5
C
ami was on the phone when I came out of the bathroom. She frowned and shook her head. Even though it was rude to eavesdrop, I couldn't stop myself from listening in on the conversation.
“Of course you can come if you want to, but we're going
shopping,
Ryan. I don't want you whining the whole time about how long we're taking.” She pressed her lips together and rolled her eyes and I couldn't help laughing. She and Ryan reminded me so much of my brother Adam and me. “You are infuriating! Fine. You can come, but I'm going to warn you, we are
literally
planning to shop until we drop.”
I got to work untangling my long hair, and Cami groaned when she hung up the phone. “Ryan is going to drive us to the outlets. Apparently, Chris crashed on his couch last night and when he heard you and I were going shopping, he was just dying to come. I don't think you're going to have to work too hard to knock some of this stuff off your list.” Cami flipped the book open and scanned the words. “Chris seems very interested in you.”
My cheeks burned and my stomach jumped to my throat. I swallowed it back down and focused on my hair. “So you know Chris pretty well?”
Cami giggled. “I guess the feeling is mutual?”
I tried to keep the smile off my face, but it didn't work. “I don't know. He's cute and nice, but he's the first guy who's ever really paid attention to me. Maybe that's all it is, but it wouldn't hurt to get to know him more.”
“Well, he's a great guy. I approve. Some of Ryan's other friends I wouldn't let near my shoes, but Chris is one of the good ones. Of course, if you start dating seriously right away, you're going to have a tough time doing things like number fifteen or sixteen. That would kind of be cheating if you had a boyfriend.”
Boyfriend? Crap. I hadn't even thought about that. After everything I'd missed out on, having a boyfriend seemed like an impossibility. How in the world would I learn how to flirt enough to attract a guy?
“Let's just take it one step at a time,” I whispered.
Ryan texted when he was close and Cami and I met him out front. He had a black two-door Honda Civic, so when he pulled up in front of the dorm Chris hopped out of the passenger side. He pulled the seat forward and motioned for me to climb in, but instead of letting Cami climb in the back, he ducked in next. Cami grinned at me when she pulled the door shut behind her.
“So what are we shopping for?” Chris asked as Ryan pulled out onto the road.
“We just have a few things to pick up,” Cami sang over her shoulder. “And Annie wants to get her ears pierced while we're out.”
“You don't have your ears pierced, Buttercup? I thought all girls got that done before they could walk.” Ryan's eyes met mine in the rearview mirror and I squirmed. I wasn't sure why. Was it him or the questions that would inevitably follow my answer?
“My dad was very strict.”
Ryan nodded and turned back to the road, and I let out a sigh a split second before Chris said, “That sucks. Didn't think anyone made a big deal about earrings anymore.” He did that little head scratching thing again and I had to press my lips together to keep from giggling. “You must have had an early curfew and all that too.”
He had no idea. “Um . . . yeah, I guess it was kind of early compared to other teenagers,” I said evasively. If early meant I was barely allowed to leave the house, then I guess it wasn't a lie.
“We'll have to be sure you have fun this year, then,” he said, elbowing me playfully. “What else weren't you allowed to do?”
Cami laughed, but tried to cover it with a cough and I glared at her. It was stupid for me to try to hide the list. If I was going to be friends with these guys, they would find out at some point, but I didn't know them well enough to let them in completely. It was odd that I'd been so upfront with Cami, but I'd had a feeling about her. I knew I could trust her before she'd even said ten words to me. Which was early with the way she talked.
“I didn't go to a lot of parties and stuff like that. You know how it is.” I shrugged like it was no big deal.
“Why was he so strict?” Chris asked just as we hit a pothole.
I swayed and ended up practically on top of him. My face heated up and he grabbed my shoulder to steady me, grinning. He really was cute, but even though my heart pounded at his touch, it didn't seem quite as exhilarating as it did in all the books I'd read over the years. I imagined being more weak in the knees than I was. It was probably just because I was nervous.
“Um . . . I'm the only girl?” I didn't mean for it to come out sounding like a question, but it did. Chris pressed his lips together while his mouth pulled down at the corners, and I chewed on my bottom lip before saying, “I have four older brothers and I just think he didn't really know how to raise a girl.” That was partly true, at least.
Chris moved his hand off my shoulder and swung it around the back of the seat. His arm wasn't touching me, but he did have it around me. It made me want to squeal like a girl and hurl at the same time.
“What about your mom?”
There it was, the inevitable question. The simple answer didn't bother me; it was the follow-up questions I tried to avoid. “She passed away when I was a baby.”
I held my breath and waited, but everyone in the car seemed to freeze. It was like all the breathable air had been sucked out and they had all slipped into some kind of a coma. Cami stared straight ahead and Chris pressed his lips together. He avoided my gaze. But Ryan watched me in the rearview mirror. His gray eyes swept across the frozen strings of time to penetrate mine, like he was trying to read my mind.
It was then that I remembered the awkward moment from the day before, right after he'd called me Buttercup for the first time. He'd mentioned his mom and Cami had acted like he was talking about a ghost. Maybe he was.
The afternoon seemed to be in real danger, so I exhaled slowly and took in a deep breath, sifting through my brain for something to say in the meantime. Something that would lighten the mood. “My house was probably very similar to a frat house when I was growing up, so I guess I did get to experience some things.”
Cami exhaled and giggled. “Are your brothers cute?”
Ryan relaxed and his eyes moved back to the road, which I was thankful for. I didn't like the way he'd looked at me, plus I didn't feel like dying in a car accident.
Ryan said, “Gross, Cami. How is she supposed to know if her brothers are cute?”
“I know you're cute.” She elbowed him and Ryan grinned.
“Of course my brothers are cute,” I said, pulling out my phone.
There were about a million missed calls and text messages. I needed to make time to call my family, but I wasn't ready to deal with it. I pulled up the most recent picture of the five of us. It was at my graduation. I thrust the phone at Cami, who eagerly took it.
“Wow! You weren't kidding. Who's the tall one?”
I leaned forward, so I could point to their pictures. “That's Alex. He's the oldest. He's married and lives in Georgia with his wife, Stacy. Then there's Aiden and Austin. They're twins. Right now they're both going to UC Davis and living at home with my dad. Then there's Adam. He's at the Air Force Academy.”
“Adam,” Cami said wistfully. “He's the one for me! When can I meet him?” She turned sideways with a big grin on her face. “We should take a road trip!”
I giggled and rolled my eyes, and snatched the phone out of her hand. “That's almost thirty hours away!”
“That's why they call it a
road trip
,” Cami said with a wink.
We chatted the rest of the way to the outlets, but the second we walked up to the stores, the guys broke off to do their own thing, leaving me with Cami. She was practically jumping up and downânot that it was anything new.
“Now, you have to trust me and listen. No more t-shirts and jean shorts! You need skirts and dresses. Heels and dressier flip-flops and sandals. And accessories! You can
never
have too many necklaces and purses and scarves.”
She ticked everything off on her fingers while she led the way, and I couldn't keep myself from giggling. I was on board with whatever she wanted. I had already transferred a huge chunk of money into my checking account. My dad would be calling me about that for sure, but I was prepared for it. No matter how big a fight it caused, I was ready to stand up for myself.
We hit a few clothing stores and Cami picked out jeans and nicer shorts and shirts and skirts and dresses for me. I'd never really shopped before, and I wasn't totally sure whether I'd enjoy it. After trying on the first few outfits Cami picked out, though, I found I was having a really good time.
I'd always been a typical tomboy. In the back of my mind I'd often wondered what I would have been if my mom hadn't died. The sports and t-shirts and running shoes were never my choice. None of my life was. I'd seen hundreds of pictures of my mom over the years, and not one of them showed her in clothes that were anything less than feminine.
Yet my dad had never considered doing that for me. There were times when I was so bitter about it I could hardly see straight, but at the same time I understood. I got his motivations, no matter how insane they were. That's the only reason I hadn't rebelled the way Cami's friend had. It would have been too much for him. So I'd sucked it up and moved through my life, biding my time.
Finally, my time had arrived.
We had too many bags to carry by the time we were done shopping for clothes, so Cami called Ryan to come take them to the car. Ryan grinned and teased us the way one of my brothers would have, but Chris frowned. It was impossible to know what he was thinking. He almost acted like I had let him down, but I had no idea why.
It hurt that he wasn't smiling at me, but I pushed it aside. That was something I'd worry about later. Just like the calls from my dad and brothers. This was about me. I was tired of trying to please everyone else. I'd promised myself before I ever set foot on the plane that I would use this time to figure out who I was. Maybe it was this girl who liked to shop and wear makeup and flirt, or maybe not. I had no idea, and that was the real problem. I was only a teenager for one more year, and I was determined to go into my adult years with at least some idea of who I was.
After we were done with the clothes, we moved on to shoes, which was a challenge in itself. I'd never put on a pair of heels in my life, and I wasn't really sure how it was going to work. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, and wedge heels turned out to be a really great alternative. Of course, they also made me almost six feet tall, but I'd always liked tall guys anyway. At least I thought I did.
“Now for the best part,” Cami said, stopping outside the accessory store. “Getting your ears pierced!”
She was in the middle of jumping up and down, doing some kind of Cami victory dance, when Chris and Ryan came around the corner. The guys laughed and jogged over to join us, and I was more than a little relieved when Chris smiled at me. He stopped at my side and I straightened up, standing on my tiptoes to give myself a couple of inches so I could get an idea of how tall I'd be once I had heels on. He still had a good inch on me.
Cami caught my eye and giggled, and I quickly lowered myself to the ground. But for once my face didn't heat up and I didn't get embarrassed. If anything, I was . . . excited. Thrilled, really. This day was a new beginning for me and I was going to embrace all of it. The laughter and tears, the joy and the heartbreak. Yes, even the heartbreak.
“Come on,” Cami said, elbowing me. “Let's do this so we can get some dinner!”
I picked out a pair of earrings and sat nervously in the chair. The girl who worked there chewed bubble gum in my ear. She put a dot on each of my earlobes and held the mirror up for me to see, but I wasn't totally sure what I was supposed to be looking at. Cami nodded and grinned from ear to ear, so I nodded too.
The girl rolled her eyes and popped her gum obnoxiously. “Okay. You ready?”
“Do you need me to hold your hand?” Cami teased.
I laughed and nodded my head emphatically, earning another eye roll from the girl with the gun. Cami grabbed my hand and I squeezed my eyes shut. The first shot made my eyes tear up, but I was still laughing. The second actually made me squeal.
“Are you okay?” Chris asked, laughing right along with me.
I grabbed the mirror from the bubble-popping gunslinger so I could see myself. The earrings glinted under the lights, and I couldn't hold back the smile that spread across my face. “Next, my nose.”
Cami cheered and jumped up and down. My confidence level went up about three notches. Yes, this was definitely more me than football games and t-shirts.
My phone rang just as we walked out of the store, and I cringed when I saw it was Adam. He was going to chew me out. I hadn't called Dad since I'd landed in South Carolina, and I'd been ignoring everyone's calls and texts. But I deserved some freedom, and Adam should understand. We were close enough that he got how miserable things had been for me the past few years. Adam and I were only fourteen months apart, and we'd done everything together. Including daydream about the day we got to leave home.
I stopped walking. “I have to take this call.”
“Okay!” Cami yelled as she took off running. “I'm going for the fudge shop!”
Chris and Ryan were right on her heels, which kept the smile on my face when I answered.
It disappeared the second Adam started talking. “Where the hell have you been, Annie? We've been calling you nonstop. Dad is going out of his mind!”