“Leah. What are you reading?”
Leah jumped. “I’m … I’m reading my Bible.”
Maem
sat down. “Leah,” she breathed. “Leah.”
“Yes,
Maem
?”
“You know you can’t do that! Why … how … you have to stop right away!
Daet
will be back soon, and he’ll … you know he’ll have a terrible fit about this!”
“
Maem
, please. It’s just my Bible. I have to read it,
Maem
. Please try to understand. Please?”
Maem
stood and crossed to the window with her back to Leah. “You
have
to put that away. You have to get that Bible out of this kitchen!”
Leah shook her head. When
Maem
heard no answer, she turned to face Leah.
Leah shook her head again. “I’m not going to stop reading it,
Maem
.”
“Is this starting over?”
Leah said nothing.
“Is it?”
Maem
demanded.
Leah closed the Bible. She stood and went to
Maem
. “I’m not starting anything,
Maem.
I’m just reading my Bible,” she said quietly.
She walked out and went upstairs to put the Bible away. She stayed out of the kitchen and away from
Maem
for the rest of the day.
The next morning Leah went downstairs, again with her Bible. She fixed her usual cup of coffee. She made an egg and toast, and then sat down and opened the Bible to read.
This time,
Daet
came into the kitchen. He stood still in the doorway, and
Maem
hovered behind him. Their presence spread over her like a gathering storm. She hunched her shoulders against the coming wrath and kept reading.
Suddenly,
Daet
slammed his hand flat on the table and yelled, “You will stop this right now!”
“No,
Daet.
” Leah’s throat was dry.
“You will! You know the
Ordnung
says you must obey your parents, no matter how old you are. You must listen to me as the authority in your life. You have to stop reading that book.”
She stood, gathered the Bible and her breakfast, and said to
Daet
, “I have to read my Bible every morning,
Daet.
It’s my lifeline. That’s all I’m trying to do, just read. I’m not trying to interpret Scripture or write a sermon.”
As she left the room, he grabbed her arm. He pulled her around to face him. Leah had never seen
Daet
so angry, but in his eyes, she saw something else: fear.
“If you continue this rebellion, I will tell the bishop, shout it from the rooftops if I have to, in order to save your soul!”
Leah hated giving him this trouble, but she couldn’t live a lie.
“I’m sorry,
Daet.
I really am,” she continued softly. “This is doing nothing to hurt you or the church or the bishop. Other Amish, like those in Holmes County, read their own Bibles. Nothing is wrong with it,
Daet.
”
“Don’t talk to me about other churches. Around here, we leave the Holy Scriptures to the bishop. He’s God’s man and the only one fully able to interpret the verses right. It’s wrong for you to take this on yourself.”
“
Daet
, again, I’m just reading God’s Word, written to you and me. What’s wrong with that?”
“Don’t question me. Get in your room while
Maem
and I discuss this—now!” He pointed to the stairs, and Leah could see there was no sense in trying to convince him otherwise.
She ran up the stairs and fell on her bed. Her heart pounded, and her head raced with a thousand thoughts.
Why was simply reading the Bible a wrong thing, a thing worthy of shunning and ostracism? Why?
Leah remembered to hide her Bible. She had no doubt if anyone saw it, it would disappear. She stashed it carefully under some extra quilts in the bottom drawer.
What will happen to me? Will they tell the bishop this time? What will he do?
The next two days were very tense. Everyone walked on eggshells with each other, even Benny. Leah wasn’t happy to be the cause of family discord. Again. She fluctuated between feeling guilty about reading the Bible and feeling puzzled about why it was such an issue.
Daniel came over one day while
Maem
and Ada were shopping and Benny was in school. He asked if she would have lunch with him. Leah made them sandwiches and coffee.
He ate in silence for a minute or two, but she knew something else was on his mind, and it didn’t take a smart person to figure out what that would be.
Leah swallowed a bite. “Daniel, you should come right out and say what you’ve come to say.”
His eyebrows lowered, shading his eyes from her gaze. “Okay. I’m your brother, and I worry about you.”
“
Ja
, I know.”
“Um,
Maem
and
Daet
are really worried. Worried about this Bible reading you’re doing.”
“I know that. I know the
Ordnung
says we can’t do that, but I want to know why.”
Daniel shook his head, sighing as he put down his coffee cup. “This again. I think I told you before that you have to stop asking questions, Leah. It isn’t the Amish way. You know that. We were born Amish. The good Lord wanted you to be Amish, or He wouldn’t have put you in this family. It’s your job to be the best Amish woman you can be—to obey your parents always—to look for ways to serve others always—to obey the
Ordnung
and the servants of the church always—to keep yourself separate from the world
always.
So, what is hard about that, Leah?”
His face was earnest and puzzled. To her brother, questioning the Amish church was never right or justified. Sometimes, when trouble swirled around her, Leah wished she were more like him, but then she wouldn’t have met Christ and His grace, and that was not something Leah would choose to undo. Once spiritual eyes were opened, was it ever possible to go back to blindness?
With a sigh, Leah met his gaze. “Daniel, I can’t promise you I won’t read my Bible anymore, but I will promise you I’ll try my best not to upset the applecart any more than is necessary for me to live honestly and right before my Lord.” Leah put out her hands. “That’s all I can promise.”
He probably wasn’t satisfied, but he had done his duty. Leah was sure he had other things in his heart and head more worrisome to him than his rebellious sister. Sara was expecting their first child, and he was struggling to get his crops in through the rainy spring.
They spent the rest of lunch talking about Sara and their excitement over the coming birth, and of his farm and what he needed to do to make it all work.
Leah was certain that this wasn’t the last confrontation she would have to endure.
C
HAPTER
T
WENTY-ONE
S
pring led to summer, and the heat came on like a furnace. Jacob and Leah finished classes early since they went to the bishop for more instruction between services. The celery
Maem
had planted, hidden in the far rows of the garden behind the pole beans, was growing tall and hardy. And Leah had kept up her Bible reading in the mornings.
Daet
refused to look at her, and
Maem
left the kitchen as soon as she came down, but they didn’t shun her, and they didn’t tell the bishop. Leah wondered if they hoped she would grow out of the morning Bible reading with the passing of time, especially since she was joining the church and getting married soon.
After Jacob and Leah started to formally plan their wedding, Leah stepped up the pace at home to help as much as possible. She knew
Maem
was trying to keep things on an even keel long enough to get her married off. After that, they could more easily distance themselves from her reckless decisions. She tried to help by being a kind family member to all of her siblings and responsible and hard working with her parents. As Leah’s remaining time at home grew shorter, an increased sadness enveloped her. Even though the last two years had been hard, she’d had a good childhood and would miss her family once she moved into her own home.
The tradition to live with her parents for a year after the wedding was, in Leah’s case, not even being discussed. She imagined her parents were happily relieved when Jacob came to them one Saturday and told them he had found a small farm he hoped they could buy soon after the wedding. That way, they wouldn’t have to stay with them for long before they’d saved enough to purchase the farm. Leah’s parents didn’t ask him where it was. They asked nothing.
She knew it was not in the area, and it seemed best not to tell them. It would only upset things more.
Today, Jacob was coming early to drive her to town. While she was still reading her Bible, a knock came at the back door, even earlier than she expected. Leah called out for him to come in, and she glanced up, a smile curving her lips.
There stood Bishop Miller. He greeted her, and his gaze fell on the book she was reading. He had no trouble recognizing what it was.
He blew out his cheeks, an expression of disbelief on his face at her blatant disobedience. Just as he opened his mouth to speak,
Maem
came in the kitchen. Could things get any worse?
“Uh, good morning, Bishop Miller,”
Maem
stuttered. She didn’t have to look Leah’s way to know what she was reading, and her pink cheeks told the bishop all he needed to know. Clearly,
Maem
and
Daet
knew what Leah was doing and had not stopped her or told him.
“
Gut morgen
, Rachel.” He gestured to the Bible. “I know we should talk about this, but I think it will be best if I get control of my feelings before we do. So just let me say I’ll stop in the shop and let John know we will be talking.
Soon.
”
With that, he turned on his heels and slammed his way out the door. The two women could hear his heavy footfalls marching angrily toward
Daet
’s unsuspecting haven.
For a moment, Leah thought
Maem
would simply leave the kitchen. Suddenly, she whirled toward the table, snatched the Bible out from under Leah’s hands, and ran to the stove. Quickly opening the oven door, she angrily thrust the Bible into the fire.
She turned to Leah, her face pale except for two red spots highlighting her cheeks. “There! It’s over. Now let there be no more rebellion from you until you wed and leave this house forever.”
She hurried out of the kitchen, crying as she ran up the stairs.
Leah got up slowly and walked to the open oven door. The flames eagerly licked at the pages of the precious Bible. The sight made Leah’s stomach turn. She couldn’t watch it burn.
She banged the iron door shut and dashed out of the kitchen and down the steps to the driveway. As she waited for Jacob to come, she found a spot behind the corner shrubs out of sight. She sank to the cool grass and let the tears wash her face.
Around the back at
Daet
’s shop, she heard the door thud as Bishop Miller left. His buggy wheels threw pebbles in its hurried wake as he passed her. A few minutes later,
Daet
left the shop. His rapid, heavy footsteps announced his irritation.
Not only was Leah in trouble, but her parents were, too. They had never before been in any kind of noncompliance with the church; it would be a difficult burden for them to bear.
Jacob came for Leah, and she scurried from her hiding place to meet him. Before he could help her in the buggy, she was on the step and seated beside him. Her tear-streaked face let him know something was very wrong.
“Leah?” he began, concern marking his features.
“Jacob, let’s go quickly. I’ll tell you what happened on the way. Hurry! Before
Daet
stops us.”
Jacob slapped the reins to hasten Bingo’s pace. Once they were out on the road, she told him what had happened.
“She burned it, Jacob,” Leah finished with a sob. “And I fear my parents will be in trouble this time. I didn’t want that to happen.”
Jacob thought for a minute. “But Leah, since they did know, they had to have decided to take the consequences if it was found out.”
Wiping away tears with the corner of her apron, Leah mumbled, “I don’t know. I think they were just hoping to get me married before anyone discovered me reading an English Bible.”
“It’s done now. Nothing to do but face the music. Whatever the church decides, you know I’ll be there with you, right?” He turned to Leah. “Let’s pray about this when we get to town and we’re safely off the road, okay?”
She looked at Jacob. This was the first time he’d mentioned praying with her other than at mealtimes. In spite of her fears and the confusion, a flutter of joy filled her heart at what his words could mean.
When they reached town a few minutes later, Jacob led Bingo to the first parking lot he saw with hitching posts. Jacob tied the horse to the post as Leah waited for him to climb back in the buggy. He took her hands in his and began to pray. Together, they turned the situation over to God and asked Him to give peace and guidance. They asked Him to allow the bishop not to deal harshly with her parents, but most of all, they prayed for her family’s spiritual eyes to be opened through this troubling time.