty with,
333

sun,
6
,
7

SuperNanny
(TV show),
307

Super Tuesday,
335

Supreme Court, U.S.,
138
,
217

music volume adjudicated by,
334

suras,
241

Survivor
(TV show), 396

Switzerland, avalanche in,
331

Tabitha,
175

Tablets of Destiny,
28

Taj Mahal, Trump’s plans for,
336

Talmud,
99

tantric orgasms,
320

Tanzania,
335
,
337

Tea Party:

funny clothes of,
136
pancake requests of,
335

tectonic plates,
52

telegraph, as mockery of God,
291

Ten Commandments,
83
–84

Ten Commandments, The
(film),
71

Ten Plagues,
74
–78,
331

Ten Plagues Redux,
356
–57

Tesori, Jeanine,
269

Thaddeus,
195
,
197

Thanksgiving,
137

thermodynamics, third law,
230

They Live
(film),
45

“This Land Is Your Land,” Woody Guthrie’s violent acts recorded in,
145

Thomas,
195
,
196

Thomas Furniture,
Lebanon’s cedars used by,
354

Three Gorges Dam, damage from collapse of,
353

Three’s Company,
43

Tiananmen Square,
336

time, creation of,
304

Time,
shocking headline in,
345

Tira,
61

Titanic,
293
–96,
338

TiVo,
307

Tobit, Book of,
117

Tokyo,
55

disasters in,
339

Tola,
120

Tony Awards,
342

Top Chef
(TV show),
307

Tophel,
89

Torah,
25
,
31
,
94
,
99
,
279

Torquemada, Tomás,
271

Tower of Babel,
22
–23,
39

Tree of Knowledge,
11
–12

Trinity,
270

Trish (Lot’s wife, named for first time),
34

Trump, Donald:

inheritance of,
331
koalas purchased by,
345
,
352
new casino opened by,
336
ominous number of properties owned by,
350
political appointment of,
354

Trump National Golf Club, discoveries under,
341

Tubal,
61

Turin Shroudmakers’ Guild,
145

Twain, Mark,
146

12,
302

Twelve Tribes of Israel,
46

Twitter,
304
–5,
336

2 Girls 1 Cup,
304

Tyler Perry’s Taking a Dump,
113
,
335

U2,
124

Ugallu,
28

Umberto, as model for Adam,
273

UN General Assembly,
332

Unitarians,
221

United States:

as a bit arrogant,
138
–39,
219
God’s blessings on,
135
–39

universe, God’s cheating with,
67
–69,
286
,
288
,
293
,
296

Uriah,
123

Uriel,
25
,
26
,
53
,
74
,
75
,
80
,
103
,
118
,
174
,
274
,
296

Mary’s pregnancy and,
176
on Sistine Chapel ceiling,
273

Us,
108

Us Weekly,
Aniston’s deal with,
332

Uzbekistan, God’s pity for,
354

V8 Vegetable Juice, renaming of,
346

value of material goods (VMG),
222
,
223

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