The List (12 page)

When I opened my eyes, I met Ryan's gaze. He was across the room watching every move I made. My heart stopped beating and everything froze. The music faded away and I couldn't feel Chris's hands anymore. His lips must have still been moving over my neck, but I was oblivious to it.

I stepped away and shook my head, never taking my eyes off Ryan.

“You okay?” Chris called.

“I just need a few minutes . . .” I ripped my eyes off Ryan and turned to face Chris. He frowned, but I gave him a big smile and a playful shove. “I'll be right back.”

I had no idea what I was doing or what I expected to happen, but for some reason I went to the back of the apartment like I was headed to the bathroom. It was the only place I could think to go that Chris wouldn't follow me. The apartment had two bathrooms, but the one in the hall was in use. I went back through Liam's room to use his. Luckily, that one was free.

I stepped inside and shut the door, then leaned against it with my eyes closed. I couldn't stop thinking about Ryan; my heart pounded faster than a freight train. “What are you doing?” I said out loud.

There was a soft knock on the door. Instinctively I knew it was Ryan, but I didn't hesitate to open it. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. I wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or the way his gray eyes zeroed in on my lips, but my head spun.

“I wanted to give you your birthday present,” he whispered, stepping closer and running his hand down my cheek.

My throat tightened and I had trouble filling my lungs. I couldn't move, let alone breathe. “What's that?”

“Your first kiss.”

Ryan tilted my face up and I closed my eyes. Then his mouth covered mine. His lips were warm and soft. They tenderly moved over mine, showing me what to do. His hands ran down my neck to my shoulders, then over my back. He pulled my body against his, pressing my back against the wall. His mouth moved faster. Without thinking I parted my lips, allowing his tongue access to my mouth. It sent a shiver through my body. The desire I'd felt earlier with Chris returned, only a million times stronger. My insides were on fire, a fire that burned hotter with each move of his lips, each brush of his fingers against my lower back.

When Ryan finally pulled back, I was out of breath. His gray eyes held my gaze and he traced my lips with his thumb. “Happy birthday, Buttercup.”

Then he let himself out of the bathroom, leaving me alone. My heart pounded and my face was hot. My lips were still warm from his. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes, tracing my lips with the tips of my fingers. My first kiss. I'd never experienced anything quite so amazing.

C
hris was just coming into Liam's room when I stepped out of the bathroom. He smiled, and until that moment I didn't feel anything but euphoria over the kiss. Then it occurred to me that Ryan kissing me might have been cheating. I wasn't sure how the dating thing really worked, if the time Chris and I had spent together meant we were officially a couple or if it was something we had to talk about. But there was no way Chris was off kissing other girls. It put my first kiss in a whole new light, but oddly enough it didn't ruin it. Nothing could have ruined that moment with Ryan.

“There you are. I was just coming to see if you were okay.”

I took a deep breath and worked on remaining calm, even though every inch of my body shook. I was sure he'd know what had happened just by looking at me. All he did was smile and take my hand, though.

“My head was spinning a little.” It wasn't a lie, but it was deceptive. My head had been spinning—and still was—only it wasn't from the alcohol.

Chris frowned and squeezed my hand. He started to lead me toward the bed, then seemed to think better of it. “Never know what's been going on between those sheets,” he said with a wink.

I laughed, and I couldn't miss how completely forced the sound was.

Thankfully, Chris didn't even blink. “I wanted to give you your birthday present.”

Cami's words came back to me and I had the sudden urge to run. The way it felt to have Ryan's lips on mine was still fresh in my mind, and I didn't want to tarnish the memory by letting Chris kiss me too. I wanted that night to be just about Ryan.

Thankfully, Chris didn't make a move toward me. He pulled a white envelope out of his back pocket and held it out. He shuffled his feet—I'd never seen him look so awkward. He was acting so nervous.

“I hope this is okay. We all went in on it together, but it was my idea.”

I had no idea what it could be, but my head was still reeling just a bit when I ripped the envelope open. “Wow, Chris. This is amazing,” I said, pulling out four tickets to see the Falcons play the Steelers on October second. In Atlanta.

He relaxed and smiled. “I'm glad you like it. We can get a hotel—”

I shook my head and the smile that spread across my face was genuine. “No, we can stay with my brother and his wife. They'd be happy to have us. Stacy is always begging me to come visit.”

Chris nodded slowly and shuffled his feet again. “Are you sure?”

“Of course!” I playfully swatted his arm, not missing the disappointment on his face. Guess he was hoping for a hotel. I wasn't ready for that, and I doubted a month would change my mind.

“But are you sure you want to see the Steelers kick the Falcons' butt?” I said, trying to distract him. “It might be hard for you to watch.”

A look of mock hurt crossed his face and he grabbed his heart. “I think I'm used to it by now.”

He smiled and it suddenly hit me how alone we were in that room. I started to squirm, which for some reason made him smile even more. I wracked my brain for some way to make my escape. Just then Cami came bouncing into the room. Without even thinking about it, I let out a sigh of relief.

“There you are!” She stopped in front of me and threw her arms around my neck, giggling even more than usual.

“How much have you had to drink?”

“More than you,” she said, pulling me from the room. “Which means you need to catch up!”

I gave Chris an apologetic smile while Cami dragged me down the hall. He shook his head. Even though he looked slightly amused when he watched Cami bounce away, there was disappointment in his eyes.

“Did he give you your birthday present?” Cami whispered when we were alone in the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes and waved the football tickets in front of her. “Yes, but not the one you're referring to.”

“The night is young!” she said with a laugh. She pulled a beer out of the fridge and popped the top like a pro, passing the bottle to me before leaning closer. “I need a favor.”

I took a sip from my beer and narrowed my eyes on her face. She was up to something. “What's that?”

“Keep an eye on Ryan for me. Liam and I are going to sneak out for a bit. I don't want him to get suspicious.”

“Cami,” I said, shaking my head. “Do you still know what you're doing, or do I need to step in?”

She stood on her tiptoes and glanced over my shoulder. Liam stood by the front door, motioning for her to follow.

“I'm completely in control,” she said absentmindedly.

I wasn't sure about that. But what could I do? There was no way I was going to tell Ryan, and it wasn't like I could hold her captive or anything.

She headed out of the kitchen, but I grabbed her arm before she could get too far. “Be careful.”

“I will,” she said, giving me a quick smile before taking off and ducking out the front door with Liam.

I spent the next hour drinking and watching the door with my heart in my throat. It was surprising I could get anything down, but somehow I managed. Chris never left my side. The more he drank, the more handsy he got. It was all very PG-13, and my head was filled with enough alcohol that I didn't try to stop him. He never did try to kiss me, which I couldn't help being thankful for.

Ryan avoided me. There was no other explanation for why our paths never crossed when the apartment was so small. It was like he was making a concentrated effort to stay as far away from me as possible, and it hurt.

I could only assume he felt bad about the whole thing. Maybe he'd had the same realization when he saw Chris that I'd had, and he couldn't stand the thought of hurting his friend. Of course, I couldn't blame him for that. But it didn't make it any easier when about an hour after our kiss he started chatting with a girl who was in a few of my classes. Jess was short and cute, had dark hair and blue eyes. I couldn't even give her dirty looks because she was just too nice. Yet seeing the two of them head out to the balcony made everything inside me ache.

Cami and Liam snuck back in after being MIA for more than an hour, and Liam immediately started passing out shots. My heart was so heavy from thinking about Ryan on the balcony with Jess that I didn't hesitate when Liam handed me a glass. Cami clinked hers against mine and I threw the liquid back. I closed my eyes and prayed it would somehow have magic properties that would take away my attraction to Ryan.

It didn't work, so I did another one. Followed by a beer. Everything after that felt like I was moving in slow motion. I vaguely remember dancing with Cami and Chris. Even Liam and possibly Mitch. There may have been an argument that broke out when Mitch took things a little too far. But mostly the night was a big blur that ended with me leaning over the toilet while Cami held my hair.

I woke the next morning in a room I didn't recognize, lying in a bed that smelled somehow familiar. Pain started at the back of my skull and went up over my head, where it moved down my temples and wrapped around behind my eyes. Moving just made it worse, and my throat and tongue were so dry, I was pretty sure I'd never be able to get rid of the sour taste in my mouth.

When I moved my head, I noticed Cami asleep next to me. Somehow, I'd ended up out of my party clothes and was wearing nothing but a baggy t-shirt and my underwear. That's when it hit me. I was in Ryan's bed, which was why it smelled familiar.

After lying there for about ten minutes, I managed to make my legs cooperate enough to drag my body to the bathroom. I didn't remember throwing up until I stepped inside and the overwhelming smell of vomit hit me. My stomach lurched all over again. I had to close my eyes and lean against the wall so my legs didn't give out.

Once I'd recovered enough to relieve myself, I made my way to the living room. Chris was passed out on the couch and a couple other people I didn't recognize were lying on the floor. Ryan was up and moving around the kitchen.

He stopped when he saw me. Even though it was a bit hesitant, he smiled. “How you feeling?”

“Like someone tied me to the back of a car and dragged me through town before letting their dog take a dump in my mouth,” I muttered.

Ryan snorted and I closed my eyes. I shook my head, but as soon as I did, I regretted it.

“Sit down,” he said.

I opened my eyes just enough to make it to the barstool before shutting them again. Ryan moved around the kitchen, getting a glass out and turning on the water. The sound of pills clanging around inside a bottle made me open my eyes again.

He dropped two blue pills in front of me and pushed a glass of water across the counter. “Take these and drink this whole glass of water.”

“Are they magic pills?” I asked. “Because unless they're magic pills, it's not going to help.”

He gave me a slow smile. “There's nothing more miserable than the first hangover.”

I swallowed the pills and forced myself to empty the glass. “How long does this feeling last?”

“Honestly?”

I nodded, but when my brain bounced around I groaned and grabbed my head.

Ryan chuckled. “You should feel better tomorrow.” He moved across the kitchen and pulled some bread out of a cabinet. “You want some toast?”

I groaned and rested my forehead on the counter. “I'm pretty sure if I eat anything I'm going to throw up all over your bathroom—again.”

He laughed and didn't stop moving. Every noise he made, no matter how small, made my head pound. “I hope you had a good time, at least.”

I made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a groan, and finally lifted my head. “I
think
I had a good time, although I don't really remember for sure.”

“It seemed like you were having fun.” Ryan's eyes went over my shoulder to the living room. Even though it hurt every inch of my body, I looked too. Chris was still out cold. “You and Chris.”

My throat tightened. The sudden urge to throw up that came over me had nothing to do with the insane amount of alcohol I'd consumed the night before. I wanted to tell him the best part of the night had been the five minutes we'd spent together in the bathroom, but I couldn't get any words out.

Ryan cleared his throat and what he said next made my already uneasy stomach lurch. “Your friend Jess is nice. I think we're going out next weekend.”

“You're going out with her?” I whispered.

He nodded slowly, but he didn't meet my gaze. “You're dating Chris.”

“Oh.” I didn't know what to say. Not that it would have mattered. He seemed to have his mind made up.

We weren't even a month into the school year, and I'd already crossed half of the items off my list. Only I couldn't stop staring at number ten. In my head I crossed it out dozens of times, but physically I couldn't do a thing. I couldn't tell Cami I'd kissed Ryan. If he hadn't been her cousin—who was like a brother to her—I would have done it for sure. But I didn't know how she'd react, and I didn't know what to do about Chris.

Cami came out of the bathroom, singing as she towel-dried her hair. I slammed the notebook shut and she raised an eyebrow at me. “Daydreaming about your next achievement?”

I sat up and threw my legs over the bed. “Something like that.”

“Where is Chris taking you for your birthday dinner?”

I gnawed on a nail. My pink polish had started to chip and I was only making it worse. “I don't know.”

She kept singing, completely oblivious to the fact that I wanted to throw up. I couldn't figure out how she was so chipper. We'd spent all of Sunday sleeping and trying to recover from my birthday party, but I'd still had a difficult time dragging myself to my classes that morning. Cami didn't seem the least bit fazed.

“I'm thinking about cancelling.”

Cami stopped singing and turned to face me. “What? No, you can't do that! This is
the
night, I know it is! He's going to kiss you tonight, Annie.”

I gnawed harder and a piece of nail broke off between my teeth.

She narrowed her eyes on my face. “What's wrong?”

“What if I have feelings for someone else?” I wanted to talk to someone with experience about it all, and Cami was pretty much my only option. “Would it be wrong to go out with Chris if I thought I liked someone else?”

Cami relaxed and shook her head. “Is that all this is about? Don't sweat it. You guys are barely dating and he hasn't even kissed you. You're not married. It's not like you talked about being exclusive, did you?”

“No. In fact, we had a conversation about being casual. I never made promises.”