The List (13 page)

She shrugged and turned back to her primping. “Then you're good. Go out with him, get a free dinner and let the guy kiss you! This is part of being a teenager.”

She had a point. Plus, Chris was the one who had said we were casual. There was nothing to worry about. The fact that Cami seemed to think the whole thing was no big deal helped me relax. She had a lot more experience with dating than I did.

“That's a good point,” I said. “In fact, maybe this weekend you and I can hit a bar. Try out those IDs and work on getting a guy's number? I don't need to spend every waking moment with Chris, do I?”

She tossed my purse at me. “That sounds like a great idea. I've been sneaking around with Liam too much. I could use a change of pace.”

Chris borrowed Ryan's car and took me across the bay to the Melting Pot for dinner. It was my first time with fondue and Chris teased me incessantly. The evening was more enjoyable than I'd expected, and I even got to try out my newly obtained fake ID to order some wine. They sang happy birthday to me and made a big deal about me turning twenty-one. By the time we were done with dinner, I was back to feeling relaxed around Chris.

After we ate, Chris drove down the street and parked at the base of the Ravenel Bridge. The cables were lit up and stretched into the sky, meeting hundreds of feet above us, forming two elegant triangles that hovered over the Cooper River.

“It's beautiful,” I said.

Chris made a small noise that might have been him agreeing with me, but sounded more like he was in pain. He gripped the steering wheel and stared straight ahead. It only took about two seconds to realize exactly why he had parked by the bridge. Cami was right.

I went back to staring at the bridge, nervously playing with my seat belt while I waited for him to make his move. By that point I'd decided I wanted it to happen. Maybe I even needed it. All I could think about was Ryan's lips on mine, and something had to happen to erase that memory from my mind.

The silence stretched on for what felt like hours, but was probably only a minute. I couldn't take it anymore. I undid my seat belt and turned to face him, plastering what I hoped was a reassuring smile on my face.

“I had a really nice time tonight.”

He glanced at me and let go of the steering wheel. His eyes went over my face and down to my seat belt. Then he undid his and turned sideways. “I really like you, Annie.”

“I like you too.” I
did
like him, but were my words misleading? Did I like him the same way that he liked me?

He relaxed even more and the corner of his mouth turned up. His brown eyes swept across my face. Then he cupped my chin in his palm. He pulled me toward him and our lips met. No jolt of desire went through me, and when my heart fluttered, it was so small I almost didn't notice it. But I didn't pull away, and when his tongue brushed against my lips, my mouth opened.

He groaned and pulled me closer. His right hand moved down my back while the other caressed my cheek. My body trembled ever so slightly when the kiss deepened. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, begging my mind to stop comparing the kiss to the one I'd had with Ryan.

Unlike Ryan, Chris didn't hold back. Within minutes his lips moved faster on mine. The kiss became frantic. I was panting, trying to keep up. The air was thick with steam and the windows fogged up. All thoughts of Ryan slipped from my mind when Chris's hand moved under my shirt, teasing the skin on my lower back.

Lust, warm and heavy, moved through my body when he ran his hand up my spine. His mouth moved down my neck. I gasped when he moved lower. He didn't stop until his lips were between my breasts. His hand snaked around the front, tickling the skin on my stomach before moving higher, stopping just under my bra.

The longer we kissed, the more the desire inside me built, the more I squirmed. His fingers brushed the bottom of my breast. A few times I thought he was going to finally go for it, but he never did.

When he pulled back, I gasped for air. The car was so thick with steam, Chris had to roll down the windows. He sighed and squirmed in his seat, and my cheeks burned when he reached down to adjust himself.

“I should probably take you back to the dorm.” He was more relaxed than he had been the whole night. His smile stretched across his face from ear to ear.

“You look awfully proud of yourself,” I said.

“I've been wanting to do that since we went skinny-dipping,” he said, laughing as he backed out of the parking spot and pulled onto the road.

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it while he drove across the bridge, heading back toward the dorm. “I'm going to have to drop you off out front. I have to return Ryan's car.”

The mention of Ryan's name sucked all the enjoyment out of the night.

I
got to mark first kiss off my list, much to Cami's excitement.

“How was it?” she asked, bouncing up and down on her bed.

She was on the way out when I got back from my date, but stopped—shooting Liam a quick text to say that she'd be late—so I could give her all the details.

I exhaled and plopped back on my own bed, staring at the ceiling. In my head I was comparing the two guys—Ryan and Chris—and trying to figure out which had been better and what all the feelings swirling around inside me actually meant.

“It was . . . unlike anything I'd ever experienced.”

“Oh my God!” Cami yelled. “Did something more than kissing happen? Something more than kissing happened, didn't it?”

She was bouncing and squealing, and it reminded me of watching the Disney Channel. “Calm down, Hannah Montana,” I said with a laugh. I rolled onto my side so I was facing her, and propped my head up with my hand. “Nothing else happened. I mean, he
almost
touched my boob—”

“Almost?” Cami sounded absolutely devastated, like I'd told her I was dying of cancer or something. “I didn't realize Chris was such a pussy.”

“Cami!”

She giggled and hopped off the bed. “Well, he is!” She checked her appearance in the mirror one last time, applying one more layer of lip gloss before heading toward the door. “I have to go. We'll talk about this later.”

She was half out the door when I yelled, “We're still going out this weekend? No guys?”

“Of course!”

I spent the rest of the week studying, writing a paper that was due at the beginning of next month, and meeting Chris for meals. Twice Ryan joined us, and I didn't miss the way his eyes followed Chris's every move, how they narrowed when Chris touched me, the way his mouth turned down when Chris kissed my cheek. Being near Ryan made every inch of my body buzz to life, and the possessive look in his eyes filled me with something I couldn't explain. Excitement? Desire? I wasn't sure. None of it made sense.

I was almost ready to tell Chris things weren't going to work out. Then he kissed me when Ryan wasn't around and my body responded. There wasn't an inch of me that wanted him to stop. There was even a small part that wanted more.

I had no idea what was happening to me.

“What are we doing this weekend?” Chris whispered against my lips Thursday night.

Cami was out, so he'd come into my room for a study session. His own room looked too much like a Satanist's church. It didn't take long for the study session to turn into a make-out session.

My stomach clenched. I had a feeling he wasn't going to like my answer. “Cami and I are going out Saturday night. Girls' night.”

He sat back and frowned. “Why?”

The heat that had been racing through my body just seconds before morphed, turning into irritation. “Because I've never had a girls' night before and I have fun with Cami.”

His expression didn't change.

Sighing, I rolled off the bed and waved away his protests as I headed to the bathroom. “I'm nineteen, Chris, and I've never done anything.”

“Annie,” he started.

I cut him off by slamming the bathroom door and leaning against it. It was stupid. Chris hadn't done anything wrong, but suddenly I needed to get away from him.

Chris was standing in the middle of the room when I came out. Frowning. “You didn't have to run away.”

“I didn't,” I lied, keeping my back to him as I washed my hands. “I was using the bathroom.”

When I turned around he was still frowning. He swiped his hand across his eyes like he was exhausted and he shook his head. “Look, I get it. You need some time to experience other things. Can we at least go out on Friday?”

Something inside me cringed, but I had no idea why. “Sure.”

Friday Chris borrowed Ryan's car again, then took me to the Cinebarre in Mount Pleasant to see a movie, one of those cool theaters where you could order food and drinks while you watched the movie. We watched some sappy chick flick that was incredibly predictable and not the least bit entertaining. The mood felt tense and everything out of my mouth was forced, but he didn't seem to notice. He held my hand most of the movie, moving it to my upper thigh before it was over.

The second we were in the car he started kissing me. Just like the weekend before, my body responded. I went from being uncertain to wishing for something more, but he still held back. When he finally pulled away, the throbbing between my legs was more intense than ever.

“What are you and Cami doing tomorrow night?” Chris asked while he drove me back to the dorm.

The words were stiff and his body was tense. He still wasn't thrilled about me going out without him. Maybe it should have been flattering, but it wasn't. All he succeeded in doing was making that trapped feeling I was so used to come back. Like I was at home in my room watching life pass by me again, while my dad gave me his normal lecture about how he just wanted to protect me.

“Just going out,” I muttered, watching the miles tick by and praying we got back to the dorm fast. “Trying out those new fake IDs.”

He nodded and kept his eyes straight ahead. “Just be careful.”

There were no words in the English language that could get under my skin faster than those. I was tired of everyone telling me to be careful when I'd never been anything but. And to be honest, I was just tired of being careful.

I didn't respond when he looked at me with narrowed eyes. We spent the rest of the ride in silence while I did my best to swallow my irritation. It wasn't easy, and when he pulled up in front of College Lodge, I hopped out without letting him kiss me.

“I'll see you later, Chris,” I said, slamming the door in his stunned face.

 

Saturday night couldn't come fast enough. I let Cami pick out my clothes, and didn't even bat an eye when she handed me a black strapless dress. It was shorter than anything I'd ever put on and the blue heels made me over six feet tall. But I was determined to have a good time and feel young for once in my life.

We caught a cab over to Market Street so we didn't have to walk in the insane shoes. Even though it was only seven, the place was already crowded. We grabbed a table in clear view of the bar and ordered a few appetizers and drinks. I was jumpy as hell and had a hard time keeping my legs from shaking. After two drinks my nerves disappeared and I began to relax. Cami never stopped talking—which helped.

“How are you feeling?” she yelled over the noise.

“Good.” It wasn't a total lie. My legs had stopped shaking and I was positive I wasn't going to throw up.

She grinned and adjusted her dress, pulling it down just slightly to reveal more cleavage. “Awesome, because I've been eyeing a couple guys at the bar and they're on their way over.”

My heart pounded and the nausea returned. I sat up straighter, turning to watch the guys head our way. They each had two drinks and looked about a thousand times more confident than I felt. My legs started shaking again, so I downed the rest of my drink and pushed the glass aside. I couldn't help messing with my hair and looking down to make sure my dress was still in the right place. I looked good, but I had no clue how I was going to handle talking to a stranger.

“Relax,” Cami whispered, shooting the guys a dazzling smile. “Just smile and act like everything he says is brilliant.”

The guys stopped at the table. Thankfully, the taller one was by me, and he was cute. He had sparkling blue eyes and blond hair just a bit darker than mine. I had a feeling he was a military guy. With both the Air Force and Navy bases nearby, the area was crawling with them, and his short haircut gave him away.

“Hi there,” Cami said, flashing them her toothpaste commercial smile.

“We thought you might be interested in company,” the guy next to her said. He was probably about a head shorter than me—even without my shoes on—and had the kind of smile you typically only saw on billboards in Times Square. “We come bearing drinks.”

Cami grinned and motioned toward the chairs. “Sounds good.”

They sat down and names were exchanged. It was too loud for me to catch the name of the guy with Cami, but my suitor, Jon, introduced himself as he offered me the beer. I forced out a smile then took a big drink so I didn't have to talk. Cami was already flirting like a pro on the other side of the table. Jon stared at me expectantly, but it felt like my brain was frozen—again. I couldn't think of a single thing to say.

“So . . . are you a student?” Jon asked.

I nodded and swallowed, and gripped the bottle tighter. “A freshman,” I said without thinking, then cringed. It gave away my age, but Jon didn't even react.

“From around here?”

“California.”

He smiled and moved his chair closer. “I lived there for a while. I'm from Indiana myself, but I'm stationed at the Air Force base.”

My brain snapped to life. That was something I could work with. “My dad was in the Air Force. We were stationed here for a few years when I was a kid. He retired at Travis, so now we live out there.”

Jon smiled and his hand touched my arm. “No kidding. I was stationed at Travis for three years.”

“Really? What do you do?”

“C-17 pilot.”

“My dad too, when he flew.” He nodded and I moved closer without thinking. “Did you go to the Academy?” He nodded again and I relaxed—this was a lot easier once I'd found some common ground. “My brother's there right now.”

After that the conversation was easy. We talked about Travis and going to football games in San Francisco. Jon was quite a bit older than me—almost twenty-six—but we had a lot in common, so it didn't even faze me. The guys ordered a second round and the four of us talked and laughed. Jon's friend, Mike, was a pilot too, but Charleston was his first assignment, so he was younger.

A little before eleven we were ready to move on, and the guys suggested a club a couple blocks away on East Bay Street. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it there in one piece, not with all the alcohol in my body and the two-inch heels on my feet.

Charleston's an historic city, which is both cool and totally dangerous when you've been drinking. Most of the sidewalks aren't just regular concrete. They're brick or stone, and uneven in a lot of places. It's easy to stumble or get a heel stuck, and for someone who isn't used to heels, it can be hazardous.

We stood up to leave and Jon's eyebrows shot up. “I didn't realize you were so tall.” He only had about an inch and a half on me with the heels.

“Is that a bad thing?” I asked, touching his arm while I tried to mimic Cami's flirtatious tone.

His eyes went down, sweeping over my legs before making their way back up. Slowly. “Not at all.”

The look on his face made my insides shudder, just like they did when Chris kissed me or touched my leg. I smiled and tried to ignore the heat that moved up my neck to my face. “I'm probably going to need your help walking in these things,” I said, pointing to my shoes. “The sidewalks out there are dangerous.”

Jon smiled and put his hand on my back, leading me to the door right behind Cami and Mike. “I'll make sure you get there in one piece.”

The sidewalks were crowded with other party-goers, most of whom were drunk. The guys paid the cover at the club, which made Cami wink at me, and they bought us more drinks inside. I was feeling pretty good by that point. By the end of the night I'd be able to mark two things off my list: get picked up and get a guy's number. Not a bad night.

My head was spinning by the time we ended up on the dance floor, but not in a bad way. Jon didn't have any reservations about touching me while we danced, and his hands on my hips made the already humid air in the club boil. My back was to him, and he ground his pelvis against me, running his hands down my arms. Our skin was moist and my hair stuck to the back of my neck. Everything he did felt so good and natural that none of it mattered. When he turned me around and covered my mouth with his, I didn't hesitate to kiss him back. His tongue was warm and he tasted like alcohol and salt. With the exception of that brief kiss Ryan and I had shared, I'd never experienced anything so hot.

“You want to get out of here?” he yelled in my ear. “I live pretty close.”

I wasn't thinking. My brain was literally so clouded by alcohol that I couldn't focus on anything but how good his hands felt on my body and how much better it would be if we didn't have to worry about our clothes getting in the way. I nodded and waved Cami down, pointing to the door. She was busy grinding her body against Mike's, so she just waved me away.