The Miting (36 page)

Leah stared at the wintery scene on the front: a horse and buggy surrounded by a snowy wonderland. She flipped to the back.
Merry Christmas, Sister! Love from Ada

Leah sighed and held the card to her chest. Tears wet her lashes. Hannah broke the silence.

“Are you thinking of going back, Leah?” she asked suddenly.

“I don’t know. Sometimes, I miss my family so much, I just can’t stand it.”

“I miss my
maem
, too, but not enough to live that hard life anymore.”

“I know, but …” Leah leaned back into the cushions again as she stared at the tree. “I ran into Martha Mast, my Amish friend. Remember me telling you about her?”

“You mean the one who left? Married Abe?”

“I wonder now if they really did get married, but either way, she’s had her baby, and Abe has left her.”

“No!” Hannah sat up, her face a mix of surprise and anger. “What will she do?”

“She’s going home.” Leah fingered the napkin under her cup of cocoa. “And she asked me to go back with her before Christmas comes.”

Hannah jerked the cocoa away from her mouth, sloshing steamy chocolate over the rim of the cup. “What did you tell her?’

“I didn’t know what to tell her. She reminded me how it is to be home at Christmas—she made me think about Jacob and all that I’m missing.” Leah paused and wiped up the spilled cocoa. “Haven’t you been tempted to go back, Hannah?”

“Once, at first, but not in a while. I had too hard a life back there.” She waved her hand. “No way do I want to live like that again.
Ever.
Besides, I’ve made a good life for myself here, and you can too.”

Leah stood and stretched slowly. It had been a long day, and her thoughts were whirling. “I just need to get to bed.” She leaned over to give Hannah a hug. “Thanks for the tree. It’s beautiful.”

“You’re welcome. Get some sleep—and don’t make your decision until you’ve had time to think and pray about it, Leah.”

“I won’t.”

“You know they’ll watch you even more if you go back. Right?”

“Yes. I guessed that.”

Leah headed to her room, slipped off the satiny black slacks and the pretty top, pulled the barrette from her hair, and washed her face.

So many changes had happened in the last year or so. What would it be like to go back? She pulled her hair up into the tight bun she used to know so well, stared at her pale, cleanly washed face, but even so, it didn’t seem like she was the same Amish girl anymore. Leah had changed.

At breakfast on Monday morning, Naomi came downstairs and knocked on the door.

“Leah? Do you have time to run into Ashfield with me for some last-minute Christmas shopping?”

“Sure. I have a few things to buy, too. And I’d like to talk to you about something.”

“Perfect. I’ll get the car warmed up.”

The snow covered the dead grass beneath it, but the roads were clean and dry. The sun reflected blindingly off the white fields. Leah put on sunglasses, grateful to have them shading her eyes as she brought up the subject of going home.

“Naomi, I talked to one of my old friends. I saw her at Walmart a few days ago.”

“Really?”

“Yes, it was Martha. Remember the one I went to see at her house? She was going to have a baby.”

Naomi nodded.

“She decided to go back home. Her boyfriend left her, and she’s had her baby. She can’t work right now, and her family said she could come back if she joins the church.”

“Oh?”

“She asked if I’d go back, too.”

Naomi didn’t say anything. She kept her eyes on the road, but a sigh escaped her.

“What do you think about that?” Leah asked.

“What do you think?”

Leah chewed her lip. “I don’t know. I’m not sure. Sometimes I wonder if I should go back with her.”

“Why is that?”

“I … I’m just homesick all the time.”

“Do you think it’s because of Christmas?”

She shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Leah, let me tell you something: we went back. And it was harder going back. I felt suffocated, and more than that, it was like turning away from Christ. Even though the church said it was all right for us to read our Bibles, they watched us in everything. We had to obey every rule, or they were on us to not go back to our English ways. Every time I did something just the least bit different, I had someone telling me to conform.”

“But maybe my family has had a change of heart by now.”

Naomi nodded, but Leah could tell she was doubtful. “You know what? I’m not going to think about that for now. Let’s go have fun. I really enjoy seeing the Christmas lights and hearing the music.”

Naomi took the cue and let the subject drop, but Leah knew many prayers would be said before a final decision was made.

Later that evening Leah prayed she wouldn’t be led by feelings of homesickness but out of obedience to the Lord. Somehow, she had to convince her parents that salvation was real. It wasn’t simply about what the forefathers or the bishop or her parents thought was right. It had to come from the soul. Following Christ was much more than tradition.

She wondered if the Schrocks thought she was being naive in her hopes for her parents. But if God could reach Leah’s heart, why not theirs? She remembered what someone had said the first time she attended Bible study at the Schrocks’—
the Lord can do miracles with our families if we just let Him.

Leah turned off the lights. Outside, the snow was falling thick and fast, and she was at peace. It was good to think about going home. She wanted to dream of her family … and a kind young man named Jacob.

The next Friday, as Leah was doing laundry, her cell phone rang. Caller ID showed it was Martha.

“Hello?”

“Leah! I’m going home in just a few hours! Are you coming?”

“What do you mean? I thought you weren’t going for at least a week yet!”

“Things are bad for me and Johnny. My friends are kicking us out, so I have to go now. After he gets off work, my friend’s dad is driving me out to the farm. If you’re going with me, Leah, it has to be today.”

“Oh no, I just—I haven’t had time to think about it, Martha!”

“It’s been a week since I told you. I think if you really want to go home, you’d know by now. Don’t let me push you, though. I have to go now.” She paused. “I’ll be sure to tell your family how you’re doing, and Jacob, too, of course.”

Leah knew she was trying to convince her—and it was working.

“No—I mean—wait. Don’t hang up!”

A wave of anxiety rolled through her stomach. She’d toyed with the decision, but now that the time had arrived, she didn’t know what she wanted to do. “Martha, can I call you back in about an hour?”

“An hour? Sure, but how can an hour help you decide?”

“I want to pray.”

Martha laughed. “Oh, Leah! Call me back soon. I have to make arrangements to come get you, you know.”

Leah ended the call, confusion tearing at her heart and mind. How could she decide so suddenly? She had a job, and she’d have to tell the Schrocks. There was the thought of her family, too. How could she get word to them she was coming? It just didn’t seem possible to leave this quickly.

Leah sat down on the stool by the dryer and said a hurried prayer.

“Lord, help me! I don’t know what to do. I want to see my parents and family, but I have responsibilities here. How can I just walk away—all in one day?”

Then the phone rang again, and of course, it was Martha. Leah answered with a sigh.

“Leah? I just wanted to tell you I can get word to Jacob and your family, if you want me to. I have a friend who’s going right past the Yoders; they can let Jacob know, and he can go tell your parents. Okay?”

Leah didn’t answer.

“Leah? Are you there?”

“Yes, I’m just—I don’t know.”

Martha took charge. “Now here’s what you do: go to your room, pack a few things—you can always send for the rest of your stuff later—get in the car with me and go home. What’s so hard about that?”

“I know, but I have a job. How can I walk out on Sally?”

“She’ll understand. You can call her with my cell later.”

“Oh, I don’t know …” She moaned.

“Leah! Don’t think. Just
do
, girl. We’ll be home for Christmas this year. Pies and cakes and candies galore. It’ll be fun. C’mon!”

“Well …” She took a deep breath and sighed. “Okay.”

“Really?” Martha squealed.

“Yes.” As Leah thought of the possibilities back at home, she grew more assured. “Yes, I really want to go home.”

“Great! I’m going to call and send word before you have a chance to change your mind. See you in a couple of hours!”

Once Leah hung up, the thought crossed her mind that she was making a big mistake, but the promise and hope she had for her family squelched her uneasiness. She ran to her room and gathered her things in the middle of the bed.

Leah went upstairs to get something to hold her belongings, but no one answered the door. She felt funny walking into the kitchen when the Schrocks weren’t there, but she couldn’t wait for them. She grabbed some grocery bags from a stash, and looked for something to write on.

A note pad sat on the counter, so she scrawled a brief message, sharing her excitement at being home for Christmas and thanking the Schrocks for all they had done to help her over the last year. As she propped the note up on the island where someone was sure to see it, Leah felt she was betraying the Schrocks’ trust in her. She paused to glance around. Lots of good memories had been created in this kitchen, and she felt an unexpected rise of tears. She wiped her eyes hastily before hurrying back to the apartment.

She stuffed her belongings into the bags, but as she carried everything into the living room, it occurred to her that she wouldn’t be allowed to use most of her things at home.

“What was I thinking?”

The energy of the last few moments drained away as she sat heavily on the arm of the sofa. The plastic bags slipped to the floor when she realized she was going back to something she’d worked very hard to leave.

“Am I doing the right thing?” she whispered.

If only someone was home—Hannah or Naomi, Matthew, or anyone she could run her tumbling, jumbled thoughts and feelings past.

“Lord, I need Your wisdom. I want to go home so badly, but I don’t really want to deal with everything else. What should I do?”

Leah waited for some kind of answer, but the Lord was silent.

She sighed and dumped her things back on the bed. When she finished sorting through everything, the only things she could take home were some toiletries, a few nightgowns, and her NIV Bible. Its bright blue cover brought the most pain to her heart. She loved it so much and had been happy to see it at the end of many tiring days, its cheerful cover always bringing a smile. If she’d only had the foresight to buy a somber black cover, she might be able to sneak it into the Amish world, but this—this bright blue cover? Never.

Leah picked up the Bible and held it close to her face. The smell of the leather and the feel of the silky pages brought a rush of tears.

No! I won’t leave this
, she vowed.
I’ll have to find a way to keep it hidden.

In that second of disobedience to the
Ordnung
, Leah knew what she was doing was not right for her. Her hands shook as she wrapped the Bible carefully in one of her nightgowns. She stuffed it into the bottom of a bag and glanced around, as though spying eyes were watching her every move. Was this the right way to begin her homecoming?

She went to the closet, reached way to the back, and pulled out the dress, apron, and stockings she’d worn when she left home. She wondered if they still fit. Leah glanced up and saw the
kapp
sitting on a shelf behind black, thick-soled shoes. She gathered them all and went into the bathroom.

Surprisingly, it took some time for her to relearn how to fasten her dress with straight pins. And her hair seemed to rebel against going back in hiding under the gauzy
kapp.
The stockings and shoes felt heavy and dreary, and when she finally finished dressing, she galumphed her way to the long mirror hanging at the end of the hallway. Looking back at her stood an Amish
maed.
It startled Leah.