She was vaguely
aware of him calling out her name and then again, as her whole body tightened,
building higher and higher until she cascaded to the other side.
It took many
minutes before she could breathe again. Rolling to her side, Devin gathered
her up and curled her into his warm embrace until they drifted off to sleep.
* * *
Cara couldn't
remember a morning she'd felt happier. She stretched her back and felt the
tenderness making love with Devin left in its wake. Smiling with contentment,
she grazed Devin’s cheek with her fingers as he lay beside her and nuzzled her
chest against his wide back.
How could she
have thought making love with Devin would destroy them? It had been wonderful,
more than she thought. She lay next to him, breathing in the seductive scent
of his skin mixed with the scent of sex from the warm sheets. She couldn’t
fall back to sleep, but Devin looked much too peaceful to wake.
She grinned
with delight the instant the idea popped into her head. She’d bring him
breakfast in bed. Since she wasn’t the usual rise and shine person, it would
make it a nice surprise when he woke up to have breakfast and a hot pot of
coffee waiting. She carefully eased herself off the bed so as not to disturb
his slumber and pulled the guest menu from the night stand.
It was still
early, but surely there’d be someone awake downstairs preparing for the morning
breakfast in the dining room. All she needed to do was request it be sent to
their room instead. If she called from the room first, she’d run the risk of
spoiling the surprise if Devin overheard. Better to go downstairs and talk to
the Innkeeper directly. That way she could carry the tray up to the room
herself and rouse Devin in her own way when she returned.
Gathering her
clothes from the floor, she tip-toed to the bathroom to freshen up, wishing
she’d had a fresh pair of panties and a toothbrush. Perhaps the innkeeper,
Mrs. Patterson had some toothpaste and toothbrushes she could purchase. While
she was at it, she’d buy a fresh T-shirt for Devin, since the one he’d worn
yesterday was bloodied.
A few minutes
later, Cara skipped down the paneled staircase and rounded the corner from the
main foyer, following the aroma of freshly ground coffee. Intuition and her
nose told her where she’d find the kitchen. As usual, her nose was right on
target as she pushed through the swinging kitchen door.
Mrs. Patterson
looked up from the bread she’d been kneading and greeted Cara with a smile.
“My you’re up early after getting in so late.”
Cara chuckled.
“There’s a first for everything.” She went about requesting a breakfast tray
she could bring up to her room. Mrs. Patterson quickly obliged by wrapping
freshly baked corn muffins and maple bread, still warm from the oven, and
placing them in a bread basket with sweet butter and homemade jam.
“It’s a shame
you had my husband return your bicycles to the shop last night,” Mrs. Patterson
said, handing her two linen napkins and a carafe of freshly brewed coffee.
“The rain really cooled the air and the morning has already started out to be
quite a beauty.”
“We’re leaving
after breakfast.”
Mrs.
Patterson’s face drew into a frown. “That’s odd. I’m usually so good about
remembering which guests are which. I was sure your room was booked for three
nights.”
“Perhaps the
people who canceled before us.”
Mrs. Patterson
shook her head. “No, Mr. Michaels got the last cancellation. We haven’t had
any more since he booked the room last week. We had to turn away another
couple last night because we were waiting on your reservation.”
A flurry of
emotions clouded Cara’s thinking. Last week? “You must be mistaken. We
hadn’t planned on staying in Nantucket.”
Mrs.
Patterson’s face registered as much confusion as Cara felt. “If you’d like,
I’ll check the registration.”
A warning voice
whispered in her ear. “Please, do,” Cara answered, not sure if she really
wanted to know.
# # #
Devin noticed the
stiffness in Cara as soon as she’d come back to the room with breakfast. What
seemed like a romantic gesture on her part only puzzled him in the end. He’d
suggested they stay and take advantage of the room for the next few days, but
she coolly insisted on leaving Nantucket as soon as they were through with
breakfast.
Silence hung
between them like a curtain keeping out the sunshine all the way to Steamboat
Wharf where they boarded the ferry. Through the cries of the seagulls, the
chatter of people boarding the boats, to the crash of boxes being unloaded from
a freight, the silence was deafening. He didn’t know how much more he could
take. What had happened that wound Cara up into this tight knot? Was she
already regretting their love making?
Devin vaguely
recalled one of the tourists saying that it was tradition to throw two pennies
into the water as the ferry sailed by Brant Point. It meant that you’d be
coming back to Nantucket. Digging deep into the pocket of his shorts, he
pulled out a few coins. “Here, toss these in.”
“What’s this
for?” Her glance was slightly chilling.
“It’s
tradition. It means that we’ll return to Nantucket someday.”
Cara took the
pennies from Devin, but instead of throwing them into the water, she clenched
them in her fist.
“Maybe we can
come back on our honeymoon,” he said, resting his arm on her shoulder.
She
straightened her back and faced him, her lips tight as if she were trying to
hold on to control. “Tell me. How were you able to get a room at one of the
best Bed and Breakfasts on Nantucket at the last minute?”
He shrugged.
“Luck. Someone canceled.”
“When?” She
lifted her chin just slightly. Her voice was accusing, and he knew instantly
that he’d been caught.
“I have no idea
when they-”
“No, I mean
you. When did you book the room?”
He’d called
around to several inns on the island the night after Ruthie suggested he bring
Cara to Nantucket. With every call, he was told the island was booked solid.
He’d made an offer to give a hefty bonus to the person who could find him a
room at any inn on such short notice. He wasn’t disappointed when less than
fifteen minutes later he got a call from Graystone informing him they’d just
had a cancellation. He grabbed the room on the chance he and Cara decided to
come to the island. He should have known Cara would become suspicious.
Yes, it had
been premeditated. Guilty as caught.
“I booked a
room a few days ago.”
She closed her
eyes and exhaled slowly, as if trying to remain calm. “Five days ago, to be exact.
I only mentioned coming to Nantucket the other day. Why didn’t you tell me
then that you'd already booked a room--one room--here for us?”
“It’s not what
you’re thinking.”
“Oh, no? And
just what am I thinking?” She scoped the immediate area before proceeding in a
lower voice. “We made love last night, Devin. I thought something special had
happened for us.”
“It did. It
is.”
“And now I find
that you had the whole thing planned all along!”
“You’re the one
that asked me--”
“Save it,
Devin. My mother put you up to this, didn’t she?”
She didn’t
want to hear what he had to say. He could see by her set jaw and the way she
folded her arms across her chest she’d already made up her mind that she’d been
duped.
What was
killing him the most was that she hated him for it.
“Believe me, I
was going to tell you about the room when we got back to town. I was hoping
we’d have a chance to talk, and I could convince you to stay. But then I hit
that damned rock and fell and...”
Her eyebrows
stretched on her forehead. “Was that planned, too?”
“Of course
not!” Although, it served him right for paying more attention to the way
Cara’s hips rocked back and forth as she pedaled, than where he was going. If
he had, he wouldn’t have this incredible egg on his forehead. But then maybe
last night would never have happened, either.
“Okay, so maybe
I’m guilty of keeping secret the fact that I booked a room for us. That
doesn’t change how we feel about each other. It doesn't change last night.”
He touched her
arm and felt her tension ease slightly. “There’s so much more I wanted to tell
you last night. But I couldn’t. Every time I looked at you I just wanted to
hold you in my arms. And once you were there all I could thinking of was how
much I wanted to make love to you. All the talk of the plans--”
Cara snapped
her gaze at him in disbelief. “You mean, there’s more?”
Devin took a
deep breath and steeled himself.
Here we go.
“The wedding on
Labor day.”
Her expression
was blank. “My parents’ wedding.”
He hesitated.
“
Our
wedding.”
Cara’s mouth
flew open, but no sound came out. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
He shook his
head.
Her eyes were
cold and accusing. “You’ve been in cahoots with my mother all along?”
“No.”
“Stay away from
me, Devin.”
Spinning on her
heels, she stomped off through the crowd of people, almost crashing into a
group holding their bikes.
“Where are you
going?” he called after her.
She didn’t
answer. And he didn’t follow. She was spitting angry and he knew she needed
space before he could even attempt to get her to see the truth. And he was
going to give her that space. No matter how much it killed him. Besides, it
wasn’t as if she could run very far. They were on a damned ferry boat.
* * *
Cara kept
moving around the ferry until she found a secluded place in the bowels of the
ferry, just outside the engine room. The hum of the engine drowned out her
soft sobs as she slumped on a red cushioned chair.
How could Devin
do this to her? She expected this sort of behavior from her mother. She’d
lived her whole life fighting it. But Devin?
When they’d
made love, she thought she had forever in her arms. With every kiss and caress
from Devin she’d envisioned their life together, loving each other, all the
beautiful babies they’d make. It seemed so perfect.
Too perfect,
she now realized.
Last night she
thought her dreams were coming true. But it was all a lie. After learning how
Devin planned this whole trip and kept it secret, how could she believe that
all those promises he'd made last night weren't lies, too?
She drew in a
deep breath of air and almost choked, a little from her sobs and from the
diesel exhaust seeping out of the engine room.
When Devin
finally found her a good hour later, she’d managed to compose herself enough to
talk coherently.
His face was
drawn when he appeared at the bottom of the metal staircase, as if he’d spent
the last hour waiting for his turn in the noose. With her own emotions at
battle, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to run into his arms or hand him the
rope.
“I don’t
understand, Devin. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I wanted to.
Every time you looked at me, I knew how you felt. But you kept pulling away
and I just couldn’t figure out what was holding us back. Then when Roger
left...”
He slumped down
on the chair next to her. His thigh grazed the bare skin of her thigh sending
a warm trail through the rest of her body. Everything about Devin was warm and
comforting.
“Do you love
him?”
“That’s not
what this is about, Devin.”
“Are you sure?”
he persisted. “You're angry with me for keeping secrets. My reasons are
pretty self-explanatory. I love you and I'm trying my damnedest to win your
love. But every time I ask you this simple question, you can't seem to give me
a straight answer.”
He swallowed
hard, his jaw tight with tension.
She didn’t
answer. What could she say after all that had transpired last night? The
answer was glaring, but she knew he needed to hear it.
“I have a lot
of time invested in Roger.”
Devin made a
face and glared at her for a lingering moment. “Will you listen to yourself?
You talk about him like he’s a stock option. Like he's some damned mutual fund
you're going to get a penalty on for early withdrawal. That's so clinical.”
“That's my
relationship with Roger in a nutshell,” she muttered.
“Do you love
me?”
Her head was
swimming and her heart pounded in her chest as if it were about to explode.
Coward, she screamed silently.
When she didn't
answer, he went one step further. “Is that why you're pulling away from us?
Because you're afraid of loving me?”
“Don’t go
there, Devin. Not now.”
One look on his
face and she knew he understood her much more than she did herself.
“You do love
me, and it scares the hell out of you, doesn't it? You can't be safe with me.
You have to be vulnerable. That's the part of this you can't stand. You love
that what we have is special and real, but it means you have to give up control
if you give up your heart.”
She had to get
away from him before she said something she’d regret. Before the last threads
of their relationship was destroyed.
But mostly, she
realized, she needed to get away because she knew without any reservation that
he was one hundred percent correct. Everything about loving Devin scared her
to death. Things were changing between them already. It was all too much.
She wanted the old Devin back. The one who didn’t keep secrets from her. The
friend who didn’t side with her mother to make her into someone she couldn’t
be.