Authors: Leigh Greenwood
“About,” Adam replied with his boyish grin.
“Have any trouble while we were gone?”
“Cougars get one whiff of a dog and go someplace else, but those damned coyotes just don't care. You ought to pen up the chickens.”
Zeke turned to Josie. “So I've been told.”
“And you'd better water that garden soon,” Adam said to Zeke.
“Why don't you do it?”
“I hired on for a riding job. I'm no farmer.” Adam looked so affronted it was all Josie could do to keep from laughing.
“Did Hawk say when he was coming to the house?” Zeke asked.
Adam finished fastening his saddlebags to the saddle and reached down for his bedroll. “He said he wanted to make sure the mares were settled first. He seems to think that bay with the Morgan blood is about to foal. I think he means to bring her up to the house so he can watch her.”
Josie hoped Dusky Lady would foal before she and Suzette left. She knew Suzette had come to think of each of the mares as a friend. It would be hard for her to leave them behind.
Jordy came barreling out of the house. “I got my stuff,” he said as he threw his saddlebags across his saddle and dropped his bedroll. “I'll be ready to ride out in five minutes.”
“You know how to find the ranch where the wagon is?” Adam asked.
“A baby could find it, even without Zeke trying to describe every tree between here and there.”
“I hope that means we won't make more than one wrong turn.”
“We won't make any.” Jordy tightened the buckle on his saddlebags and slapped his bedroll across his horse's haunches.
“We'd still be wandering around the Huachuca Mountains if I'd listened to Jordy,” Adam said to Zeke. “If you told him to follow the sun, he'd somehow end up going north.”
“Your ma's going to be right upset if you show up with a broken neck.” Jordy tightened the strings on his bedroll and swung into the saddle. “Come on before I leave you to find your own way.”
“I think I can follow the river without getting lost.”
“Won't make any difference if I drown you in it.”
“Are they always like that?” Josie asked as they rode off exchanging insults.
“Hen says they were trying to get the better of each other the first time he saw Jordy, and they haven't stopped since.”
Josie decided that being orphans adopted into the same family had probably caused them to bond just like Zeke and Hawk. It made her feel sad that Hawk and Zeke felt like outsiders. They were two wonderful men who deserved to feel accepted. Why couldn't they see that they were worthy of the same kind of love and loyalty every person deserved?
Why can't you believe you're worthy of that kind of love and loyalty?
At first Josie couldn't believe she'd asked herself that question. She didn't want love and loyalty. She just wanted to be left alone. But no sooner had that thought crystallized in her mind than she knew she was lying to herself. She'd decided she didn't want love or loyalty because she didn't believe anyone could feel that way about her. Men saw only her face and body, thought only of their physical needs. That knowledge hurt, but she'd finally gotten used to it, accepted it as the way things were.
Then she'd met Zeke and things had changed. It scared her even more to realize she
wanted
things to change. She had to leave soon.
“How long do you think it will take them to return with the wagon?”
Zeke subjected her to a long look before he answered. “They'll be back sometime tomorrow. You can head for Tombstone the next day.”
Rather than return Zeke's gaze, she looked up at a
hawk circling overhead. Hens clucked urgently to their chicks. Two days. Surely she could hold out that long. There was nothing about this ranch to make her want to stay.
Except Zeke. And he was the one reason she couldn't stay.
“I'd better get to work if I'm going to have the kitchen fit to cook supper. I have a hankering for food cooked on a stove and served at a table. Do you think you could find me a rooster? I'm in the mood for baked chicken.”
“That was a great supper,” Hawk said to Suzette and Josie. “You've spoiled us for baked beans and jerky stew cooked over an open fire.”
“You could learn to cook with a stove,” Josie said.
“Too late,” Zeke answered. “I wouldn't know what to do if the heat wasn't burning my face and the wind sending grit into the pot.”
“You've got a house now,” Suzette said. “You don't have to live outdoors.”
The men had insisted on helping clean up. Now there was nothing left to do but go to bed. All evening long they'd avoided talking about the feelings that were boiling just below the surface, feelings that colored every comment anyone made. Suzette had tried to decide how Hawk felt about her leavingâabout her being thereâabout her staying, but his expression was as impenetrable as ever. She would have to ask the questions. He never would answer otherwise.
“Hawk is afraid Dusky Lady might foal at any time, so we're going to sleep outside to watch her,” Suzette said.
Everyone acted as though what she'd said was perfectly natural, when they all knew it meant her feelings for Hawk hadn't changed. Further, her decision meant Zeke and Josie would be sleeping in the house alone. That might not be fair to Josie, but Suzette believed Josie was close to falling in love with Zeke. She was certain he was in love with her. If there was no chance that Josie could ever love him, then Josie ought to tell Zeke so he could stop hoping. As for herself, she had her own confession to make.
“You can use my bedroll,” Zeke said. Suzette had left all her bedding in the wagon.
Hawk didn't say much as they walked toward the small corral where Dusky Lady would spend the night. The trees along the river formed a black silhouette against the sky that made the moon gleam brighter by comparison. Stones crunched under their feet and cicadas chirped in the salt cedar. One of the dogs ran up to fawn over Hawk, but he sent it back to watch the horses. They didn't have to worry about coyotes getting the chickens. Zeke had rounded them up and put them in the pen they'd escaped from earlier. A bat swooped through the air with its fast but erratic flight. Suzette shivered. She didn't like bats even though Hawk said the insects would be unbearable without them.
Hawk stopped at a spot where the ground had been smoothed out. She suspected the men had spent many nights here. They spread out their bedrolls and settled on to them before Suzette said, “We need to talk.”
“I didn't think there was anything to say.”
“There's a lot to say. I don't know that it will change anything, but it needs to be said.”
“If you can't stay, what's the point of saying anything?”
“Because I can't leave without first telling you what I'm feeling. You may not want to hear it, but I need to say it.”
“What makes you think I won't want to hear it?”
“It could hurt you as much as it hurts me.”
“I can stand it.”
He probably could, but she wasn't sure
she
could. Already the tears were welling up in her eyes. How much longer did she have to go on merely surviving? When was it going to be her turn? Suddenly she felt overwhelmed. Unable to stop herself, she burst into tears. Hawk took her in his arms, which made her cry harder. This was where she wanted to be for the rest of her life. She'd given up so much, endured so much, why couldn't she have just this one thing?
“If it helps you to know this, I love you, too.”
Suzette's tears stopped with a hiccup so violent it hurt. Not daring to believe what she'd heard, she pulled herself out of Hawk's embrace and stared at him. “What did you say?”
“I said I love you, too.”
She tried very hard to restrain herself, but it was impossible. She threw herself at him and burst into tears again. Hawk loved her. She'd thought knowing he loved her would make things easier, but now it was a thousand times harder. Here was more happiness than she'd dared dream about. All she had to do was reach out and grab it. “Are you sure?” Men never fell in love as quickly as women. They practically had to be hit over the head before they'd admit to such a weakness.
His answer was to take her in his arms and kiss her
with so much fervor she couldn't possibly doubt him. Moments later, she emerged from his embrace breathless and as limp as a rag doll. “Why didn't you tell me?” she asked.
“Why didn't you tell me?”
There were a thousand reasons. She hadn't wanted to admit the truth to herself. If she didn't love him, it wouldn't hurt to leave. If she didn't love him, she could smile as she sang and danced for other men. If she didn't love him, she wouldn't miss being in his arms, seeing his smile, being able to reach out and touch him. If she didn't love him, she wouldn't have to dream about making love to him until her bones melted and her senses became so acutely attuned to his presence, they blocked out the world around them.
“I was afraid it would hurt too much,” she admitted.
“I thought women believed happiness was worth the pain.”
“Do you believe it's worth it?”
“I don't know. I've never been in love before.”
Suzette's heart soared. He didn't say he'd never been in love
like this.
He said he'd never been in love at all. Maybe it was selfish to cherish that confession so much, but she couldn't help herself. She didn't know what tomorrow or the next day would bring, but she had tonight. She would forget Tombstone, forget Quebec, forgetâ
Dusky Lady blew hard through her nostrils. Then she grunted. Suzette turned to see the mare circling, her movements awkward.
“She's looking for a place to lie down,” Hawk said. “She's getting ready to have her foal.”
Josie and Zeke stood in the tiny hallway that led to the two bedrooms, neither willing to go just yet, neither quite meeting the other's gaze. Things had gone so well this evening, Zeke had considered trying to clear the air between them. He wasn't about to confess undying love to Josie, but he was willing to admit a nearly overpowering lust to himself. This woman was just too beautiful for words, but her beauty wasn't what attracted him most. It was her vulnerability. Josie didn't know it and probably wouldn't admit it if she did, but she was a very lonely and unhappy woman. It wasn't simply that she'd closed men out of her life. She'd also closed down her spirit and her heart. Life had cleaved her in two, leaving her perpetually in search of her other half. Only Josie denied that she had another half. Zeke knew she wasn't complete just as she was, but he didn't know if he was the person to tell her so.
“Do you think you can remember how to sleep in a bed?” Josie asked Zeke. “With Hawk and Suzette watching Dusky Lady, you don't have to sleep under the stars.”
Zeke had been mulling over ways to tell Josie he was going to sleep outside. Now she'd just punctured his only possible excuse. He resented Josie's implication that something was wrong with him because he didn't share her views about the virtues of spending one's whole life inside some building. It was just that two men found it easier not to mess with all the trouble that came with living in a house. “I haven't always lived like an animal.”
“I meant that as a joke,” Josie said.
Zeke couldn't picture a Josie who made jokes. In his
mind she was a quick-tempered woman who distrusted men and had no problem letting them know she wanted nothing to do with them.
“Sorry. I'm not used to sharing a house with an unmarried female.”
“I make you nervous?”
She seemed surprised. Where had she been for the last week? Couldn't she tell she drove him out of his mind? “Look, let's just go to bed, okay? Every time we talk, you end up angry at me.”
“I'm sorry. I didn't treat you very fairly at first.”
He was beginning to wonder if Josie was in her right mind. The Josie he knew didn't apologize or give a damn about fairness. She only wanted what she wanted, and to hell with the rest of the world. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Why do you ask?”
Hell, she was leaving soon. No point in mincing words now. “For the first few days I was afraid to turn my back for fear you might stick a knife in it. Now you're nice most of the time, but you keep looking at me like I'm a rattlesnake about to strike. I keep waiting for you to reach for a gun.”
Josie dropped her gaze. “I misjudged you. You're a very nice man who's done nothing to earn my distrust, and everything to earn my gratitude.”
Zeke was certain there was a great big qualification coming that would rock him off his heels. She actually
looked
like she was sorry. He had to get a grip on himself, and quick. A churning in his gut urged him to take her into his arms and kiss her until they both forgot about that terrible beginning.
“You keep talking like this, and I'm going to think
you actually like me.” He didn't know why he said that. It was an open invitation for her to plunge a knife into his heart.
“I do. I like you very much.”
This couldn't be happening. Maybe he was just dreaming they were standing in the hall having this absolutely out-of-the-blue conversation.
“I'm sure you know you're a handsome man with impressive strength and skills. I'm not sure you know you're also kind, patient, and thoughtful. It was wrong of me to prejudge you.”
Okay, if she didn't stop talking, he was going to kiss her even if it meant she'd shoot him the minute he released her. They hadn't been drinking, and they hadn't eaten any bad meat. This had to be real. “What made you change your mind?” How could he have missed something that important?
“The way you protected me from Gardner when he tried to kidnap me.”
“Anybody would have done that.”