And who was that beside him? His best man, I presumed. I’d been wondering who Seth had chosen, but no one ever mentioned it and I’d forgotten to ask. In a parade of eight women, one man was easy to lose in the shuffle. My smile didn’t slip an inch as I cut my eyes in his direction, trying to make him out. Didn’t they always say that the best place to meet your future spouse was at a wedding? He was good-looking, I could see that right off. His suit seemed tailored to his well-muscled body. I let my eyes wander up. Yes, he was handsome. He hadn’t been looking at me, but the minute he did, my heart skipped so hard I stopped in mid-walk. It couldn’t be… but yes, those same brown eyes, those little green flecks laughing at me even all those feet away.
How
could
she? How could she do this and not mention it to me? What was she
thinking
? My feet were rooted to the floor, my smile having fallen off completely. My brain was screaming for me to run in the other direction while my heart was telling me to walk the few feet I had left. Not knowing which to follow, I just stood still. I barely heard the strains of ‘Here Comes the Bride’ as the song changed. I was oblivious to Seth’s irritated look and the crowd rising to their feet. The only thing I could see was Brody—sexy, smiling Brody who looked just as unchanged as the last time I’d left.
“Shana, what the hell are you doing?” I heard hissing and turned my attention to the bridal party. Patrice was motioning me forward. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Becky and her father walking toward me, which gave me the courage I needed to scamper up the rest of the way and stand beside Maddie.
“Thank you,” Becky whispered primly to me once they’d made it. She didn’t look the least bit ruffled or repentant. Oh, of course she wouldn’t.
I couldn’t focus on the ceremony, hard as I tried. The minute I focused in on the officiant’s voice, my eyes were tempted to wander over to where Seth stood with his best man.
Brody
was his best man! I just couldn’t get over it. I didn’t even know that they
knew
each other. Becky had certainly never mentioned it. I turned my attention to the radiant bride, glaring at her, but she didn’t notice. She was staring into Seth’s eyes like she would never look at anything or anybody else again.
The words whirled around my head…
vow from this day forward… in sickness and health…
I couldn’t help but remember something Jonas had said to me once. He’d said that monogamy wasn’t natural for any species, much less humans. I’d jumped to the offensive, but he had insisted I hear him out. When he was finished, the only thing I could think about was the fact that Mom and Dad, who to my knowledge had the best marriage possible, had two kids who still hadn’t settled down. Maybe Jonas’s theory had some merit, or maybe there was just something wrong with us. Wrong with me.
“You may now kiss the bride.”
Cheers and catcalls filled the sanctuary and the din rose to deafening proportions as Seth took his new wife in his arms and dipped her low as he met her lips in a long kiss. We all applauded when he let her back up for air, and laughed when she pulled his head back down. So this was what it looked like, to be in love. Is that what
we
had looked like? I snuck a glance in Brody’s direction and to my surprise found his eyes looking back at me.
An embarrassed flush swept over my cheeks. How did he always know when I was thinking about him? He always knew.
Just then, he sidled up next to me. The rest of the guests were ogling the bride and groom who
seriously
needed to get a room before the private activities of the wedding night became
very
public.
“We should talk.”
I pulled my eyes away from the spectacle of my best friend and turned to Brody. I knew right away that meeting his eyes was a big mistake—butterflies fluttered as my sex clenched. God, he was gorgeous. I didn’t think I’d ever get tired of looking into his chiseled profile. There was a bit of gray in his brown hair, not that it marred his appearance in the slightest. If anything, it only made those luminous eyes stand out more. How had I ever been able to resist him? Right now, I wasn’t sure.
“Shan?”
I nodded, unable to speak, and without waiting for my permission, Brody took my arm and led me out the back entrance. From the moment his touch seared through me, I knew I’d made a mistake by coming with him at all. I wasn’t as young as I used to be, I couldn’t put up with the endless nights of what-ifs anymore.
“We should go back. They’ll miss us.”
“I doubt it,” he chuckled. “No one even noticed we’d left.”
“But in a few minutes, they’ll—”
“Still be in happily married bliss. What’s up, Shana? Don’t you want to talk to me?”
I took in his raised eyebrow, his serious eyes and I almost collapsed into his arms right then and there. “It’s not that. Just I… you… we’re in the wedding party. There might be plenty of women to make up for my absence, but won’t Seth miss you?”
“No, I don’t think he will. I think he’ll know exactly who I’m with and what I’ll be doing.” With that, he pulled me close and I didn’t try to resist, not even when I saw his full, kissable lips heading for my own.
From the moment our lips met, I could feel myself melting into him, inch after reluctant inch. We shouldn’t be doing this—
I
shouldn’t be doing this. Not here, not now. Not with him. But I couldn’t seem to make myself stop, either; my body melded against his like it was made to be there, as though it hadn’t forgotten how to fit into his despite all the time that had passed between us. I could feel my panties beginning to dampen and when I pressed my legs tightly together—as though that could actually stop it—I could feel my thighs quivering in a wishful sort of anticipation. We still had an entire reception to go; it was too early for that. Damn it. I pulled away, breaking our kiss with reluctance.
“Hi to you too,” I murmured, my voice breathy.
He grinned, brazen as ever. “I thought I’d cut down on the small talk, save us some time,” he quipped. “You look… stunning.”
I looked down at my dress and began to fidget self-consciously. “Oh, I don’t know…”
“You do,” he insisted firmly. “And don’t let me hear you say otherwise.”
My eyes leapt to his face at the warning. This wasn’t the first time I’d heard him sound so authoritative, but it caught me off guard as much as it had the first time. Somehow it made me feel drawn to him and intrigued when what I really should have been doing was running in the opposite direction. As further proof of my insanity, something made me challenge him. “Or what?” I asked in a whisper.
“You don’t want to know, sweetheart.” He winked at me and my tummy clenched at the promises it alluded to. He reached over and trailed a finger down my cheek in a gentle caress before leaning down and kissing me on the nose. “Now, let’s get to the reception hall before anyone starts wondering where we went to.”
When he offered me his arm, I only hesitated for a moment before I took it. I could feel my heart fluttering wildly as we walked to the reception. This close to him, I couldn’t help but be seduced by those devil-may-care smiles and huskily whispered threats. I kept hearing the words playing over and over again in my mind:
you don’t want to know. You don’t want to know…
Strange as it was, the heat between my legs told me that I did.
“Looks like we beat everyone here,” Brody commented as he opened the door for me. “Do you want to steal a cupcake? I’m sure no one would notice.”
“Brody!” I exclaimed, smacking his arm. “Really.”
“You can sit it out if you want, but I think I’m gonna go for it.”
I clung to his arm, pulling him back. “Wait, don’t!”
“Shh!” He scolded playfully, his grin widening as I giggled. “All right, that does it. No sweets for you.”
“Oh, is this like the champagne thing?”
“The champagne thing?” he echoed, turning to look at me.
“You know, at the wedding, when you said… never mind.”
I could feel my cheeks heating up again. Why did it seem like I couldn’t be in his company for more than ten minutes without blushing? Did he really not remember scolding me over my drinking? If he didn’t remember that, maybe he didn’t remember our marriage pact, either. I knew I shouldn’t care, shouldn’t feel devastated by the fact that he might not think about me as much as I did him, but my heart twisted painfully anyway.
This was a mistake, I realized with a pang. As good as it felt to be around him, I just couldn’t. It brought everything rushing back and I wasn’t ready for that. I didn’t know if I’d ever be ready. It had been a decade—we didn’t even know each other anymore, not really.
“Shana, listen—”
I couldn’t. I knew if I did, he’d say something sweet and wonderful, or make me laugh, and he’d distract me from reality. Once upon a time, I used to think that was OK, but not anymore. “I have to go. I’m sorry.” Before he could say anything, I turned on my heel and began walking away as fast as I could.
“Shana? Shana, where are you going?”
I walked faster, then broke out into a run, leaving him calling behind me. The tears didn’t start to come until I’d made it out of the church. Then, they flowed steadily, blurring my vision. The pained look I’d seen on Brody’s face right before I’d made it out of the reception hall was burned into my mind.
Chapter Six
I didn’t waste time finding Becky. Luckily for me, while the rest of the wedding party was enjoying the reception, the bride was taking a few last-minute wedding photos. I marched up to her in mid-shot and grabbed her arm.
“Hey! Shan, what’s up? I’m kind of in the middle of something here.”
Oh, she was, was she? Well, that was just too damn bad. “Excuse us for a moment, please,” I said to the photographer, my voice sugary sweet. I hauled Becky off to the side, glaring. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I hissed.
She yanked her arm out of my grasp. “
What
are you talking about?”
“What do you
think
I’m talking about?” I exploded. “Having Brody here! As Seth’s
best man
! It doesn’t matter how many times I tell you that this… obsession you have with Brody and me is ridiculous, you’ll still do anything to get your own way!”
She drew back, shock evident in her wide green eyes. “Have you completely lost it? I didn’t—”
“You did!” I insisted, not even bothering to lower my voice any more. “You didn’t tell me he was going to be in your wedding! You…
lied
to me!”
“Oh, I did? And when, exactly, did you ask me if Brody was going to be in the wedding?”
“I shouldn’t have to ask! You should have told me!”
“Well, as it happens, it was a surprise to me, too.”
“Yeah, right,” I scoffed. “You’ve got Seth wrapped about your little finger!”
“Shan—”
“You said so yourself. He’d do anything for you, and he has, right? This is what you meant? You had him make Brody his best man, didn’t you?
Didn’t
you?” I insisted.
“No! Shana, I promise you, I had no idea.”
“I don’t believe you.” I folded my arms across my chest stubbornly. “What else would you have been talking about?” To my surprise, Becky blushed. Becky
never
blushed! It was against her religion, or something.
“Look, I’d love to go over this with you and trade some more insults, but I’m in the middle of a photo shoot. You know, on my
wedding
day. So if we could take care of this later…”
“Fine,” I huffed, determined to stay mad, convinced I had every right. After all, I was supposed to be her best friend. “Just run away, whatever.”
She’d been walking back toward the photographer, but when my words reached her, she stopped, turning her head to look at me. “Oh, no, Shan. You’ve always had the market cornered on running away.”
* * *
She’d had it right, of course, and running was exactly what I’d done. I’d raced from the wedding as fast as my feet would carry me, forgetting that I’d driven over. By the time I’d gotten home the bottom of my dress was covered in dirt from the tumble I’d taken. Note to self: never run in heels
again
. Ever.
“Shana? Is that you?” Mom had asked, staring straight at me.
“Yeah, Mom. It’s me,” I’d said as I gulped deep breaths of air into my burning lungs. I was seriously out of shape.
“Good. I was wondering where you’d gotten off to. Now, where is your brother? It seems like I’m always missing one of you.” She smiled fondly.
“It’s Saturday, Mom,” I reminded her patiently. “Jonas won’t be here until Monday. He always comes Monday nights, remember?”
“Oh, that’s right, dear. Thank you. Goodness, darling, you’ve gone and gotten your pretty dress all dirty. Why don’t you get changed and I’ll see what I can do?”
“Thanks, Mom,” I mumbled as I trudged past her and made my way back to my bedroom. I flopped on the bed and the first thing my eye landed on was the nightgown Becky had worn to bed last night. She must have forgotten it. She is going to
kill
me! I thought, groaning to myself. But I just couldn’t go back. Going back meant facing Brody, which meant facing all the confusing feelings inside of me. Why did I run so hard, so fast?
Because he’d broken my heart, that was why. Everyone always took his side and assumed that it was the other way around, but it had been a two-way street. It hadn’t just affected him. I’d become some sort of outcast in the last days of high school with people who’d once called themselves my friends either shunning me in the halls or glaring at me in the cafeteria. If it hadn’t been for Becky…
My heart twisted painfully in my chest. I sure hadn’t repaid her kindness, had I? Maybe I should have stayed and listened to what she had to say… but no, there was no excuse. None. She knew how I felt about Brody even if I never said as much aloud; yes, I loved him, but I was too afraid to give him my heart a second time.
It had been hard enough to pass him in the hall and have him stare right through me, but the story that I’d never told anyone was that before I’d boarded that plane, I’d changed my mind. I hadn’t gone more than a long weekend without talking to Brody; having him deliberately ignoring me was unbearable. I’d decided that we could make it work—we just had to. I knew now that, selfish or not, I couldn’t be without him. I could delay going to Brown for a semester while we talked things out and planned what to do next.