The List (11 page)

I laughed as the tension was slowly released from my body. He wasn't going to kiss me. I was a bit relieved by that. “Sounds good.”

We said our good-byes and I went into my room. Cami was nowhere to be seen, so I pulled out my cell phone. I had missed texts from her, Adam, and my dad. Cami's said she was out and had two smileys after the message. One was winking and one had hearts for eyes, which I took to mean that she was sneaking around with Liam again. It was not going to be a one-time thing, despite what she'd said. I hoped Ryan wouldn't find out.

The text from Dad was awkward, as usual. He missed me and wanted to talk to me. He needed to know I was okay. The phone calls hadn't been every day like he wanted, but they were every other day. I was hoping over the next few weeks to cut it down even more, but with my dad I had to do it gradually.

Adam's text I couldn't ignore. He was the only one I'd told about the date, and he wanted me to call the second I got home. He'd go out of his mind if I didn't call, so I threw myself on the bed while I dialed my brother.

“Annie?” He picked up after the first ring. He sounded frantic.

“I'm home, you can relax now.”

“You know that's not going to happen,” he said with a sigh.

“You're worse than Dad.” I was only a little annoyed. The truth was, I'd tolerated Adam's dragging me around after him better than anyone else. He'd treated me more like a friend than a prisoner.

“I can't help it, Annie. It's been programmed into me to worry about you. I should have gone to the Citadel instead. Then I'd be closer.”

“It wouldn't have mattered. It's not like you get to actually go out and do things at schools like that. I don't know why you chose to go to a military school at all. Didn't you have enough of that growing up?”

Adam's decision to follow in our father's footsteps had baffled me, and I still wasn't over it. Of all my brothers, he agreed with me the most about how wrong my childhood had been.

“Annie, we've talked about this. Dad isn't this way because of the Air Force, and I'm not choosing to follow in his footsteps. I really want to be a pilot and this is the best way for me to achieve that.”

I sighed. I still didn't get it. We all wanted to distance ourselves from Dad, even Austin and Aiden, who'd chosen to live at home while they went to college. It made no sense to me to have any part of my life resemble the one my father had.

“So how was your date?” Adam asked, trying to sound casual.

“You mean did he attack me?” I said bitterly. He inhaled sharply and I squeezed my eyes shut. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.”

“No, you shouldn't have.”

He was quiet for a few seconds. He was mad and I needed to smooth things over.

I laughed and tried to keep my voice light when I said, “We had dinner and walked around. Talked. It was nice.”

“Did he try anything, Annie?”

“No.”

It was nice to be able to tell him the truth. Of course, one day something like that would happen for me and I planned on giving Adam the same answer. He wouldn't be able to handle the truth. None of them would.

“He held my hand and kissed me on the cheek like it's 1950.”

“Good.”

I pressed my lips together when my chest tightened. No matter how close we were or how much I understood that he was just going with what he knew, his determination to keep me a prisoner hurt.

“I need to get some sleep, Adam,” I said.

“Okay, kid. I'll talk to you later this week.”

 

The next two weeks went by fairly uneventfully. I went to class and listened to Cami praise Liam. They weren't serious, and even though she claimed to be okay with it, I was worried she was lying to herself. Chris met me at Java City to study several times a week and we had a meal together at least once a week. The following weekend he took me out to a local seafood restaurant, but once again he had me back at my room by ten and didn't try to kiss me. The suspense was killing Cami, but I was content with the comfortable pattern we'd fallen into.

My body was not comfortable whenever I ran into Ryan, however. He acted friendly and laid back, even teasing me a little about Chris, but I couldn't relax around him. It was partly due to the constant desire flowing through me. But another part was the uncertain feeling that what I felt with Chris was nice, but not as good as the thrill when I was around Ryan.

T
he morning of September third started with a bang. Literally.

I woke up to what sounded like a stampede running through my room. Then arms ripped me out of bed. The first thing I registered was the smiling face of Ryan, which made me wonder if I was dreaming. Then Cami giggled.

“What's going on?” I squealed when Ryan set me on the floor.

Cami, Chris, Ryan, and Liam were standing in our room, already dressed for the day and wearing mischievous smiles.

“Happy birthday!” Cami yelled while she bounced around the room.

“It's not my birthday,” I said, shaking my head.

Cami rolled her eyes and grabbed clothes out of my dresser. “I know, but your birthday is on Monday, so we have to celebrate it today. This way we have the entire day to get things crossed off that list and pamper you!” She stuffed the clothes in my arms and shoved me toward the bathroom. “You have thirty minutes to get dressed and meet us downstairs so we can take you to breakfast! We need to get a move on, because I have the whole day planned out. Followed by a party at Ryan and Liam's!”

Cami's grin was even bigger than usual, and my own cheeks were sore from the gigantic smile that had spread across my face.

I ducked into the bathroom and took the world's fastest shower before pulling my clothes on. When I went back into the room, it was empty. I applied a light layer of makeup—something I was getting better at—and blow-dried my hair just enough that it wasn't dripping wet. Then I hurried to the lobby, where everyone waited for me.

The five of us walked down the street to the Francis Marion Hotel. There I had the most delicious breakfast I'd ever tasted, while Cami chatted away about her plans for the rest of the day.

“First we're going to get massages, then a mani-pedi. After that we're all going to meet for lunch at Hominy Grill—you can't live in Charleston without eating there. Then we are going to get pierced!”

Cami looked so proud of herself that I couldn't help laughing, but it was seriously the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. “Thanks, Cami, that sounds amazing.”

“Then a party at my place,” Ryan said with a smile.

He was across from me. When my gaze met his, my insides burst into flames. I could have sworn a similar fire blazed in his eyes. I wasn't familiar enough with guys to really know for sure, but I'd seen the same look in his eyes other times. Like when we were standing on his balcony or sitting together on the beach. The look brought back that magnetic feeling I'd been trying to fight for the past two weeks. Instinctively I leaned closer to him. I couldn't help it.

“What do you think?” Chris said, making me jump. He was next to me, and he put his arm on the back of my chair.

I was still staring at Ryan and I had to force myself to pay attention to Chris. When I turned to face him, we were so close it made my heart skip like a little girl playing hopscotch. It was a welcome feeling after the firestorm Ryan had sent through me. Plus, it reinforced my earlier suspicion that what I had with Chris was how things were supposed to be. Comfortable and sweet, with just a hint of desire. The overwhelming pull I felt toward Ryan couldn't be healthy.

“This all sounds amazing,” I said, moving back just a little. Being so close to Chris with everyone staring at me made my cheeks burn. “Thanks, guys.”

Chris smiled and leaned closer, kissing me on the cheek right in front of everyone. “Happy birthday.”

My entire body burned with embarrassment. I laughed and covered my face with my hands. Chris laughed too, and gave my shoulder a quick squeeze. He left his arm around me instead of moving it back to my chair.

When I looked up, my eyes met Cami's and she winked. It made me even more certain I was making the right decision. My attraction to Ryan would no doubt be a fleeting thing, and I wasn't sure how Cami would take it. She was the first female friend I'd ever had. I didn't want to screw things up with her.

After breakfast was over, Cami and I parted ways with the guys. We headed downtown to get our massages. I'd never had one before, and I was thrilled to be doing new things that weren't even on my list. When that was done, we went to get our mani-pedis. Cami got a French manicure on her already perfectly sculpted nails, but I had mine painted a pretty hot pink that sparkled slightly under the lights.

“Thanks for doing all this, Cami,” I said while we sat with our nails under the lights.

She grinned and held up her hand so she could examine the tips. “I'm not going to lie: this is as much for me as it is for you. But every girl deserves to have a total pamper-me day before she leaves her teen years. I did all this before I went to prom, but since you missed out on that, I figured you never had.”

I laughed and shook my head. “I don't think it would have ever occurred to my dad that I would want to do something like this.”

“That's just sad, Annie. Didn't he ever do anything for
you
?”

Cami and I still hadn't spoken in much detail about my dad, and I didn't want to ruin what had so far been a perfect day. I just shrugged. “He did what he thought was best.”

She rolled her eyes and stuck her hand back under the lights. “Whatever.”

Whatever
was right.

We met the guys for lunch, and even though I was still stuffed from breakfast, I gorged myself on southern food. We had everything from sweet potato casserole to pecan crusted pork chops and fried green tomatoes. By the time we left, I felt like I was going to burst.

“Is it really a good idea to go do this on a full stomach?” I asked as we headed to the tattoo parlor. “What if I throw up?”

Cami laughed and elbowed me. “You nervous?”

I shrugged and tried to keep a straight face. “No.”

No one believed me. They spent the rest of the walk teasing me and joking about stopping to buy some smelling salts. Like I was a real southern lady.

By the time I met the tattooed and pierced needle-wielding man who was going to fill my body with holes, I was more relaxed. It only lasted a few minutes. Cami insisted I go first, so I wouldn't chicken out. She was even nice enough to hold my hand. Chris scooted forward to take the other one. I tried to feel comforted by their presence as I lay back on the table, but I was so nervous it felt like it was at least two hundred degrees in the room.

The burly guy leaning over me barely had an inch of visible flesh on his arms, but he smiled when he put a clamp on the skin above my belly button. “You're going to feel a little pressure.”

I tensed up and rolled my eyes. Pressure, right. I didn't believe that for second. Then he touched my stomach and I squeezed my eyes shut. It felt like he was pinching my skin between his fingers. I kept my eyes closed while I waited for the prick of the needle, but it never came.

“All done,” he said.

My eyes flew open and I looked down at the little silver ring in my belly button. “Seriously? That was it?”

Cami laughed and squeezed my hand. “I told you it didn't hurt!”

“It is gonna hurt for a couple weeks, though,” the guy said. He turned his back and started rooting around, probably getting ready to put the hole in my nostril. “Clean it at least twice a day.”

I nodded and sat up. When the top of my shorts rubbed against it I cringed.

“You'll just have to fold them down when you're sitting,” Cami said with a shrug.

“Now this one hurts more.” The guy turned around with a marker in his hand. He moved my face to the side, making a small dot on the side of my nose. “But it still isn't as bad as getting your ears done. Your eyes will tear up, but it will be over fast.”

After my belly button, I was less nervous about him putting a hole in my nose, but he was right. I definitely felt it when he poked the needle through, and my eyes filled with tears that I had a hard time keeping in. But it was over in no time and was nothing compared to what I'd been through with my ears.

He held the mirror up so I could see it, and I couldn't stop smiling. “I love it!”

Cami jumped up and down—as usual. “My turn!”

Cami replaced me on the table and I stood off to the side, holding my shirt up while staring down at my belly button.

“Looks good,” Ryan whispered, grinning down at me. “Glad you did it?”

“I am. It's nice.”

He pursed his lips like he was thinking and we both glanced toward Chris, who was busy teasing Cami with Liam. When Ryan looked back, his eyes were intense. “You're getting a lot of stuff marked off that list of yours.”

Something in his voice made my heart pound faster. “Nine things now.”

He nodded and said, “First date. First kiss?”

I shook my head and his shoulders relaxed, making everything in my body buzz to life. The funny thing was, until that moment I hadn't even realized I wasn't alive.

 

When we were done getting pierced, Cami and I went back to our room to change. She insisted I wear a shirt that would show off my belly button, and for once I didn't fight her.

“Chris keeps talking about the birthday present he got you,” Cami said while she curled my hair. “Bet I know what it is.”

My gaze met hers in the mirror and she raised her eyebrows suggestively, making a little kissy face at me.

I rolled my eyes, but something inside me jumped. “Stop it, Cami.”

“Oh, come on! You guys have been eating together at almost every meal for two weeks and had like three dates—”

“Two,” I said.

“Whatever! My seventy-year-old grandma moved faster than you two when she was dating her new husband.”

I turned to face her, almost getting burned by the curling iron in the process. “Your seventy-year-old grandma dates?”

She shrugged and grinned. “Women have needs, Annie.”

Gross.

I turned my back to her and tried to focus on what I
needed
—stability and unconditional love—and not what I
wanted
. Which was Ryan.

“Okay!” Cami ran to her wardrobe and pulled out a small gift, wrapped in pink paper. “Chris will be here any minute to walk us to Ryan's, and I want you to have your present
before
we go.”

“Cami!” I said, taking the gift from her. “You got me more?”

She waved toward the box excitedly. She reminded me of a Chihuahua. “Of course I did. Now open it!”

With my heart pounding, I ripped into the paper. I couldn't imagine what Cami would have bought, but the second I pulled the lid off I laughed. I should have known.

“A fake ID!” I pulled it out to examine the picture. It was the same one on my driver's license, which meant Cami must have stolen it out of my purse at some point.

“You are officially twenty-one on Monday,” Cami said with a grin. “I wanted to keep your birthday the same, so you wouldn't get confused.”

“Cami, this is amazing! Thank you!”

She laughed and pulled a similar one out of her pocket, holding it in front of my face. “I got one too!”

Chris showed up a few minutes later and we headed to Ryan's. He held my hand and grinned from ear to ear the whole way. He seemed as excited about the party as Cami was. Maybe it had to do with the present he'd gotten me.

The apartment was crowded when we walked in. Liam met us at the door and gave me a hug that made Chris's smile melt away. Mitch was right behind him. I let him hug me even though we barely knew each other, but it went on a little longer than necessary. Chris finally had to pry me out of his arms.

Ryan swooped out of the kitchen with a tray full of shots. He set it on the coffee table and everyone pounced on them. Somehow one ended up in my hand.

“I've never done a shot,” I yelled over the noise.

“There's a first time for everything,” Cami said with a wink.

I blushed and shook my head. She threw her head back and laughed, raising her glass above her head. “To being a teenager!”

Everyone cheered, even though most of the people in the room were no longer teenagers. One by one, they threw back the shots until I was the only one with a full glass.

“Come on,” Ryan said with a grin. “You only have a few years to be irresponsible.”

He was absolutely right. Time was running out. Taking a deep breath, I put the glass to my lips and threw my head back, swallowing the whole thing in one big gulp. It burned a little going down, but it was over fast and everyone cheered so much that I didn't even blink when the second glass ended up in my hand.

“Another!” Liam yelled, holding a glass up in front of him.

I threw the second one back and Cami hugged me. Someone turned up the music and Chris got me a beer. Before I knew it, my head was as light as a feather and I was dancing with Cami. I'd never danced a day in my life, but with the alcohol running through my veins, it seemed natural. Chris stood behind me with his hands on my hips, and I swayed to the music, trying to mimic Cami's moves while she danced with Liam.

My face was hot and my skin was moist. I didn't bat an eye when Chris brushed the hair off my shoulder and pressed his lips against my neck. My eyes closed on their own and I leaned back against his chest. He must have taken it as encouragement, because he moved his mouth higher. Up to my chin.

He ran his hands over my shoulders, then down my arms. For once I felt that thing stir inside me that had been missing. Desire. It swirled in my belly, moving lower. Making me wish his hands would keep moving. That he'd turn me around and finally get that first kiss out of the way.