The Miting (33 page)

An unwanted melancholy settled over Leah’s spirit as she reflected on their disapproval if they knew what was happening to her. Dressing like an
Englisher
was one thing, but no one in her family had ever driven a car. Maybe some families had wayward
rumspringen
teens who drove and then hid their cars and trucks on their dad’s property, but it wasn’t like that in Leah’s family. Neither
Daet
nor
Maem
nor her grandparents had been as wild as all that in their youth.

Leah shook off the negative thoughts and picked up the exam practice book to cram a bit more information into her head before they reached the DMV office. As Naomi pulled into the parking lot, Leah felt a flutter of indecision.

Should I be doing this? What if the
Ordnung
is right? What if driving a car really is a mortal sin?

She pushed the thoughts from her mind as she climbed out of the car and walked into the building.

Thirty minutes later, Naomi congratulated her on passing the test. Leah was on her way to even more freedom. She agreed when Naomi suggested a celebration ice cream at the Dairy Queen.

“But first, I have to get a roll or two of duct tape for a project. Let’s go to the hardware store on the way, okay?”

“Sure. I’d like to pick up a small box of thumb tacks and a bulletin board while we’re in there. I want to put it above my desk so I can post my work hours.”

Home Hardware was a busy, crowded place when they went in, so it took a few minutes to find the selection of bulletin boards. Leah spied a cheerful one with bright daisies around the frame and decided it was just what she needed to perk up the wall above her desk. As she wandered the aisles looking at the beginnings of Christmas displays, a prickly sensation went up her spine.

Is someone watching me?

She glanced up. Jacob Yoder was smiling down at her. Her knees wobbled and hands trembled. His eyes seemed to drink her in.

He looked so familiar and yet unfamiliar. His Amish dress appeared foreign to her now, and she realized for the first time what English people saw when they looked at the Amish. Leah had grown accustomed to the short hair and T-shirts of the English men. The uniform colors and style of the Amish seemed to hide Jacob’s individuality. He looked like a clone of so many other Amish men.

Is this how I looked when I was Amish? No wonder the English say we all look alike!

Jacob grinned as he ambled over. “Leah! I’m so glad to see you.
Wie bisht’ d?”
Hearing the Pennsylvania-Dutch words spoken to her again brought a familiar sense of homesickness to Leah’s heart. She fought to maintain her composure.

“Gut. Und du?”

“
Gut
. I’ve been wondering how you were doing.”

“I’m doing fine. I’m working and still living at the Schrocks’ place. They’ve been very supportive of me.”

“I’m glad of that.”

Jacob’s familiar grin held a hint of melancholy. His eyes held hers, and all the things they’d been to one another flooded back to Leah’s mind. She swallowed a growing lump in her throat. Now was not the time to fall apart. Now was the time to show Jacob she was, indeed, doing okay.

She hesitated before finally asking, “How’s my family?”

Jacob played with his hat brim. “They’re doing all right. They don’t say much.” He held her gaze. “You know they don’t want to talk about you, but I think they miss you.”

Leah glanced around quickly. “Are you by yourself? I just thought if anyone sees you talking to me …”

“It’s okay. I
am
here by myself.” The rules of the
Ordnung
didn’t necessarily forbid him from talking with her since she had not yet joined the church, but the unspoken community rules frowned on Amish having contact or conversations with those who had left their teachings.

They stood in silence until Jacob asked, “Do you ever miss us—I mean … your family?”

She nodded. “I get homesick often.”

“You do?” Jacob raised his brows. Was he surprised by her admission? Did he think she could walk away and
not
think of her parents, siblings, and especially him? Leah glanced at his hands. They clutched his hat, turning the brim around and around. Her heart lurched when she noticed his left hand trembling. She longed to reach out to him, to reassure him of how much he still meant to her. She longed to meet with him. Talk with him. Share her day, her job, her new friends with him.

She sighed. That would be foolish. It would only bring him more pain and maybe even trouble if the bishop discovered they were together. She could not keep her eyes off his hands. How they betrayed what was going on inside. She lifted her eyes to his, and for an instant, he let her see the desire to be with her. Quickly though, he shuttered his soul and broke the gaze.

She swallowed again. She would let him know she was moving forward. In the end, it would be kinder to let him know that.

“
Ja.
Lately I’m too busy and too tired to think about things much, but I have moments when I really miss
Maem
and
Daet
… and, all of you, really.”

If her reply stung him, it didn’t show on his face. Jacob hesitated before asking, “Do you ever think you might come home someday?”

All that had been between them was in his question. She glanced away. “I’d come home tomorrow if they’d let me be a born-again Christian.”

“I know you think your new religion is better for you—”

She searched his eyes, holding his gaze as she asserted her point. “It isn’t a religion, Jacob. It’s real, and it means the world to me.”

Jacob flushed and swallowed. “
Ja
, that’s what I meant, but do you think it’s any better than what we already have in the Amish?”

“What I had with my family was wonderful, but the
Ordnung
and the church and the bishops, they’re not allowing me to follow Jesus and do what the Bible says. I can’t go back to that, Jacob. It isn’t me that has left; they’ve made me leave because they won’t accept me anymore. And Martha didn’t have
anything
nice in her Amish life, and still the church let her down. No one cared enough to make her stepbrother stop or take him to the law.” She shook her head again. “I don’t understand that kind of thinking. It’s not right.”

Jacob glanced up suddenly as an Amish family approached the doors of the hardware store. Their time was up.

Hurriedly, he took her hand and squeezed it gently before turning to go. He looked at Leah over his shoulder and whispered, “If you ever change your mind, I’m waiting for you. And if you ever want to come home, just get word to me.” Then he walked casually to the doors and greeted the family coming in with a nod.

“
Tag
, Elam
und
Velma.”

“Good day, Jacob.”

Their manner turned stone cold when they spied Leah. Both the good man and his wife put their heads down and totally ignored her. She blushed but felt little anger at the miting they practiced toward her. It was what they had to do.

She went to find Naomi. As they checked out, Leah told Naomi she had seen Jacob.

“Oh yes? And how was that?”

“He was … nice.”

“Good.” Naomi didn’t pry, but Leah was sure she understood the pain of what had just happened.

“But Elam and Velma Miller came in and they ignored me.”

“Ah.”

Leah shrugged, squaring her shoulders to hide the rejection. No matter how often it happened, she couldn’t dismiss the sting of her people’s censure. “I guess that’s their problem, though. I’m still happy I got my permit today.” Leah met Naomi’s eyes and smiled, trying with all her heart to bring back the triumphant joy of her achievement.

Naomi returned the smile. “Yes, you have accomplished something very important, Leah. Be proud of that.”

They had a good afternoon celebrating Leah’s success and went home satisfied, but she was still thinking of Jacob. He looked so wonderful. She realized the feelings she had for him before she left the Amish had not diminished. Leah missed him more than ever. She missed his smile, his gentle teasing, and the way he glanced at her from time to time from under those thick, long lashes. She missed the smile crinkles that showed his good nature, and she missed how he understood her moods and her desire to know more about God. She missed knowing she was special to someone in this world in a way no one else shared.

She spent a lot of time trying not to think about his offer to come and take her back to the Amish.

It’s too hard to go back now—isn’t it? I’ve come so far—haven’t I? I’m working. I have my permit. I have so many plans for my future. I have the freedom to worship God in the way He calls me. I am learning to know myself as Leah, apart from my Amish heritage. That’s meager to some Englishers, but it’s an entire world I’ve gained for my life. That’s worth staying here … isn’t it?

It had been a long day. All night Leah dreamed of the sound of horse’s hooves and the rolling buggy wheels on the roads around her farm home. In the dreams, she sat on the front porch with
Maem
and
Daet
, Ada and Benny. And Jacob turned into the long lane with his buggy clean and shining, ready to keep her company.

C
HAPTER
S
EVENTEEN

L
eah slowly guided the car into the Walmart parking lot and carefully pulled into an empty spot. She turned the key off with a sigh.

“That was good!” exclaimed Hannah.

“I don’t know. It makes me so nervous! I don’t think I like driving.” She slumped in the driver’s seat.

Hannah laughed. “It took me a long time to get used to it, too. Don’t worry; in no time at all, you’ll be driving like you’ve done it all your life.”

Leah wiped her sweating forehead with a tissue and shook her head. “I don’t think so. It makes me almost sick to my stomach to do this.”

“I won’t make you drive home, but let’s go on in and get our things and head back.”

“I’m good with that idea!”

The girls hurried to shop, and Leah was more than a little relieved when Hannah hopped into the driver’s seat for the trip home.

“I can’t believe how easy I thought driving was, Hannah—until now. I guess I’ll have to force myself to keep at it, though.”

Hannah laughed at her friend’s dejected tone. “I understand, Leah, but you’re doing great. I would never guess you’re a novice driver.”

Later that night, Leah sat on her bed, knees pulled to her chest, as she studied her GED lessons. It seemed impossible to grasp all the ideas in this section. Math especially was not Leah’s strength. Trying to cram four years’ worth of learning into her brain, from ninth grade to twelfth grade, was nearly driving her crazy. She’d barely passed the last test in science. She wished, not for the first time, that she had the sharp mind of her sister, Ada.

She put down the book. Being fully English was taking its toll on her ego. There seemed to be so much to learn and do. And what seemed easy to the English girls was incredibly challenging to Leah.

Will I ever fit in here? I don’t fit into the Amish world anymore and am barely fitting into the Englisher world. Why, Lord?

With a sigh, she worked on. After another futile twenty minutes wrestling with the math lesson, she gave up. It was Sunday night, and tomorrow would be another busy day at MAP. Then she’d have to get home before Sally arrived to pick her up for work. Maybe it would be better to get some sleep and try the math again tomorrow.

Leah placed the books in a neat pile on the floor beside her bed and lay down. She opened her Bible and turned it to where she was reading in the gospel of Mark.

She came upon the scene where Jesus healed the man on the Sabbath. Leah was amazed at the power and fearless actions of Christ. While she was with the Amish, she’d never considered a Christ who was anything other than a meek man who walked around doing good. That is, if she thought of Him at all. But in this passage, He showed Himself to be a confronter of men who were thinking evil things. He even healed a man right in front of his enemies!

Leah put down the Bible and turned off the light. It was not the way of her people to be confrontational, nor would she ever think that even one of the Amish she knew would do something that the church would deem wrong. Yet Jesus cared more for the reasons
why
people did the things they did, and not just the practice of doing things for tradition’s sake.

Leah yearned to have Christ’s strength, but in all honesty, the
Englisher
world was increasingly complicated. And as each challenge grew more difficult, she thought often of Jacob’s invitation to take her back to the Amish.

Home. It would be so easy to go back.

In the MAP office one day while Leah was busy grading Children’s Club lessons, one of the volunteers told her she had a phone call. Leah hurried to answer it, curious as to who would be calling her.

“Leah, this is Sally.”

“Oh! Hi, Sally. I didn’t expect to hear from you.”