The Murder of Jeffrey Dryden: The Grim Truth Surrounding Male Domestic Abuse (7 page)

CHAPTER 8:

THE MOURNING
COMES…

That morning came a bit too fast,
faster than what I could prepare myself for, not that anyone or
anything can prepare you to see a loved one in a coffin well before
their prime, or really for any other reason, but this… this was
different from other deaths.

Walking up to the funeral home entrance
with Eric that damp cloudy morning, we both tried to prepare
ourselves for the ritual that was to come. The sacrament we thought
we knew very well already. By this time in my life I‘d of thought I
would know what to say. What to do and how to act. Death over the
years had become something of second nature to our family. Losing
our father, our maternal grandfather, grandmother and paternal
grandfather all within six months of each passing over the span of
two years, I thought I knew how to act, how to stand and support
the grieving family, to just do what needed to be done.

Searching through my memories---falling
back upon times when I dealt with death on a personal level, I
remembered the passing of my father and grandfather. Remembered the
stillness of their body as the heat slowly coasted away, the touch
of their hands as I held them in my own for the last time. The
lifelessness and the calmness; every sound, every thought, every
smell of those moments burned forever in my mind, etched deeply in
the feelings of my memories.

Yet still, these recollections were
different from what I was feeling at that moment, different from
what I had known, as before each death, each passing of a loved one
was inevitable, each passing was something that we knew would
eventually come or at the very least would happen. This was
different. This death was unexpected, untimely and violent. This
was something that could have easily been avoided, something that
should have never happen, if only his killer would have paused and
gave thought for only a brief second before acting with such malice
and disregard for life. Jeff’s death was different in so many
ways.

Their parting
words…

When I first began writing this book, I
was originally going to tell you about everything that went on
during the three-day funeral. Mention every thought, every tear,
every memory from his friends and family. Talk about the shared
pain, the prayers to God and the remembrance of life through art,
music, and heartfelt loss.

However, the more I thought about it,
the more I came to the idea of leaving those memories with the ones
that loved him the most, the ones that had known him since he was
child, those that had grown up with him in their life; those that
came to see him grow from a child and into a man.

That said; however, I thought I would
leave this chapter with the words of those that were willing to
share their thoughts, their hearts openly on Jeff’s Memorial
Facebook Page, which was started by one of his family members the
day after his murder.

I believe that this page did so much in
helping so many get through the hard times of loss, so much to help
Paula with her grieving, her hatred and her sadness and is still
helping her and all those countless others even now almost a year
and a half later. Thus, how better to know the value of a life, if
not by the words, thoughts, and hearts of those that valued it the
most…

***

“
It has been since school
that I have seen you. I remember the quiet sound and funny laugh
with a big smile you have always given to others hearts from yours.
To hear what has happened has put a sad thought in many of our
minds but we still have the happy memories that we hold to
reminisce forever. You will be missed dearly but we will know you
are in a better place with other loved ones and watching over us
now. I hope you R.I.P Jeff. Many thoughts and prayers are with your
family from ours.”

---Amanda Snyder Dominiak
(friend)

“
Dear friend I will miss
all the adventures we have gone through the past 7 years that put a
smile on my face every time I think of them. It breaks my heart to
know you are gone... RIP Jeff Dryden you will always be missed
& thought of till the end of time...”

---Ashley Marie Koetsier
(friend)

“
It’s been awhile since we
dated and even saw each other, but I still remember the fun times
we had. I was shocked to hear the news and even more to read what
exactly had happened. It was all surreal and unbelievable until
reality had set in. Justice will be served and what comes around
goes around. Everything happens for a reason and your time on earth
was done, but will not ever be forgotten. Your family will be in my
thoughts and prayers for a very long time. RIP my dear friend and
know you were loved here on earth!

---Tracie K Svatora
(Friend)

“
Haven’t seen you since 7th
grade. RIP ♥ you will rest in peace while the guilty
suffer.”

--Brandi DeRuiter (Friend)

“
My thoughts and prayers go
out to all of your loved ones. You will truly be missed by all of
those you were close with as well as those who you have left a
lasting impression in their lives even if it was only for a minute.
You are in God’s hands now and for what reason none of us will
understand why he needed you at such a young age but you are an
angel now...an angel to look after all of those who love you and
you will forever be in all of our hearts. *RIP Jeff*”

---Jamie Leigh Siciliano
(Friend)

“
I didn’t get to know you
like most of these privileged people did. I do know you were a very
bright compassionate person. You were good to everyone you met. You
are proof that the good pass away young. Jeff you were a good young
man, this world is a lot emptier without you. I am just happy you
never had to grow old. You never had to suffer the pain of old age.
R.I.P. Man glad you are with God, I guess he needed you
early.”

---Ed Holmgren
(Acquaintance)

“
You will always be in my
heart; you were my best friend and will always be
missed”

---Kristen Woudstra
(Friend)

“
R.I.P Jeff even though I
barely knew u... I will miss u like crazy.. Love always your first
cousin…”

---Abbigale Marie Cox
(Cousin)

“
I will ALWAYS remember
you, my little cousin. You will be loved and missed forever; you
are now with grandma and grandpa!”

---Brenda GILDER (Cousin)

“
Baby, I'm trying to find
the words, but they just aren't coming. At one point in time we had
our fun together, we also had our fights. You always saw the best
in people, even when we were at our worst. I am so proud of who you
became. This has to be a nightmare that we are going to wake up
from soon. It's not right or fair that you left us, in this manner.
No amount of justice will bring you back, I know. It is in God’s
hands now, as are you. You will be forever remembered and missed.
Love you little cuz!”

---Amanda Morris (cousin)

“
Jeff, I love you very
much. You were my first love. The first time I saw you I fell in
love with you. You were my best friend for many years and a best
friend to many other people. You will always be in my heart. You
have taught me so much in my life. I now understand why you were
who you are. You have so many special people in your life that
cared about you a lot and it is all because of what a great person
and friend you are. I will try so hard to live like you did and
treat people like you did. You are a good person, and if more
people were like you this world would be a better place, I know you
are in a better place now but your memory will be with me
forever.”

---Nicole Axdorff
(Ex-Girlfriend)

“
Jeff, I didn't know you as
well as others on here, but I know that you were a great guy. I
just want to say that your service was beautiful and that there
were many people there who cared about you. You touched a lot of
people in your life in ways you didn't even know about, such as me
and Casey for a small example, I am sure there are many more!! You
also managed to bring smiles to the faces of your loved ones even
through all of the tears just from the great stories that everyone
had to share! It takes a very special person to do that and I know
that you will be greatly missed by everyone! You and your family
will be in my thoughts and prayers always, I pray for all of you
every day! Watch over them I know they all need you right now!
RIP...”

---Melissa Redner
(Acquaintance)

“
Jeff, wanted to wait until
the day I could tell you a few things without falling apart,
feeling the pain in my heart and getting that big lump in my throat
and tears filling my eyes, I realized that that day will never
come. I will never forget or get over this feeling. The years you
and I spent together as father and son mean more to me than any one
will ever know. You will always be with me in my heart and soul. I
feel safe while I continue my journey through life knowing that you
are watching over Mom and Me as we cope with the joys and pains the
world will give us. Jeff, I wish our life with each other had begun
earlier and lasted longer than it did, but I am okay knowing that
we will someday see each other again. We still have so much to
share together and some day we will. I LOVE YOU SON,
POPS.

---Tony Leverich (Step
father)

“
Jeff, The sorrow I feel
can't compare to what your Mom, Tony, Jason, Jill, and Josh must be
feeling. I wish we could go back in time and change things, but we
can't. I have felt true hatred for the first time in my life and
it's a feeling I never want to feel again, instead, I would rather
think of your smile and how happy you always were. We miss you,
pray for you and continue to seek justice for you. Tell Grandpa and
Grandma I said Hi, because I'm sure you are with them watching over
us. Love you.”

---Roxanne Guild (Aunt)

Hey Jeff, I have to say that i have
been waiting to post here as I wanted to get my thoughts together,
and so here it is. Today the pastor at your funeral said that, "we
are not the victims but the Victors." I agree with this... as in
the end, we will be the victors of justice with the cause of your
passing, so too we are the victors for having been touched with you
in our lives. It’s funny, history has seemed to prove that the
greatest people in this world are here but a few moments, and yet,
can leave their mark on so many, you cousin are one of those
people. I will greatly miss you; and I have to say, that if any
good can come from your passing, it's that you have renewed the
love in all your cousins and friends, to remind us that our
differences in this world should not divide us from always being
there for each other.

---Troy Veenstra (Cousin)

“
Jeff, I know I didn’t know
you like Taige, but I watch Taige listen to the song he picked out
for your funeral, and words just cannot describe the pain that I
see in his eyes! I don't know how to comfort him because I still
can't believe it myself! Dominic just saw your picture and
remembered the Lightning McQueen car you and Nichole bought him for
his 2nd birthday! You have made an impact on everyone that knew
you! Even Dom, who is now 5! He also remembers going to BWW by the
trailer too! He asked if you were keeping Grandpa Craig along with
a long list of our departed pets company in Heaven, I said I am
sure you are! Dom still has that car, though played with and
broken; it will always be a special toy and a special memory! God
Bless you, Rest in Peace Special Friend”

---Sara Lyn (friend)

“
Jeff, It’s been six months
since we all got the news that shocked the family, that changed all
of our lives. We no longer take everything for granted. We are a
much closer family. Someday you will Welcome us to your new home,
which I believe is so beautiful, and peaceful, that you are in a
much better place. Love you and miss you.

---Linda Irons (Aunt)

“
Jeff, I really miss you...
Some nights it is the hardest when Jason and I are sitting here cuz
usually you were here sitting in the pink chair next to the bed
while playing on your phone and turning asking "Cierra will you
fish for me PLEASE?" I miss our talks that we have had... I could
use someone to talk to so show me a sign that you are listening...
I love you tons you are a Wonderful brother...”

---Cierra Kyser Dryden (Sister
In-law)

“
My brother is one of a
kind and true friend, always there when I needed him the most. It
has been tough the last few months without him, people say it gets
easier with time but for me it doesn't seem like it. I do take
comfort in knowing he is in heaven and one day the family will be
complete again. Love you more and more everyday...”

---Josh Dryden (Brother)

“
Jeff... You will be
forever missed. You have been my best friend since before we were
born. Your life was cut way to short and vengeance will be served
to that crazy bitch. Cierra and I will be at every one of the
hearings and am going to make sure she never breathes free air
again. I'm going to miss you every day for the rest of my life.
Rest in peace my beloved twin brother…”

***

“
Jeff, my mind is full of
things we did together. I miss the late nights chilling and the
long nights partying with you. I mainly miss just talking to you.
When we talked no matter how quiet we knew what was said. I miss
waking and baking brownies on the weekends with you. Jeff the world
is not the same without your magnetic personality. One line of
yours I wish I could hear you say again is "Let’s go to the strip
club.” Every time you uttered those words over the years meant a
great time was going down. Heck any road trip with you was fun even
if sometimes the road trips didn’t find the right destination,
*cough*Indianapolis*cough*, you still made sure we had fun. I
remember you even shared your expensive chocolates with everyone on
that trip. You will always have a very special place in my
heart.”