The List (8 page)

The door slid open behind me, and I tensed even more. I turned, expecting to see Chris standing there. It was Ryan. He had a beer in each hand and he held one out to me. I shoved my phone in my pocket and took the bottle from him, gulping it down as fast as I could.

“You doing okay, Buttercup?”

“Just swell,” I muttered.

He frowned and slid the door shut, leaning against the banister. “You want to talk about it?”

“Nothing to talk about, really,” I said with a shrug. There was no way he'd get it. Not without me sharing all my deepest, darkest secrets. I wasn't anywhere near ready to do that.

He nodded and glanced toward the door. “Listen, this may not be any of my business, but just make sure Cami doesn't try to change you too much.”

He sounded like Chris. “She's not trying to change me,” I said. “She's helping me experience life. It isn't something I've ever been allowed to do.”

“Don't get me wrong, I love Cami to death. I just don't think there's anything wrong with you the way you are. Chris doesn't either.” I wasn't sure if it was my imagination, but it seemed there was a small amount of regret in his voice.

He cleared his throat and took another drink, turning to look out over George Street. “She tell you we grew up together?”

“Yeah.”

“Cami's mom and my mom were sisters.” He pressed his lips together and leaned his elbows on the banister.

I followed his lead, resting my hip against the rail so I was facing him.

“My mom was . . . sick when I was a kid. My dad split when I was a baby, so it was just the two of us. We moved in with my aunt and uncle not too long after he left. When my mom died, it was only natural for me to stay.” He put the bottle to his lips and tipped his head back, swallowing the rest in one gulp. When he looked down, I was sure he was going to toss it over the side, right into the street. But he sighed and twisted his hands around it instead.

“How old were you when she died?” The words popped out before I'd thought the question through. I immediately regretted it. I hated it when people asked questions about my mom. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked.”

He shrugged, but his jaw was tense. “I was twelve. She'd been sick for so long that it shouldn't have surprised me. But it did.”

“At least you remember her,” I whispered.

He nodded and turned to face me. The ring of brown around his pupils was just visible in the faint glow from the porch light. I couldn't stop myself from taking a step closer so I could get a better look. I'd never seen eyes like his. They were strong and beautiful, full of life and sadness.

“Must have been tough,” he whispered. “Living with five men.”

“It was . . .” I exhaled, but didn't take my eyes off his. “Suffocating.”

“Is that why you chose a college so far away?”

“Yeah. I just—I needed to break free. You know?”

He nodded and his eyes moved down to my lips. I swear I had to fight to keep my feet from stepping forward, to keep my body from moving closer to his. It was like we were two magnets. I could feel the pull he had over me more intensely than I'd ever felt anything in my entire life.

He ripped his eyes away from my face and took a step back, leaned against the wall.

The spell wasn't completely broken, but it was obvious he was trying to keep his distance. “Why did you choose a college so close to home?” I asked, trying to keep the conversation moving.

“Cami and her parents are the only family I have. I just didn't want to let go of them.”

The door slid open. I took a step farther away from Ryan when Cami walked out. She had a beer clutched in her hand and Mitch was right on her heels. His hands were on her hips. The second Ryan straightened up, Mitch dropped his hands to his sides. Cami didn't seem to notice.

“There you are!” she exclaimed. “Tomorrow I am taking you down to Sephora to get makeup and I'm going to get you an appointment to get your hair done. Woohoo!” She screamed out into the street, holding her beer over her head. People below us cheered.

Ryan's lips curled up into a smile and he shook his head, making me smile too.

Chris stepped out, making the distance between Ryan and me even greater. His eyes met mine and he frowned. “Makeup and hair?”

I smiled and shrugged. “I'm trying new things.”

“We'll get you a cut and some color. Maybe give you some long bangs.” Cami was bopping around to an imaginary song and Mitch was following her every move.

Ryan held his empty bottle up to me. “Just don't change too much, Buttercup.”

T
he first week of school flew by. I went to classes in the morning and afternoon, meeting Cami or Chris or Ryan for lunch. I made a few other friends here and there, and started to feel more comfortable walking around by myself. In the afternoon and evening Cami dragged me to stores, helping me pick out clothes.

She taught me how to apply makeup, but I used a much lighter hand than she wanted me to. It just wasn't something I was used to. I couldn't help thinking about how thick Amber's makeup looked. I preferred something a little more natural.

“Fine,” Cami said with a sigh. “But the first party we go to, you are going to let me dress you, do your hair and your makeup.”

“You act like I'm a real-life Barbie.”

She sighed and flipped her hair over her shoulder. “I wish. Barbie would show off her assets more. You have such a nice body, but you still refuse to show it!”

I looked down at the billowy top I was wearing. It had Cami's stamp of approval, but it wasn't low-cut or form fitting. I had purchased a few shirts and dresses that clung to me a little more, but I still hadn't had the courage to wear them out of the dorm.

Thursday we went to a salon someone had recommended. Cami was planning on getting red highlights, but I still wasn't sure what I wanted. I'd flipped through the pages of hair magazines all week, but every time I made up my mind to just go for it, Ryan's words floated back to me. I liked that he called me Buttercup.

Cami got called back first, leaving me alone in the waiting area. I tapped my toes while I waited for the stylist. I still had no idea what to ask for.

A short woman with spiked platinum hair walked out. She clicked a black comb against the counter while she stared at the books. When she looked up her eyes met mine. “Annie Roth?”

I nervously climbed to my feet, chewing on my bottom lip the whole time.

She raised an eyebrow and looked up at me—I was about nine inches taller. “I'm going to need a stool.”

I frowned and she tilted her head to the side, arching a jet-black eyebrow. She had a little stud in her nose and two bars through her right eyebrow, as well as a half dozen silver balls in her ears and tattoos peeking out of both sleeves of her shirt.

“Relax, sweetie. I'm just gonna do your hair. You're not facing the firing squad.” She smiled while patting my arm, and motioned for me to follow her.

When she got to her station, she tapped the back of the chair. “I'm Rosaline,” she said while I took a seat. She spun the chair so I was facing her and crossed her arms over her chest. “Now what are we doing today?”

“I'm not sure. I wanted to get maybe some long bangs and lowlights.”

“You don't sound too sure about that.”

“I've never had my hair done before.”

Rosaline's eyebrows shot up, but she didn't comment. “You wanna know what I think?”

She pulled my hair out of the ponytail, letting it fall around my shoulders. It was down to the middle of my back. I didn't want it short or anything, but I agreed with Cami. Something needed to be done.

Rosaline combed her fingers through my hair and pulled it around my face, narrowing her eyes on me. “I think long bangs would be nice with your face shape, and I can trim it up a little. Put some layers in to give it some shape. But your color is pretty. Are you sure you want to change it?”

I took a quick look around to make sure Cami wasn't nearby. “I thought I did,” I said once I was sure she wasn't close. “I wanted something different. But there's this guy . . .” Rosaline nodded knowingly. “He calls me Buttercup because he says I look like the flower, and I don't want that to change. You know?”

Rosaline kept nodding while she grabbed her phone. I didn't know what she was doing until she smiled and said, “Very pretty.” She turned the phone toward me, revealing a picture of the delicate yellow flowers. “I can put some brown lowlights in. Nothing too major, just enough to bring out more of the gold in your hair. How does that sound?”

It sounded perfect to me. So for the next three hours Rosaline and I chatted back and forth while she colored and washed and cut and styled my hair. By the time she was finished, I felt all shiny and new. The change was subtle, so I still looked like me. But it was different and refreshing. The layers and long bangs helped my hair sway with me when I moved the way Cami's did. It didn't just lie there anymore.

When Cami saw it, she could barely contain her excitement, jumping around and doing one of her signature Cami dances right in the middle of the salon. I soon found out my hair was only one of the reasons.

“I just got a call from Liam!” she exclaimed. “His frat is having a party this weekend for rush week. It's going to be at this beach house on Isle of Palms, and we're invited.” She squealed so loud I was afraid the windows would shatter.

Despite the fact that I remained calm on the outside, my insides were jumping around just as much as Cami was.

 

Cami started getting ready for the frat party the second she rolled out of bed on Saturday morning. I pulled my pillow over my head to block out her chatter as she ran around the room, pulling clothes and shoes and accessories out of drawers and tossing them on her bed.

“Cami,” I moaned. “The party doesn't start until six.”

“But I have two people to get ready and we have to try stuff on and make sure we pick just the right clothes.” She stopped her mad dash around the room and ripped the pillow off my head. “Get up!”

I groaned and rolled out of bed. “I'm going to Starbucks first. If you expect me to survive all this, I'm going to need some caffeine.”

She waved over her shoulder and went back to digging through my clothes.

I pulled my hair back and slipped my feet into my flip-flops. Starbucks was just across the street, so I didn't even bother putting on a bra or brushing my teeth before I headed out.

The street was crowded when I dashed across to get my morning fix, and it came as no surprise that there was a line. I had a coffeemaker in my room, but this would get me moving faster, so it was worth it. Plus, I had a feeling Cami had a big day planned for me.

My phone beeped. I had just pulled up the text from Cami, requesting I bring her a drink as well, when Ryan walked through the front door. I instantly regretted not brushing my teeth and my no-bra decision.

“Morning, Buttercup.” He was sweaty from his morning run, and more than one girl in the place had her eye on him. He never looked away from me. “Cami send you out to get some caffeine so you can keep up with her this morning?”

I rolled my eyes and let two people go in front of me so I could stand with him. “She is very excited about the party.”

He sighed and shook his head. “I worry about that girl.”

“I don't think you need to. She's crazy, but not in a dangerous way.”

Something flickered in his eyes and he looked away.

What had I said to upset him? Something about Cami. Maybe he was just more worried about her than he wanted to let on.

“I'll look out for her,” I said, trying to reassure him.

He looked back at me and smiled, but it was strained. “You two seem to balance each other out. That's good for her. Most of her friends in high school were even wilder than she is. It got her into some pretty nasty situations.”

The line moved forward and I shuffled with it.

“She told me about her friend's accident,” I said quietly.

He shook his head. “Julie's parents blamed Cami. They never would forgive her.”

My stomach clenched. “That's not fair. They should have known their daughter would rebel. It's only normal.”

His gray eyes searched mine and once again my insides tingled. “You ever rebel, Buttercup? You said your dad was strict.”

I sighed and started to answer, but it was my turn to order. It gave me time to think about what to say. I'd never told anyone what life was really like for me, but for some reason I trusted Ryan more than anyone I'd ever met. Even more than Cami, and I trusted her enough to share my list. There was just something about Ryan.

After we had our drinks, Ryan followed me across the street. We stood outside the building and I sipped my coffee. He hadn't asked me the question again and we'd barely spoken, but he seemed to be waiting for my answer.

I finally took a deep breath and said, “I never rebelled.”

“Why not?”

“I wanted to, so many times. But I guess I knew it would be too much for my dad. It almost killed him when my mom died.”

He took a sip and held my gaze, and I sucked in a mouthful of air while I waited for the question that was sure to come. And it did.

“How'd she die?”

I stared at the ground and lied. “An accident.”

When I looked up, he was watching me, and it made every hair on my body stand up. Why did it always feel like he could read my mind when he looked at me like that? It unnerved me, and I couldn't stop my feet from shuffling around.

I took a deep breath and jerked my head toward the dorm. “Better get back to Cami.”

“Tell her I'll be here at five thirty.”

“I will,” I said as I rushed away. My insides were in knots and I could feel his eyes on me. A big part of me wanted to turn around and tell him the truth, but since I'd never said the words out loud, I wasn't sure how to go about doing it.

I almost ran into Chris getting out of the elevator. He stopped right before crashing into my Starbucks cups, holding his hands up like he could somehow stop time with just his palms.

“Sorry, Annie. I almost spilled coffee all over you.” He grinned and his hands went to mine, still holding the coffee cups. His cheeks were red. The elevator door slid closed behind me. Even though he'd been about to get inside it, he didn't bat an eye.

He held my hands for a few seconds before dropping his arms. “You excited about the party?”

“Yeah, it should be fun. If I live through the primping session Cami has planned for me, that is.”

Chris frowned and shook his head. “You know you don't need all that makeup and stuff, right? I'm glad you didn't change your hair too much, but even that wasn't necessary.”

The hair prickled on my scalp. What was his problem? “I know I don't need it, but I want to do it. I am a girl, after all. I've spent my whole life with five men who spent every ounce of energy they had trying to ignore that, but it didn't change a thing.”

He frowned even more and scratched his head, and for once it didn't remind me of an adorable monkey. More like an oaf. “Okay. I just want you to be yourself. That's all.”

I wanted to roll my eyes, but I somehow managed to control myself. “I will. Listen, I have to take Cami her coffee before it gets cold. I'll see you later.”

He said good-bye, but I didn't even respond. I was anxious to get away from him. It was flattering that he liked me, but he was starting to get on my nerves. It all felt a little too close to home.

 

“This feels too short,” I told Cami, tugging on my skirt.

She rolled her eyes and motioned for me to sit down. “Stop complaining.”

She had me in a jean skirt with a frayed bottom. It only went a couple of inches past my butt. The hot pink tank she'd made me put on was both form-fitting and low-cut—two things I'd been avoiding. The wedge heels made me feel like I was seven feet tall. She'd had me try on six different necklace and bracelet combos before settling on a thin silver chain and a chunky silver bracelet. Then it was off to do my hair and makeup, which was going on over an hour already.

“Be quiet,” she said, twisting a chunk of my thick hair around the curling iron. “You look hot. Chris is going to wonder why he ever complained in the first place.”

I tried to smile, but after this afternoon I wasn't completely sure Chris was the one I wanted to impress.

“It's ten after five already,” I said. “Ryan wants us to meet him downstairs.”

“We'll be ready. He'll text me when he leaves his apartment, anyway.”

I sighed and resigned myself to another twenty minutes of primping. It was getting old fast. As much as I liked the clothes and was glad I had bought the makeup and gotten my hair done, I didn't think my idea of getting ready to go out was quite the same as Cami's.

Finally, Cami's phone dinged and I exhaled. Hopefully it would be Ryan and I would be saved from any more torture.

Cami swept her phone up and stomped her feet excitedly. “They're on their way!”

I jumped up, nearly falling over because I forgot about the two-inch heels on my feet, and spun around to face Cami. “I look okay?”

She grinned and shoved her phone in her back pocket. “See for yourself,” she said, tilting her head toward the mirror.

When I stepped in front of it, I couldn't believe my own eyes. I'd been wearing makeup pretty much all week, but nothing like this. Cami had kept it smooth and natural—nothing like Amber, thankfully—but amped it up just enough to make my features stand out. My golden brown eyes no longer looked washed out, and she'd even shaded in my blond eyebrows just enough to make them pop. And my hair looked fabulous. It cascaded down my back in gentle waves that bounced gracefully when I moved.

I looked more like my mom than ever.

Tears stung at the back of my eyes and I had to blink them away. I didn't want to mess up Cami's work of art, plus I felt stupid for almost crying over something so small. I cleared my throat and grabbed my phone, stuffing it in my back pocket while I followed Cami out the door. It took me until we were halfway down to the lobby before I had it together enough to thank her.